Broken Windows
by Saritadreaming
Summary: When Bella arrives at Masen Island to finish her manuscript, she's faced with the resurgence of dreams and memories of the beautiful boy who glared at her in HS 4 years ago. Can she solve the mystery of Edward Cullen? 2ND PLACE WINNER PICK A PIC CHALLENGE
1. Chapter 1 Warning Signs

**Second Place Winner (public vote) of the 'Pick A Pic Challenge'  
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**Title:**_ Broken Windows_

**Penname: **SaritaDreaming

**Banner: **#43

**Rating/ Disclaimer: Rated M. **Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I don't own anything except Twilight merchandise and a huge Robporn collection. *The plot-line and original characters in Broken Windows belong to me.*

**Summary:****When Bella arrives at the mysterious Masen Island to finish her manuscript, she is faced with the resurgence of dreams and memories of the beautiful boy who glared at her all through high school. Now, four years later, can she solve the puzzle of Edward Cullen before losing touch with reality?**

**To see all the stories that are a part of this contest please visit: www .fanfiction-challenges. blogspot. com**

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**A/N: Yes, I've written **_**another**_** story. Thank you all for being so wonderful while I keep searching for a local Twi-Anon meeting. I highly recommend listening to **_**Warning Sign**_** by Coldplay while reading this story.**

**Love and Edward hugs to my pre-readers Keye and Sandy for all their invaluable help and support. Special thanks to Katsflowergirls for her thoughts, suggestions and enthusiasm.**

**Big love to my awesome beta, Jess (jkane180), for getting this baby back to me in record time, and for all her valuable input. I still think she might be a vampire. Shh...**

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**Excerpt from 'Warning Sign'**

_**A warning sign  
It came back to haunt me, and I realized  
That you were an island, and I passed you by  
And you were an island to discover**_

_**Come on in  
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in  
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones  
That I started looking for a warning sign**_

_**When the truth is, I miss you  
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so**_

_**And I'm tired; I should not have let you go**_

**~}*{~**_**  
**_

**~*Bella*~**

With trembling fingers, I slit open the letter. The return address indicated it was from The Masen Foundation, an illustrious and mysterious group that helped to further the careers of individuals involved in various creative endeavors that had not found success yet. Each year, they put the call out for those who dared to submit an essay as to why they deserved a shot at their internship. Along with your essay, you were to submit your most prized piece of work—not what you thought others would love—what _you_ loved best.

My heart started to pound in my chest; I'd taken a chance and submitted something I never thought would see the light of day, would never be read by anyone else's eyes but mine. Even now, four years later, when I thought of _him_ my pulse fluttered, my mouth ran dry, and I felt a tingling in my nether regions that caused my face to blush crimson.

In a moment of sheer insanity, I'd written an essay and submitted my as-yet-unfinished piece. It was a chunk of my very soul put to paper, and once I'd dropped the package off at FedEx, I had a major panic attack when I got back in my car. _What had I done?_ I'd cringed inside, just knowing that someone at The Masen Foundation would be laughing their ass off at my ridiculous attempt to gain entry to their exclusive program.

The letter was open... so why was I still standing there like a coward? What was the worst they could say? No? It was nice of them to send a response at all.

_Stop being a coward, Bella! Just read it already so you can get on with your life!_

Sliding the thick, creamy slice of _very_ expensive stationary from the envelope, I unfolded it and began to read:

_Dear Ms. Swan,_

_Thank you for submitting your work to The Masen Foundation. Each year, we look for sources of untapped talent that has yet to be discovered._

I stopped reading. This was sounding like a form letter... a very nice form letter saying _'Were you daft thinking we would consider your piece of work worthy?' _

With a sigh, I tossed the letter on the kitchen table, tears filling my eyes. The piece I'd submitted contained parts of me that I had never shared with _anyone _before. Maybe it was time to put it to rest even though it had no ending. It was loosely based on real life events which had no real resolution, so maybe it was fitting that it share the same fate. Picking up the letter, I decided to finish reading it.

_Many talented people submit their work to us, only to be turned away; this is not a rejection of their efforts, but simply means we only have so many spots we can fill in our unique program._

_Our team was extremely impressed with the unfinished manuscript you submitted. We would like to extend an invitation for you to spend a month at our private facility. There are a few conditions to your acceptance into our program, as follows:_

_1. You must sign a non-disclosure agreement which states you will not share any private information, the location of, tutoring methods (if provided), or photographs of The Masen Foundation._

_2. Your acceptance is dependent upon your agreement to finish the manuscript you submitted while you are under our tutelage. No other works are to be started, or continued, during your stay with us._

_3. The Masen Foundation claims ownership rights to said manuscript and will compensate you handsomely._

_If you successfully complete our program, we will promote your future work as long as it meets our quality standards._

_We hope you will consider our offer. We look forward to hearing from you and hope your decision will be to join the mounting number of successful artists and authors that have come out of our program._

_Sincerely yours,_

_M.A. Brandon_

_CEO, The Masen Foundation_

Holy shit! They accepted me. _ They accepted me!_ Oh, my God! I jumped up and down in the kitchen, squealing like a lunatic. I was bursting at the seams with the news! This was the kind of thing a girl wanted to share with her best friend over drinks and dinner. Too bad Angela was away at college; yet another reminder of my boring existence.

After high school, I'd stayed around town, going to the community college. My dad, Charlie, started having heart trouble (could it be all that diner food he ate?) just before graduation, and I felt he needed me close by. I gave up my dreams of Dartmouth and accepted that I would probably leave Forks in a pine box. It was okay though; I could write from anywhere, and writing was my passion.

Ironically, Charlie was killed in an automobile accident six months ago, and I was now the owner of our little homestead. There was nothing holding me to Forks after Charlie died, but the memories of our time together were tied to this place, to this house, and so far I hadn't had the heart to sell it.

My eyes unfocused as I fell back into memories of the unfinished story I'd submitted to The Masen Foundation. Nothing else that I'd written had the same feel, the same pull, as that one. I could never bear to finish it, to put an ending to what had consumed me for so long. Still, I dreamed of him; his darkened eyes glaring at me with hatred, but sometimes it was different, and that's where the fantasy part came in—sometimes his eyes were of the softest golden honey, and he looked at me with longing...

Shaking off the memories, I started to get excited about my internship in the program. I called and accepted before I had a chance to chicken out. Maybe finishing the manuscript once and for all was exactly what I needed to do so I could move on with my life.

**~*Two Weeks Later*~**

Finally, the day arrived; I was leaving for the island where I would be staying for the next month. After several conversations with representatives of The Masen Foundation, meetings with their attorneys, and an atrocious amount of paper signing, I was official.

A limo picked me up at the house; a long, black stretch with darkened windows. It seemed like a bit of overkill for one person, but who was I to judge? I sank back into the butter-soft leather seats and enjoyed the ride to the airport in Seattle. My bags were taken onto the private Lear jet which would be whisking me to... the island. What island? That was a grand question. One of the many conditions of my acceptance was that the location of their private island remained _private_. I was informed to pack clothing befitting of Forks—the climate where I would be was very similar. Oh, joy... more foggy, rainy, unpredictable weather. Couldn't they have chosen somewhere sunny and balmy?

When the plane landed, I was handed a blindfold. _ For real?_ Apparently, they were quite serious about it, and someone was assigned to be my 'seeing eye person' for the duration. We walked for a long while, drove in another limo—I could tell because of the cushy seats and the ridiculous amount of leg room—and then boarded a boat. By my approximation, the boat ride took about an hour, and then my blindfold was removed as my feet touched down on the wooden dock of the island. Squinting my eyes, I tried to adjust to the light after being in darkness for hours. Thankfully, it was a gray and foggy afternoon, and I was soon able to take in everything around me. There was a small beach that led up to extremely green grass—green like Forks—and in the distance I could see a forest; again, much like Forks. A sense of déjà vu struck me.

The island was quite hilly, and looking up the expanse of grass and woods, I spied a clearing all the way at the very top where there was a beautiful house. Even from here, I sensed its regal beauty and could tell it was very old. It was made of stone the color of a stormy sky, with three levels of intricate stonework, turrets and uniquely styled windows; I was in love with it immediately. My mouth dropped open as I gaped up at it, and the captain of the boat smiled.

"She's a beauty, isn't she?"

An awed, "Yes," was all I could muster.

"I've radioed the house; someone will be coming to fetch you in a few minutes."

"My bags?"

"Already sent ahead, miss. You enjoy your stay now." He tipped his hat to me and then went about readying his boat for the return trip.

I stood on the dock looking out over the water, but as far as my eyes could see, there was no land in sight. Granted, it was foggy, but the ride here had taken an hour. For a moment, a shiver of apprehension flitted up my spine, reminding me of something out of a horror movie, but I was just psyching myself out; after all, The Masen Foundation was well known for donating to charitable causes and furthering careers. I'd never heard of anyone that entered their program disappearing; to the contrary, everyone spoke very highly of it—the little they would say about it anyway—and many of their 'graduates' now had extremely successful careers.

"Miss Swan?" a brusque voice came from behind me.

I turned to see a tall, thin, tanned woman in warm-up clothes. The deep blue of her very expensive looking sportswear set off her ash blond hair nicely. Her appearance was extremely tidy; her hair was pulled into a low ponytail, and she wore minimal make up. Her blue eyes sparkled when they met mine, and I could see that time had been kind to her; she appeared to be a well-kept fifty.

"Yes."

"Welcome to Masen Island. I'm Caroline Strauss, the director of the program." She reached a hand out to me, and I found her to have a firm, dry handshake.

"Nice to meet you, Ms. Strauss."

"Oh, please; call me Caroline." She waved a hand at me. "We have some things to discuss before I leave you."

"Leave me?" I queried.

"Well, yes. I'm headed back to the mainland today; I just came over to get things prepared and greet you when you arrived. Sonia will be along in a moment to escort you up to the main house. She'll be your point of contact while you're here."

"Point of contact?" I echoed, sounding like a parrot.

"Yes. Sonia will take care of any needs you have, and if you need to communicate with the foundation for any reason, it will be through her. Mr. Masen is in residence at the moment as well, but you aren't to bother him with any trivialities; that's what Sonia's here for."

"_The_ Mr. Masen?" I asked in awe.

"Yes, _the_ Mr. Masen, who runs the foundation in honor of his mother's memory." Caroline looked amused at my naïveté. "But be aware, you're not to disturb Mr. Masen during your stay here. He's a very private man, and you will be expelled from the program if you pique his ire," she warned.

"Do I get to meet him?"

"You may, and then again, you may not. Mr. Masen is a bit... eccentric. He chooses which candidates he meets, and I have to tell you, it doesn't happen often, though he does like to communicate with our interns indirectly."

"And how would he do that?"

"He might leave notes in the mailbox outside your door or by the computer where you'll be writing. He shows a lot of interest in our talent, and he may want to see your work and give pointers or make remarks for you to consider."

"I see." A strand of hair whipped into my eyes, and I brushed it behind my ear, glancing up at the house as I did. I thought I saw a shadowy figure up on the third floor looking down at me, but I was sure it was just my imagination.

"A few other things… You're free to roam the island as you wish; explore to your heart's content. We do have wildlife here, so you may want to avoid the forest."

"Wildlife?"

"Yes, we import deer, elk and mountain lions. There is an electric fence to keep them in the wooded areas. The first hundred feet of forest are quite safe, but you'll see yellow markers where the electric fence starts. Going beyond that point is... at your own risk."

_Why in the world would they import animals to a remote island?_

"Okay, no woods for me." I grinned, and Caroline smiled back, but it never reached her eyes.

"Moving on; the first floor is probably where you'll spend the bulk of your time and consists of the kitchen, dining room, music room, writing lounge, gym, etc. The second floor houses the quarters for anyone staying here—currently just you. The third floor belongs to Mr. Masen, and under _no circumstances_ are you to disturb him up there. Nobody is allowed in his quarters; not even Sonia."

"I understand. Where does Sonia stay?" I asked curiously.

"Sonia stays in a cottage away from the main house. You'll have an intercom to reach her in her quarters, but employees stay away from the main house as much as possible to give our interns alone time with their creative process."

"But Mr. Masen stays in the main house?" I asked carefully.

"You won't even know he's there... with the exception of piano music if he's in the mood."

"He likes to listen to piano music?"

"No; he _plays_. Quite beautifully. You'll be in for a treat if you get to hear Mr. Masen play."

"Well, I look forward to it."

A dark-haired young woman came up behind Caroline. She had lovely brown eyes, high cheekbones and olive-toned skin. She had a petite build and walked with confidence.

"Hello! You must be Isabella Swan. I'm Sonia." She held her hand out with a welcoming smile.

"Please call me Bella." I couldn't help but smile back; she seemed very open and friendly.

"Welcome, Bella. Are you ready to head up to the house?"

"I think so..." I looked to Caroline for approval.

Caroline turned to Sonia. "Good afternoon, Sonia. Yes, Ms. Swan is ready; I think we've finished here." Looking back to me, Caroline said, "Good luck. I hear you're very talented, and I hope this is all that you want it to be."

"Thank you. It was nice to meet you, Caroline."

A few minutes later, I found myself hiking up a steep trail of packed dirt with Sonia. I found it strange that the trail from the dock wasn't wide enough for a vehicle, but I'm not sure I'd feel safe in one at this angle anyway. Suddenly, I understood the track suit Caroline had been wearing, the equally practical sweats and windbreaker that Sonia had on, and I was grateful that I had followed the travel tips I was provided by the foundation by wearing loose, comfortable clothing and sneakers. I was in decent shape, but the hike wasn't conducive to deep conversation, so I kept my questions to myself.

There were a number of things I found strange about this place already, but perhaps their unconventional methods were part of what made them so successful. I couldn't deny that having a beautiful mansion and the rest of this intriguing island mostly to myself to stimulate the creative process made my body hum with anticipation. I hadn't touched the manuscript in nearly four years, with the exception of making editing tweaks; I'd been so afraid to put an ending to it, but for some reason it felt right now.

The path wound back and forth along the hillside, sometimes leveling out for a short time. The wind continued to move in off the water, working my hair into a flying frenzy on my head, and I gave up trying to push it out of my eyes and just raked it back with my sunglasses, resigning myself to a hundred-stroke brushing once I got settled. Thankfully, there was nobody here to impress.

A sudden tingling feeling that spread across my shoulder blades and up to my head set the hairs on the back of my neck on end. I stopped abruptly, stumbling a bit, and turned around to glance behind me. There was a slope of grass leading out to the woods, and I thought I caught a slight movement through the trees.

"Everything okay? Am I going too fast?" Sonia turned with a look of concern, her long ponytail flopping over the front of her shoulder.

"I'm fine; it's just... it felt like I was being watched, and I thought I saw movement over by those trees. Is someone else out here?"

"Nobody goes out there; that's where the wild things are." Sonia's eyes grew large for a moment, but then she laughed. "Seriously though, there_ are _wild animals on the island that are penned in by electric fence, so maybe you caught sight of one of them."

"What happens if the power goes out?" I asked with a shaky laugh.

"Backup generators. We can keep going for at least a week here without power."

"How _do_ they get power out to a remote island anyway?" I muttered.

"I have no idea! Underwater, I suppose. Ready to go? We should reach the house in about five minutes."

It was at one of the flat portions of the trail with the hill at higher than head level that it ended as we rounded the next bend, and I was graced with the beauty of the main house. If I thought it was a sight to behold from down below, it was absolutely magnificent up close.

"Oh, my God. It's beautiful! Beautiful doesn't do it justice... I don't think there _are_ any words that would do it justice."

The entire house was built out of the stormy colored stone with numerous turrets and unique crevices. The windows had leaded panes and were all different sizes and shapes, but the one thing most of them had in common was their large size, made for letting in lots of light. The windows of the third floor were a bit smaller, but even those were larger than usual. The front steps were pale gray marble; I would have expected white, but somehow it worked with the darkness of the house. Because there was no need for a driveway, the greener-than-green grass rolled almost all the way up to the front steps, but a lovely stone walkway and small patio with a wrought iron table and chairs provided a buffer.

"This place is something else."

"It is," Sonia agreed. "I love it here... so tranquil and peaceful."

"Are you always here, Sonia? Don't you get lonely?"

"I'm here when we have an intern, but then I go back to the mainland for a few months until the next one comes."

"And where do you live when you're not here?"

"Unh-unh! The location of this island is top secret. Nice try though." Sonia smiled cheekily. "You don't want me to lose my job, do you?"

"You mean..."

"Yes. If I slipped and told you, I would be dismissed immediately."

"How would they know?"

"Mr. Masen knows everything. There's no hiding anything from him."

"How does he know?"

Sonia shrugged. "I have no idea, but he does. I appreciate all that he's done for me and my family, so I have no problem being honest and loyal."

"Sounds good to me."

Sonia led me inside, and I was immediately smitten. There were hardwood floors with huge plush rugs and runners throughout the house. The walls were a lighter shade of stone than the outside, and the kitchen was stone and brickwork with a real, working brick oven. The furnishings were expensive but tasteful—there was nothing ostentatious about this house—it was welcoming and cozy despite its large size. There were several fireplaces in various rooms on the first floor including the 'writing room,' which was a cozy little study with butter soft couches, built in bookcases filling two walls, and a desk facing floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the water.

"It's perfect, isn't it?"

"God, yes. How could you _not_ be inspired in here?"

"Let me show you up to your room. By the way, you're only to use the main staircase; the back stairs that enter the kitchen are only utilized by Mr. Masen."

I followed Sonia up the grand staircase with its curved mahogany railings, which were polished to a gleam. An intricate crystal chandelier hung from the cathedral ceiling, and despite all this glamour surrounding me, I still felt completely at home here.

The second floor walls were pale white stone with an almost pearlescent sheen to them; thick white carpeting hushed our steps as we traveled the long hallway which had several doors on each side.

"Here you are."

Sonia unlocked a mahogany door to our right, standing back so I could enter first. My jaw dropped when I saw my 'room,' which was really more of a suite. The same white carpeting and pearlescent stone walls made up the room; it was a vision of white, cream and pale pink—all airiness and light. The only real color in the room came from the mahogany dresser, armoire and four-poster bed. The queen-sized bed was draped with frothy layers of netting held aside by shell pink tie-backs, and there were plump pink throw pillows resting softly on the white duvet to match. There was a sitting area over by French doors that led out to a balcony with a gorgeous view of the hillside, beach, and water. There was a walk-in closet almost as large as my bedroom back in Forks and a delightful en suite with a multiple head shower and separate Jacuzzi tub.

"Wow. This is more like a resort, Sonia! I could just enjoy spending time here and get nothing done."

"I know, right?" Sonia smiled indulgently. I'm sure she'd been through this numerous times with other interns.

"I'm sorry; back home, my whole bedroom could almost fit in the walk-in. This is... different for me. The funny thing is, despite the size of this place, and the obvious expense it must have taken to decorate it, it's just so homey and cozy."

"It is. I think a lot of planning has gone into giving the house that atmosphere so our interns would feel comfortable and creative here. Your bags are over there in the corner. I'll leave you to get settled in."

I glanced where Sonia indicated and saw my luggage piled neatly in the corner.

"Oh, what about my laptop and my cell phone?"

"No electronic devices with outside communication are allowed here, Bella. You'll get those back when you leave."

"How will I work?"

"The computer in the writing room has already been loaded with your manuscript. There's internet access if you need to do any research, but no emails can be sent from it."

"Got it."

"I know it sounds a bit strange, but you'll find the lack of outside distraction helps you to focus on your craft. Before I go, would you like to come down for some dinner or should I bring something up?"

"I can make my own food, Sonia; you don't have to do that." I shifted my feet uncomfortably.

"No way! You're here to work on your manuscript, not to cook. I don't even want to see you near my kitchen unless it's to get a snack after hours. Would you like a hot meal, a sandwich, a salad?"

"A sandwich would be great. Thank you, Sonia."

After Sonia left, I hung some of my clothes in the closet and put my socks, underwear, t-shirts and sweats into the drawers that were built into its walls. I stored my suitcases out of sight in the back and decided to sit down and brush my hair.

Sitting on the side of the bed, I stroked the brush through my hair, zoning out a bit as all the tension started to drain from my body. The brush felt good pulling gently through my hair; for some reason I found it a grounding experience. When I was nearly finished, my senses started to come back to me, and a vague scent wafted into my nose that seemed familiar—slightly sweet, musky and woodsy all at the same time. My eyes snapped open, and I noticed an envelope propped up against the lamp on the night table. Written in beautiful, old-fashioned script it invited... _Please read._

I slipped the thick piece of parchment out of the envelope—who wrote on parchment paper these days?—and opened it to find a note written in the same flowery hand.

_My apologies that I don't know your name yet and can't address this properly. I only just arrived last evening, but I promise not to be so rude in my next communication._

_I hear your work is riveting, and my sister has assured me that it's something I must read. I look forward to perusing your manuscript, and I hope to have some remarks and/or suggestions for you soon._

_I hope you will enjoy your stay with us._

_Sincerely yours,_

_E.A. Masen_

Interesting... the scent seemed to be coming from the stationary. Lifting it to my nose, I inhaled deeply. God, but it was so familiar—maybe a cologne I'd smelled somewhere before? A memory tugged at the periphery of my thoughts, but I couldn't drag it out into the light of day to examine it.

Shrugging it off, I slid the note carefully back into the envelope and placed it in the nightstand drawer; I had the compulsion to preserve it just as it was.

**~*}{*~**

When it was time for bed, I put on a pair of sweats and a tank top (my usual nightly uniform) after taking a long, hot shower. I padded around barefoot on the thick pile carpeting, enjoying the feel of the fibers squishing up between my toes.

Before Sonia had left for the day, she showed me the intercom consoles which were spread around the house so I could reach her if necessary. I was a little apprehensive that I would be creeped-out being in this house all alone, but I felt surprisingly at home.

Struck by the munchies, I slipped down to the kitchen for a late night snack and was on my way back down the hall to my room when I heard a loud crash from upstairs. Startled, the knowledge that I wasn't supposed to go to the third floor never crossed my mind; my only thought was that someone might be hurt. For that matter, I had no idea how old Mr. Masen was—he might be an elderly man in need of assistance from a fall.

Locating a door that looked different from the rest, I pulled it open with some difficulty, the hinges creaking loudly from disuse as it swung out. Looking up the stairs before me, I was confronted by a yawning darkness. I had no idea if there were flashlights around anywhere, but I could see moonlight streaming through a window at the top, so I grasped the railing and started climbing the steep steps.

When I reached the landing, my eyes were beginning to adjust, and the moon bathed the large foyer in a pale wash of bluish light. There was a big, solid looking door which I presumed was the entrance to Mr. Masen's chambers.

"Mr. Masen?" My voice came out in a croaky whisper.

There was no response. You could hear a pin drop in the cavernous silence, and I worried that he was passed out in there somewhere.

Moving closer to the door, I knocked lightly. "Mr. Masen? A-Are you all right? I, um, heard a loud crash come from up here..."

A strangled moan came from behind the door.

"Mr. Masen? Can I do something to help you? Have you fallen down?"

There was a low rumble that sounded almost like a growl. Something skimmed across the floor, and then there was ragged breathing from farther away. Suddenly, I heard the sound of glass breaking and the tinkle of shards hitting the floor as someone took deep, gulping breaths of air.

"Mr. Masen? Sh-should I call Sonia for you?"

"No!" a voice rasped, sounding far away. More deep breaths were taken, and then he said, "Were you not told to stay off this floor?"

"Well, yes, but I heard a crash up here! I was worried you'd hurt yourself."

A short, bitter laugh issued from him, followed by more gulping breaths. "I assure you, I was far better off before you came barging up to my door. Please go." His voice came out in a hoarse whisper, his tone rather harsh.

"Okay... I'm so sorry I disturbed you; I really am. Please accept my apology."

I hesitated, hoping Mr. Masen would absolve me, but there was complete silence from him. A few seconds later, there was a loud _crack! _as more glass shattered, followed by another strangled moan. It sounded like someone was breathing through gritted teeth, and I wondered if Mr. Masen had some kind of condition that caused him a great deal of pain.

"I'm so very sorry," I whispered, tears filling my eyes as I backed away from the door until I hit the wall beside the stairway. Turning quickly, I rushed as fast as I dared back to my room before allowing the tears to fall.

How stupid was I? Disturbing the man in charge of my program the first night here? I was explicitly warned never to go to the third floor or I would be immediately expelled from the internship. Crawling under the thick duvet comforter, I prayed hard that Mr. Masen didn't demand that I leave tomorrow.

**~*}{*~**

In the morning, Sonia was around bright and early, but no word was spoken of my transgression from the night before. I waited and waited throughout the day, but she never said a word or acted differently. Perhaps Mr. Masen had decided to keep my idiocy to himself and give me another chance?

Most of the day was spent sitting at the desk in the writing room, looking out over the water. Since I was left to my own devices, Sonia didn't know I wasn't working. Besides, authors needed time to dream; so much of writing is done in the imagination first, and _then _the challenge is to translate that through the fingers onto the paper in a way that makes the reader feel it, see it, taste it. Was I plotting my story? Dreaming it into existence? No. I was quaking in my fuzzy pink socks (yeah, that's right... socks) all day waiting for the other shoe to drop; waiting for Mr. Masen to summon Sonia to inform her that I was expelled from the program and banned from the island. It never happened.

That night, I again crept down to the kitchen for a snack before bed, feeling just a little bit like a sneaky kid. When I got back to my room, I smelled that intriguing scent again; the one that tugged at the edges of my subconscious mind. It was a bit stronger, and I inhaled deeply, trying to place it, but it still eluded me.

As I was about to turn down the bed, I saw it; a small envelope rested against one of the pillows. Sliding the paper out, I opened it with trembling hands. It was written in the same perfect, flowery hand as the first note I'd received.

_Dear Isabella,_

_My apologies if I frightened you last evening. It always saddens me when a woman cries; more-so when I have a part in it._

_It is __imperative__ that you follow the rules during your stay here. Regretfully, another mistake like that could mean the end of you. No matter what you hear coming from upstairs, NEVER step foot on the third floor again. If you can't abide by this, perhaps it's best that you leave immediately. I'll leave this to your discretion._

_If you choose to remain here, I look forward to reading your work._

_Yours,_

_E.A. Masen_

His note was very formal; from the wording right down to the flowery script and parchment paper. I had presumed Mr. Masen to be a much older man, but the voice I'd heard last night, while extremely rough and gravelly, did _not_ belong to an old man. His voice had been filled with pain and anger at the time, but there was a soft, velvet quality underlying all of that—one that had me yearning to hear his normal voice for some reason. _That_ would likely never happen! After my big moment last night, he would never want to meet me.

It was odd the way he worded the sentence, '_another mistake like that could mean the end of you_;' I assumed he meant the end of my internship, but a cold finger of fear slid slowly up my spine when I reread what could be considered a veiled threat. And how did he know I'd been crying? _Bella, stop this! You're psyching yourself out again. You broke the rules; he didn't seek __**you**__ out. Don't make this into a horror scenario._

The good news was Mr. Masen was leaving it to my discretion whether to remain here or not. I guess that meant he wouldn't be sharing my moment of stupidity with Sonia. Gratefulness filled me, and I grabbed a piece of stationary and a pen from the drawer of the nightstand to write him back.

_Dear Mr. Masen,_

_Thank you for being so understanding and giving me another chance. Please accept my apology; I truly didn't mean to invade your privacy but was simply concerned you might have been injured. I hate to admit that I wasted the entire day quaking in fear and didn't do anything creative whatsoever. I hope my mistake will not cause you to think less of me as I had only the very best of intentions._

_Sincerely,_

_Bella_

I was unsure where I would leave the message for him, but I recalled Sonia saying there was a mailbox outside my door, so perhaps there was one for Mr. Masen. Cautiously, I opened my door and tip-toed downstairs to the kitchen where I'd seen Sonia's message box. Sure enough, next to it was a slot marked '_E.A. Masen_.' I slipped my note in and then headed back to bed.

It didn't take long for me to fall asleep in the downy softness; it was like being suspended inside a cloud. For the first time in several weeks, I dreamed of _him; _Edward Cullen – the man who was the object of all my desires, disappointments, and the true subject of my manuscript...

~*}{*~

_Turning in my narrow bed, I lifted my head, sensing a presence. "Dad?" I mumbled. There was no response, and after looking around the room, I saw nothing. Shrugging it off as part of a dream, I buried my head in the pillow and fell back to sleep._

_Drifting up to consciousness slowly, I felt a coolness tracing my bare arm softly; goosebumps raised on my flesh, following its path. My heart started beating hard, and the cool touch retreated. Opening my eyes cautiously, I looked up into the golden eyes of Edward Cullen. My mouth opened in shock, but he placed a cool finger over my lips, a lopsided smirk pulling at his._

"_Shhh..." he whispered. "Close your eyes, Angel."_

_How could I ignore the request of his smooth, velvet voice? I closed them. There was a cool breeze, and I felt the loss of him immediately. Opening my eyes, I saw that I was alone. There was no way he could have been here at all; nobody could disappear without making a sound in three seconds..._

Jolting awake with my heart pounding, I found myself surrounded by softness. Was I still dreaming? Cool air wafted over my bare arms, and I lifted my head. The French doors were open slightly, a damp breeze blowing in off the water and rustling the filmy curtains. I was in my room on Masen Island, not my room back home at Charlie's. It slammed home that my father was dead, and a searing shard of pain sliced through my heart causing me to curl inward, clutching my chest.

"Oh, Charlie... I miss you so much," I whispered. "I've screwed up my life so badly. I _still_ dream of him, Dad. I haven't seen him for four years; he hated me, and still I long for..." I drifted off. _What? _What did I long for?

Falling back against the pillows, I wrapped myself in down and sank into a dreamless sleep.

**~*}{*~**

The next morning, I was determined to start making the most of my time here on the island, to stimulate my creativity. My manuscript would be finished, and then I could put the memory of Edward Cullen behind me for good.

Taking a Styrofoam cup of hot chocolate (one of my guilty little pleasures) with me outside, I started exploring the island. Walking around the side of the huge house, I found a tool shed and maintenance area. The woods caught my eye before I went further, and I changed direction, heading into the verdant green grass. I would have expected the grass here to be scrubby, not lush and healthy, and I was fascinated with its striking contrast against the iron gray sky. The rolling hills of Ireland flitted through my mind—not that I'd ever been there—but it was how I pictured it in my mind.

Spying a stone bench at the edge of the woods (these people thought of everything!), I set my hot chocolate down. Glancing around furtively to make sure I was alone, I lay down in the lush grass with my arms and legs splayed out. A giggle erupted... then another... and another. Soon, I was rolling around on the lawn like a little kid, laughing.

After regaining my senses, I sat down on the bench to sip my hot chocolate. I hadn't rolled around like that since... probably ever. I didn't know what came over me, but it was a lot of fun! Turning my head, I peered into the trees, looking for the signposts for the electric fence. I saw some bright yellow flags at the bases of certain trees, and I supposed it would be wise to stay well back from those.

Deciding I should probably get some work done, I started walking back toward the house. My eye was drawn up to the third floor, and I noticed that several panes of glass in one of the windows were broken out. Could that be the breaking glass I'd heard coming from Mr. Masen's quarters? The deep, gulping breaths... maybe he had asthma or some other breathing condition, and he needed air? Again, something tugged at my mind, skittering away before I could grasp it. Shaking it off, I went to the kitchen to get a fresh cup of hot chocolate and a turkey sandwich before settling down at the computer in the writing room.

The computer was a top-of-the-line laptop. I signed in with the user name I was given, and a custom desktop came up with my manuscript pre-loaded. A box popped up with blinking words:

**Message waiting: ****Click here****.**

Curious, I clicked on it, and an instant message box popped up with The Masen Foundation logo.

**E.A Masen: **_Good morning, Isabella. I trust you slept well. I've started reading your manuscript, and I find myself intensely curious about it already. Before I ask the questions that are flooding through my mind... is any of this based in truth?_

E.A. Masen logged off: 5:16am

Hmm... how much should I tell Mr. Masen? There was no way I could admit that most of it was true—not unless I wanted to be locked away—but it might be important if he knew that my main character was based on someone I knew. I hit 'reply,' and the system asked me to enter a display name, so I chose 'Bella.'

**Bella: **_I slept very well, thank you. To answer your question: yes; some of the manuscript is based on truth. The inspiration for the story is a boy I went to high school with. I never could figure out why he hated me so much. Since the first day we had a class together, he glared at me with hatred whenever our eyes met, and it's something I've tried to understand and reconcile within myself for a quite a while. I've spent a lot of time thinking about him, developing strange theories on reasons someone could possibly wish death on a stranger—and that's just what I felt he wished for me: death. (I know it sounds melodramatic.) I also started to observe him closely in my quest to find out information, and it led me to some really weird thoughts. Much of the manuscript is just theory, fantasy and conjecture, but a kernel of truth does lie beneath. I hope this clears up your question, and I look forward to further discussion with you._

The rest of the day was spent reviewing my manuscript, allowing the feel of it to seep back into my bones so I could start work on it again. I found while away from my writing for any length of time, it was beneficial to re-immerse myself in it before continuing. So, although it brought back painful memories, I spent the afternoon soaking in the details of my pathetic obsession with Edward Cullen and his hatred of me. I still had a hard time understanding why I was so smitten with someone who had absolutely no interest in me; in fact, I'd barely dated in the past four years because nobody measured up to my lofty image of the boy with the messy bronze hair and the crooked smile—of course, he never aimed that panty melting smile my way; I only merited dark looks and snorts of disdain. Tears pricked at my eyes, and I was transported back to my first day at Forks High...

_Everyone was interested that the police chief's daughter was the new girl; everyone had a theory, a desire, an angle. Ducking my head, I tried to stay under the radar, but it was nearly impossible in such a small school. I was called to the guidance office about a glitch in my schedule, which made me late for Biology, and I got there when there was only five minutes left of class. When I walked in, the teacher welcomed me and directed me to the only open seat. As I moved across the front of the room, a fan blew my hair into my face, and once I'd swept it away, my eyes landed on my lab partner. He was the most beautiful boy I'd ever laid eyes on, and I wasn't a girl that was easily impressed; in fact, I was shocked at the instant attraction coursing through me. Too bad it wasn't mutual. The boy—tall, lean-muscled, pale skin, perfect features, dark eyes and a mass of chaotic ginger hair—placed a hand over his mouth, glaring back at me with revulsion. His eyes appeared to darken several shades, and he clutched the side of the lab table. As I slowly made my way over to sit down, he jumped up from his seat and rushed over to the window. The bell rang then, all the kids beginning to file out noisily, but I was worried about the boy; he looked ill. I made my way over to him._

"_Are you all right? Do you need help?"_

_Ignoring me, his hands slid up the pane of the window, tendons standing out on his lean arms, and there was a loud __**crack!**_ _as the glass splintered beneath his palms. I would have expected him to yank his hands away from the sharp glass, but instead, he pushed harder until the window fell outward, and cold air burst into the room in a rush. Resting his forehead against the window frame, he took in deep breaths of air._

_Moving next to him, I addressed him again, "Are you sick? Can I help?"_

_Dark eyes—blacker than pitch—turned my way and glared. "You can get the hell away from me for starters!" he spat._

_Involuntarily, my hand clapped over my mouth, and I feared for my life. Mr. Banner came up behind me. "Miss Swan, you can go. Edward has a breathing condition, and certain things set it off. Please, everyone, clear the room." Mr. Banner guided me away from Edward, toward the door. "Edward, the room will be empty in a moment. I'll close the door to give you privacy."_

_There was a strangled, "Thank you."_

My head snapped up, and I wandered restlessly over to the window, looking out at the water. Perhaps that's what was bothering me about the incident with Mr. Masen: he seemed to have some kind of breathing problem, too. That could explain why I had a strong sense of déjà vu when I was up on the third floor.

Fingering the filmy curtains absently, I recalled how that first day set the tone for the rest of my interactions with Edward.

_Edward was absent from school for a few weeks after my first day, and Mr. Banner assigned me another partner since I was a new student. Angela Weber was a straight A student and was amenable to working alone until Edward returned to school, so Mr. Banner paired me with Jessica Stanley instead._

_When Edward returned to school, he gave me a wide berth and looked at me with distaste or outright malice whenever I got too close. Foolishly, I longed for him in a way I'd never experienced before, and I soon started to have dreams about Edward. The most common dream was of me waking up in my bed at night to find him hovering near me, his golden eyes tender. When my heart started to pound, he would either disappear or whisper something, such as, "I'm sorry, Angel; this is the way it has to be," before taking off._

_As time went on, I discovered that my fear, surprise or heart rate tended to send my dream Edward running, so I practiced slowing my heart beat, hoping to hold onto the fantasy of him as long as possible. Once, I sensed him but fought to remain calm, keeping my eyes closed. After a little while, he stroked my cheek lightly. "I wish things could be different, Angel," he whispered, and there was such longing in his velvet voice._

"_Why can't they?" I whispered back, keeping my eyes closed._

"_I can't tell you that. Just know that I wish it with all that I am."_

_Frustrated, I opened my eyes, grabbing his hand in mine. His golden eyes darkened immediately, and he broke away from me, disappearing in seconds._

The dreams of Edward came less frequently after that, and over the past four years, most of the dreams were flat and two dimensional compared to those early ones that felt like he was really _there _with me, touching me. A tear slid down my cheek, and I swiped it away. "You're pathetic, Bella," I whispered. "Pining over someone that hated you... that probably hasn't given you a second thought in years. Get it together."

Deciding I needed a break, I opted to take a walk. The cool dampness of the air outside helped to pull me out of my wallowing. I stood at the highest point of the island, looking out over the choppy water, which was nearly the same stormy blue-gray as the stone of the house. Mist hung in the air, imparting an eerie feel, and I sat on a boulder, soaking up the atmosphere. I was enjoying connecting with nature and forgetting my troubles when the hackles rose on the back of my neck, similar to the day I'd arrived here. Stiffening, I turned my head quickly, looking out toward the woods. I saw nothing, but the feeling of being watched wouldn't leave me until I was safely back inside the house.

I wasn't sure why, but I was disappointed that no further messages came in from Mr. Masen. Did he think I was demented? That my foolish schoolgirl crush and the wild theories I'd developed to insulate myself from the fact that Edward Cullen hated my guts rendered me pathetic?

As darkness fell, I stood staring out the window in the writing room. Sonia had set some logs ablaze in the fireplace, and I decided to indulge in a glass of brandy from the snifter resting on a side table. Curling up in a cushy wing-back chair, I stared into the flames, swirling the brandy in my glass. Fire had always held a special fascination for me; it was almost as though the licking, dancing flames held all the answers to the questions of the universe, if only I knew how to decipher them; to speak their language. The brandy was liquid warmth coating my insides, and I found myself hypnotized by the flames...

With a start, I awoke. Glancing at my surroundings, I saw that I was still in the writing room in the wing-back. I must have fallen asleep, but the strange thing was that the remainder of my brandy was over on the table, and I was covered by a warm fleece blanket. In the fireplace were dying embers, so I must have been asleep for a few hours. Sonia left right after she set up the fireplace, but maybe she'd come back for something and covered me up. I'd have to remember to thank her in the morning.

Yawning, I stretched like a cat, standing up and folding the blanket neatly. As I turned to leave the room, I smelled that sweet-musky-woodsy smell just for a moment, but I couldn't place where it was coming from. A haunted feeling crept over me, leaving tingles along my spine and prickling my scalp.

"What is that scent, and why does it affect me so much?" I murmured.

It wasn't uncommon for me to talk to myself, and since I was basically alone in the house, who was going to hear me?

A low _ding!_ sound came from the laptop. Unable to resist, I lifted the lid curiously.

**Message waiting: ****Click here****.**

My heart sped up slightly, although I wasn't entirely sure why. I was a bit apprehensive about what Mr. Masen had to say about my manuscript, but a bigger part of me was screaming that I needed to find out. I clicked.

**E.A. Masen: **_Good evening, Bella. I've been reading more of your work, and I have many questions; some of them are questions for you to mull over. Have you ever considered that Brad (is this the boy's real name or a pseudonym?) did not hate you? Some of the behavior you refer to is common on school playgrounds and in classrooms everywhere—boy picks on girl because he likes her and doesn't know how to deal with it. The idiosyncrasies you mention about him (cold skin, doesn't appear to eat, unusually pale, very strong) could be explained by any number of medical conditions, I'm sure, yet you chose to consider (at least in your story) that he might be... a vampire? Do you believe in mythical creatures? For argument's sake, if he was a vampire, why would he hate you? Or, for that matter, be going to high school? Despite my questions, which I hope are not too antagonistic, I find your writing to be riveting, and I'm enjoying it immensely. I look forward to your response._

**Bella:** _Good evening, Mr. Masen. No, I never considered that 'Brad' (a pseudonym) might have feelings for me other than disgust and revulsion. Now, I can't deny that I was smitten with him, and I spent a lot of my time daydreaming that something kept him from showing me his 'true' feelings... that he might have actually cared for me in some small way. Yes, pathetic, I know. And so, I observed him quite closely from afar. Brad and his siblings (who were adopted, just as in my story) were all extremely pale, didn't seem to fit in with the rest of the student body, appeared to only pick at their food, never really consuming anything, and did not come to school on sunny days. There's also the matter of when Brad saved my life from the van that skidded on ice in the parking lot—that part of the story is also quite true. To address more of your questions: no, I've never believed in mythical creatures. If he was a vampire, I think he might hate me because he wanted my blood—perhaps I smelled really good to him, and it was disturbing. As far as why a vampire would be going to high school... your guess is as good as mine! I'm happy to hear you're enjoying my twisted tale of woe, and also glad you haven't mentioned padded rooms or suggested medication... yet._

I had written a long response, and I expected it would take quite a while for him to digest it and answer, so I headed up to my room to finish the night in my comfy cloud of a bed. Mr. Masen had certainly given me some things to ponder, but I still thought it was a pipe dream that Edward Cullen thought of me as anything more than a pest that should be exterminated. For the millionth time, my heart broke to pieces in my chest, and I realized that I wasn't as close to putting a lid on that part of my life as I'd thought. For God's sake... I didn't even know where Edward was! After high school, the Cullens had moved away, and I hadn't heard anything about their whereabouts since. As I slipped in between the sheets, I heard a muffled slam come from upstairs. I wasn't tempted to check on Mr. Masen this time.

I woke up some time later in a sweat, kicking at the duvet while strangled whimpers lodged in my throat. Sitting up, I saw signs of the first light in the sky through the French doors and attempted to calm my speeding heart. I couldn't recall what I'd been dreaming, but whatever it was had distressed me to the point that I'd cried out, waking myself.

Flopping down on my back, I tried to go back to sleep to no avail. After a while, I heard piano music wafting through the house; a hauntingly beautiful tune that spoke of suffering, longing and desire. My heart started to beat faster even though the music was slow and should have been calming—there was something about it that reached inside me and tugged. My eyelids grew heavy as I let the notes of the music wrap around me, caressing me like a lover—that's exactly what the piece felt like—as though whoever wrote it was lamenting over a lover they couldn't be with but desired more than anything. With a soft sigh, I sank into oblivion.

**~*}{*~**

_The day was cold, with snow on the ground and icicles hanging from every available surface. I was distracted with thoughts of Edward Cullen after he'd shot me a particularly dark look when we ran into each other in the cramped guidance office. I leaned on the hood of my truck, pressing my forehead down on my backpack. Why did he hate me so much? My scalp prickled, and I turned my head sharply to see him standing there like a Greek God, drumming his fingers on the roof of his Volvo. From this distance, his look seemed more curious than hate-filled, and I imagined that he was changing his mind about me. Dream on, Bella..._

_Things happened very fast then. I heard the sound of tires losing purchase on the pavement behind me, and I turned curiously only to find Tyler Crowley's big blue van skidding sideways, straight for me. I barely had a moment to think, 'Oh, shit!' before I found myself knocked to the ground by something hard and cold a split second before Tyler's van would have slammed me up against my truck. My mind was a miasma of crazy thoughts as I lay pinned to the ground, wondering if I was dead and just hadn't realized it yet. I heard a slamming sound just above me; the screech of metal twisting against something in protest, and then Tyler's van came to rest just inches from my gaping mouth. I started to hyperventilate._

"_Bella?" The voice was soft and velvety, full of concern. I was speechless at the thought that Edward Cullen could possibly be the one speaking to me as if he gave a shit if I was alive or dead. "Please talk to me. Where are you hurt?" Again, his voice was soft, pouring over me like warm honey._

"_I'm dead, but at least I made it to heaven..." I mumbled, because surely Edward would never sound so concerned over me. Shit; I was dead. "Oh, my God, I died."_

_Cool fingers stroked my face. "You're not dead, Bella; I promise. I couldn't let that happen..." His soft words drifted off, and I turned my head to find my eyes locked on the tortured gaze of Edward Cullen._

"_An angel. You're a beautiful angel." I giggled, whispering, "I didn't think it would be so cold here, but I guess it's better than the alternative."_

"_Bella, I'm no angel, and you're not dead. I'm sorry you hit your head against the pavement; I didn't get to you fast enough."_

_Realizing that I was indeed still alive, and Edward Cullen had saved my life, I said, "Oh, yeah, you did—you got here right in time. I'd be the filling in a Bella sandwich right now if you hadn't -" I halted, my memory of him across the lot flickering by. "How did you – I mean, you were all the way over by your car..."_

"_I was right beside you, Bella. When I heard the sound of the van, I knocked you to the ground." His eyes did this funny thing, widening slightly, burning into me as though trying to hypnotize me._

"_No... I was looking right at you by your car. There was no time." Reality became a slippery slope, and I was losing my grasp. "Please; I know what I saw." Tears sprang to my eyes._

"_Shh... you hit your head. It's going to be okay," he crooned softly. As I lifted my head, Edward slipped his hands underneath, cradling it carefully. I could feel his long fingers probing gently over my scalp, the coolness of his fingers a balm against my fevered skin._

_The paramedics arrived, and I lost track of Edward in the crowd. Tears gathered in my eyes; I longed for his gentle touch, his soft voice, and his concerned eyes. Instinctively, I knew it was probably a passing thing, but now that I had a taste of him, I wanted more._

_At the hospital, Edward slipped into my room, hanging back by the foot of the bed. "How are you, Bella?" He swallowed convulsively, looking as though he wanted to run the other way, but his eyes weren't hate-filled right now; they were kind._

"_Edward, thank you. I'm sorry I acted like such an ass—thinking I was dead and all—but I would be if not for you. H-How did you get to me so fast?"_

"_I told you; I was right beside you. The hit you took to your head must have confused things a little bit. That's normal."_

"_You stopped that van, Edward. You can't tell me that didn't happen—I saw the imprint of your h-hands on the side of it. How?"_

"_Leave it alone, Bella. _Please._" His eyes were pleading with me to let it go._

"_Okay." I would say almost anything to make him happy._

"_Thank you." Edward smiled crookedly at me for the first time, and my heart started to pound in my chest. He stiffened suddenly, clamping a hand over his mouth and nose. "I – I have to go."_

_I blinked, and he was gone..._

Sitting up in bed, I realized I was dreaming of the van incident again; it was a recurring dream of the only time that Edward acted as though I wasn't just a fly to bat away. Tears streaked my face, and I was mumbling, "What did I do wrong? Why did you go?"

After I'd returned to school, Edward had gone back to avoiding me, although his looks weren't as malevolent as before. The dreams of him coming to my room increased a great deal after that, and continued right up until the Cullens moved away. I was never brave enough to just confront him, but I _knew _he hadn't been next to me, and he _definitely_ left hand prints in the side of Tyler's van. It only added fuel to my theory that Edward Cullen was something 'other.'

The clock on the nightstand informed me it was seven o'clock. I headed down to the kitchen to find Sonia already bustling about, cooking.

"Good morning, Sonia."

"Hey, Bella! Did you sleep well?"

"No, not really." She turned her face toward me, her brow wrinkling with concern, but I waved my hand. "Nothing to do with the accommodations; believe me. This place is like heaven, and my bed is like being suspended in a cloud. It's _me_ and my stupid dreams." I shook my head.

"Do you have nightmares?" Sonia asked as she continued working.

I pulled a stool up to the counter, leaning on my elbows. "Not exactly. I dream about... things from my past—things I should let go of but haven't been able to."

"I see." Sonia nodded her head but didn't say anything further. She was rolling out pie crust on a wooden board.

"Oh, by the way, thank you for covering me last night."

"Huh?"

"You know, for putting the blanket over me when I fell asleep by the fire in the writing room, _and_ for putting my glass of brandy on the table. I would've felt awful if it slipped out of my hand and stained the carpet."

Sonia's smooth, rolling movements halted suddenly, but she didn't turn my way. "I didn't cover you, Bella. You know when I left the house; I said goodbye."

"But I just assumed you came back for something..."

"Afraid not." Sonia went back to rolling the crust.

"Well, then who did it? I thought we were the only ones here."

"We are. It must have been Mr. Masen." Sonia shrugged.

"Have you... met Mr. Masen, Sonia?"

"Yes, of course."

"How old is he? What's he like? I mean -"

Sonia held her hand up, turning to face me. "Bella, I like you a lot, but I value my job here. I can't discuss Mr. Masen with you. He's not a perv or anything if _that's_ what you're getting at; his manners and sense of ethics are exemplary." Sonia seemed a bit defensive, and I felt bad.

"Oh, no! Sonia, I would never want you to get in trouble, and it never even crossed my mind that Mr. Masen would be inappropriate. I was just curious, but I'll try to restrain myself in the future. I hope you aren't upset with me."

"Of course not, Bella! It's natural to be curious. This isn't exactly a... conventional type of internship, but the foundation has a lot of resources, and I think you'll find yourself having a lot of success with them backing you and promoting your work."

"Even if my work isn't that good?"

"Bella, if your work wasn't top notch, you wouldn't be standing here talking to me right now. They don't take just anyone, you know."

"Thanks." I blushed crimson, not used to receiving compliments. "So... what are you making in here, and do you need any help?"

"Chicken pot pie, and _no,_ I don't need any help! Your job is to be creative and write; my job is to see to your comfort while you're here."

"Mm-mm, sounds delicious! Okay, I'll back off. Just so you know... I love to cook; it relaxes me. So if you ever find me invading your kitchen, it's probably because I have writer's block."

"Noted. Now off with you!" Sonia shooed me out of the kitchen, handing me a cup of hot chocolate and a muffin on my way out.

Entering the writing room, I headed straight to the laptop—not to get to work, but to see if Mr. Masen had answered me yet. For a moment, I contemplated the need to look deeper into why I was so anxious to hear from my eccentric host, but then I decided that I had enough issues to deal with already.

I was not to be disappointed.

**Message waiting: ****Click here.**

**E.A. Masen:** _I wouldn't dream of mentioning padded rooms or medication. We all work things out in our own way. You're finding your way, and I'm sure 'Brad' is finding his. You may not agree with me, but I don't believe for a moment that he hated you—I think he cared about you a great deal and felt he wasn't good enough for you. Honestly, I can't imagine anyone hating you, Bella. As for your theories, they're a bit dangerous and wild. I wouldn't recommend making it public knowledge that you might believe in the existence of vampires. While I don't think you're crazy, others probably will. Dreams are a way for our subconscious to work things out, so I don't think it's unhealthy for you to dream of him, but I do think that, for your own peace of mind, you need to finish your manuscript and put your past to rest. Surely there's a wonderful young man waiting for you to return home? Another question for you to ponder—what if he _is_ a vampire? How would that change your feelings for him?_

**Bella: **_You're a very understanding man, although I disagree with you about 'Brad.' I'm almost sure he hated me and wished I lived several states away from him. Your words are very kind though, and I appreciate them. No, I wouldn't mention my wacky theories to anyone; I understand that could land me in big trouble! I thought I would be able to easily put my past to rest, but since I arrived here, my feelings have resurfaced for me to examine, and I've realized that I haven't put 'Brad' behind me. I'm not sure I can. No, there's no young man in my life. I think 'Brad' ruined me for others; every time I try to date someone, I only end up comparing them to him, and they never measure up. I'm not sure why I tell you all these things—I rarely confide in anyone—but I feel like I can trust you. Your last question was very thought provoking, but, in the end, I came to the conclusion that 'Brad' being a vampire would make no difference to me. I don't believe the heart discriminates._

The rest of the day was spent writing about my feelings for Edward in deeper detail. I wasn't yet ready to deviate from true events and delve into the ending I was going to dream up for the story. Originally, I intended to find my 'happily ever after' in someone else, but I couldn't get myself to write it, just as I couldn't bear to date anyone for long. As soon as a man's fingers brushed my skin, it felt all wrong—their fingers were never cool like Edward's, they didn't smell like Edward—they just weren't _Edward_.

When I climbed into bed that night, tears sprang to my eyes. I was never going to move on, was I? Edward Cullen could be anywhere in the world, and I was pretty sure he wasn't there alone. He looked like a Greek God; surely he never lacked female company. The tears welled up and spilled over, running down my cheeks in rivulets, and I didn't even have the strength to wipe them away.

"What was so wrong with me that he hated me? Why can't I forget him and have a normal life?" I whispered into the night. Pain flared in my chest, and I stuffed my face into the pillows to muffle my sobs as I fell asleep.

The next thing I noticed was a familiar scent... sweet-musky-woodsy... permeating the very air around me like a fragrant cloud. My entire body tingled, very much the way it did when I used to have my most vivid dreams of Edward. Part of me fully expected him to be in the room, so I did my exercise to keep my heart rate calm.

"Edward?" I whispered.

Silence.

Okay, so maybe I was wrong about why my body was humming, and it was simply wishful thinking.

"Yes," he answered softly. My Edward delusion _was_ here! It had been four years since I'd experienced him this way. Tears leaked out the corners of my eyes. "Please don't cry, Angel." His voice, tinged with sadness, was smooth and velvety just like I remembered. His words caused more tears to flow, and I remained frozen in place, afraid to turn over and see my beautiful hallucination.

Cool fingers trailed along my arm gingerly, and I fought to keep my heart rate under control. "Shh... don't cry, love. I wish I could take all your pain away. I wish..." He stopped, letting out a sigh of frustration.

"Edward, are you... a vampire?" I asked in a hushed whisper.

His fingers stilled on my arm. "Yes."

My heart started pounding erratically at his answer, and I felt a cool breeze ruffle my hair. Turning my head slowly, I found my room empty. I'd scared him away again.

Frustrated, I hopped out of bed and walked out onto the terrace. Leaning my arms on the railing, I sucked in deep breaths of the damp, salty air. It was chilly out there in my tank and sweats, but I didn't care—I felt as though I needed to clear my head. Digging my fingers into my hair, I tugged in frustration.

Suddenly, I felt that tingle again, and I fought to remain calm. This was a _very _intense lucid dream I was having; everything felt so_ real_.

A cool finger ran along my shoulder and down my left arm, and I could feel his body just inches from mine. He pushed my hair over to one side, leaving my neck exposed, and I felt his lips as he pressed a kiss against the back of my shoulder.

"You're so precious, my Angel," he whispered. _His Angel? Swoon._

"Edward..." I whimpered, feeling wetness pool between my legs.

"Shh... I made a mistake by allowing you to believe I hated you. I thought I was doing the right thing—protecting you—and I wish I could go back... change things." He placed both hands on my shoulders, squeezing lightly.

"Why _did _you let me believe that, Edward? It hurt so much." My eyes fluttered closed as his fingers continued to knead my shoulders tenderly.

Then I felt myself being pulled back gently against his hard, muscled chest, his arms snaking around the front of me. With a soft sigh, he spoke into my hair, sending electric shocks throughout my body. "The first time I saw you—in biology—your scent hit me between the eyes like a freight train. I've never smelled anything so delectable, and I wanted nothing more than to -" Edward hesitated, his breathing heavy.

"Drink my blood?" I asked.

"Yes," he moaned. "When you came up beside me at the windows, I didn't know if I would be able to control myself—your scent was so concentrated and maddening in that enclosed space, with the fan blowing it my way. I had no choice but to break out the windows, or I would have hurt you. I was so angry at my loss of control, and I didn't trust myself around you, so I went away for a few weeks."

Edward's words spoken into my hair and the puff of his breath moving the strands gently caused a deep stirring within me. I wanted to whirl around and look into his eyes; I wanted to feel his lips on mine, his hands all over me. My face heated up as I contemplated these fantasies. Instead of acting on them, I said, "You were able to come back though."

"Yes, but only because my sister Alice borrowed a few of your shirts so I could get acclimated to your scent. Once I was fairly certain I wouldn't attack you, I came back. But the scent on a shirt is _nothing_ compared to the living blood rushing through your veins, pulsing against your neck..." Edward's voice dropped to a strained rasp, his body going rigid behind me. After a few moments, he relaxed, letting out a breath. "Sorry. It was so much harder than I anticipated it would be. I hated the fact that I wasn't strong enough... that I had to engage in this constant battle. _That's _why I glared at you; not because I hated you, but because I hated _me._ I hated my urges, and I watched you, hoping you would prove to be someone worthy of my distaste—but instead, I slowly started to have _feelings_ for you." The last few words came out in a desperate whisper.

My mouth dropped open, and I tried to keep my heart from slamming right out of my chest.

"The day of the van incident... I was trapped in that hot little guidance office with your scent swirling all around me, and I thought I would lose it right there. You looked frightened, and I knew you must have seen the murderous look on my face. When we were outside in the parking lot—when I saw Tyler's van coming right for you—I just couldn't let you die, Angel; I had to take the chance of someone seeing me appear beside you so suddenly. I wasn't worried they would see how fast I ran because I can run faster than the human eye can register, but if someone knew I was by my car then saw me with you, they might have questioned it. My family was pretty pissed off at the chance I took, but I would do it over and over again to save you."

Tentatively, I slipped my fingers around his forearms, which were still held protectively across my front like two steel bars. I didn't feel constricted by his embrace though; I felt safe and cared for. I never could reconcile the angry Edward at school from the one that would come to me in dreams. Perhaps this was the answer.

"Edward, did you ever... come into my room at night?" I asked carefully.

There was silence for a moment, and I could feel that he was trying to figure out the best way to answer, so I gave him time.

"Yes. I'm sorry for invading your privacy, but it was the only time I could be close to you without the fear of harming you. As my feelings for you grew stronger, so did my need to be close to you."

"It's okay. I just needed to know if it was real or not. You always looked at me so tenderly when you were in my room... I wished you would always look at me that way."

"You knew I was there?" His voice registered surprise.

"Yes. If my heart rate went up, you would disappear, so I practiced biofeedback, learning how to slow my heart. Sometimes I would pretend to be asleep because I knew if I opened my eyes you'd leave."

"I'm so sorry, Bella. All I wanted to do was keep you safe; I never wanted to hurt you. Please turn around and look at me?" he requested softly.

Shivers ran up and down my body, joining in with the electric current already filling me to capacity, and I felt as though my body was being pulled apart from the inside out. "I – I can't. I'm afraid."

"Are you afraid I'll hurt you?" he asked in a pained whisper.

"Yes, but not the way you think, Edward. I'm afraid you'll disappear... that you'll leave me and never come back."

Silence.

The only way I knew he was still there were his marble arms encircling me, holding me against his chest.

"I _should_ leave, Angel. I never should have come to you; I'm sorry."

"No! Please, Edward, don't." My voice was barely a whisper on the wind as my legs went weak, and my full weight collapsed against him.

"You deserve a normal life—a life with a human male that can love you without hurting you."

"You don't understand, Edward. I _can't_ have that with anyone." I shook my head slowly, my hair brushing back and forth against his chest, and he suddenly stiffened behind me. I found myself scooped into his arms and carried over to my bed. My arms went up around his neck instinctively, and I looked up into his beautiful face, although it was hard to make out his chiseled features in the darkness. His sweet breath wafted over me, calming me and bringing a peaceful feeling.

Edward lay me down gently, his eyes boring into mine as he hovered over me. In the scant moonlight filtering through the billowing curtains, half of his face was in shadow; the other half shown with an eerie luminescence. His jaw was tight and his face unreadable.

"Edward..."

He shook his head. "Shh... please… this is very hard for me." He stroked a finger down my cheek slowly, and his eyes strayed to my lips. He didn't elaborate on what exactly was hard for him.

Biofeedback be damned; my heart flew into overdrive, pounding in my ears. I gasped as I felt it, and I heard Edward gasp as he sensed it. And then he was gone.

~*}{*~

The next day, I woke with a pounding headache. Rolling over with a muffled groan, I glanced at the bedside clock, which indicated it was ten o'clock—really late for me to get up. Gray light filtered in through the filmy curtains which were flapping with the gentle breeze. Oh, joyfulness... another dank day on Masen Island. As I swung my legs over the side of the bed, the entire dream slammed me in the chest, leaving a dull ache. I couldn't even hold onto my dream Edward—I'd scared him away, and he might never come back. Fear flooded through me as I thought about living a life without him—even if he was just a dream; a figment of my subconscious mind that I used to work things out. Tears slipped silently down my cheeks, and my body shook.

When I stumbled down to the kitchen, I found Sonia there with a huge pot of brewed coffee. She turned to me with a concerned look. "Bella? Are you okay? You have dark circles under your eyes."

"Yes, I'm fine. Just another dream... You made me coffee? How did you know I needed coffee today?"

"It wasn't that hard, Bella. You slept really late, so I thought you might need something heavier duty than hot chocolate."

"Thank you."

Sonia poured me a cup, placing it before me. Black; just the way I needed it this morning. "Want to talk about it, honey?"

I shook my head, tears pricking my eyes. "I can't. My life is so screwed up—even on a semi-deserted island! How pathetic is that?"

"You'll work it out; I just know it." Sonia patted my arm comfortingly.

I'm glad someone had confidence in that because I sure didn't.

Taking my coffee and a piece of toast, I sat down at the computer in the writing room. A message popped up immediately, and I clicked on it.

**E.A. Masen: **_Bella, you can always feel comfortable confiding in me. I assure you, I would never breach your trust. It seems to me you really should try to move on with your life and find someone to share it with. You do realize you're comparing your potential suitors to a dream, yes? How could anyone compare to an image from your imagination? I still disagree with you about 'Brad.' I think he cared about you but knew deep down that he wasn't good for you—whether he was a vampire, a werewolf, or just an average guy (which is more likely). Sometimes the right decisions really hurt. Look deep inside you for the answer. It doesn't matter what I think or what anyone else thinks; what does your gut tell you is right? What do you need to do? What's best for Bella? Give it some thought and know that I wish you the best. I think it says a lot about you that you wouldn't care if 'Brad' was a vampire. You deserve to find peace and happiness._

After reading Mr. Masen's message, I sat there for a long time, staring into space. Yes, he was right; I _was_ comparing potential boyfriends to my dream image of Edward. An idea started to niggle at my mind, but I wasn't quite ready to deal with it yet. That was okay; I had a few more weeks before reality had to come crashing back down, and until then, I was going to delve deeply into my subconscious mind. I just hoped I'd have some semblance of sanity left when the time came to do what I had to do.

**Bella:** _Thank you so much for your words. They triggered something inside me that I'm not quite ready to verbalize even to myself yet, but I know that I'll be working on it over the next few weeks here. I still need to reconcile things with 'Brad' before I can even consider moving on; my feelings for him are what keep me from wanting to be with anyone else. That's something I have to find an answer for, and I know it isn't going to be simple. I'm beginning to think only talking more with 'Brad' will help me work this out. You really are easy to talk to. I hope I'll get to meet you before I leave here. Sonia did say few interns are granted that honor, but I hope to be one of them. No pressure or anything... _

Perhaps I did lay it on a bit thick, but I really had the desire to meet Mr. Masen for some reason. Even over an impersonal instant messenger, he felt familiar to me, like a friend. Then again, maybe I was just grasping at whatever straws were available here on the island. It's not like I had a lot of choices when it came to socializing. A sarcastic laugh erupted out of me.

I spent a few hours trying to work on my manuscript, but nothing I wrote felt right, and I ended up deleting most of it. Frustrated, I spent the rest of the day perusing the many volumes held by the built-in bookshelves of the writing room and walking around the grounds. The sun decided to peek out mid-afternoon, and I couldn't waste the opportunity; I brought a blanket outside with me and spent a few hours lying on my back, allowing the gentle rays to warm my face.

Later that night, there was still no response from Mr. Masen, and I found myself vaguely disappointed. I sipped on my nightly brandy—a habit I probably shouldn't take home with me—and when my eyes grew heavy, I climbed the stairs to my soft bed. Sleep came so quickly that I had no time to register any thoughts.

A strange scent tickled at my nose... something that vaguely reminded me of childhood. Underneath it was that sweet-musky-woodsy smell that meant my beautiful delusion was nearby. As usual, I calmed my heart and remained quiet.

The foreign smell wafted to my nose in a more concentrated form, and I could pick out eucalyptus. My curiosity got the better of me, and I turned slowly to find Edward crouched right next to my bed. His unexpected closeness sent my heart soaring, and I cursed softly. His usual disappearing act never happened though, and his eyes remained golden, if a tad bit unsure.

My eyes widened, and I sat up slowly. "Edward?"

Edward swallowed hard and nodded. Reaching out slowly, he cupped my cheek in his large, cool palm, and I drew in a breath. My heart beat a bit harder despite my best efforts, but he didn't flinch.

"Edward... how are you doing this? Why haven't you run from me yet?" My face tingled where he caressed it, and I leaned into his hand.

"Vicks," he replied with a proud smile; a very crooked, panty melting smile. _Oh, dear God._

"Excuse me?"

"Your scent destroys me, Bella, so I decided to look for a solution. I put Vicks under my nose; it dilutes and distorts your scent so it's not so... enticing."

"Vicks... wow. I'm a _genius!_" I smiled. If I ever did find Edward, I'd be sure to bring a tub of Vicks with me.

"Bella?"

"Um-hm?" I answered, distracted by my stray thoughts.

"Stop talking. I want to try something," Edward whispered, his eyes focused on my lips as he slipped his hand in my hair to cup the back of my head.

"_Oh..._" I realized his intentions, and my heart stuttered.

Sitting on the edge of my bed, Edward leaned in slowly, his gaze shifting between my eyes and my lips as we drew closer. When his lips were a hair's breadth from mine, his eyes slipped closed, and he whispered, "You're so beautiful, Angel," and I could_ feel _the vibration of his words and smell his sweet breath as it wafted over me.

And then his lips touched softly against mine, light as a feather, sending electric tingles throughout my entire being. His other hand found mine, and our fingers entwined together; a perfect fit. I forgot where I was, who I was; the world around me simply ceased to exist. The only thing I knew was Edward; his scent laced with menthol, his cool lips moving against my own, his fingers woven through mine, and his other hand supporting the back of my neck as he deepened the kiss. My body was no longer my own, no longer under my control, and I trusted him completely—feeling so vulnerable within his embrace.

Edward pushed himself forward, leaning me back against the pillows as he rose up over me, our lips still touching. "Mm-mm..." Edward's hum went straight to my core, and I rubbed my legs together.

He pulled away, looking down at me, his eyes unreadable in the darkness of my room. "Are you okay with this, Bella? I shouldn't have assumed..."

"Yes, Edward. I'm more than okay with this." But then I drew in a breath as I thought of how I felt every time he'd run from me, glared at me, abandoned me... and tears filled my eyes. Yeah, this was a great dream, but tomorrow I would still be pathetic Bella pining after a man that might not even know I existed anymore.

"What's wrong, Angel? Why do you look so sad?" he murmured, a look of concern crossing his chiseled features.

"It's hard to explain, Edward. What it comes down to is that it hurt me four years ago when you'd glare at me and ignore me. Then I'd think I saw you in my room at night... that maybe you cared about me. Last night you told me you care but you should have stayed away, and then you disappeared on me. Now you say you've found a solution to my scent, and you're kissing me... I – don't you see? I'm afraid to let go. I'm afraid you'll leave and never come back. I feel like I'm being pulled apart inside." A sob hiccuped out of me.

Even in the darkness, I could see the tortured look on Edward's face. He brought his forehead to rest against mine, one hand reaching up to caress my face while his other still cradled the nape of my neck. "This is why, Angel—why I tried my damnedest to stay away from you. The last thing I've ever wanted is to cause you pain. I knew—I _know—_I'm not good enough for you, which is why I fought my feelings for you. Bella, knowing how you feel about me—what you wrote about us—I couldn't stay away from you anymore. I'm not strong enough."

"But, Edward, shouldn't I have a say? This is my life we're talking about. It's very noble that you want to protect me, but your actions are what have me in the emotional state I'm in. Having you here is bittersweet because I know you might disappear again."

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, feathering kisses along my jaw. His lips rested against my ear as he continued, his hand dropping from my face to caress the juncture between my neck and shoulder. "I would never purposely hurt you. Anything I've done has always been with your best interests in mind. You're right though—you do deserve a say, and I've taken that away from you so many times. Do you want me to go?"

"No. Please stay. Please give me the chance to work this out for myself, to decide what's best for me. Right now, I'd just like you to shut up and kiss me."

Edward's lips were on mine again in seconds, my neck held reverently in his hand and his fingers tracing over the racing pulse in my neck. Our lips moved together, tentatively at first, getting acquainted with the feel, texture and taste. My breath left me; I was so mesmerized by Edward's kiss, his gentle hands, his ragged breathing, and the feel of his cool skin on mine.

Lightly, Edward licked at my lip with a groan, and I opened my mouth to his cool tongue which probed softly against mine. He tasted slightly sweet, and there was a vague numbing effect. Placing my shaking hands on his shoulders, I could sense the raw power in his body. Thinking of the way he pushed Tyler's van away back in high school, I knew it must take incredible restraint not to crush my skull. Knowing how carefully he handled me brought tears to my eyes and filled me with gratitude. He was going against his very nature _for me_.

Slipping my fingers into his soft, unruly hair, I pulled him in closer to me, deepening the kiss. Our tongues moved together, both of us making 'mm-mm' sounds that sent vibrations straight to my core. Edward's fingers left my collar bone to stray down the bare skin of my chest, slipping underneath my tank top to rest over my heart, which pumped furiously. I slid one of my hands out of his hair and brought it down to join his hand over my heart. Pulling back, Edward placed gentle kisses down the front of my neck until he reached the hollow, which he licked at reverently.

"Oh, Edward... you feel so good. I never dreamed it could be like this with us."

"God, Bella. You don't know how long I've wanted to do this, but I never thought I'd be able to—so afraid of hurting you, Angel," Edward whispered breathlessly, his lips vibrating against the base of my neck, sending my desire into overdrive.

"You feel my heart, Edward? That's because of you. I haven't been able to get close to anyone the past four years because every time someone touches me, the only thing going through my mind is that they aren't you. Please don't break my heart; don't run from me again." The tears spilled over then, streaking my face and dripping down my neck to Edward's waiting lips. He drank them in with a ragged sigh. I felt the tip of his tongue as it ran up my neck, gathering more tears, and the sob I was trying to suppress escaped.

Bringing his head up, he stared down into my eyes; again, I was foiled by the shadows in my room, unable to see his eyes clearly. "You'll never know how much I regret what I've done to you. I – I don't know if this can work between us, if I can continue to control myself. If you want me, I promise to try." He pressed his mouth against mine, our lips meeting over and over again. One hand remained against my drumming heart, and I held it to me as tightly as I could.

"Yes, Edward; I want you," I murmured between kisses. "I've always wanted you."

"Oh, Angel, I've spent so much time daydreaming of you—of what you would say if I told you of my feelings." Edward shifted his body, crawling fully onto the bed with me and laying down beside me. Wrapping his arms around me, he turned me toward him, so we were facing each other on our sides. "I always thought you would turn me away in disgust because of what I am, but you're so open, so accepting."

"Edward, the heart doesn't discriminate. What I feel for you comes from deep inside me; I can't stop these feelings any more than I can stop the sun from rising." Carefully, I traced my fingers along Edward's chiseled features; the moonlight streaming through the French doors afforded me a clearer view of his otherworldly beauty. His eyes glistened as he looked at me with longing, mirroring my actions and tracing a cool finger over my face gently.

A yawn crept up on me, and I was unable to stifle it. A crooked smile spread slowly across Edward's face. "Go to sleep, my sweet Angel. You need your rest."

Panic assaulted me, and I gripped Edward's shirt in my fists. "You won't leave me again, will you? I'm afraid if I close my eyes -"

Edward put a cool finger up to my lips. "Shh... I'm not going anywhere. I'll hold you until you fall asleep, and I promise I'll come to you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? You promise?"

"Yes, love. I'm done hiding." Edward hooked a finger under my chin, tilting my head until I looked into his eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow." He kissed my lips gently, wrapping me tighter in his arms, where I fell into a dreamless sleep.

**~*}{*~**

The next morning dawned... gray. I felt euphoric as I bounded out of bed, fully rested and chipper. Whether or not he was a figment of my subconscious mind, Edward had promised not to desert me, and I drew closer to the conclusion that had been brewing in my mind recently—I had to find the real Edward Cullen. Maybe _all _of my theories weren't correct, but I suspected that at least some of them were. There was no way for me to move on with my life until I knew the whole truth, and that meant confronting Edward with my theories, even if he thought I was a lunatic.

That also meant I couldn't finish my manuscript until I found him. As much as it pained me to do it, I was going to have to leave Masen Island with my internship incomplete. I would ask if I could continue it after doing my research, but I didn't hold out much hope that it would be allowed. It didn't matter though—my life and sanity were at stake.

When I arrived in the kitchen, Sonia was nowhere to be found. Getting a cup of hot chocolate, I headed to the writing room. There were no new messages from Mr. Masen, but I could hear beautifully haunting piano music filling the house. I decided to compose a message to him; I felt I owed him a full explanation since he'd been such a great sounding board for me during my stay.

**Bella:** _First, I wanted to let you know how much I love your piano playing. Your songs are so haunting and poignant. I wish I knew what your inspiration was. I have some news, and I hope you aren't going to be too upset with me. I have to leave the island. I realized that I can't finish my manuscript until I find the real 'Brad' and confront him with my feelings and theories. My dreams grow more vivid by the day, to the point that I'm starting to question my own sanity. One way or another, I need to know what 'Brad's' feelings for me are, so I can move on with my life and complete my manuscript. I hope you understand. You've been so good to me; I hate to disappoint you. I was hoping I could return here once I find out what I need to know to finish the manuscript, but I fully understand if that's not possible. Thank you again for everything. You're a very special man._

By the time I was finishing up my message, tears were leaking from my eyes, and I realized that the piano music had stopped. Hitting 'send,' I got up from the desk, swiping the tears away as I moved over to the windows to look outside. The water was extremely choppy today, much like my emotions, and I gazed at the iron gray sky, wondering how I was going to find Edward. I wasn't even sure _where_ to start searching for him, but I was determined nothing would stand in my way.

My mind started replaying last night's dream; it was the most vivid one yet, and my lips and skin still tingled whenever I thought about Edward's gentle touch. My heart started to beat faster in my chest, and I longed to get home so I could start my search.

Suddenly, the atmosphere in the room changed; I felt tingling overcome my body, and the familiar scent of Edward mixed with menthol curled up my nose. I froze, shaking my head hard as I opened the window and let cool, damp air rush over my heated face.

The tingling persisted, and even though the breeze coming off the water rushed in the window to cool my face, the scent of Edward persisted as well. For some reason, I was deathly afraid to turn around—scared to death that I would find an empty room filled with a scent that didn't exist—even more scared that I _would_ find something.

"Get it together, Bella," I said through gritted teeth.

"Angel."

I drew in a harsh breath as I thought I recognized Edward's voice in the room. It was morning; I'd just gotten up and knew I wasn't asleep. Was I now starting to imagine things?

"Shit, Bella; get a grip. You can't be hearing voices now."

The scent grew stronger, along with the tingling.

"Bella, turn around." Edward's velvet voice wrapped around me. _Oh, dear God._

"Edward?" I whispered.

"It's me, Angel. I told you I would come to you today."

Slowly, I turned around to find Edward standing in the middle of the room. My heart slammed in my chest as I took in his perfection in the light of day. He stood with his hand on the back of one of the wing-back chairs, his tousled ginger hair perfectly imperfect, golden eyes warm and tender, and his lips a sinful shade of reddish-pink. He wore dark-wash jeans and a navy button-down shirt with rolled up sleeves, the leather cuff he'd always worn visible on his wrist.

"My God, you look so _real_," I breathed.

Edward looked perturbed. "I _am_ real. I'm here... for you." He held out his hand, beckoning me to him.

Closing my eyes tightly, I shook my head, backing toward the windows. I smelled him, saw him, _felt_ him... I was afraid my mind was cracking. "No, no, no, no... This _isn't _happening."

"Bella?" his voice was closer. My eyes flew open, and Edward was only about ten feet away, a concerned look crossing his features.

"No, don't! Don't come any closer! You're not really here. Oh, my God, I'm losing my mind; it's the only explanation." Tears started to form as I felt my sanity slipping.

Edward became agitated. "It's really me, Angel! I promise you that I'm real." He moved closer, reaching his hand out.

"Bullshit!" I spat as the hands I'd clasped defensively against my chest started shaking. "Prove it."

"Vicks. I used Vicks to cut your scent." Edward pulled a small, royal blue container from his pocket.

"Give me more."

"We kissed for the first time last night. It was the best night of my life—knowing that you accept me in spite of what I am."

I continued to shake my head in disbelief.

"Angel, you wrote about us. That's why you're here—to finish our story."

Finally, he'd said something I could latch onto. There was no way he could know that if he was the _real_ Edward; my subconscious mind was pulling out all the delusion stops.

"Aha! You can't be the real Edward! He'd have no way of knowing what my manuscript is about." I shook an accusatory finger at him.

Edward's face dropped. "Angel, please. Let me talk to you; tell you everything." He came toward me, but I started backing to the side and around, so the door was now at my back.

Holding my hand out, I yelled, "Stop! Don't come any closer! You're. Not. Real."

"I _am_ real, sweetheart. Please believe me. Let me show you; touch you." Edward walked toward me slowly, his eyes pleading.

My eyes widened as our fingertips brushed, and electricity ran up my arm. I slapped a hand to my mouth, emitting a shriek. I pulled my hand away, turning my back to Edward.

"Bella!"

Clapping my hands over my ears, I started to run. I fled down the hall and started up the grand staircase. I could hear my delusion yelling to me.

"Bella, no! Don't run from me, please! You don't understand." His voice drew closer; he was pursuing me.

"Stay away from me! You're not real!"

"It's a mistake to run from me. Please, Angel, _stop now!_" Edward's voice sounded different; there was a ragged growl within it, a barely concealed threat. He sounded like he was about to lose it.

I kept going, taking the steps two at a time. I hit the deep-pile carpet running, my breath coming in short pants. My door was looming up ahead—for some reason I thought if I could just make it to my room, I would be okay. It was ridiculous, I knew, but there was nothing rational about your delusions coming to life in the daylight and chasing you either.

When I was about ten feet away from the door to my room, I found myself slammed up against the wall. Shutting my eyes tight, I cursed softly as my head bumped against the stone behind me. There was a low, rumbling growl, and I felt something hard and unyielding pressing up against me. I could smell Edward stronger than ever, the sound of his raspy breathing filling my ears.

My eyes flew open, and I found myself looking into Edward's shirt. His lower body was pressing into me, his arms caging me up against the wall. The sound of something pattering softly drew my attention; peering down, I saw powdered stone sifting to the carpet, creating a small pile of dust. My mouth rounded into an 'O' as I forgot this was supposed to be a dream. Terror filled me, and I slowly looked up into Edward's face. His nostrils were flaring, his eyes were black as pitch, and he looked every bit the pissed-off vampire.

"Oh, shit!" I whispered.

"Don't. Move." Edward let out a warning growl. "Don't struggle. Please don't try to run from me." His voice softened, and there was something pleading in his blackened irises.

Unable to answer, my mouth opened and closed. Even if I'd wanted to, I couldn't have tried to escape him. Glancing to the side, I saw the source of the powdered stone; Edward's hands had clawed into the wall next to me, crumbling it as though it was made of chalk.

"E-Edward?" I whispered, turning my eyes back to his coal-black ones. "I'm sorry... I'm s-scared."

Edward didn't speak. Lowering his head, he ran his nose along the side of my neck, another growl rumbling in his chest. There was a cool wetness as his tongue snaked out and licked at the slamming pulse in my neck. Closing his lips over it, he sucked gently, and I could feel the light scrape of his teeth as he let out a soft groan. My fingers made their way into his hair, and I held on for dear life—I had no idea what was about to happen, but I wanted to be holding onto Edward when it did. Was this it? Would he bite into me now? Drink my blood? _If a waking delusion killed you, did that mean you were really dead?_

"A-am I going to die?"

Edward's head shot up, the look in his eyes glazed and horrified, as though just realizing where he was. He pulled his hands out of the wall, small chunks of stone plopping to the carpet, and he grabbed my face, pushing his fingers into my hair. His grip was gentle enough, but I couldn't move my head, and had no choice but to look into his face, which was twisted in anguish. "No! Never!" he whispered fiercely. "You shouldn't have run from me. I'm a _predator_, Bella. The sight of you running from me, the scent of the adrenaline and fear... it set me off. By all rights, I should have crushed you, but I fought it with everything I had. I never want to hurt you."

Tightening my hands in his hair, I tipped my head forward to rest on his chest. "I couldn't help but run; it was a knee-jerk reaction."

"Promise me you'll never do that again," he murmured into my hair, kissing the top of my head.

"I promise."

"Bella..." he sighed, strain evident in his voice.

Lifting my head slowly, I looked into his dark eyes. Sliding his hand behind my head, he used the other to tilt up my chin and crushed his lips against mine. His kiss wasn't as careful as last night's; his lips devoured mine, stealing all my breath. Edward's tongue pushed past my lips, invading my mouth. His hips tilted forward, and I could feel his growing erection pressing against my stomach.

The feel of his tongue as it took control of and explored my mouth caused a thrumming to ignite between my legs. Having my neck held in his large, powerful hands—knowing he could snap it with a twitch of his wrist—caused me to moan into his mouth as I gripped his hair tighter in my hands, locking my arms around his neck.

Edward's hands slid down my shoulders and back, grabbing me behind the thighs, hiking me up and wrapping my legs around his waist. His lips moved over my jaw and neck passionately, and he whispered between kisses. "Oh, Bella... you feel so good in my arms... how did I stay away so long? Please forgive me."

"Anything, Edward; anything. I would give you anything."

And then we were moving... Edward pushed my door open with his foot, walking us swiftly over to my bed, which we tumbled onto sideways. We landed in the same position; Edward's body between my thighs, my legs wrapped around his slim hips. Rolling us so he was over me, he looked deep into my eyes, his lips brushing sensuously across mine. "You're so beautiful and perfect, Angel. I don't deserve you."

"Don't say that, Edward. We both deserve happiness, and I can only find that with you."

"Are you sure? Bella, I'm a monster..."

"No! I don't want to hear that from you! You're not a monster, Edward. Would a monster save my life? Would a monster resist my blood?"

He looked down at me with surprise and awe. "How could you have so much faith in me after what I've done to you?"

"Edward, I can't think about that right now... not with your body pressed up against mine… with your lips so close."

"I know what you mean..." he whispered, nudging his nose against mine. Our lips met in a slow, burning kiss, and Edward leaned on one arm, running his other hand along my side to caress my hip. I thrust up against his hardness, but he pulled back.

"Is something wrong, Edward?"

"No. It's just that when we take this any farther, you need to be sure."

"I am -"

"Shh... you need to be sure you're with the real me. I don't want to be with you when you think I'm a hallucination. When we're together next, you'll be sure that it's really me, Angel."

Disappointment flooded through me for a moment, but I realized that Edward was right. The first memories I made should be with the real deal, not a dream image.

"Okay, Edward. You're right. I need to get myself together."

Edward sat us up, smoothing my hair back gently. His eyes were golden again; his crooked smile set my heart aflutter. Taking my face in his hands, he placed a chaste kiss on my forehead, and it felt like a goodbye.

"Edward?" Fear shot through my veins like ice-water. "You're leaving me?"

"Not leaving you; waiting for you, love. The next time you see me, you'll know that I'm real."

"But -"

"No more visits, Angel. The next time we meet, you'll have no more doubts. That's my promise to you."

Tears streamed down my face. "Edward, no. I need you... please."

He wiped away my tears with the pads of his thumbs. "No. This is all my fault, and I'm going to fix it. You _will_ see me again—but not like this. No more tears, Angel."

But the tears wouldn't stop falling, and Edward lay us both down and cuddled me until I fell asleep from sheer exhaustion. There were no dreams, no visits, and no nightmares. I slept soundly, waking up at one in the afternoon with my decision made—or rather reaffirmed—_I had to find Edward Cullen._

**~*}{*~**

When I was able to get myself together, I headed downstairs to inform Sonia of my plans. I found her in the kitchen cooking dinner, and she wasn't as surprised as I expected her to be.

"Mr. Masen informed me that you're planning to leave us, Bella. He sends his regrets, but he had to leave the island rather suddenly and was unable to respond to your messages. He asked me to let you know that you'll be welcome back into the program when you've found your answers. I'm not sure what all that means, but Mr. Masen assured me that you would understand." Sonia tilted her head when she saw a smile starting to form on my face. "Can I take it that you _do_ know what Mr. Masen meant then?"

"Yes. Please thank Mr. Masen for me and assure him that I _will _be back. At least I know what direction I need to go in now."

Sonia wiped her hands on a dishtowel before reaching out to pull me into a hug. "I'm going to miss you, Bella! I look forward to your return. You have this look about you... I think you'll find your answers and be back here in no time."

"Thank you, Sonia! You've been so good to me while I've been here. So, when will the boat be here to pick me up?"

"Well, I've started the preparations and called Captain Joe; he should be around to pick you up on Thursday morning."

"Two more days. I think I can be ready."

The next few days were spent packing my things, walking around the island, and writing. I wanted to capture every moment with my dream Edward, so I could make it part of my manuscript, or at least refer to it, since there was some important information I'd discovered if Edward _did_ turn out to be a vampire. Vicks was at the top of my list of things to buy when I got back to the mainland.

It wasn't normal to see, hear and feel delusions in the light of day, but I decided that as long as it wasn't a recurring issue, I'd let it go. It seemed to be my subconscious' way of kicking me in the ass and getting me to make a decision. In the past few days, nothing abnormal had occurred; I found myself just the slightest bit disappointed over that fact, too.

Thursday finally arrived. Sonia came into the writing room, where I was curled up in the wing-back reading a book.

"Bella? It's time. Your things are down by the dock and Captain Joe is here. I'll walk down with you." Sonia smiled, taking my hands in hers. "Are you excited? You're about to go on a new adventure, right?"

"Yeah, I guess I am." It was finally starting to sink in that I was really doing this; I was going to find the real Edward.

Sonia led me down the same path we'd taken up to the house that first day; it was gray and windy, much as it was the day I'd arrived. This time I wore my hair in a ponytail, following Sonia's lead, and the windy salt air stung my eyes, causing me to squint, but I didn't have the added annoyance of my hair whipping me in the face.

As we reached the dock, I saw the boat and the familiar scruffy face of Captain Joe as he moved about, getting things prepared. "Good morning, Ms. Swan. Come on aboard whenever you're ready."

"Good morning, Captain. I'll be there in a moment."

I wanted to get a last look at the house and the island. This place had helped to shape my future; I felt sentimental about it and extremely grateful for the friendship and understanding Mr. Masen had shown me. I turned back toward the house, shielding my eyes with my hand as I looked up at its majestic beauty. Sonia watched me silently. Taking a deep breath, I was about to turn away when something behind Sonia caught my eye.

_No way... it couldn't be._

Edward stood on the dock, looking like he'd just stepped off the pages of GQ; one hand was in the pocket of his tailored, charcoal gray pants, the first few buttons of his blue and gray striped shirt undone. He was so much taller than me, but his head was ducked down in an almost self-depreciating way. The wind ruffled his tousled hair, making him look even more handsome.

My mouth opened in shock. Edward had promised me he wouldn't do this anymore! Maybe I did need to see someone about my waking delusions; he looked so real, so delectable.

Sonia noticed the look on my face and turned to see what I was staring at.

"Sonia -" I started, but the words died on my lips when I heard her call out.

"Mr. Masen! What are you doing here? I thought you'd gone back to the mainland."

"_M_-_Mr. __Masen?_" I echoed. "Sonia, you mean to tell me you see a man standing there? You know him?"

Sonia turned back to look at me with concern. "Yes, of course; that's Mr. Masen. Why wouldn't I see him standing there?"

"_Holy shit_," I whispered.

"Sonia, I need you to get on the boat with Captain Joe and go back to the mainland," Edward's warm-as-honey voice requested.

"Er... yes, Mr. Masen. Will you need anything before we leave?"

"No, thank you, Sonia."

"Okay. Well, Bella, let's go then."

"No, Sonia; just you and Captain Joe. Ms. Swan and I need to discuss some things."

_Oh, my God! Were my ears deceiving me?_

"As you wish, Mr. Masen. And the luggage?" Sonia pointed to my suitcases, which were still on the dock.

"Just leave them, and they'll be taken care of."

"Wait a minute," I said, holding my hands out. "Sonia, Edward is your employer?" I leaned in close to her and whispered.

"Yes, Bella. Edward Masen is my employer. I take it you know each other somehow?"

I nodded dumbly.

"Well... take care, Bella. I'll see you soon."

"Goodbye, Sonia. Thank you again for everything."

Captain Joe leaned out, offering Sonia a helping hand onto the boat. He saluted Edward. "Mr. Masen."

"Captain Joe." Edward nodded, offering up one of his lopsided smiles. "I'll let you know when I need you back here."

"Aye, aye, sir."

Sonia and Captain Joe waved as the boat moved out of the slip, and I just watched in awe, unable to reconcile what this all meant. They both saw my delusion... which indicated that Edward _wasn't_ a delusion. How many of my lucid dreams were actually dreams then? Or was I simply dreaming the ultimate lucid dream right now?

My mind splintered, fault lines shaking the very foundations of my sanity. My eyes shot from the retreating boat over to Edward in all his beauty and perfection. He stood in the same position as before, seeming to intuit that he should keep his distance from me.

My eyes moved to the boat, the house, the dock... Edward. My mouth worked, but no sound came out.

"Bella?" Edward called to me softly.

"No."

My legs would no longer support me, and I sat down hard on the dock, my fingers seeking the rough feel of the silvered wood. There I sat, shaking my head, mumbling to myself like a patient in a mental ward.

"Angel?"

Edward's voice was a little closer. Blinking rapidly, I looked up at him, and my eyes widened. He came within ten feet of me and then crouched down until we were almost at eye level.

"It's going to be all right; I promise."

"They can s-see you." Scrunching my brow, I tried to put it all together without screaming, without getting up and running—which would be a _really_ bad idea.

"Yes, Angel."

"You're r-real? You aren't a hallucination, are you?"

Edward stared off into the distance, seeming to choose his words carefully before looking back at me. "No, I'm not a hallucination."

"The dreams? The night visits?" I asked in a hushed voice.

"Real."

"Oh, dear God." I covered my face with my hands. "I feel like such an ass."

"Don't."

"Oh! When I ran from you?" Uncovering my face, I stared into his topaz eyes, which immediately showed remorse.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. That was not my finest moment."

"And my first night here... the broken windows?"

"That was me. Your scent took me by surprise when you arrived, and I had to break out the windows to get air so I wouldn't... hurt you." Edward hung his head.

"That's why you broke the windows at school that first day, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"Edward, does that mean you're... a vampire?" I whispered, afraid to say it too loudly even though we were alone.

"I'm afraid so, Angel."

So many things were flitting through my mind, connections being made and memories being resorted. What I'd thought were dreams never had been at all. How could I have fooled myself so completely? On some level, I had to know the truth, didn't I? Maybe because I thought Edward would disappear for good if he realized I knew I wasn't dreaming?

"May I come closer, Bella?"

I looked up, startled and unsure how to answer. Edward waited patiently, his hands resting on the same wood that was beneath my fingers. It hit me that we were alone here on the island. There was no fear of physical harm; my problems were all in my head at the moment. Slowly, I nodded without speaking. My fingertips stroked over the wood of the dock a bit harder, perhaps in an attempt to remain grounded.

Edward remained in his hunched down position, and he shuffled toward me unhurriedly, maintaining eye contact, and his expression was reassuring. He stopped when he was about two feet away and made no attempt to touch me.

"Is this okay?"

"Yes."

"What are you thinking, Bella?"

"I – I don't know. This is so hard for me to wrap my mind around, Edward. I've spent the last several years believing I had vivid _dreams _about you... now I find out that... I mean -" I gestured at him, unable to finish.

"I know, and I'm sorry. You deserve to know the truth."

"Truth?" I laughed shakily. "I think I'm about ready for a padded room here." I stared down at my fingers, which began to fiddle with the frayed hem of my jeans.

Edward reached out tentatively; his fingers brushed the back of my hand, sending an electrical charge racing up my arm. Two pairs of startled eyes met, and I suspected he could feel the thrumming energy, too.

"I've been running for a long time, but I'm finished with that," he said softly.

"Y-You are?"

"Yes." Edward stood up, holding his hand out to me. "I need to tell you everything. Stay with me, Angel. Please?"

I took his hand.

**~*}{*~**

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed my novella. I've come to the conclusion that I'm a word-hOOr that just doesn't know how to write a short story. My enabling pre-readers have coerced me into continuing this for at least a few chapters. It won't be a really long story, but I think we need an Edward POV and, of course, I rated it M for le-M-ontastic reasons. Yes, lemonade will be served in future installments.**

**This story certainly can stand alone as is, but if you're interested in continuing on this journey with me, then add it to your alerts.**

**Please remember to read all the contest entries and vote on your favorite whether or not it's mine! Voting begins on January 8****th****. Thank you for reading!**

**Reviewers will receive a teaser for the next chapter! (can't be continued until after the contest is over)**


	2. Chapter 2 Erase Myself

**A/N: I just want to take a moment to thank everyone who read and voted for this story. **_**'Broken Windows'**_** won second place Voter's Choice in the Pick a Pic Challenge. There were _so _many great stories to choose from, and I'm just floored at the response this story received. Thanks to the awesomely talented Tkegl for making the banner that inspired my twisted little tale, which also placed in the graphics portion of the contest.**

**Thanks to my pre-readers, Keye and Sandy, for their unfailing support, pimping and enabling. What would I do without you two? They both had a hand in the musical inspiration for this chapter.**

**As always, I can't thank my beta, Jess (jkane180), enough for all that she does.**

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**Chapter Two**

**~Erase Myself~**

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**Suggested Listening:**

**What I've Done ~ Linkin Park**

**Already Gone ~ Kelly Clarkson**

**In this farewell  
There's no blood  
There's no alibi  
'Cause I've drawn regret  
From the truth  
Of a thousand lies**

**So let mercy come  
And wash away  
What I've done**

**I'll face myself  
To cross out what I've become  
Erase myself  
And let go of what I've done **

_Excerpt from 'What I've Done' ~ Linkin Park_

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**~Four Years Earlier~**

**~*Edward*~**

Life as a vampire was one of those things that rarely changed unless something epic occurred, such as a run in with The Volturi, drifters passing through that threatened our standing with the Quileutes, or the arrival of one's mate. For a vampire, a mate was the one thing that could turn an immortal existence on end. But what about when said mate was a human girl that was also the vampire's singer? If I thought God had forsaken me over the past hundred years, I was _sure_ of it when Isabella Swan arrived at Forks High.

The day started like every other; many boring hours at school, filled with the mundane thoughts of teenagers—or human beings in training, as I preferred to call them. The difference today was the similar trend buzzing through all their thoughts. There was a new girl at school, the Police Chief's daughter, and everyone was interested for very different reasons. The boys were interested in 'fresh meat,' and it quickly spread like wildfire that Isabella Swan was pretty _and_ unattached; I had to tune out a number of fantasies involving various male students getting it on with the new girl. On the other end of the thought spectrum was the female population; they were pissed that this girl—who most of them considered to be extremely plain—was taking much of the attention away from them. As I sifted through the miasma of thoughts, which all seemed to focus on Isabella Swan, I found myself smirking a lot—which just indicated to me how incredibly bored I really was.

My path did not cross Isabella Swan's until Biology, and class was nearly over before she showed up. When I saw her standing in the doorway of the classroom, it struck me that she would have no choice but to sit beside me, since I was the only student with no partner. There was something intriguing about her, although it would be difficult to put into words exactly _what_ it was. Human females generally held no interest for me; for that matter, neither did female vampires, so I was shocked to find myself watching her closely, admiring her translucent skin and her warm brown eyes, which seemed filled with a self-awareness that most teenage girls did not possess. There were no thoughts coming from her direction, which I found curious because I had a feeling she was a deep thinker.

A second later, all rational thought was wiped from my mind.

As she moved further into the room, the fan blew her scent my way, and I was assaulted by the most mouthwatering aroma to curl up my nose in over one hundred years. Human blood didn't tempt me; Carlisle always bragged that I had unparalleled control, and I would have agreed with him until that moment.

The beast attempted to claw his way out through my chest and throat. The intense burn that traveled down my esophagus was akin to swallowing a burning porcupine—ripping, tearing, searing, expanding its needles as it awakened. Surely my throat had exploded, had mushroomed out to the point that everyone could see there was something amiss. My mind screamed out in pain, but I was able to keep it damned up behind my lips—just barely. Slapping a hand over my mouth and nose in an attempt to stifle her scent, I knew my eyes would be black as pitch, my glare murderous—there was no way to keep at least some of what I was suffering from showing.

In another classroom, Alice jumped from her chair, telling the teacher she wasn't feeling well. She hit the hallway running, speaking to me in her mind. _Edward, I'm sorry! I didn't see this coming. Get to the windows, fast! You're going to need to break them out, or you'll kill her right there in front of everyone!_

Lurching up out of my seat, I moved to the windows. Of course, they didn't open; only the very top ones slid down a few inches to let air in. When Alice told me I'd have to break out the windows, she wasn't exaggerating. Thankfully, the bell rang, causing the room to erupt in chaos—drawing attention away from me. I prayed the girl would leave the room quickly, but it was not meant to be.

The mouthwatering aroma grew stronger, and I could hear her heart beating hard in her chest as she made her way over to me despite the fear that had to be coursing through her. Humans were repelled by our kind, especially when we reacted the way I just had, but this one... she came close, showing concern for _me_.

"Are you all right? Do you need help?"

_Oh, God, do I need help! I want to grab you and sink my teeth into your delicate skin, to drink you down like the finest wine. I want to crush you to me right here because I can't find it in me to care if..._

_Edward! _Alice's frantic thoughts broke in. _You have to change your thinking, or you're going to kill her!_

Realizing how dangerously close I was to grabbing the girl, I pressed my hands against the window, listening to it splinter beneath the pressure of my fingers. Caution was required—this had to appear as if a human male had done it, not a supernatural being. There was a loud _crack!_ as the glass finally gave way, and after making sure there were no students that would be injured, I nudged it until it fell to the ground below. A blast of cold air rushed into the space vacated by the glass, and I breathed deeply of it. Relief flooded through me, but it only lasted a few seconds as she drew in even closer—did this girl have _no_ sense of self-preservation?

"Are you sick? Can I help?" Her voice was that of an angel, and I found it odd to notice _that _in the middle of such a crisis.

The monster inside me reared up stronger, clawing at my burning throat. My fingers twitched, and I knew that her life was hanging in the balance. If I couldn't get away from her soon, I was going to kill her, exposing my family for what we were.

"You can get the hell away from me for starters!" My voice dripped with venom, and _finally_, she was afraid.

The girl slapped a hand over her mouth, backing away slightly—but not far enough. The beast clawed at me again, urging me to take her.

Mr. Banner saved the day, saved Isabella Swan, saved me and my family from exposure. He guided her and any other curious onlookers from the room, closing the door behind him. Thank God Carlisle had thought to tell all my teachers that I had a breathing condition. At the time, I thought it ridiculous—I was in complete control around the human population. Whatever made him decide it, I was thankful today.

After being sure that Mr. Banner was gone, Alice burst into the room. "Edward! Are you okay?"

Turning from where I still leaned against the window sill, I shot her a dark look. "What do you think?"

Alice's eyes glazed over, and then she spoke, "You'll be back in four weeks."

"Want to fill me in on what you're referring to, Alice?" I asked impatiently.

"You're going away for a month to get yourself together; then it will be safe for you to be near Bella."

"Who?"

"Bella. Isabella Swan—she prefers to be called Bella." A smile spread across Alice's face. "Perfect."

"What's perfect?" I asked, frustrated by the cryptic talk. "Nothing seems to be anywhere near _perfect_ right now, Alice. I nearly killed that girl."

"Bella." Alice's lip pouted out obstinately as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Does it really matter what her name is? I nearly sank my teeth into her neck right here in front of everyone!"

"Yes, Edward, it matters. It will come to matter a great deal; you'll see."

"Whatever, Alice," I muttered. "You're right—I'm leaving. There's no way I can deal with her scent on a daily basis."

~*O*~

After some intense discussion with my family, it was decided I would head out to Alaska for the foreseeable future. When I arrived there, I found Tanya's interest in me distracting and disturbing, so I found a remote cabin to rent nearby.

The solitude was a balm for my soul. I spent my days hunting and communing with nature—at least the part of nature that didn't take off running once my presence was sensed. Naturally, I felt guilt over my near-attack of Isabella Swan, and I told myself that was the reason why I kept seeing her soft brown eyes in my mind. What other explanation could there be?

About a week later, I picked up a package from Alice at the local Post Office. When the clerk handed me the box over the counter, I smelled _her_ scent, and I had to bite back a growl. My eyes must have darkened several shades because he looked at me strangely and couldn't get away from me fast enough once I'd signed the slip.

_Something weird about that guy. _His hurried thoughts vaguely penetrated my mind, which was intensely focused on the beacon signaling from inside the Pandora's Box I held gingerly in my hands.

Rushing outside to the woods behind the Post Office, I dropped the box on a rock as deep growls rumbled in my chest. Moving several yards away, I perched on a boulder and glared at the box as if it was a bomb—and in a way, I guess it was. The contents of that package would propel me into hell via an angel.

My angel... my singer... my obsession.

Isabella Swan was about to own my every thought, word and deed.

Once I was in control enough not to tear into the innocuous-looking box covered in brown wrapping with my teeth, I ran back to the cabin. It sat on the table for two days before I found the courage to open it. It probably would have been wise to call Alice and discuss it with her first, but I was afraid that to voice any of this would make it that much more real. Absolutely ridiculous. It was as real as it gets already; I was just in denial, which was something I apparently had a penchant for.

Finally, I unwrapped it and shook the tight-fitting lid until it separated from the bottom of the box. Lifting it away, the small amount of air that whooshed out of the box was permeated by the maddening scent of Isabella Swan. A moan pushed past my lips as I fell to my knees, balling my hands into tight fists so I wouldn't grab the contents of the box and rip into it with my teeth, which were now dripping with venom. Heat actually shot through my body for the first since Carlisle changed me, and I shook for hours before I was able to draw near. By that time, the initial scent had dissipated slightly, but the closer I got, the more it taunted me. Leaning over the edge of the box, I saw a pile of fabric—Alice must have procured some of the girl's clothing so I could adjust to her scent. There was a slip of paper inside, and I picked it up gingerly, holding it away from myself as I read.

_Edward,_

_Here are a few shirts of Bella's to help you acclimate to her scent. Once you're comfortable around them, you'll be able to come home. See you in about two weeks. I love you and miss you. We all do._

_Alice_

_P.S. Everything will work out. I promise there's a higher purpose to all of this._

Stuffing any thoughts about what Alice was referring to by 'higher purpose' down, I went about getting used to _Bella's_ scent. I spoke to Alice a few times on the phone, and she insisted that I learn to call the girl 'Bella.' Whenever I thought her name, something twisted inside my chest. When I thought of her soft brown eyes—which was more and more often, I found—an unfamiliar feeling spread through me; a tingling warmth that reached places inside me that had never been awakened before. I was too scared to explore what this meant, so I never spoke of it, and I tried my damnedest not to think of it.

~*O*~

Almost two weeks to the day later, I felt I was ready to go home. I could now hold Bella's shirts in my hands, bringing the soft fabric up to my nose and breathing deeply. The intense burning was still present, but it was reduced to a smoldering fire that I could control with careful concentration.

When I arrived home, I was welcomed with open arms. Carlisle and Esme were supportive of me, as always; I couldn't have asked for better role models. Jasper was extremely sympathetic, since he struggled daily with our 'vegetarian' lifestyle. Emmett had come across two singers, killing them both, so he was in awe of my tenacity. As always, Rosalie scoffed at me, stating we should have pulled up stakes while we had the chance—not wait until _after_ I ate Bella. Alice was the one that interested me, though; she assured me that everything would be fine, and yet, she proceeded to block me from her thoughts most of the time.

Carlisle had told the principal I'd taken ill after my breathing attack in Mr. Banner's classroom and would be studying from home for the next few weeks. Alice had collected my assignments, and I completed them all the day before I returned to school.

Although some thoughts were on me and my return, I found that interest in Bella was still at an all-time high in the minds of the kids at school. Apparently, none of the guys had any luck when asking her out, and many of the girls were insanely jealous that they kept trying. She'd made a few friends—one being Angela Weber. Angela had one of the kindest minds I'd ever come across; she was genuine and never wished ill on anyone else. I found myself feeling satisfied that Bella sought out the nicest girl in the school to befriend, but on the heels of that, I wondered why it should matter to me at all.

The first time I saw Bella that day was at lunch. I sat with my family in a back corner, away from everyone else, as per usual. Alice whispered under her breath in a sing song voice, "Here comes Be-e-lllla."

Something clenched tight inside my chest, and I told myself it was because this was my first sighting of her since 'the incident.' My body stiffened involuntarily, even though she was across the room, and my mouth filled with venom at the memory of her scent.

Bella sat down at a table with Angela Weber, Ben Cheney, Jessica Stanley, Mike Newton, Lauren Mallory, Tyler Crowley and Eric Yorkie. From my vantage point, I could see her profile, but I couldn't hear anything from her mind even when I tried to focus in on her specifically. I must have been staring rather openly because I heard Angela whisper to Bella, "Edward Cullen is staring at you."

"What? I thought he was gone." Bella seemed startled by the news, leaning her head closer to Angela's.

"Today is his first day back. He'll be my lab partner now, I guess," Angela answered matter-of-factly.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Ang. If you want, I'll switch back with you—I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"No, it's okay, Bella. I don't mind sitting next to Edward. He's never been anything but polite to me."

"I guess it's just me he hates then." Bella ducked her head.

"Hmm, he's not looking at you like he hates you—more like you're a puzzle he wants to solve," Angela told Bella while peeking around her at me.

Even though I knew I should stop staring, I couldn't. Bella's head turned slightly, and her eyes met mine—warm chocolate to tawny gold—and once again, something clenched inside me.

Alice smirked. _I knew it._

My eyes shot to Alice's at her thought, and I tried to probe her mind to figure out what she meant, but it was closed up tight as a drum. Anger rose up inside me, and I glared at Alice. "Tell me," I growled.

"Nope."

"You have no right –"

Alice held her hand up to stop me. "Don't, brother. Who's the psychic here? You have to trust me."

With anger still twisting my features, I looked back over at Bella, only to find her staring right back. When she saw the look on my face, her eyes grew larger, and I could hear her heart racing from all the way across the room.

"Damn it, Alice! Bella saw me looking angry."

Alice flicked her hand in the air. "That's okay; she'll get used to it."

"Get used to it?"

"Oh, yeah. You're going to be walking around with a scowl on your face for quite a while, Edward. It will all work out in the end, though. Trust me."

Right.

~*O*~

When I arrived in Biology, I found Angela Weber occupying the seat next to mine. I was thankful that I didn't have to sit next to Bella; I wasn't really sure I could be _that_ close to her without acting strangely.

"Welcome back, Edward. I hope you're feeling better." Angela's soft voice filled my ears. In her mind, I could tell she wasn't afraid of me—curious maybe—but not afraid.

"Thank you, Angela. I'm feeling much better." I offered her a lopsided smile.

Bella walked into the room a moment later, and the smile slipped from my lips as I found myself fighting off the beast inside me.

_Whoosh, whoosh. Tup-tup, tup-tup, tup-tup._

I could hear the sound of her blood rushing through her veins and hear the cadence of her heart beat. When her eyes lit on me, her heart rate soared—_tuptuptuptuptuptup_—sending a complex mix of adrenaline and her unique scent my way. Going rigid, I gripped the edge of the lab table, turning my head to look out the windows. Halting my breathing, I consoled myself with the fact that Bella was sitting across the room beside Jessica instead of a foot away from me.

When class was over, Bella stopped to talk to Mr. Banner, and I had no choice but to walk past them. Her heart raced in her chest, and the scent and sound of the living, breathing, _pulsing_ blood cells surging through her body caused me to grit my teeth together and curl my hands into tight fists to maintain control. I knew my eyes must have gone from golden to black in a matter of seconds, and Bella chose to look up at me just when my agony was at its peak.

Drawing in a breath, Bella stepped back a foot, her eyes wary. Again, I found myself frustrated that I couldn't read her mind. Without looking back, I raced from the room and headed straight out to the woods.

Leaning against a tree, I slid down to a seated position, jamming my hands into my hair. I gulped deep breaths of air, and it felt so good to have them untainted by Bella's scent. There was no physical need for me to breathe, but I found the compulsion strong within me.

Angry, I berated myself for thinking that I was ready to face Bella Swan. A static pile of fabric—simple woven threads that did not live, breathe or move—which held a diluted form of her smell was nothing compared to the real thing. Nothing compared to the living, breathing, moving, thinking, feeling, _beautiful_ real thing. Bella was a person, not a scent. I was also angered that I'd been run from my home by this, and it made me more determined than ever to beat down the monster. Surely I could co-exist in the same school as Bella Swan.

At Alice's suggestion, I cut up one of Bella's shirts and started carrying scraps of it in my pockets. In this way, Bella was surrounding me all the time. When I did come across her, it was always much more pungent and shocking than the diluted scent on the cotton, but I was able to handle it better.

One day, I overheard Bella talking to Angela Weber in the cafeteria.

"Why does Edward Cullen hate me so much?" Bella whispered after catching my eye.

"Oh, that's silly, Bella! I'm sure he doesn't hate you."

"He does; trust me. I get the 'Edward Cullen Death Glare' every time he sees me. I've never been the most popular girl in the world, but I'm just not used to being _hated _for no good reason either."

Angela's brow scrunched up, and she thought to herself, _That doesn't sound like Edward. He's not outwardly friendly, but I've never known him to be mean to anyone. Maybe he _does _dislike Bella for some reason._

Bella was an extremely observant girl, but the disgust and fury she saw in my eyes when I looked her way was self-directed. I was angry with myself; aggrieved over my reactions to her. Her thinking I hated her couldn't have been further from the truth, and as the weeks went on, I knew I was in deep trouble.

I couldn't stand to be near her when she was fully aware of me because of her physiological reactions, and yet, I didn't want to be away from her, either. A fascination developed that I could no longer deny, and so I became her night stalker. It started out innocently enough—at least that's what I told myself—and I went by her house one evening after I'd finished hunting. From my position in the trees edging her backyard, I could hear her without the added distraction of her scent.

It was a cool night with a soft breeze blowing. I sat against the trunk of a tree and listened to Bella getting ready for bed—brushing her teeth, the soft rustling of fabric as she changed, the sound of her legs against the sheets as she slid between them, a soft sigh and the _click!_ of a lamp as it was turned off.

It was over an hour later before I dared to venture a bit closer. Bella's breaths were long and even, her heart slow and steady. I swiftly scaled the tree outside her window, which was open about six inches, and settled in the branches. I never stopped to ask myself _why _I was sitting outside her house like a peeping tom. After a while, I realized that her heart beat was comforting. The thought horrified me and left me with a feeling I imagined a puppy that's given a ticking clock to replace the sound of their mommy's heart would experience. Why exactly would the sound of human's heart—one that I might stop from beating in a split second if she got too close—be of comfort to me?

That was the first of many nights spent in the tree outside Bella Swan's window. Nobody in my family knew what I was doing, and if Alice saw, she never let on. The more times I went there, the harder it was to stay away. It was fairly harmless, until the night she called out for me.

I was perched among the branches, lulled into a relaxed state by her heart beat, when she began moving about restlessly. The beat of her heart increased slightly but remained fairly regular. Then she started to mutter in her slumber.

"Edward..." My name was a soft sigh falling from her lips, and it sent a jolt straight to my dead heart.

"Why do you hate me so much?" Her voice was plaintive, full of confusion, and for good reason—she'd never done anything wrong. The very fact of her existence was a torment for me daily, and yet, here I was, perched in a tree outside her room, hanging on her every word and feeling bad that she thought I hated her.

"No, Bella," I whispered to myself. "I don't hate you—I hate the way I react to you."

"Why am I so attracted to someone who hates me?" Bella asked, but it wasn't clear who it was directed at. I do know that my chest clenched when I heard she was attracted to me, and funny feelings tingled at my insides—things I didn't recognize.

And then the straw that broke the camel's back—she started to cry in her sleep.

Before I could think about what I was doing, I was clinging to the outside of her window and raising it up. I slid over the sill, and then her scent slammed into me. _What the hell did I think I was doing?_ And yet, I continued to stand there by the open window, leaning out often to gulp deep breaths of the night air.

"Edward..." My name in her tear-filled voice ripped into me in a way I'd never experienced before. My fingers twitched toward her, although I don't know what they meant to do. I knew I couldn't risk going near her.

"Shh... it's okay," I whispered.

That seemed to do the trick, and Bella turned over with a sigh and fell into a deeper sleep. Feeling like I'd leaped a major hurdle, I headed home with a spring in my step.

The next day, I was back to square one. When Bella saw me at school, her heart picked up speed, adrenaline coursing through her veins, and the aroma teased at the beast inside me. It seemed that only at night could I be anywhere near her.

As a result of my nightly visits and daily spying through the minds of others, I started to feel things for Bella that I'd never felt for any female—human or vampire. From what I'd gleaned from others over the years, I believed I'd developed a crush on her. This was not good news for any number of reasons; the most important being that she was human, and I had the urge to drink her dry whenever I got too close.

My nightly visits to her room became important to me. I wouldn't reveal myself to her when she was awake; I could never let her know of my feelings. If I did, she might try to get closer to me, and that could be disastrous. But at night, while she slept, I could control myself. I could be near her; I could take comfort in her heartbeat and the fact that she said my name often. Something in me realized it was selfish to revel in her calling out my name because we could never be anything more than a beautiful girl and her creepy-stalker, vampire admirer, but the knowledge didn't diminish the feelings or the anticipation I felt each night.

The stronger my feelings grew, the more urgent my need to be near her, and the bolder my actions became at night. I rationalized my behavior by surmising that she was asleep and unaware of what was happening, but harm was being done. There was already an element of duality to my nature—vampire pretending to be human—but now, it was being taken a step further. During the days, I still glared Bella's way, but not because I was angry with her; I was upset I couldn't show her the feelings that had bloomed inside me like a rare flower. Her physiology was too unstable when she was awake and aware, and I feared that I would end up hurting her. At night, I watched and listened, looking on her with tenderness and longing.

One night, I felt courageous enough to stand beside her bed. When she murmured my name—which she did almost nightly now—I reached out and tentatively stroked a finger along her bare arm. Goose bumps dotted her creamy skin, and she turned her body toward mine in her sleep. Slowly, she swam up to a conscious state, and her heart started beating a bit harder because she sensed my presence beside her. I still felt in control, and I wanted so desperately to be near her, so I pulled my fingers back but remained next to her bed. A few seconds later, she opened her eyes, and when they met mine, her heart started beating harder. I'd painted myself into a corner; I couldn't reveal to her what I was, but if I didn't get out of her room quickly, she was as good as dead.

Holding onto my control as long as possible, I put a finger up to her warm, soft lips and whispered, "Shhh... Close your eyes, Angel."

Bella hesitated only a second before complying. As soon as her lids fluttered shut, I fled.

Back in my tree, I heard Bella sigh and murmur, "It couldn't have been..."

I didn't go back inside Bella's room for a week after that, but in the end, I couldn't stay away. Most nights, she never stirred, and I simply sat in the rocking chair in the corner while she slept. Part of me knew this was sick and wrong, but I just couldn't stop myself. The hardest nights were the ones when she called out to me, usually asking why I hated her so much, and I had to restrain myself from waking her to tell her the truth—I knew it would end with me killing her if I did.

One night, Bella whimpered, "Edward, please..." A tear slid down her cheek, and I leaned in to wipe it away. The skin of her face was like soft velvet beneath my fingers, and after she'd settled down, I couldn't resist stroking over it again.

"I wish things could be different, Angel," I whispered.

"Why can't they?" Bella mumbled. Her heart was strong and steady, so I was sure she'd just answered me in her sleep.

"I can't tell you that. Just know that I wish it with all that I am."

Bella shocked me then by grabbing my hand in her own as her eyes flew open. Could she really be awake? It didn't matter; the blood-lust reared up inside me, and the beast was determined to break free. Pulling my hand from hers, I flew out the window, praying she wasn't aware enough to figure out what happened.

After that night, I stayed out of her room as much as possible, relegating myself to the tree out in her yard. I couldn't stand being away from her, and that was beginning to scare me.

Early one morning, as I was heading home to change for school, Alice met me out in the woods. We walked side by side in silence for a short time; Alice and I had a special relationship, almost as if she was more than a surrogate sister.

The morning was cool and damp, and the wildlife fled when they sensed us in close proximity. Frost tipped the bare branches of the tall trees, creating crystalline prisms when the sunlight glanced off them.

"Edward, how are you holding up?" Alice took my hand in her own as we walked.

"Do you know everything, Alice?"

"Yes. I've known all along, but I wanted you to have the time to figure this out for yourself."

"Thank you, Alice. Does anyone else...?"

_No. I didn't see any reason to bring the others into it._ She shook her dark head.

"Why are you coming to me now? Has something changed?" I knew it had.

"Yes, Edward. There's something about this whole thing that you need to understand. Bella is... your mate."

"My _what_?" I shook my head hard. That just wasn't possible, was it? She was human! Yes, I had a crush on her and couldn't help the desire to watch over her... but _mate_?

"It's true. Bella's your mate. She's also your singer, as you already know, which is why you're having such a hard time being near her."

"She's also _human_, Alice! Or have you forgotten that little tidbit?"

_Yes, I know. Maybe something can be worked out... _She shrugged, obviously not as bothered by this news as I was.

"Alice, do you hear yourself? She's human, and we're not allowed to reveal what we are. I'm playing a dangerous game just by being near her." I stopped walking, pulling away from Alice, and jammed my hands into my hair. "Jesus, what the hell have I been doing? I have to find a way to stop this."

"I don't think you'll be able to, Edward. She's your mate; the compulsion to be with her should be overwhelming."

"It is! But, Alice, what does this mean for _her_? I either kill her or change her?"

_Yes._

"No. I won't destroy her life. I have to stay away."

_It'll hurt, Edward._

"You think what I've been doing doesn't _hurt_, Alice? I've just never stopped to think about what it all means... or where it might end."

For two weeks, I managed to stay away from Bella. I didn't go to her room or sit in my tree; I did my hunting and went straight home. During that time, my piano was my best friend—it was where I poured all my emotions. I composed song after song, all of them flavored by Bella and my feelings for her. I actually looked forward to school because it was the only time I allowed myself to see her, even if it was from afar.

Fate is a funny thing, though; it can reach out and nab you without warning—even the immortal aren't immune. On a cold, snowy day in February, I had to deliver a message to the guidance office between periods for one of the teachers. While I was leaning on the counter, the door swung open, and I felt Bella even before I smelled her. A warm tingling raced through my body, and I only had time to think, 'Oh, no,' before Bella's scent hit me full blast in the small, warm space.

Gritting my teeth, I spun around and headed right out the door. Bella's eye caught mine on the way, and her eyes widened when she got a look at my face. I couldn't worry about appearing human at that moment; I was fighting not to grab her and sink my teeth into her throat.

Out in the parking lot, I stood in the cold, winter air, drumming my fingers on the roof of the Volvo while I waited for the others. Bella was a safe distance away from me, leaning against her mammoth, rattle-trap of a pickup truck. From here, I could look her way without appearing psychotic, without worry of losing control and snapping her neck. Her eyes met mine, and we almost could have been two shy people crushing on each other.

The moment I had a normal, male thought about Bella, it all happened quickly.

_Edward! Oh, God, no! _Alice's thoughts screamed in my head. _She'll be crushed!_

My eyes were riveted on Bella, whose attention was now focusing on Tyler Crowley's van skidding on the ice in the parking lot and heading straight for her. There was no possible way she could get out of the way in time, nor was it likely she would survive being pinned between the two vehicles.

_No! Please don't take her!_ my mind screamed even as my legs started to move. I shot across the lot in a blur, faster than the human eye could perceive, and knocked Bella to the ground. Tyler's van was still coming, and I had no choice but to stop it with my hands. The metal screamed in protest as it bent around my hands, which happened to be made of stronger stuff. Bella's mouth fell into an 'O' of surprise when the blue metal stopped just inches from her face.

She immediately started babbling about being dead, thinking I was an angel—how ironic—and she even let out a giggle. I tried to assure her that she wasn't dead, but at first, it didn't seem to register. Eventually, it dawned on her that she _was_ alive, and she babbled about almost being a 'Bella sandwich,' which was kind of amusing. Her train of thought changed abruptly to how I'd gotten to her from across the lot—after all, she'd been looking right at me just before Tyler's van skidded her way.

I kept trying to assure her that I was next to her, that she must have things confused. I drew as close to her as I dared—her scent was diluted slightly by the cool winter air—and attempted to influence her to believe me.

She grew agitated, tears filling her eyes. "Please; I know what I saw."

"Shh... you hit your head. It's going to be okay." I felt like such a heel trying to make her believe she couldn't rely on her own mind when, in truth, none of this was her fault. Bella tried to lift her head, and I slid my fingers beneath her hair, both because I wanted to touch her and to feel for any lumps.

When the paramedics arrived, I took the opportunity to slip away. Most of my family was waiting for me, and not everyone was happy.

Alice smiled at me and winked. _Good job, Edward._

Rosalie hissed. "What the hell were you thinking?" she asked in a fierce whisper.

"What did you want me to do? Let her die?" I retorted.

"Yes! It was her time, you idiot!"

"No, it wasn't," I argued. "Nobody saw anyway!"

Jasper was the one that blew me out of the water. "Oh, shit," he swore softly.

All eyes were on Jasper, and I shot him a look, but he wasn't backing off. He walked up to me, going toe to toe, and poked me in the chest. "You –"

Alice grabbed his arm. "Jazz, don't."

Jasper continued to look into my eyes, ignoring his beloved. He shook his head in disbelief. "You have feelings for that girl. You _want_ her," he accused. "What are you thinking, man?"

"Stop it!" I growled, slapping his accusing finger away.

"Jazz, you don't understand," Alice persisted, tugging on his arm. "This isn't the place to have this conversation either."

"Jesus Christ!" Rosalie exploded. "It figures_ Alice_ has something to do with this."

Emmett chose that moment to saunter up to the group of us. "Hey, guys! Did you hear? Some chick almost got creamed by Tyler's van! Boy, was she lucky, huh?" He was rewarded with a lot of muttering and dark looks. "What? What did I say?"

Obviously, we needed to have a discussion about this whole situation with Carlisle later on, but my only concern at that moment was finding out how Bella was. While my family continued to argue, I slipped into the Volvo and took off for the hospital.

It didn't take me long to find Bella's room; I just followed her delectable scent, and I was now easily able to pick out the _tup-tup, tup-tup _of her heartbeat even amongst a large crowd. I sat in the waiting area around the corner from her room, acclimating to her smell and not wanting to go into the room when others were present.

When she was alone, I slipped inside. Her scent surrounded me in the small room, and I remained by the foot of the bed, afraid to get too close. "How are you, Bella?" I asked. Her heart elevated slightly at the sight of me, and I swallowed back a mouthful of venom.

"Edward, thank you. I'm sorry I acted like such an ass—thinking I was dead and all—but I would be if not for you. H-How did you get to me so fast?" Bella's eyes were probing, and I wished I could spill all my secrets to the angel before me, but I couldn't.

"I told you; I was right beside you. The hit you took to your head must have confused things a little bit. That's normal."

"You stopped that van, Edward. You can't tell me that didn't happen—I saw the imprint of your h-hands on the side of it. How?" Bella persisted, and I felt like I was being backed into a corner.

She wasn't letting it go, so I resorted to begging, unsure what else might work. "Leave it alone, Bella. _Please,_" I implored her, turning my full charm on her.

Bella looked at me closely, and I could see her deliberating with herself, but in the end, she simply agreed, "Okay."

"Thank you." A smile spread across my face involuntarily, and her heart started to race. Suddenly, it was all too much for me—the close, warm space, her beauty, the increased heart rate pushing the blood through her veins—and I slapped a hand over my nose and mouth. "I – I have to go," I muttered, racing from her room as fast as I could while still appearing somewhat human.

~*O*~

That night, there was a family meeting. Naturally, Rosalie was not supportive in the least; her vote was to kill Bella—which elicited a deep growl from me and a hiss from Alice. Emmett was sympathetic, although he didn't understand how I could torture myself by getting close to Bella all the time. His hand moved to his throat involuntarily, and I could hear him thinking about the two women he'd killed. Jasper seemed a bit less perturbed, but he still didn't approve of the situation, especially once Alice announced that Bella was my mate. Talk about dropping a bomb—there was a shocked silence around the living room.

Carlisle, who had been silent thus far, simply observing, spoke up. "Is this true, Edward? Is Isabella Swan your mate?"

"Apparently so. I thought I just had a crush on her, but Alice sees it differently, and I can no longer deny my feelings."

"I see. It sounds to me as though you've handled things responsibly so far. Obviously, you haven't harmed her, and when things have gotten too intense, you backed off. What are your intentions, Edward?"

"I _have _no intentions! I need to stay away from her... it's just so hard. It will come down to killing her or changing her—neither option is one I can live with, Carlisle."

"Okay, so where does that leave things?"

"I need some time—to say goodbye. After graduation, I'm moving away from here."

"No, _we're_ moving. You go; we go, son." Carlisle squeezed my arm reassuringly, and for the millionth time, I was thankful to have him as my mentor.

~*O*~

The next few months were difficult. I went back to sitting in the tree outside Bella's window and allowed myself the indulgence of entering her room only rarely. We were moving soon, and I needed to detach myself from her, not draw closer. Knowing that I would spend the rest of my days alone, without a mate, was a bitter pill to swallow, but it was better than the thought of ruining Bella's life.

The week of graduation arrived, and my time with Bella was drawing to a close. The night before we were moving away, I entered her room for the last time. I had never been big on tears, even as a human, but I fervently wished I could shed tears that night as I stood next to her bed.

My insides were so twisted up with grief that even the beast didn't intrude. I crouched beside her bed, and spoke softly while she slept on. "Bella, I have to leave you. It's for your own good because I'm a monster, and I could never be what you need. You're so beautiful and perfect; something I could never hope to possess without destroying."

Feeling bold, and knowing I would never have the chance to do this again, I stroked her cheek tenderly. I tangled my fingers in the silken strands of her hair, and I ran my index finger across her pouty lips. "I want you to have the most beautiful life, Angel. Please be happy and safe. Live. For me—the way I was never given a chance to."

Bella was so deeply asleep tonight; she didn't seem to sense my presence, and she never moved. Putting my hand in one of hers, I leaned over and pressed my lips to her forehead, and a jolt of electric current sizzled across them. "Goodbye, Angel."

When I moved to stand up, her hand tightened on mine, and she sighed. After a few minutes, I pulled my hand from hers and left through the window for the last time. As I reached the woods at the edge of her yard, I heard her cry out, "Edward... don't leave." Her voice was plaintive, and I hesitated to see if she was awake, but her breathing evened out a few seconds later.

A part of her knew me. A part of her sensed that I was leaving for the last time. With a heavy heart, I returned to my family to start a new life without the one thing that made me feel alive.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed Edward's POV of how this all got started. I'd love to hear your thoughts on how Edward handled things. We'll be getting another EPOV next chapter as well.**

**Some upcoming stuff... I've written a Darkfest entry for Livejournal which will be released in mid-March. It's a Jacob/Bella twisted tale called '**_**Inside You**_**', so keep me on alert if you're interested. (Not for the faint of heart.) On my profile, is the Prologue for a collab I'm working on with the lovely wmr1601 called '**_**Speak Now**_**.' We wrote it for Foxy Fics and will be continuing it sometime in April after the fundraiser is over. (Donation link on my profile.) I'm also writing a story based off a banner made by the awesome Tkegl called '**_**Temptation**_**' for the FGB for Autism cause. More details to come on that project.**

**You can follow me on Twitter (at)SaritaDreaming or on my blog www . saritadreaming . wordpress . com which will offer special tidbits and teasers that are not posted elsewhere. No more than 2-3 messages per week, if that.  
**

**Next story to be updated will be '**_**I Want It Painted Black**_**.'**

**Reviewers will receive a teaser of the next chapter. Thank you for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3 I'm Haunted, She's Broken

**A/N: Hey, guys! Here's a nice long EPOV for you. We'll get a look at what Edward's been up to for the past four years as well as what he's thinking when Bella arrives on Masen Island. I've been asked by several people how long this story will be. Originally, I planned 2-4 chapters, but here we are at chapter 3 with no end in sight... So, I will just say: as many chapters as it takes to tell their story. We all know the Word hOOr cannot be rushed...**

**Thanks to my awesome friends and pre-readers, Keye, Sandy and Wendy!**

**Huge thanks to my beta, Jess (jkane180), who catches all my little snafus.**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**~I'm Haunted, She's Broken~**

* * *

**Suggested Listening:**

**Haunted ~ Poe**

**Here With Me ~ Dido**

~*O*~

_And I'm haunted  
By the lives that I have loved  
And actions I have hated  
I'm haunted  
By the promises I've made  
And others I have broken  
I'm haunted  
By the lives that wove the web  
Inside my haunted head _

~*O*~

**~*Edward*~**

The first few months after we left Forks proved to be the hardest of my existence. I wasn't ready to settle into yet another town and attend yet another high school or college. Carlisle maintained a home in Nova Scotia, so we settled in there. I'd mentioned going off on my own for a while, but Carlisle and Esme didn't want to hear of it and neither did Alice.

Due to the gifted nature of some members of our family, we didn't have to worry about a lack of wise investments to maintain our lifestyle. The home was in a remote area that provided a great deal of solace, which was exactly what I needed.

When we arrived, Rose scoffed, "We're near Prince Edward Island; how apropos."

"Rosalie," Carlisle chided, shaking his head. "The family would do the same for you or any of us."

"Seriously, Carlisle?" Rosalie snapped. "Nobody else would do something as ridiculous as fall for their singer; only Edward."

A growl built low in my throat. Wasn't it enough that I had to give up Bella? Now I had to listen to Rosalie expound on how stupid she thought I was? Was there no end to the tortures I would have to endure? The thought of spending eternity missing Bella fueled my feelings of depression further, and I took off into the woods without a word to anyone.

Running was something I did to burn off steam, and eventually, I found myself perched on an outcropping of rocks overlooking a majestic scene. The hills sloped down to a serene lake framed by trees and grass on all sides. Some of the higher peaks across from me were lightly covered with snow. Not a soul could be seen for miles, and I knew this was a place I would come back to over and over again while we were staying here. Although the terrain was completely different, something about it reminded me of the meadow I'd found while hunting in the woods around Forks. It must be the quiet peacefulness of the area, unsullied by civilization.

I heard her coming long before she was within visual range but waited patiently. What else did I have to do for the next century?

_Edward, are you okay?_

"As okay as I'm going to get, Alice." I looked at her askance as she settled down next to me with a serene look on her face. At least someone was at peace.

"It won't always be this way, Edward," she said softly, but her mind was filled with song lyrics and complex math equations.

"What does that mean, Alice? What are you hiding from me?"

Alice shook her head, continuing to stare out over the landscape. _God, it's so beautiful here, isn't it, Edward?_

"It is."

"Rose and Em are going to be leaving soon."

I wasn't expecting her to say _that._ "What? Why?"

"Edward, Rose won't be able to stand the quiet around here. She and Emmett are going to go off on their own for a while. It isn't as though they haven't done this before."

"Never because of me, though. This _is_ my fault."

"No, not your fault, Edward. You can't help what happened with Bella, and you handled it just fine. You didn't kill her, and you made the ultimate sacrifice by leaving so she could have a normal life."

"But you don't agree with my decision."

"Well, no, but that doesn't matter."

I realized I wasn't getting any more out of Alice; over the years, she'd grown quite adept at blocking me out when she wanted to.

"So, Rose and Em said they're leaving?"

"No. Rose is thinking about it, and she's pretty much decided—which is why I saw it—but it'll be a few weeks before it actually happens."

Maybe it would be good to be away from Rose and her snarky thoughts for a while. She brought out the worst of my temper with her inability to understand or sympathize with my situation. Emmett and his sense of humor would be sorely missed, however.

_Oh, Edward, the sun! It's coming out in thirty seconds._

"So? There are no minds around for miles. Will anyone see me?"

"No." Alice smiled. _Enjoy the sunshine._

And I did. I splayed out on a rock and let the sun warm my skin while trying not to think of how my skin sparkled—it was so unmasculine—just another reminder of how inhuman we were. After a time, the warmth was palpable, and my thoughts turned to Bella and how warm her skin was the few times I'd touched it. The sun's rays, while pleasant and warm, didn't tingle my skin the way Bella did. It was something about her touch, about our connection—I just had to stop this train of thought. Bella deserved a happy, human life without interference from a monster that would likely end up killing her.

~*O*~

They say time heals all wounds, but a year later—ten months after Rose and Em decided to go off on their own—I wasn't much better off than when we'd arrived in Nova Scotia. Everyone was supportive and understanding; after all, they knew as well as I did that vampires mate for life. I could hope to forge a decent existence for myself, but I would never reach my full potential or share in what they had with their mates. Sure, I could hook up with another vampire—many unmated vampires did—but that was patently unappealing to me and went against my values. The only time I'd had male urges in over a century was when I was near Bella. I was doomed to a lonely existence.

The thought that in seventy years or so Bella would no longer present a temptation didn't cheer me. It would make no difference; the fact that she'd existed, that I'd smelled her blood and experienced the unique connection between us, meant I would be alone forever.

One day, as I was perched on my favorite rock, soaking up sun, Alice appeared next to me.

"Edward, I have an idea."

"Uh oh."

"Oh, you!" Alice smacked my arm as she sat beside me. "No, really. I have an idea how you can do something useful instead of brooding."

"Gee, thanks, Alice." I rolled my eyes.

"Help me run The Masen Foundation."

The Masen Foundation was a program created in memory of my human mother, Elizabeth Masen. My mother fueled my love of the piano, and I knew she would have loved to see other talented artists inspired to succeed. Every year, we chose a few talented candidates—in music, art or writing—to accept into our program. We acquired a remote island graced with a beautiful old house in the vicinity of the San Juan Islands, and it became Masen Island, a retreat for aspiring talent. The location of the island was kept secret, and so far, we hadn't had any incidents.

Its beauty was magnificent and conducive to creativity, which is why our interns were required to spend a month on the island with no outside communication. The foundation had promoted some awesome talent, giving chances to little-known artists trying to make it in a dog-eat-dog world.

"Me? Why?"

"You're a talented musician, Edward. You have so much to offer our interns—especially the musically inclined. Isn't it better than brooding around here? Plus, the terrain of the island is just as beautiful as it is here, and you won't have the thoughts of many minds to contend with. I'll do all the paperwork and choose the candidates; you just show up at the island sometimes and oversee their work."

"Who do you have handling things on the island right now?"

"Her name is Sonia. She's human, has no idea what we are, and doesn't care. Sonia knows something is a little off, but she doesn't think it's her business. We pay her handsomely to do her duties without question. Come and meet with her, read her mind, and if you aren't comfortable with her, we'll take it from there."

"And how will I... hunt?"

"Already taken care of. I anticipated some of us might stay there at times, so I put up electric fencing and imported some wildlife."

"Is there anything you_ haven't_ thought of, Alice?"

"Of course not, silly." Alice laughed.

My mind started whirling with the possibilities. This just might work. A remote island with beautiful terrain, few minds to listen to, plenty of food to eat, time to play my piano, and I could be instrumental in helping talented artists make something of themselves.

"When do we leave?"

"What?" Alice looked over at me startled. "I thought I'd have to argue with you for months!"

"No, this sounds perfect. As close as _I'll _ever get to heaven."

And so it was.

~*O*~

The island was all Alice promised and more. The entire third floor was mine to do with as I wished. The view from up there was beyond words, and with my vampire vision, I could see for miles. No humans would dare cross the line of the electric fence, so I was free to spend as much time as I wanted on the other side of the island. The sun didn't show itself that often, but when it did, I would lie there for hours, soaking it up. The wildlife wasn't very happy to have me on their side of the island—they could sense the predator in their midst—and they would gather in the furthest corner of their territory from me. I tried not to disturb them often, but I had grown to love the sun while in Nova Scotia.

Sonia was wonderful. Naturally, she was curious about us, and she knew we were something 'other,' but she didn't consider it any of her concern. In Sonia's mind, we weren't doing anything illegal or harmful—only helping others—and she considered that a good enough reason to turn a blind eye. Interns would often question her about the program and who ran it, especially when I was in residence on the island, but she never even considered gossiping. I was in agreement with Alice; Sonia was a rare find and deserved to be paid handsomely for it.

Over the next three years, I came and went from Masen Island. For the most part, I stayed there when no one else was in residence because I enjoyed the solitude from human minds and the supply of food at my fingertips, but, most of all, I loved being able to lay out and sun myself like a turtle. I've always hated my 'sparkly nature,' but I became addicted to the sun, and I knew it was due to its warmth reminding me of Bella's heated skin. I had no illusions that I was holding onto something—anything—I could of her that was safe. Rarely did I allow myself to think too deeply about her; the few times I did, I nearly ran straight back to Forks to beg her to forgive me and be mine. _Pure selfishness._

Alice agreed to 'keep an eye' on Bella for me, but I forbade her to tell me anything; I only wanted her to be safe and happy, having the chance for a normal human life without supernatural interference. Our arrangement was that Alice would only tell me if Bella was in danger—I knew that was cheating on the 'wanting her to have a normal human life' part, but it was the one indulgence I was willing to allow myself with regards to Bella.

On occasion, I would come to the island when we had an intern in the program that Alice felt could benefit from further direction or encouragement. I met a few of them, but it was rare for me to do more than communicate through notes or email. They were all grateful for whatever assistance they were given, and Alice chose only the most talented to enter the program.

Everything changed when I received an incomplete dossier on the new intern that was to arrive the following week. I should have known that something was amiss because Alice was a stickler for detail, but I was complacent and comfortable in my new life—numbness and boredom has a tendency to do that.

Alice included a short note with the information.

_Edward,_

_You're going to want to be on the island when this intern comes in. She's a gifted writer, and her story is incredibly intriguing. She isn't as confident in herself as I would like, so she can certainly use some coaching. I'd take this one on myself, but I'm already in the middle of something with Alphonse. I know you don't usually handle the authors, but I think this one will be a good fit. If I finish up early enough, I'll join you._

_Love you,_

_Alice _

Alphonse was a talented artist that Alice was particularly smitten with, and she'd made him her personal project. The only way to describe his work was 'magic on canvas.' His paintings appeared to be _alive_. Alice was determined to make his name well known. I could understand her desire to work with him, so I agreed to take on the author.

When I received the incomplete dossier, I called Alice to ask about it.

"Oh, Edward, I'm such a dolt! I'll have the manuscript loaded into the computer on the island as soon as possible, okay? Wait until you read this one!" Alice babbled quickly and then abruptly changed the subject. "Oh, have you seen Alphonse's new grouping? It's to _die _for. I'm so excited!" A high-pitched squeal came over the line.

"Alice, what's the new intern's name?"

"I have to go, Edward! I have a call coming in that I have to take. Kiss, kiss!"

_Kiss, kiss?_

Something should have clued me in to what was going on, but I remained oblivious—until the day Bella Swan arrived on the island.

The day started like any other; a swirling gray mist rose up from the water enveloping the island in a shroud of mystery. Most humans found it unnerving, but Sonia found it oddly comforting. I could see straight through the mist, so it meant no difference either way to me. By noon, most of the fog had burned off, leaving only vague tendrils hugging the ground.

Even though I wasn't tempted by human blood, I was in the habit of feeding just before interns arrived, so I headed out to the forest to hunt. Alice had kindly included mountain lion—my favorite—among the imported wildlife. Not wanting to be greedy, I only took down one, which was enough to satisfy me. Feeling sated, I sat on my favorite rock, hoping the sun would make an appearance, even though I was fairly certain it wouldn't. In the distance came the sound of Captain Joe's boat, and I knew the new intern was about to arrive.

It was as I reached the edge of the woods that I felt it—a palpable tingling that started in the center of my chest and spread through my limbs. I'd never experienced anything quite like it. The closer I drew to the house, the stronger the feeling became until it was a buzz that zipped under my skin.

Moving cautiously, since I had no idea what was going on, I peered through the trees. I heard Sonia's voice — "Everything okay? Am I going too fast?" — just as a sound I never expected to hear again reached my ears.

_Tup-tup, tup-tup_

No.

_Tup-tup, tup-tup_

It couldn't be.

_Tup-tup, tup-tup_

But it was.

_Bella._ I would know the cadence of her heartbeat anywhere.

And then I heard her angelic voice...

"I'm fine; it's just... it felt like I was being watched, and I thought I saw movement over by those trees. Is someone else out here?"

_Tup-tup, tup-tup_

Had she sensed my presence? Was it possible?

"Nobody goes out there; that's where the wild things are." Sonia's voice started out serious, but then she laughed. "Seriously though, there _are _wild animals on the island that are penned in by electric fence, so maybe you caught sight of one of them."

And then I lost all track of their conversation as Bella's heartbeat filled my head, my heart and my very limbs.

_Tup-tup, tup-tup, tup-tup, tup-tup, tup-tup, tup-tup, tup-tup, tup-tup, tup-tup, tup-tup..._

It reverberated and resonated within me to the point that it was almost painful.

Turning away before I could see Bella, I fled to the other side of the island. I sat there until nightfall, trying to convince myself that it was a figment of my imagination—that I was going a little crazy being out here on my own too long. I knew that wasn't true; I kept myself well fed, and I wasn't likely to be prone to hallucinations.

I cursed the fact that I hadn't brought the cell phone with me hunting, but there had never been need of it before. When I got my hands on Alice... a deep growl rumbled in my chest.

This had been a set-up. Alice purposely left vital information out of the dossier because she knew I wouldn't have agreed to be here if I was aware that the intern was Bella. _Interfering little pixie._

For a moment, I considered fleeing the island. That would be the wisest course of action.

But Alice had made me a promise not to interfere in Bella's life unless there were extenuating circumstances, and I'd never known Alice to break a promise.

There was no other choice—I had to return to the house and find out what was going on. Bella would never have to know I was here; we used different names, and she would never equate 'E.A. Masen' or 'M.A. Brandon' with me or Alice. The only way Bella would know we had anything to do with the foundation was if we revealed it to her. I'd just have to make sure that didn't happen.

Best laid plans and all that.

~*O*~

I had to use the back stairs to go up to my chambers. When nobody was here, I would simply leap up to the third floor, but I didn't want to chance being seen, so I was relegated to traditional methods.

Bella's scent assaulted me the moment I walked through the kitchen door, although I could tell it had been _hours_ since she'd been in this part of the house. Holding my breath, I rushed up the stairs to my room.

Grabbing the Sat Phone—electronic devices weren't allowed for interns, but I had a phone and full internet access—I paced the room as I dialed Alice.

She answered on the first ring. "Hey, Edward. Look, before you –"

"No, _you_ look, Alice!" I growled. "What the hell were you thinking? Do you realize it's been nearly four years since I've..._ smelled_ her?" I moaned. "Why would you do this? You promised –"

"I promised to stay out of Bella's life so she could have a _normal human existence_. That's not what's been happening, Edward. Bella hasn't been happy, and her life is far from normal!"

My heart sank. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you need to nix your plans to flee the island, that you need to read her manuscript, and most of all... follow your heart. Forget what logic tells you or what your old-fashioned sense of ethics tells you—toss all of that out. This situation is unique, and you need to treat it as such, Edward."

"What's wrong with her life?"

"What isn't wrong with it would be the better question." Alice snorted. "Edward, I – I can't even begin to describe it to you. You're going to have to read it for yourself."

"Read what?"

"Her manuscript. It's rather... autobiographical, although it's presented as fiction—and for good reason. If anyone got wind that she thought any of her manuscript was true..." Alice's voice drifted off, and she sighed deeply. Taking a breath, Alice's voice became commanding. "Just read it, Edward. Put on your big-boy pants, and prepare yourself for anything."

My heart was in my throat, and I fervently wished I could read minds over the phone. What could be so wrong in Bella's life that Alice thought it was okay to interfere? What was in that manuscript?

"Alice –"

"You'll do the right thing."

"What _is_ the right thing?" I asked in exasperation.

"You'll know."

"That's a very cryptic way of saying that _you can't see what's going to happen_." My voice dropped to a pained whisper. "What if I kill her?"

"You won't, Edward. I see..." Alice hesitated.

"What? What do you see?"

"You won't; that's all. Trust me, Edward."

"I suppose I have no choice, which is just as you've planned it," I sneered.

Slamming the phone down, I paced the floor, pulling at my hair like a madman. I couldn't leave now; I had to know what was going on with Bella. As much as Alice aggravated me, I knew she wouldn't pull something like this on a whim. I just had to acclimate myself to Bella's scent, avoid being too close to her and resolve her problem so she could go on with her life—without me. It was the right thing to do.

Vampire hearing was extremely acute and far reaching, and I could hear what was happening everywhere in the house. Due to the fact that Bella would be here alone at night after Sonia went to her quarters, there was really nothing to hear with the exception of Bella moving around her rooms and occasionally muttering to herself. Maybe I could do this.

I heard the squeak of the knobs as Bella turned on the shower. She'd probably be getting ready for bed soon, and I could spend the night reading her manuscript and planning how to handle things.

What I didn't count on was the ventilation system in this old house.

I'd long ago closed the vents to my rooms because I had no need of heat or air conditioning, but there had been no need for an air-tight seal.

It took a while. In fact, it wasn't until Bella had gone down to the kitchen for a snack and was on the way back to her room that the heat went on, forcing a scent through the vents in the floor of my room.

The scent of _wet... hot... Bella._

_Dear sweet Jesus._

Flames erupted in my esophagus, licking their way hungrily up my throat as my mouth filled with venom. The scent of her all warm and steamy was my undoing. I'd never smelled her quite this way, and the beast inside me reared up, urging me to find her and make her mine.

I halted my breathing, but it made no difference—her scent was _inside me_. It clung to the membranes of my nose and throat, blooming like fire in my chest.

_Find her. Take her. _The beast slavered.

"No, no, no, no..." I whispered.

_YES, YES, YES! She belongs to you!_

"Not like this. Please." I begged a God that had long ago forsaken me, but maybe he hadn't abandoned Bella.

Anger surged through me, and I pulled one of my bookcases over—books and knick knacks crashing to the floor.

That was my next mistake.

"Oh, no. No, no, Bella." I shook my head as I heard the door at the bottom of the stairs creak open on its rusted hinges.

She kept coming, though. She called out, expressing her concern about _Mr. Masen_, thinking he might have fallen, that he might need help.

Oh, _Mr. Masen_ needed help all right.

Even though I knew I shouldn't breathe, the compulsion to taste her scent on my tongue was irresistible. One shallow breath stoked the flames into an inferno. A low growl built up in my chest involuntarily, and I knew I had to get away from her or this wouldn't end well.

With a strangled moan, I flew across the floor, pressing against some of the leaded pains with my hands until they broke out, allowing fresh, cool air to rush in, which I gulped at greedily.

"Mr. Masen? Sh-should I call Sonia for you?"

"No! Were you not told to stay off this floor?" I gasped.

"Well, yes, but I heard a crash up here! I was worried you'd hurt yourself."

Bella was worried that I'd hurt myself. How ironic, when it was _her_ life that hung in the balance. I laughed bitterly, leaning close to the broken windows to get more air. "I assure you, I was far better off before you came barging up to my door. Please go."

I could smell Bella's tears as she stumbled back down the stairs to her room, and I felt awful, but it was the only way. I certainly couldn't reveal myself to her, and if she'd stayed any longer... well, that wouldn't have gone well.

~*O*~

The next evening, when Bella again crept down to the kitchen for a snack, I ventured to her room to leave her a note. I had spent the day trying desperately to acclimate myself to her scent, but it was difficult after so long. Progress _was_ being made, and I was able to handle being in her room when she was not.

Earlier, I had penned the note, wording it carefully.

_Dear Isabella,_

_My apologies if I frightened you last evening. It always saddens me when a woman cries; more-so when I have a part in it._

_It is __imperative_ _that you follow the rules during your stay here. Regretfully, another mistake like that could mean the end of you. No matter what you hear coming from upstairs, NEVER step foot on the third floor again. If you can't abide by this, perhaps it's best that you leave immediately. I'll leave this to your discretion._

_If you choose to remain here, I look forward to reading your work._

_Yours,_

_E.A. Masen_

I left the letter for her in the hopes she would heed the hidden warning nestled within—that approaching me really might literally mean the end of her. A part of me hoped she would turn tail and run, but an ever growing part of me wanted her here—wanted her to stay—prayed to find some way to do the impossible...

After Bella read my note, she left one in my mailbox in return. I was happier to hear she was going to stick it out than I should have been—happy to be close to her heartbeat once again—and I wondered how I would ever be able to say goodbye this time without it destroying me.

Later on, as Bella slept, I could hear her mumbling in her sleep like she always used to. I didn't dare draw any closer to her yet; I could hear her just fine from my room.

"He can't be real... nobody can move that fast..."

Bella's heart rate spiked rather suddenly, and I could hear her jolt awake with a gasp. Her voice was plaintive as she whispered, "Oh, Charlie... I miss you so much. I've screwed up my life so badly. I _still_ dream of him, Dad. I haven't seen him for four years, he hated me, and still I long for..."

My head snapped up at her words. She _had_ to be talking about me. Bella felt something for_ me_, and I knew it was wrong to feel elated about it. From the sound of it, she'd lost her father, and she was suffering over conflicting feelings for me—four years later.

Could her manuscript have anything to do with... me? Scrambling to my feet, I snatched my laptop and fired it up. I needed to read her story as soon as possible.

A few hours later, I leaned against the edge of a window watching the first signs of the coming day dawn in the night sky. Shell-shocked, I scrambled to my laptop and sent an IM to Bella questioning the verity of her manuscript. Oh, I already knew the most fantastical parts of it were true, but I wanted to gauge how open Bella would be about it and held onto the vague hope that she was being melodramatic when she described her reactions to the events. If all of the manuscript was true, then Bella had been suffering greatly, and it was all my fault.

After signing off, I gravitated back to the window. Watching the colors paint the sky as the world came alive always evoked such longing inside me, and after reading Bella's story, it was even more poignant.

My mind drifted back to what Bella wrote about her theories with regard to me and my family.

_Surely the Clarys don't think they're fooling anyone—at least anyone observant—with their act? Even if one was to believe that these beautiful creatures were all adopted, what's the likelihood they would all have the same golden eyes? Doesn't anyone else notice that they never actually eat any of the food on their trays in the cafeteria?_

_I'm fairly certain that I've figured out the mystery of Brad Clary. After all, it's pretty simple to break it down once giving it some thought. When one is in fear, the body releases adrenaline, but that alone is not the problem. What does being upset, excited, aroused, out of breath, fearful, or just about any other strong emotion have in common? _Elevated heart rate._ What's happening physiologically when the heart rate is elevated? Blood is rushing through the veins, assisting the heart in its furious pumping._

Blood.

_Who might be abnormally interested in blood?_

A vampire.

_Brad Clary is a vampire, and, for some reason, my blood presents a temptation to him that other humans don't. I believe that's why I have dreams of him, and why, in those dreams, he's different—tender, caring, kind. Brad doesn't _want_ to hurt me, but he can barely control his urges when he's around me._

Bella figured out our secret. If a member of The Volturi ever saw this... I shook my head. They must never find out about this. They would kill Bella for it, and then they would exterminate our family for being so stupid. I knew that under Volturi law, having this knowledge meant that we should snuff out Bella's life. Humans couldn't know about us—they certainly couldn't write books about us.

"Damn it, Bella. Why couldn't you just leave well enough alone?"

In answer to my own question, another passage of her manuscript sprang to my mind, unbidden.

_God knows I've tried, but I just can't bring myself to date anyone seriously. When I go on a date, all I do is look for Brad, compare them to Brad. Their skin is too warm and soft, their lips too hot and moist. When they touch me, I feel nothing—no electric current, no zip, no zing. I may as well be dead for the numbness that I feel. How fair is it to lead a man into thinking he might have a chance—to allow him to think I'm a normal woman—when, clearly, I'm not? I've begun to consider that I have some kind of mental disorder, but I wouldn't know how to begin to seek treatment for it. What would I say? 'Excuse me, doctor, but I believe in vampires.' Surely after they stopped laughing, I would be handed a large helping of pills or a firm invitation to a padded cell._

"Oh, Bella. What have I done to you?" I whispered.

All I wanted for her was a chance at a normal life, but Alice was right—that wasn't happening. She thought she was either crazy or incapable of caring for someone else.

Once a vampire found their mate, they would never look at another. I realized that I'd mated with a human, but had Bella also mated? I'd never considered the possibility that Bella might feel the same things I did, that I might be hers just as much as she was mine. Knowing the torture that my life had become being away from her... I prayed it was not as difficult for her. I'd never really taken the time to consider Bella and how she felt in all of this—how it might be affecting her. We were in uncharted territory since none of us had ever known a vampire to mate with a human—certainly not the vampire's singer—so there really was no data on the possible effects to the human.

I understood why Alice felt it necessary to intervene. She was right, too; if I'd known she intended to bring Bella to the island, I would've fled. The question was... what the hell was I going to do about this?

The message I received back from Bella indicated that she was aware she needed to be cautious when discussing the possibility that vampires existed. She was careful to let me know there was some truth to the story, but not to come right out and say it was all the truth. Good girl.

The rest of the day, she spent in the writing room. I wasn't sure what she was doing since I would hear it if she typed on the keyboard. My best guess was she was looking over her work and doing a lot of heavy thinking. Every so often, I would hear a sigh from her, and, on occasion, she would shuffle over to the window and part the curtains.

The only words she spoke over the course of the afternoon made my heart clench.

"You're pathetic, Bella," she whispered. "Pining over someone that hated you... that probably hasn't given you a second thought in years. Get it together."

_Oh, Bella, how wrong you are,_ I thought.

Bella paced restlessly for a few minutes more before heading outside for a walk. I couldn't resist watching her from a safe distance—one from which her scent didn't taunt me the way it did inside the house. Tracking her progress from in the woods, I watched her as she sat on a boulder that offered a panoramic view of the water. She sat for quite some time, and, feeling brave, I drew closer.

Suddenly, Bella's posture changed; her back stiffened, and she swung her head around and looked right at me. I knew there was no way she could see me from this distance, but she _sensed _me, which she shouldn't have been able to do.

I kept an eye on her until she was back in the house, and then I snuck back to my room.

Before Sonia left for the evening, she built a fire in the writing room for Bella. I could hear the wisp of Bella's clothes against the fabric of the wing chair as she curled up in front of the fire. Later on, it was apparent by the sound of her breathing that she'd fallen asleep.

Struggling with myself, I finally decided to venture downstairs. Being that I'd spent months creeping around her bedroom back in Forks, I was well aware of Bella's different stages of slumber, and I was confident that I would be able to get much closer than when she was awake.

Once I'd decided, I found myself at the door of the room in a matter of seconds, my breathing shallow. I hadn't been this close to her in four years. My eyes slipped closed, and I prayed for guidance to do the right thing. It would be so easy for me to screw up, to kill her.

Moving around to the front of the chair, I gazed at her beauty for over an hour without moving a muscle. I even breathed—it was growing easier already.

The fire was dying out, the embers glowing a deep red as they turned to ash. Bella shivered in her sleep, so I decided to cover her with a blanket. She held a glass of brandy precariously in her hand, and I took it, careful not to wake her. I tucked the fleece blanket around her slight form, wishing I could get under it with her but knowing it was impossible.

A slight smile played about her lips, and it was good to see her happier even for a moment.

"Sleep well, Angel," I whispered as I slipped from the room.

Deciding I needed to find out exactly how deep in Bella was, and if there was any way to lead her back toward a normal life, I sent her another message posing some thought provoking questions whose answers might prove to be quite revealing.

When Bella awoke in the chair, she stopped at the computer before heading up to bed to read and answer my message. Her response both intrigued me and left me feeling sad for her. At least I had a support system of others who understood what I was going through; Bella was in this all alone. I was determined to try to help her in whatever way I could, and I _would not_ leave her high and dry the way I had four years ago.

After closing the computer, she climbed the stairs to her room and fell into a fitful slumber. She seemed to be having some kind of nightmare, crying out softly, but I couldn't make out any words. The dream could have been about anything, but guilt flooded through me anyway.

Bella woke suddenly, her heart pounding in her chest, and I could hear the sounds of her tossing and turning. Knowing she had been told that 'Mr. Masen' played piano, I started to play a piece I had written about her. It was the one that reminded me most of her; it brought me through many dark nights of loneliness.

As my fingers caressed the keys, I heard Bella's heart speed up slightly, and I wondered why. My intent was to serenade her with my music, and after a while, it seemed to work. Bella drifted off to sleep for a few more hours, seemingly at peace.

Later that morning, I heard her thank Sonia for covering her with the blanket, which Sonia was quick to deny. Thankfully, Sonia seemed to shrug it off as nothing, and Bella went along with it. I'd have to make sure we threw something extra in Sonia's paycheck.

While the girls chatted, I answered Bella's message from the night before. In it, I tried to assure her that I didn't think she was crazy, but that it_ would_ be unwise to mention the possible existence of vampires to others. Although it hurt like hell, my words attempted to nudge her in the direction of a human companion that would deserve her love. It was a fine line I was walking, but I was trying to be caring and supportive of her beliefs while pushing her away from the idea of me.

Bella's response surprise me, sickened me, and made me feel intense hope all at the same time. In particular, when she said that she didn't care if 'Brad' was a vampire, I felt a lump form in my throat. Bella had to be the most unique human I'd ever come across.

She spent a great deal of time writing that day. Since she had the expectation that Mr. Masen would be reading her work, I only felt slightly voyeuristic reading it.

One line of what she wrote made my decision for me.

_As soon as a man's fingers brushed my skin, it felt all wrong—their fingers were never cool like Edward's, they didn't smell like Edward—they just weren't _Edward.

Bella had dropped all pretenses, forgetting to refer to me as 'Brad.' But beyond that, what she said sounded like someone who was mated—it would be what I myself might feel if I ever attempted to touch another. I was Bella's mate as surely as she was mine, so where did that leave us? How could I resolve this in a way that was fair to Bella?

Could I take a chance by showing myself? Take the chance that I might destroy her life?

_But you already_ have_ destroyed her life. The moment your life intersected with hers, you were changed forever, and so was she..._

Jesus. The implications of this were huge.

_Her father's dead; she has no real ties to anyone or anything..._

No! I couldn't think that way. Her fate wasn't mine to decide.

_Then why is her happiness so intertwined with yours?_

I shook my head as if I could throw off the disturbing thoughts. I _would not_ end Bella's life, damning her to existence as a monster forced to live off the life blood of other beings.

_What if she wants it? What if she wants you... enough?_

No. I would never suggest that she join me in this half-life. If she accepted me into her life, I would remain by her side for the rest of her days—I would find a way.

_A way without accidentally killing her?_

I was so done with this train of thought. My mind and the beast residing inside me were not my allies in my quest to keep Bella alive and happy.

Bella was shifting around in her bed, and her muffled words tore into me.

"What was so wrong with me that he hated me? Why can't I forget him and have a normal life?"

She sobbed herself to sleep, and I only wished that I could, too.

~*O*~

"Alice," I choked out, leaning against the wall in my room with the Sat Phone.

"Don't, Edward. You don't need to explain it to me, sweetie." Alice's voice was tender.

"I want... I need..."

"I know, and I wish I had the perfect answer for you. Bella's your mate, Edward, and you're hers. By staying away from her... you're punishing her, and she can't even understand why."

"Damn it!" I gritted my teeth, feeling trapped. "What should I do, Alice? I don't know if I can control myself..."

"You did fine last night by the fire."

"You saw."

"Yes. You stayed with her a long time. You can do this; just take it slow."

"Thanks, Alice. I love you."

"I love you, too. Take care of Bella. I believe in you."

I only wish I believed in myself.

~*O*~

_I didn't hear you leave  
I wonder how am I still here  
And I don't want to move a thing  
It might change my memory_

_Oh, I am what I am_  
_I do what I want_  
_But I can't hide_

_And I won't go_  
_I won't sleep_  
_I can't breathe_  
_Until you're resting here with me_

~*O*~

I could no longer wait to be near her. I crept down to her room and stood in the doorway, just breathing her in for a while. Once I felt more confident, I drew closer to the bed, listening to the sound of her heart as I breathed in her essence.

About an hour later, after only a slight elevation in heart rate that smoothed out quickly, Bella spoke, startling me.

"Edward?" she whispered.

Frozen in place, I wasn't sure what to do. This was what I'd been waiting for, though, wasn't it? I wanted to be near her, to see if we could take it further.

"Yes."

The salty tang of warm tears filled the air, and my heart broke yet again. Tentatively, testing myself, I stroked my fingers over the soft skin of her arm.

"Shh... don't cry, love. I wish I could take all your pain away. I wish..." I halted, letting out a sigh of frustration. No matter what I did... _she hurt._

"Edward, are you... a vampire?" she asked in a hushed whisper.

Her question didn't surprise me after reading her manuscript and conversing with her as E.A. Masen, but a shudder ran through me nonetheless. My hand stilled, and I considered how to answer her. I decided on the truth.

"Yes."

Bella's heart started pumping furiously, and I wasn't as ready as I thought I was. I stopped breathing and fled the room, working to calm the beast inside me that wanted to be let loose. The sounds of Bella making her way out to the terrace filled me with hope—I could probably stand to be near her out there, where the breeze would blow her scent away.

Cautiously, I approached her, testing my theory. When I was just behind her, I allowed myself to really take her in. She wore a pair of sweats and a tank top that revealed a lot of creamy skin. Unable to control the urge, I traced along her arm with my index finger. Wanting more, I pushed her silky hair to the side and lightly kissed the back of her shoulder. My lips tingled.

"You're so precious, my Angel," I whispered to her.

"Edward..." she whimpered.

"Shh... I made a mistake by allowing you to believe I hated you. I thought I was doing the right thing—protecting you—and I wish I could go back... change things." I kneaded her shoulders lightly, her skin burning into me, and I was so glad I could touch her, offer her some comfort.

"Why _did _you let me believe that, Edward? It hurt so much."

The sheer pain in her voice ripped into me. I had done this to her—the pain she was in, all that she had suffered, was my fault.

Gently, I pulled her back against my chest, reveling in the feel of the warmth that bloomed there. Wrapping my arms around her, I nuzzled my nose in her hair. So far, so good. The beast was quiet, and I was in heaven.

"The first time I saw you—in biology—your scent hit me between the eyes like a freight train. I've never smelled anything so delectable, and I wanted nothing more than to -" I hesitated, breathing heavy, and it struck me that this might not be the best thing to say to a girl that had a vampire wrapped around her.

But Bella didn't seem phased. "Drink my blood?" she asked calmly.

Just the mention of drinking her blood caused my mouth to fill with venom. "Yes," I moaned. "When you came up beside me at the windows, I didn't know if I would be able to control myself—your scent was so concentrated and maddening in that enclosed space, with the fan blowing it my way. I had no choice but to break out the windows, or I would have hurt you. I was so angry at my loss of control, and I didn't trust myself around you, so I went away for a few weeks."

Bella blushed then, and I wasn't sure why. I could smell the blood as it drew close to the surface of her creamy skin and feel it in the places where my skin grazed hers as the heat rose up.

"You were able to come back, though."

Bella was apparently an optimist, which was quite the contrast to my tendency toward a darker outlook.

"Yes, but only because my sister Alice borrowed a few of your shirts so I could get acclimated to your scent. Once I was fairly certain I wouldn't attack you, I came back. But the scent on a shirt is _nothing_ compared to the living blood rushing through your veins, pulsing against your neck..." Talking about this with her incited the beast, and I stepped back slightly as an involuntary rumble rippled through my chest. Calming myself, I continued, "Sorry. It was so much harder than I anticipated it would be. I hated the fact that I wasn't strong enough... that I had to engage in this constant battle. _That's _why I glared at you; not because I hated you, but because I hated _me._ I hated my urges, and I watched you, hoping you would prove to be someone worthy of my distaste—but instead, I slowly started to have _feelings_ for you." My voice dropped to a whisper at the end. Even though I knew Bella felt something for me, I didn't know how deep it went compared to what I felt for her.

Bella's heart started to beat faster, and I could feel the shock radiating off her. I continued my story, explaining what happened the day Tyler Crowley's van nearly crushed her. Bella slipped her warm little fingers over my forearms, and I was encouraged that she wasn't repelled by my touch—in fact, she seemed to be very comfortable with me.

She asked if I'd ever come to her room at night, and I was surprised to find out that she was quite aware of me being there—that she'd actually set out to learn ways to slow her heart, so I wouldn't run. My apology was accepted—almost dismissed—but when I asked her to turn around and look at me, tremors shook her.

"I – I can't. I'm afraid," she stammered.

"Are you afraid I'll hurt you?" The very idea pained me, but I needed to know; I'd never given Bella a reason to trust me.

"Yes, but not the way you think, Edward. I'm afraid you'll disappear... that you'll leave me and never come back."

Was that the best course of action? Should I leave her? _Could_ I leave her after having my arms around her? I didn't think I could.

"I _should_ leave, Angel. I never should have come to you; I'm sorry."

"No! Please, Edward, don't." Bella's legs gave out, and I caught her in my arms as she slumped against me.

"You deserve a normal life—a life with a human male that can love you without hurting you." And it was true: she did. If I pushed myself on her, I would be taking away her chance at that life.

"You don't understand, Edward. I _can't_ have that with anyone." Bella shook her head, her hair whispering across my skin... her fragrance enveloping me.

Bella wanted me, too. I wouldn't be stealing her from her human life because she really wasn't living one. Overtaken by the emotions swirling between us, I scooped her up and carried her to the bed. Laying her down, I hovered close to her. Already, her scent was filling the room, and it was becoming difficult to think. Clenching my jaw, a war waged within me... between the beast that wanted to devour her, the selfish vampire that wanted to continue coveting her, and the part of me—growing smaller by the moment—that thought I should let her go.

"Edward..." she sighed, and her voice shot straight to a part of my anatomy that I wasn't prepared to deal with quite yet. My pants tightened, and I realized I had yet another beast to fight.

"Shh... please… this is very hard for me," I begged, and she quieted beneath me.

My eyes strayed to her lips, and I wanted nothing more than to kiss her. Stroking my finger across her cheek, I grew harder at the very thought of her warm lips on mine.

Bella's heart started racing, her blood pumping and whooshing just beneath the surface, and I had no choice but to run. I wasn't going to give up, though; I _would_ find a way to be with her.

~*O*~

Before I could fully commit to being with Bella, I had to offer her a way out at least once more. If she truly wanted me, then I was hers, but if she chose to try for a normal life, I would step aside. Mr. Masen's next message to her encouraged her to move on, and I waited to see what response I would get.

Bella slept late that morning and seemed grateful for the coffee that Sonia made for her. After chatting in the kitchen for a short time, she headed for the writing room. The first thing she did was read my message. Her response came quickly, and I drank in her thoughts.

**Bella:** _Thank you so much for your words. They triggered something inside me that I'm not quite ready to verbalize even to myself yet, but I know that I'll be working on it over the next few weeks here. I still need to reconcile things with 'Brad' before I can even consider moving on; my feelings for him are what keep me from wanting to be with anyone else. That's something I have to find an answer for, and I know it isn't going to be simple. I'm beginning to think only talking more with 'Brad' will help me work this out. You really are easy to talk to. I hope I'll get to meet you before I leave here. Sonia did say few interns are granted that honor, but I hope to be one of them. No pressure or anything..._

Bella wanted to talk more with me, so I would oblige her. I really needed to find a way to be near her while suppressing my predatory instincts. It was impossible for me to hold my breath if we were to converse, so I had to find another solution.

Something nagged at my mind. There was a time that Sonia had a cold, and there was a medicinal, eucalyptus smell surrounding her. Since my vampire senses are so keen, it stunk up the entire house, and I had to know what it was. When I'd questioned Sonia, she told me it was Vicks. I looked it up on the internet and found that in addition to being used to help open nasal passages when one was sick, it was also used by Medical Examiners when doing autopsies in order to _cut the scent_ of the body. Bella didn't smell bad to me; she smelled good, but the premise was the same. If I put Vicks under my nose, perhaps I could get closer to Bella.

Feeling like a sneak and a thief, but not really caring, I entered Sonia's cottage and checked her medicine cabinet. Sure enough, there was the little royal blue tub of goo that was going to help me be near Bella. Slipping it in my pocket, I returned to my room to experiment.

The Vicks worked wonders with her scent around the house, and I felt ready to move forward. As a precaution, I would go to Bella while she slept to gauge how effective the Vicks was when she was in close proximity, but I had a feeling it would work. Everything smelled funny with this stuff. I supposed hunting was going to be unpleasant, but it was a small sacrifice if I could be with Bella. Perhaps over time I'd be able to reduce the amount of Vicks until I could be near her on my own.

Bella fell asleep quickly, and it was time to test my theory. Entering her room, I took a deep breath and found that although I could smell her essence underneath the disgusting eucalyptus, the beast was not tempted. Within five minutes, I was crouched next to her bed, reveling in the fact that I felt in complete control.

Slowly, Bella surfaced from her sleep, sniffing at the air curiously. Her head turned slowly until her eyes met with mine, and her heart beat fast like a fluttering bird trying to escape the cage of her ribs.

"Oh, shit!" she cursed.

When I remained still, her eyes widened as she sat up slowly. "Edward?"

Swallowing around the lump in my throat, I nodded, reaching out to caress her cheek, the warmth tingling over my skin.

"Edward... how are you doing this? Why haven't you run from me yet?"

"Vicks," I told her, finally allowing myself to smile at her the way I'd always wanted to.

"Excuse me?"

"Your scent destroys me, Bella, so I decided to look for a solution. I put Vicks under my nose; it dilutes and distorts your scent so it's not so... enticing."

"Vicks... wow. I'm a _genius!_" Bella grinned, lost in her own world.

What was she talking about? No matter; there was time to figure that out later. At the moment, there were other urges taking over, and I wanted nothing more than to taste her sweet lips under mine.

"Bella?"

"Um-hm?" she murmured, still distracted.

"Stop talking. I want to try something," I whispered, slipping my hand into the hair at the nape of her neck to cradle her head.

"_Oh..._"

Bella finally realized my intent, and she wasn't pulling away. Perching on the edge of her bed, my gaze flicked between her eyes and her lips, moving in slowly, to gauge her level of comfort. Frankly, I was a little nervous because this would be my first real kiss. My eyes fluttered closed just before my lips touched hers, and I murmured, "You're so beautiful, Angel."

Bella breathed in sharply, and then my lips were on hers... ever so gently... like angel wings. Electric tingles raced through me, originating from the connection of our lips—it was something I'd felt before when I'd touched her, but it was so much stronger now. Slipping my hand into hers, our fingers entwined, and the tingling grew in intensity. This felt like home—where I was meant to be—something I hadn't experienced since becoming a vampire. My lips moved over hers softly, and she seemed to be as into it as I was.

Humming quietly, I allowed instinct to take over, and I rose up over her as I pressed her back into the pillows. More. I wanted so much more of her.

The gentleman in me wouldn't allow this to go any further without word from the lady, though. "Are you okay with this, Bella? I shouldn't have assumed..."

"Yes, Edward. I'm more than okay with this," she began, but then her breathing hitched, and her eyes filled with tears. Bella's body stiffened, and she pulled back slightly, looking devastated.

"What's wrong, Angel? Why do you look so sad?" I whispered, rubbing my fingers on the back of her neck.

"It's hard to explain, Edward. What it comes down to is that it hurt me four years ago when you'd glare at me and ignore me. Then I'd think I saw you in my room at night... that maybe you cared about me. Last night you told me you care but you should have stayed away, and then you disappeared on me. Now you say you've found a solution to my scent, and you're kissing me... I – don't you see? I'm afraid to let go. I'm afraid you'll leave and never come back. I feel like I'm being pulled apart inside." A small sob escaped, and I felt like a heel.

This was what I'd done to Bella. My actions left her confused; it was so unfair. Only now was I realizing that she still thought I was a dream—she hadn't yet accepted that I was really here... holding her... kissing her. Pain lanced through me at that thought. Maybe I'd solved the problem of her scent, but we weren't out of the woods quite yet.

Bringing my forehead to rest against her, I brought my hand up to caress her face. "This is why, Angel—why I tried my damnedest to stay away from you. The last thing I've ever wanted is to cause you pain. I knew—I _know—_I'm not good enough for you, which is why I fought my feelings for you. Bella, knowing how you feel about me—what you wrote about us—I couldn't stay away from you anymore. I'm not strong enough."

"But, Edward, shouldn't I have a say? This is my life we're talking about. It's very noble that you want to protect me, but your actions are what have me in the emotional state I'm in. Having you here is bittersweet because I know you might disappear again."

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, feathering kisses along her jaw. My hand fell to the hollow between her neck and shoulder, loving the warmth that gathered there. "I would never purposely hurt you. Anything I've done has always been with your best interests in mind. You're right, though—you do deserve a say, and I've taken that away from you so many times. Do you want me to go?"

_Please, please, don't ask me to go._

"No. Please stay. Please give me the chance to work this out for myself, to decide what's best for me. Right now, I'd just like you to shut up and kiss me."

Bella didn't have to tell me twice. My lips were on hers in a split second, her graceful neck cradled in my hand as my fingers found their way to trace over the slamming pulse beneath them. There were no thoughts of biting her or of the blood that was racing through her body and pooling beneath her heated skin; I found myself spurred on only by her obvious desire for me.

It didn't matter that I'd never kissed a girl before; pure instinct took over. With a groan, I licked gently across her lip, and she opened her warm, sweet mouth to me. Our tongues touched tentatively at first, tasting and exploring.

So very gently I had to touch her, or I could break her in half.

Blood was the last thing on my mind.

Sexual desire for a woman flooded through my body for the very first time, and I could feel my arousal pressing hard against the seam of my jeans for the second time in as many days.

Bella's hands slipped over my shoulders, and she buried her fingers in my hair, pulling me closer. Encouraged, I pushed my tongue deeper into her mouth. Humming with pleasure, my fingers ghosted over the soft skin her neck and chest, tucking under her tank top to seek out the beacon of her heart, which beat against them like a drum.

Bella's hand joined mine over her heart, pressing it there. Breaking away from her lips, I placed soft kisses down her neck until I reached the sweet little hollow of her throat, my tongue peeking out to trace it. The taste of her skin was like manna from heaven.

"Oh, Edward... you feel so good. I never dreamed it could be like this with us."

"God, Bella. You don't know how long I've wanted to do this, but I never thought I'd be able to—so afraid of hurting you, Angel," I whispered into her neck.

"You feel my heart, Edward? That's because of you. I haven't been able to get close to anyone the past four years because every time someone touches me, the only thing going through my mind is that they aren't you. Please don't break my heart; don't run from me again."

Tears started falling then, and as they made their way down the soft skin of her neck, I gathered them greedily with my lips. Unable to resist the taste of each droplet encasing part of her essence, I licked my way up her neck, gathering tears as I went. The sob that escaped her lips drew my attention, and I raised my head to gaze down at her. Hearing her words—begging me not to break her heart or run from her—made me ache inside. In trying to protect her, I'd done so much damage.

"You'll never know how much I regret what I've done to you. I – I don't know if this can work between us, if I can continue to control myself. If you want me, I promise to try."

I brought my mouth back down to hers, our lips meeting over and over again.

So soft... so warm... so mine.

"Yes, Edward; I want you," she murmured between kisses. "I've always wanted you."

My body was singing—between her warm touches and kisses sending electricity through me and her words of adoration. I knew I didn't deserve her, but it no longer mattered.

"Oh, Angel, I've spent so much time daydreaming of you—of what you would say if I told you of my feelings." Crawling onto the bed, I turned on my side facing Bella. She shifted her body to face mine, our arms wrapping around each other. She snuggled closer, and I was once again elated that she wasn't repelled by me. "I always thought you would turn me away in disgust because of what I am, but you're so open, so accepting," I whispered incredulously.

"Edward, the heart doesn't discriminate. What I feel for you comes from deep inside me; I can't stop these feelings any more than I can stop the sun from rising."

And she was right. What we felt was beyond either of us. Trying not to love her _was_ like attempting to keep the sun from rising—impossible. So what made me think that Bella's feelings were any less, any different, just because she was human? I'd screwed up everything, and she was broken because of me.

We lay there tracing our fingers over each other's faces lightly, and I could have stayed there with her forever. That was until Bella yawned widely. Unable to hide my smile, I said, "Go to sleep, my sweet Angel. You need your rest."

Bella's eyes filled with panic, and she gripped my shirt in her fists. "You won't leave me again, will you? I'm afraid if I close my eyes -"

This is what _I _had done to her—made her a fearful mess, so unsure of herself and me.

I put a finger up to her lips. "Shh... I'm not going anywhere. I'll hold you until you fall asleep, and I promise I'll come to you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? You promise?" Bella's haunted eyes met mine uncertainly for a moment before slipping closed.

"Yes, love. I'm done hiding." Hooking a finger under her chin, I tilted her head up until her eyes met mine again. "I'll see you tomorrow." I kissed her lips softly, wrapping my arms tighter around her warmth until she fell into a peaceful sleep.

I stayed with Bella for a few hours, loathe to pull away from her heated skin. A few times, I tried to get up, but she pressed in closer with a soft whimper. Not wanting to leave her side anyway, I allowed her to pull me back in... stroking her hair... kissing her temple... running my hands over her back.

I spent a lot of time thinking about how badly I'd screwed everything up. There would be no more running or hiding—tomorrow I was going to show myself to Bella in the light of day so there would be no question that I was real—that _we_ were real.

Little did I know that the next day I would be chasing Bella down like the predator that I am.

**~*O*~**

**~*BrWi*~**

**A/N: The bad news: I wanted to get back around to the end of chapter one, but it was too much to fit in this chapter while still doing it justice. The good news: you'll be getting more EPOV next chapter, and we will reach the point where Bella took his hand... and beyond.**

**The song lyrics were excerpts from the suggested listening.**

**The Foxy Fics fundraiser is over, which means that Wendy (wmr1601) and I will be posting our new AH collab **_**'Speak Now'**_** starting early next week. We have several chapters already written, and we intend to post every 1-2 weeks. You like drama? You hate Tanya? Want to know what lies Tanya and Mike told to keep Edward and Bella apart? Come see what it's all about. The prologue is already up on my profile. My first AH story with absolutely no supernatural creatures. Pick your jaws up off the floor, and go check it out.**

**Next story to update... **_**'I Want It Painted Black'**_

**Thank you all**_** so **_**much for reading, and a special thank you to those who take the time to leave me some love. You guys rock!**


	4. Chapter 4 Confessions of a Vampire

**A/N: Hello, everyone! I've been hard at work on this chapter for well over a week due to lack of time and my fervent desire to get this just the way I wanted it. I hope you guys think it was worth the wait. This chapter is dedicated to Lindsey—Happy Graduation, girl!**

**Thank you to my pre-readers, Keye, Sandy and Wendy, for their valuable feedback, support and friendship! You gals rock, and I'm so lucky to have you! A special thanks to Keye for helping out with the musical inspiration.**

**Thanks to the fastest beta in the west, Jess (jkane180), for getting my chapter back so fast! Mwah!**

**~*BrWi*~**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

**~Confessions of a Vampire~**

* * *

**Suggested Listening:**

**Hang On ~ Seether**

**Howl ~ Florence and the Machine***

**For You ~ The Calling**

**Let Go ~ 12 Stones**

**Eden ~ Sarah Brightman (this version http : / / tinyurl . com / 3jdhh63 )**

**My Confession ~ Josh Groban***

**~*O*~**

_**The fabric of your flesh, pure as a wedding dress  
Until I wrap myself inside your arms I cannot rest  
The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound  
I hunt for you with bloodied feet across the hallowed ground**_

**~*O*~**

**~*Edward*~**

As early morning dawned, I reluctantly slipped away from Bella and returned to my rooms. Leaning against the wall beside one of my windows, I watched the gray sky gradually lighten. My decision had been made. Today I would reveal myself to Bella—not as a creature of the night, but in the light of day—so there could be no mistaking that I was indeed real. Maybe then we could really talk and decide together how to handle this—handle us.

My decisions four years ago had left Bella an emotional mess. I had no idea that she knew I came to her at night, that she longed for it... that she went out of her way to trick me by keeping her heart rate at an even keel. Until reading the manuscript and speaking with Bella herself, I had no idea how my glaring at her and ignoring her in high school had affected her.

The time for guilt was over, though. I would go to her today, tell her the whole truth. The decision would be entirely in Bella's hands—if she wanted me to leave her alone so she could move on, I would. But if she wanted me... if she felt for me a fraction of what I feel for her... then I would be hers, to do with whatever she pleased. If at some point, Bella desired to be turned, I would grant her request. I'd been playing God with her life, and it hadn't been very productive thus far, but I'd learned my lesson. It was Bella's life, so she should be the one to decide where it would go and what she would or would not become.

In preparation for meeting Bella, I requested that Sonia stay away from the main house today. We didn't need any witnesses to 'the big reveal.' Bella handled most things with incredible grace, but I thought it best to have privacy.

I heard Bella awaken and make her way down to the kitchen. This was it! This was the day I would lay myself at Bella's feet, the day that I would let her know I was hers to do with as she wished. Vampires aren't really prone to nerves, but when I held my hands out in front of me, they trembled. I decided to calm myself by playing my piano, gathering up my courage to face my mate. A big part of me wanted her to accept me, and another part hoped she would reject me and go on to live out her human life. The part of me that wanted Bella to be mine was incredibly selfish and seemed to be outweighing the other part of me by a mile.

After a while, she entered the writing room, and I realized there was no reason to wait any longer. Finishing up my song, I made my way slowly down the back stairs. When I reached the writing room, I stood outside the doors listening to her heartbeat.

_Tup-tup. Tup-tup. Tup-tup._

Oh, how I wished I could read her mind! Just a moment inside her head would be worth so much to me. If I'd been able to hear her thoughts back in high school, maybe things never would have reached such dire proportions. Guilt was something I wasn't going to entertain any longer; it was time to move forward—to put Bella first and allow her to make a fully informed choice.

Gathering my courage, I pulled on the door, which swung open silently on well-oiled hinges. Bella was looking out the window, the filmy curtains billowing around her creating a ghostly image, and she appeared to be deep in thought. As I stepped into the room, her heart started to beat faster. A few seconds later, her entire body stiffened, and she shook her head hard, before leaning over quickly to open the window wider.

Damp salt air from outside rushed in, reaching me, along with a fresh wave of her scent, which was distorted by the Vicks I'd placed under my nose. By the slight tremor that shivered through her body, I could tell she was afraid. Bella seemed to have an uncanny ability to sense me, and I suspected she knew I was behind her. This was the moment of truth.

"Get it together, Bella," she muttered.

"Angel," I called to her softly.

Bella drew in a sharp breath, her body going rigid.

"Shit, Bella; get a grip. You can't be hearing voices now."

"Bella, turn around."

"Edward?" she whispered, incredulously.

"It's me, Angel. I told you I would come to you today."

Moment of truth.

Bella turned toward me slowly, her eyes raking over me as her heart fluttered against her ribs like a bird trying desperately to escape its cage. Her mouth hung slightly open as she continued to gape at me.

"My God, you look so _real."_

_Still_ she didn't believe. My brow scrunched in consternation. How was I to get through to her? Holding out my hand, I assured her, "I _am_ real. I'm here... for you."

Didn't she realize yet? I was standing _right here_, in front of her, in the light of day, and she still chose to believe that I was a figment of her imagination?

Indeed she did, and things went from bad to worse.

We bantered back and forth—her denying, me pleading—as I moved in closer, hoping that if I could just _touch_ her, she would realize the truth. We both grew more and more agitated as we continued this dance of entreaty and denial, getting nowhere.

She kept asking me to prove that I was real, but no matter what I said, she seemed dissatisfied. Finally, I latched onto her manuscript.

"Angel, you wrote about us. That's why you're here—to finish our story."

And then it all went straight to hell.

"Aha! You can't be the real Edward! He'd have no way of knowing what my manuscript is about," Bella accused, pointing a shaking finger at me.

Obviously, _she_ wasn't aware that I was E.A. Masen, and therein lay my mistake. I needed to tell her everything immediately.

"Angel, please. Let me talk to you; tell you everything," I begged in a soothing voice, drawing nearer to her as we circled the room in an intricate give and take. It didn't work.

Flinging out a hand, Bella cried, "Stop! Don't come any closer. You're. Not. Real."

"I _am_ real, sweetheart. Please believe me. Let me show you, touch you." I tried to communicate with my eyes, to plead with her, to get her to accept the truth, but she was having none of it. Slowly, I moved in closer until our fingertips brushed against each other—her warmth branding the pads of my fingers. Surely this would prove to her that I was really here.

I could feel the electric tingles run up my arm and fill my being. Oh, how I'd missed this. And then the tingle was ripped away as Bella shrieked, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth.

Bella turned her back to me, and underneath the cloying scent of eucalyptus, I could scent... _fear._ Oh, no. The beast inside me started to awaken. The predator.

"Bella!" I called out desperately.

Vicks or not, there was a real possibility of me losing control.

Bella clapped her hands over her ears and fled down that hall, starting up the grand staircase.

The beast inside me groaned, licking his lips. _Fresh meat._

Oh, God.

Unable to stop my feet from moving, I began following Bella, calling to her.

"Bella, no! Don't run from me, please! You don't understand."

"Stay away from me! You're not real!"

Oh, but I _was_ real and so was the beast inside me that was ravenous for her blood.

"It's a mistake to run from me. Please, Angel, _stop now_!_" _There was a ragged growl in my voice that I was unable to suppress. I was losing control fast.

Bella kept running.

The beast smelled her fear, honing in on her heartbeat and the trail of adrenaline streaming out behind her as she ran.

My feet carried me straight for her despite my best efforts to stop. The beast had awakened, and he was not going to be stashed away so easily.

_Fear, adrenaline, blood... _

_Quarry running away... _

_Track, acquire... consume._

No. I didn't want to hurt Bella.

_This is Bella!_ I screamed in my mind, attempting to reach the beast and reason with him.

Before Bella reached the door to her room, I pushed her up against the wall. In my fight not to hurt her, my fingers clawed into the stone beside her, effectively caging her in. My body pressed against her, holding her hostage.

The beast roared, scenting blood and fear as her heart pumped furiously.

Bella looked down at the sound of the powdered stone pattering to the carpet. A fresh wave of fear hit my nose as she slowly raised her head to look up at me. My nostrils flared. It took everything I had to remain still.

"Oh, shit!" Bella cursed, and more of her scent curled up my nose.

_Damn it._ The beast was fighting hard to be let loose, to bite... to stake his claim.

"Don't. Move." I gritted my teeth, growling. "Don't struggle. Please don't try to run from me," I begged. My eyes met hers, and they were pleading with her. If she made any sudden moves, if she struggled, the beast would win.

Bella gaped at me in disbelief, and then she glanced to the side and saw my hand embedded into the wall beside her.

"E-Edward?" she whispered, her eyes returning to mine. "I'm sorry... I'm s-scared."

The fragrance of adrenaline, fear, and the blood of my singer—which was recognizable up close, despite the Vicks—was a potent cocktail. Nearly moaning out loud, I slid my nose alongside Bella's delicate neck.

_You want to deny me _this? The monster inside me reared up, preparing to pounce, and an involuntary growl rumbled in my chest. _Stop fighting me..._

It almost seemed as though I was a guest in my own body. Without my permission, my tongue snaked out to lick at the pounding pulse in Bella's neck. It wasn't enough, and my lips closed over it, suckling on it.

_That's it... take._

My teeth scraped over her creamy skin, and I groaned at the sensations flowing through me. I was embarrassed to admit that I was aroused by our predicament.

To my surprise, Bella wove her fingers into my hair, holding on tightly. My pants grew tighter in response, and control was rapidly slipping away.

But then Bella spoke.

"A-am I going to die?"

_Die?_ Die... die... If Bella died, I would be all alone in this world, without a mate. This thought sobered me faster than a bucket of cold water in the face would.

My head snapped up, and I pulled my hands from where they rested in the stone wall. Gripping Bella's face between my hands, I waited for her beautiful brown eyes to meet mine—which likely resembled two pieces of coal.

"No! Never!" My voice was an anguished whisper. "You shouldn't have run from me. I'm a _predator_, Bella. The sight of you running from me, the scent of the adrenaline and fear... it set me off. By all rights, I should have crushed you, but I fought it with everything I had. I never want to hurt you."

Bella's fingers tightened in my hair, and she rested her forehead on my chest. "I couldn't help but run; it was a knee-jerk reaction," she whispered apologetically.

"Promise me you'll never do that again," I murmured into her hair, kissing the top of her head.

"I promise."

All thoughts of hurting Bella had been banished, and I was now fighting off a different animal instinct: the desire to claim Bella as my mate, to dive underneath her warm skin and meld with her. I wanted to feel her heart beating inside me.

"Bella..." I could tell by the look in Bella's eyes as they met mine that she sensed the roiling emotions that were flowing through me.

When our eyes connected, another piece of this intricate puzzle snapped into place, and I couldn't hold back from touching her any longer. Cradling her head in my hand—being ever so careful not to crush her skull—I placed the fingers of the other under her chin to gently tip her head back. The site of her slightly parted, rosebud lips drew me in like a magnet, and my mouth came down on hers.

Last night, I'd been so very careful with her—and I still tried to be—but my lips joined with hers hungrily, and my tongue pushed into her mouth aggressively. I took control of the kiss... exploring, learning, tasting with my tongue, and my hips rocked forward against her without my permission. The gentleman in me was absent; I didn't even have the wherewithal to be embarrassed over my lack of proper etiquette.

Bella gripped my hair tighter and opened her mouth to me, letting out a moan. I could smell the fresh scent of her arousal in the air around us, and I knew she wanted this as much as I did.

Spurred by her desire, my hands drifted over her narrow shoulders and down her back, pulling her closer.

More. I needed more. _Had_ to have more of her.

Lifting her into my iron embrace, I nudged her legs around my waist. My lips drifted from hers to sample the delicate skin of her neck.

Holding her felt so good, so _right_. I knew it was supposed to be wrong—an abomination like me ravishing a young, innocent, treasure like Bella—but it didn't _feel_ wrong. I had no idea how I'd stayed away from her for four long years, but I didn't think I was capable of letting her go now. Not unless she sent me away.

"Oh, Bella... you feel so good in my arms... how did I stay away so long? Please forgive me," I murmured into her neck.

"Anything, Edward; anything. I would give you anything."

_She offered us anything._

_Want._

_Need._

_Taste._

_Devour._

_Mate._

My control at an all time low, I kicked the door to Bella's suite open, striding across the room. We tumbled onto the bed on our sides, the warmth of her surrounding me.

Bella was so willing to give into what I am, so open and accepting. Desire flooded through me with an intensity I'd never experienced before, and I flipped our position, so she was pinned underneath me. My eyes met deep pools of chocolate, full of surrender.

Bella didn't fear me; she wanted me touching her. She didn't seem to care what I was or what I did at that moment.

Overwhelmed with emotion, I grazed my lips across her slowly. "You're so beautiful and perfect, Angel. I don't deserve you."

"Don't say that, Edward. We both deserve happiness, and I can only find that with you."

She could only find happiness with me? With a monster? An undead creature? But Bella was having none of it and assured me I was what she wanted. How did I get so lucky? The God that had forsaken me when He allowed me to become _this, _had smiled upon me when He sent me Bella.

When I expressed my surprise that she could want me, when I asked how this was possible, her response nearly caused me to moan out loud.

"Edward, I can't think about that right now... not with your body pressed up against mine… with your lips so close."

"I know what you mean..." Nudging my nose against hers, I leaned in to kiss her again, our lips moving together. Leaning on one arm, I allowed one hand to glide along her curves, wrapping around her hip.

Bella thrust up against my hardness, and the urge to be inside her filled me... to mate with her, to make her mine.

She would let me; I knew that.

_It's wrong to take advantage of Bella when she thinks I'm a dream._

That sobering thought made the decision for me. Yes, I wanted her. Yes, I'd decided to explore what was possible between us. But I'd be damned if I was going to do this when Bella thought she was dreaming. If she wanted me, I was hers, but not that way.

"Is something wrong, Edward?"

"No. It's just that when we take this any further, you need to be sure."

"I am -" she protested.

"Shh... you need to be sure you're with the real me. I don't want to be with you when you think I'm a hallucination. When we're together next, you'll be sure that it's really me, Angel."

Bella looked back at me for a few seconds, and I could tell she was debating this heavily. Understanding dawned in her eyes, and she nodded her agreement.

"Okay, Edward. You're right. I need to get myself together."

Sitting us up, I stroked her hair tenderly. Smiling down at her, I could hear her heart start beating double-time. Holding her face gently in my hands, I kissed her on the forehead.

Bella stiffened, and I could smell her fear. "Edward? You're leaving me?"

"Not leaving you; waiting for you, love. The next time you see me, you'll know that I'm real."

"But –"

"No more visits, Angel. The next time we meet, you'll have no more doubts. That's my promise to you," I reassured.

Even at that moment, I was hurting Bella. I'd screwed things up so badly, and I fervently hoped I'd be able to make it up to her somehow.

Bella shook her head, tears trickling down her creamy skin. "Edward, no. I need you... please."

Gently, I wiped her tears away.

"No. This is all my fault, and I'm going to fix it. You _will_ see me again—but not like this. No more tears, Angel."

Bella was inconsolable and unable to stem the tears that continued to flow. Laying her down, I wrapped my arms around her, shushing and cooing to her until she finally fell asleep. I lay there with her until the sun began to rise before disentangling myself and heading back to my rooms.

Sliding down the wall next to the windows, I shoved my fingers roughly into my hair, tugging hard. I wanted to cry, and once again, I cursed what I am.

_Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry for what I've done. Nothing I do can ever make up for the past four years that you lost—that we lost._

Later that day, I found out that Bella intended to leave the island to search for 'Brad.' She felt that she needed to seek him out and speak to him before she could consider moving on with her life.

_I_ was Brad, and I was _right here_. I just couldn't seem to get Bella to believe I was real.

Frustrated, I decided to call Alice. I prayed that she would have some insight into the situation.

"Edward!" Alice's delighted voice came through the phone.

"Why do you sound so chipper?" I snapped out.

"Because it's all coming together!"

"Is it? Bella still thinks I'm a hallucination! I went to her in the light of day, and she still didn't believe I was real. She ran from me... I chased her down like an – an animal."

"Did you harm her?"

"No."

"Then it was a good day."

"I suppose. But what do I do now? Bella's decided to leave the island in two days to search for 'Brad.' How do I get her to realize that _I'm right here,_ Alice?" The frustration in my voice was evident.

"Well, let's go through some different scenarios of you revealing yourself and see how the future changes."

"Okay."

We spent the next hour with me making different decisions about when to reveal myself to Bella. Some ended the same as last night—with her still believing she was hallucinating—and some ended... even less happily. After a particularly gruesome vision ending with Bella's death, I was nearly ready to throw in the towel.

"This is wrong, Alice. I need to let her go. She can't find me if I don't let her." Pain was already raging inside me just from saying the words. I had no idea if I'd actually be able to go through with this again.

"No, Edward. There must be a way!" I could almost see Alice stamping her little foot as she said this, and a faint smile played about my lips. "What are you smiling about?"

I started to roll my –

"And don't you roll your eyes at me, Edward Anthony!" she shrieked.

"Jesus, Alice! I've forgotten how very annoying your gift can be."

"Oh! I've got it! Edward I know what you have to do!"

"What?"

"Reveal yourself in front of Sonia! Surely Bella can't deny your existence if Sonia sees you, too."

"What if I lose control, Alice? After chasing Bella through the house the way I did..."

"Do it outside, Edward."

"That might work, Alice." Hope started to fill me. Maybe I could do this after all.

**~*BrWi*~**

The next two days were extremely frustrating for me. From Bella's interactions with Sonia, I could tell she was ecstatic that she'd come to a decision and was looking forward to finding me 'out there somewhere.' In the meantime, I was trapped in my rooms like a recluse. The irony of the situation rankled.

Sonia was busy making preparations for Bella's impending departure, and they were never outside together.

Bella spent time writing and frequently walked around the island. She seemed far more relaxed and at ease. I knew she could sense my presence even from afar, so I forced myself not to follow her when she explored the island. It was difficult but necessary.

Finally, the evening before Bella was to depart from the island arrived, and I realized I would have no other choice than to reveal myself as Sonia brought her down to the dock to get on the boat. Nothing like the last minute.

My phone buzzed.

"Hey, Alice."

"It's perfect! That's when you have to approach Bella—as she's about to get on the boat, down at the dock."

My head snapped up, and I tried in vain to keep the hope at bay. "I'll be successful this time?"

"Yes! Edward, yes! Move carefully around her, and allow her the time to absorb it. I can't see _Bella's_ decision, of course, but you're going to ask her to stay with you." Alice squealed, and I could picture her jumping up and down.

"Thank you, Alice. I've screwed up her life so badly. I just want the chance to make it up to her. And then, if she wants me to leave her alone, I will." I swallowed around the huge lump in my throat. The thought of losing Bella was devastating, but I loved her enough to allow her to choose.

"You could let her go, Edward?" Alice asked softly.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, sighing deeply. Pain flared in my long-dead heart at the mere idea of it, but I knew what my answer had to be. "Yes, Alice. Bella is the most precious thing in the world to me. If she wants to go her own way, to lead a normal human existence, then I'll back away."

"Oh, Edward. I wish I could tell you what she'll do, but I can't see that yet. Good luck, brother. I love you."

"I love you, too, Alice—and thank you for everything. Thank you for bringing her back to me."

"_That_ was destiny. I just helped a little."

The rest of the night was long. I couldn't play my piano because Bella and Sonia thought I'd left the island. I wasn't supposed to be here, so I had to remain silent. Around two in the morning, I slipped out of the house quietly, heading to the other side of the island. I took down two mountain lions just to be certain I wasn't thirsting tomorrow morning, and then I sat on my favorite rock. A beam of moonlight landed on my bare forearm, and my skin appeared luminescent in the silvery light. Idly, I wondered if Bella would be horrified by my skin. Knowing her, she would find it fascinating. A smile tugged at my lips. My Angel was so unique—she never did what was expected.

The morning dawned gray, and I was thankful I wouldn't have to reveal myself in all my sparkling glory in front of Sonia. That would be a bit hard to explain, and even Sonia's 'not my business' policy would likely go out the window.

Hanging out in the woods, I waited until I saw Sonia leading Bella down to the dock. The moment of truth had finally arrived.

Making my way to the dock, I carefully placed myself a few yards behind Sonia, so Bella would have to see me when she turned back around.

Bella gazed up at the house, shielding her eyes with her hand. She nearly missed me as she turned, but then I saw her freeze, her head coming back my way. Slowly, her face changed, a number of emotions flitting across it, finally leaving her with her mouth hanging slightly open.

_Why is she looking like that? _Sonia thought. _What in the world...?_

Sonia turned to see what had Bella so enraptured, and her surprised gaze fell on me.

"Mr. Masen! What are you doing here? I thought you'd gone back to the mainland." _What is he doing here, and why is Bella looking at him that way?_

_"M-Mr. Masen?" _ Bella's brow creased. "Sonia, you mean to tell me you see a man standing there? You know him?"

Sonia turned back to face Bella. "Yes, of course; that's Mr. Masen. Why wouldn't I see him standing there?" _Do they know each other? Why does Bella think I wouldn't see him—he's only a few yards away._

"_Holy shit_," Bella whispered under her breath, low enough that Sonia didn't catch it.

"Sonia, I need you to get on the boat with Captain Joe and go back to the mainland," I requested, hoping that Sonia's loyalty would continue to hold. The last thing I needed was for her to get overly curious _now_.

I needn't have worried. After confirming with Bella that we knew each other, Sonia complied with my request. Bella and I stood silently, watching as the boat left the slip. Once they were just a small speck bobbing in the water, Bella's heart started beating faster, her breaths shallow. Her eyes moved from the retreating boat, to the house, to me... and then repeated the pattern again. Her mouth was moving, but no sound came out.

"Bella?" I asked softly. I felt it was best to remain where I was, until she started to accept that I was really here.

"No." Bella shook her head. Her legs seemed to collapse beneath her, and she sat down hard on the dock, muttering to herself. "It can't be... no way... delusion... Oh, my God, but what if it is... no, can't be..."

Taking a few cautious steps closer, I called to her again, "Angel?" Her eyes shot up to mine, widening, and her heart started racing. Wanting to appear less intimidating, I crouched down, so I was at eye level with Bella. "It's going to be all right; I promise."

"They can s-see you."

"Yes, Angel."

"You're r-real? You aren't a hallucination, are you?"

I looked away from her. This was my moment of truth. Was she ready to hear this? Was I ready to accept it if she rejected me? I still wasn't sure I'd have the strength necessary to leave her alone, but this might be my only chance, so I took it.

"No, I'm not a hallucination."

"The dreams? The night visits?"

"Real."

"Oh, dear God. I feel like such an ass." Bella covered her face.

_She_ felt like an ass? That couldn't be further from the truth.

"Don't."

"Oh! When I ran from you?" Bella lifted her head, her eyes widening with the dawning understanding of how close she came to being my victim.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. That was not my finest moment," I apologized, hoping she could read the intense shame I felt on my face.

She asked me a few more questions, and I answered them honestly. She would get nothing but honesty from here on out, and she seemed to take all of my answers in stride. Pride swelled inside me as I watched Bella cataloging and accepting all the facts about the events leading us to this moment. She never seemed angry or accusatory, although that might come later on. When she asked calmly if I was a vampire, and her heart rate didn't change at my answer, I thought I might be able to get closer to her.

"May I come closer, Bella?"

Bella looked up at me, debating. Remaining completely still, I allowed her the time to think through my request, not wanting to push when we were doing so well. After a few moments, she nodded. I moved toward her slowly, staying crouched down so I wouldn't startle her and maintaining eye contact for reassurance. I halted a few feet away, afraid of spooking her if I came too close.

"Is this okay?"

"Yes."

"What are you thinking, Bella?" Of all the times I've been frustrated that I couldn't read her mind, I thought this was the worst one I'd come up against thus far. What I wouldn't give to hear her thought process! To know if she was leaning toward me or away.

"I – I don't know. This is so hard for me to wrap my mind around, Edward. I've spent the last several years believing I had vivid _dreams _about you... now I find out that... I mean -" Her words faltered.

"I know, and I'm sorry. You deserve to know the truth."

God, I'd royally screwed this up! It was no thanks to me that things were going smoothly right now; I bore no illusions about that. Bella was the one making it easier than I deserved—at least so far. I couldn't honestly say that I would have been able to handle a similar situation as well as Bella was when I was still human.

"Truth?" Bella laughed shakily. "I think I'm about ready for a padded room here." She kept her eyes downcast as her fingers played with hem of her jeans.

Again, my fault.

Carefully, I reached out to her, my fingers touching her hand light as a feather. Even barely touching her, an electric shock went up my arm and started to circulate through my body. Bella's startled eyes flew up to mine, and I suspected she could feel this, too—whatever _this_ was. It was a palpable energy that zipped through my entire being, and I wondered how Bella experienced it. Was it the same for her?

"I've been running for a long time, but I'm finished with that," I said softly.

"Y-You are?"

This was finally it. _Moment of truth._

"Yes." I stood up, holding my hand out to Bella. "I need to tell you everything. Stay with me, Angel. Please?"

The hesitation was infinitesimal. Only a vampire would notice a hesitation that brief, and I was floored and thrilled that it was all the time Bella took before placing her hand in mine. Hope filled me along with another shock of electricity—both feelings were rapidly becoming addictive. Even ornery, brooding vampires could learn new tricks.

**~*O*~**

_**I have been wrong about you  
Thought I was strong without you  
For so long nothing could move me  
For so long nothing could change me  
Now I feel myself surrender  
Each time I see your face**_

_**I am captured by your beauty  
Your unassuming grace  
And I feel my heart is turning  
Falling into place  
I can't hide it  
Now hear my confession**_

**~*O*~**

**~*Bella*~**

I placed my hand in Edward's large, cool one. He was real. _This_ was real. All the times I thought I'd been dreaming, Edward was really there. Suddenly, I understood why most of my dreams over the past four years were flat and two dimensional. The so-called 'lucid' dreams I'd experienced four years ago that started up again when I'd arrived here on the island were real. It was ironic that I'd thought I was dreaming, but a part of me had known how to 'fool' Edward into also believing that I was dreaming.

Edward helped me up to a standing position, and I suddenly felt shy. I could feel my face turning beet red as I thought over the past few days, and how I'd thrown myself at him so wantonly because I thought he was a dream.

"Hey," he whispered, placing a finger under my chin to lift my face to his.

My eyes landed on the front of his shirt, a triangle of his pale skin visible. I was afraid to look up, to meet his eyes... to admit once and for all that this was real. I couldn't deny that both Sonia and Captain Joe had seen Edward, and unless I was willing to believe that I'd completely lost it, then the only conclusion I could draw was that Edward was... here.

He'd touched me gently, kissed my lips... _wanted_ me in a carnal way.

I'd run from him, provoking something residing inside him, and he'd nearly killed me.

Edward was a _vampire_. He wasn't human, and this wasn't a simple human crush between two consenting adults.

"Angel. Look at me." His voice was soft but commanding, and I felt compelled to obey him.

Slowly, I lifted my eyes—taking in his long, pale neck, the strong jawline, lush pink lips, high cheekbones—until I finally met his golden honey gaze. Sucking in a breath, I was once again blown away by his beauty, by the pull of his eyes on me.

"Oh..." I breathed.

"Everything's going to be okay, my Angel." His voice was velvety soft, full of promise.

"I-It is?" I parroted, feeling just a little bit daft, but the affect he had over me was unmistakable now that I knew he wasn't a delusion.

Edward smiled slightly, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "Yes, it is. I promise that the choices are all yours. I'll answer any questions you have, and then if you want to leave..." he swallowed hard "...I won't stop you."

There seemed to be missing pieces here, but my mind wasn't functioning properly. All I knew was that I tingled when he touched me, and I loved him, and there was nowhere I'd rather be. I didn't care that Edward was a vampire—my only thoughts lay in the direction of logistics. _Could_ we have a relationship without him hurting me? I was pretty sure he wanted that, too.

"Why would I want to leave you, Edward?" I asked before I could stop myself.

Dropping his hand from my face, he was the one to look away this time, giving me the opportunity to take him in fully. His hair was exactly the same—a chaotic mess of reddish brown strands that appeared almost artfully arranged—and his jaw tightened as an expression of self-loathing came over his features.

"The real question is: why would you want to be near me once you know the truth?" His voice was so low and soft I could barely hear him.

My body still thrummed from his touch, and I missed it already. Boldly, I reached my hand out and entwined my fingers with his. _Ah, there it is._

His startled golden eyes flew to mine, and he glanced down at our joined hands.

"You feel that, too, don't you?" I asked him as the thrumming grew in intensity.

"Yes." Again, he swallowed hard, and I could tell this was all a struggle for him, too.

Everything around us receded, and all I could see was Edward and his otherworldly beauty. I could smell his unique scent swirling around me—that sweet-musky-woodsy, mouthwatering scent that haunted me—and I wondered how I came here to this island and didn't immediately recognize it. My mind must have been protecting me. I just hadn't been ready to accept the truth of the situation, but I was ready now. There would be no more subterfuge, suffering or hiding if I had anything to say about it.

Raising my arm, I brought our joined hands up to rest against my cheek, effectively trapping his cool hand between my face and my palm. Edward's eyes were wide with surprise, but he seemed almost... content.

"Bella..." He took a step forward then hesitated, looking uncertain.

"It's okay, Edward. I won't bite." I smiled at the irony of my words, and I hoped it would lighten the mood.

"What?" Edward looked startled, but then he saw the smile on my face. "Joking? You're making a joke about this?"

"Yes, I'm making a joke about this. _Someone_ has to. Surely you can see the irony, the stuff of fairy tales that we're living. This is all so fantastical—if I don't make light of it, I just might crack."

Edward's face twisted. Surely there had never been anyone who can look as anguished and self- loathing as Edward. That thought only widened my smile.

"Bella, what do you find so amusing about our predicament? Are you feeling all right? Do you think maybe... you're having a break down?"

Edward was serious. He thought there was something wrong with _me_? There was something hilarious about the whole thing, although I'd be damned if I could pinpoint exactly what it was. Truthfully, I was most likely in a great deal of danger, but I couldn't bring myself to care. Edward Cullen cared about me, wanted me. Our feelings were mutual; I was _not_ all alone in my crush. I was elated, and perhaps that was making me feel giddy.

"I'm so sorry to laugh, Edward. Honestly, I'm just so relieved to know that you feel something for me. I assure you I'm not having a break down. You just don't understand... what I've been going through the past four years."

"I understand better than you think, Bella." Edward's face was grim. "I have a lot of confessing to do. You might not be very happy with me when you know the truth."

Suddenly, it hit me—_Edward_ was E.A. Masen! That meant... he'd read all of my feelings and knew exactly what I'd been going through. Edward was the person on the other end of the instant messages on the computer.

"You... you're Mr. Masen," I whispered, my face reddening with embarrassment.

"Bella, come with me? I'll tell you everything, but I want to take you somewhere." Edward's fingers tightened against mine.

"Where?"

"To the other side of the island."

"But the animals!"

Edward smirked. "I'm a predator, Bella. The animals will sense my presence and scatter in every direction. You'll never be in danger from the animals as long as you're with me."

"Okay. Let's go."

Letting go of my hand, Edward turned his back to me and crouched down. "Hop on."

"What? You mean, on your back?"

"It would be half a day's walk and lots of climbing for you, Bella, but for me—well, it will only take us about ten minutes to get there."

"If you're sure..." I looked him over dubiously.

"Put your arms around my neck, Bella, and hold on." He turned his head to look back at me and shot me a crooked grin. For the first time, his mood seemed lighter. I was scared to death to ride piggy back on Edward, but I did it anyway, just because I wanted to please him.

Climbing on his back, I wrapped my arms securely around his neck and clamped my legs around his waist. A moment later, he took off at a light run. As promised, the wildlife scattered, leaving us alone in the forest. You don't realize how comforting and _normal_ the sounds of birds chirping, squirrels scrabbling up trees, and other general sounds of nature are until they're absent. It was eerie the way every living thing scrambled to get out of Edward's way.

Once I became used to the strangeness and the dizzying feel of being jostled on Edward's back, I was able to lift my head and look around. The vegetation flitted past my vision in a blur made up of many shades of green and brown. I rather enjoyed the feel of the wind whipping at my face and hair, but at the same time, I was also very grateful my hair was pulled back in a ponytail. We entered a clearing, and then I could see a bit better, since there was more wide open space from which to observe. Looming ahead was a steep hill with what appeared to be loose boulders dotting its face, and then we were suddenly racing up the side of it. The change in movement and elevation left me nauseated, but Edward slowed as we reached the peak, coming to a stop.

"You can get down now, Angel."

"I... um..." I stammered. My arms were still anchored about his neck, and they didn't want to obey my command to let go. My body was curled around his, and none of my muscles seemed to be working. "I'm sorry, but my body doesn't seem to be getting the signal to let go."

"That's okay. I've never carried a human before. Even though I was running slowly, it was probably jarring to you."

"Slowly..." I burst out incredulously. "_That_ was you running slow? How fast can you run?"

"Really, really fast, Bella. Fast enough that the human eye can't register it." He paused a moment. "Fast enough to stop Tyler Crowley's van from crushing you," he finished softly.

"Oh..." I breathed. Somehow it was cathartic to hear Edward admit that he'd saved me from being crushed by Tyler's van. I already knew it, but in my hospital room, he'd begged me to let it go, and I'd granted his wish because I would have done anything to make him happy. I realized that I still would do anything to make Edward Cullen happy—to coax that crooked smile to his lips. My instincts told me that Edward didn't smile enough, that he wasn't generally a happy pers—vampire.

When I was able to loosen my hold slightly, Edward pulled me around, so I was clinging to his front rather than his back. He lowered himself to a seated position, so I was straddling him face to face. Again, I was assaulted by his beauty. Nobody should be so breathtaking; it just didn't seem fair to the rest of the population.

"You're beautiful." The words tumbled from my mouth without warning, and I could feel the blush rising to my cheeks.

Edward let out a surprised laugh, as though that was the last thing he expected to hear. "I've never been a vain man, but somehow, hearing that from you means a great deal to me." His somber mood returned all too soon. "I'm not sure how you can find me beautiful after all that I've done to you."

I was growing tired of Edward blaming himself for everything. He seemed to take self-loathing to a new level, and I didn't feel it was deserved. With a huff, I asked, "Edward, did you mean to harm me in any way?"

"No, of course not," he whispered.

"Then please stop beating yourself up over things you can't control."

Edward didn't answer, but his mouth lifted at one corner.

"Promise me."

"I promise to try, but it's in my nature."

"Is that a vampire thing?"

"No, it's an Edward thing." His smile widened.

The adrenaline was wearing off, and I felt calmer. I was pretty sure a big part of it was being held securely in Edward's arms. Taking the opportunity to drink in our surroundings, I found myself in awe. We were sitting atop a flat rock at the peak of a steep hill. From up here, you could see so much beauty: the rock face swooping down to the green vegetation below, the clearing we'd come through to the left, a small lake to the right, and cloudy, gray skies as far as the eye could see.

"Oh, my God. What a gorgeous view from up here. What is this place?"

"It's my favorite place to go when I need to think. Sometimes I come here when it's sunny because it reminds me of you."

"Of me? How so?"

Edward's hands snaked around my waist, his hold gentle. He looked down at me with obvious affection, and I melted inside. "I'm sure you've noticed how cold I am, Bella. To me, you're so incredibly warm, and to recreate that feeling when I was away from you... I often lay here on sunny days. The warmth from the sun reminds me of the way your skin feels under my fingers."

My heart started to beat faster, and I looked back up to find his gaze trained on me. The breath left me; I still wasn't used to seeing Edward up close. To know that he would lay out in the sun because it made him think of me warmed my heart. I _wasn't_ alone in this as I'd originally thought. Edward had been dreaming of me, too. Longing for me.

The gold of his irises darkened just a shade or two, and his gaze flickered between my eyes and my lips a few times. Slowly, he lowered his head, touching his lips to mine. I drew in a breath and was filled with his essence, which clouded my mind in the most pleasant way.

My fingers played at the edge of the soft hair on the back of his neck as I accepted his soft kisses. His hands tightened slightly about my waist, but not painfully, as he drew me closer against him. Edward didn't attempt to deepen the kiss, just allowed our lips to caress each other—a 'getting to know you' kiss.

I realized this was our first 'official' kiss. All the others occurred when I thought Edward was just a beautiful delusion. _Our first kiss. _ I hoped it would be the first of many.

Edward's lips nibbled along my jawline until he placed a gentle kiss on my ear lobe. "Our first real kiss, Angel." His cool breath sent a pleasant shiver down my spine, and I leaned my body closer to his.

"I was just thinking that very thing, Edward. It's the first time you've kissed me when I knew you were really here. It must have been so hard for you—so frustrating."

"Don't worry about me, Angel. My only concern is you. We have so much to talk about—there's so much I need to tell you."

"Would it be horrible if I said I'd rather kiss you again, Edward?"

His lips were on mine a second later, a bit more insistent this time. Pressing in closer, his lips parted, and I caught some of his sweet breath when I drew in one of my own. My head swirled dizzily. This was like heaven, and knowing it was real this time made it all the more potent.

Chest to chest, we breathed in and out almost as one unit. The electric tingling soared through my body, entering through his hands and our lips, filling me. Allowing my mouth to fall open, I ran my tongue along his bottom lip, and a low growl rumbled in his chest, which I could feel vibrate against my own. I should have been afraid—hearing a growl from a vampire that scared away all other predators—but I wasn't. I felt confident that Edward would go out of his way not to hurt me.

One of Edward's hands came up to cradle the back of my head, while the other remained on my waist. Pulling back for a moment, he looked at me with darkening eyes filled with hunger before bringing his mouth down to mine again and sweeping his tongue past my lips. His kiss was slow but thorough, leaving no question as to who was in charge. I melted under his hands, lips and tongue, feeling boneless. If he let go of me, I feared I would simply slump onto the surface of the rock in a warm puddle.

When Edward's tongue retreated, I tried to follow it into his mouth with mine, but he turned his head away. "No, Angel."

"What's wrong?"

"My teeth are razor sharp. One slice and your life could be over."

"What do you mean?" I looked up, startled.

Edward's expression was uncomfortable, embarrassed, ashamed... sorry. Silently, he stroked my hair, his other hand moving up and down my back in a soothing pattern.

"Edward. I need you to tell me."

"I'm venomous, Bella. My teeth are coated with venom, and when there's prey nearby, and I go into hunting mode, my mouth fills with it in preparation for... the kill."

Thoughts of me running up the stairs and down the hall toward my room filled my head. I ran from Edward, triggering off his predator instincts. My eyes grew wider, and I said nothing. How close did I come to dying at his hands? It would have been my own fault for not heeding his warnings.

"It's okay for me to put _my_ tongue in your mouth, but you'll want to mind my teeth. Okay?" His gaze sought out mine, and he caressed my cheek gently.

"Y-Yes. Okay."

"We have a lot to discuss, and I'm afraid that with you wrapped around me this way... that's unlikely to happen." He smiled crookedly at me.

"I suppose you're right." I smiled back.

"Can you stand up now?"

"I think so."

With Edward's hands on my hips for support, I stood carefully. The breeze smelled of the salt air, and I closed my eyes for a moment, just taking it in. When I opened my eyes, I realized Edward's hands were still on my hips, but instead of standing, he was kneeling in front of me watching me carefully.

"What are you doing?" I asked, resting my hands on his shoulders.

Edward continued to watch me, his irises back to their honey gold hue. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable under his intense gaze, and I wondered what he was thinking. Why was he on his knees?

"Edward?"

He sighed deeply before he started speaking. "Bella, I must beg your forgiveness. I've screwed everything up so badly. I hurt you, left you behind, caused you to doubt your own sanity... nearly killed you. I only wanted to do right by you, and I did everything wrong." He nuzzled his face into my stomach, and my hands slid into his hair, combing through it soothingly. "Can you ever forgive me?" he whispered.

"Yes," I answered without hesitation.

Edward's head came up, his face filled with shock. "Surely you need some time to think it over?"

"No. Maybe this makes me the biggest fool walking the earth... but, Edward, my life has been misery the past four years. Obviously, you know this—you've read my manuscript." My face heated at the thought of him reading all the girly fantasies I'd penned about him, and I closed my eyes.

"No, Angel. Please don't be embarrassed. The things you wrote were so... beautiful. Much of it was heartbreaking—and that was my fault—but the other things took my breath away." I felt his presence rise, the palpable energy field that surrounded us moving up my body. When I opened my eyes, he was towering over me at full height, and he brought his hands up to cup my face. "You have nothing to be ashamed of, Angel. All of this is on me."

My fingers grabbed at his shirt reflexively, holding on for dear life. This was really happening. I was standing on the peak of a small mountain with Edward. He'd carried me on his back all the way across the island in mere minutes—a trip that would have taken me hours on foot. This vampire before me felt the same things for me that I felt for him—and I couldn't have cared less that he wasn't human. Edward had read my manuscript, and part of me still felt embarrassed about my innermost thoughts being spread before him like a feast. At least he knew my feelings, knew that my life was horrific while he was gone God-knows-where for the past four years, and maybe—just maybe—that would make all the difference.

"Edward, do you see? My life is such a mess."

"Yes, and I'm sorry. You have no idea how sorry." He peppered little kisses over my face. "My thoughts were all of you, Angel. It hurt like hell to leave you. I kept journals—you're welcome to read them if you want. It's only fair after I read your manuscript."

"I'd like that," I answered shyly. "Not because I want to be nosy... because I want to know you. You know so much more about me than I do about you."

He continued placing soft kisses over my cheeks, nose and forehead. "Yes, Angel. I'm afraid I have a lot to answer for. I'll share everything with you—I promise to hold nothing back—and then if you want to go... I won't stop you. You deserve to live out a normal life, Bella."

There was such sorrow in his voice, and fear rushed through me like a tidal wave. _He would let me go? I deserved a normal human life?_

"Edward, no! I don't want to be away from you. Promise me you won't..." my voice broke, reducing to a strained whisper, "...leave me. I don't think I could survive it a second time." My hands tightened on his shirt, and a few tears escaped, rolling down my cheeks.

Edward kissed away my tears then brought his lips to mine, kissing me tenderly. "No, Angel. Please let go of those fears."

"But – but you just said..."

"Shh..." He kissed me again, melting my insides.

I would never survive being left again—the first time was devastating enough, but now that I'd touched him, kissed him... it would be too much to bear.

"I'm yours. I belong to you, Angel."

"What?"

"You can do whatever you wish with me. I know this might be hard for you to understand, but you're my mate. I'll never look at another female—_want _another female—for all of eternity."

"Um... I don't know what to say, what to ask." I opened my eyes and looked into his. I saw only truth there. Mate? What did that mean? All of eternity? Was he _immortal_? The idea hit me like a sledge hammer in the chest. "Eternity? Y-You're... immortal?" I whispered.

Edward gazed steadily into my eyes, his thumbs rubbing gently over my cheeks. "Yes, Angel."

"Oh, my God. Well, after I'm gone, surely..."

"No." Edward shook his head slowly, his eyes never leaving mine.

"No? But that would mean you'd always be alone. How does that make sense?"

"Vampires mate for life, Bella. I've never heard of a vampire mating with a human before. Since vampires are immortal, there's usually no worry of being left behind."

"There must be some mistake! This is awful, Edward. Maybe I'm not your mate... maybe someone else will come along—another vampire."

"Bella..." Edward pulled me in closer, rubbing his thumb across my bottom lip. "Do you feel that electric current that vibrates with life wherever we make contact? The way you could never allow another man to touch you?"

I nodded my head dumbly as the electricity virtually sizzled through my veins so hotly I thought for sure they would melt.

"How about intimacy? How was it when you were... with a man?" Edward swallowed hard, and I could see the thought of another man touching me made him uncomfortable.

"I... um... I haven't. I couldn't," I whispered. "I'm a... virgin."

My face flaming, I tried to look away, but Edward captured my chin in his hand, holding it until my eyes met his.

"I haven't either."

"Haven't what?"

"Made love," he said softly, placing a tender kiss on my lips.

How could this veritable Greek God be a virgin? He was immortal... so how old was he exactly? This was unreal, and yet, his eyes said he was being truthful. And, really, what reason did he have to lie to me?

"H-How old are you?"

"A hundred and ten."

"And you've never... wow, that's a long time." I let out a shaky laugh.

Edward smirked at me. "I never had the urge before."

"Before? Meaning you... do now?"

"Yes," he answered plainly.

"Oh..." A thrill shot through me, and I squeezed my thighs together.

"But, Bella, I would never... I mean, you're free to do whatever you wish. I would never try to keep you here or expect you to do anything you're not comfortable with. I don't even know if we could..." He pressed his forehead to mine, letting out a breath, his sweet scent wrapping around me.

"You don't know if we could? Why?"

"Because I might hurt you. My strength... I don't know if I could remain in control of myself. It would be so easy to break you."

"You've really struggled with this, haven't you? I'm so sorry, Edward." My brow scrunched as another thought occurred to me. "Are you _my_ mate? Is that why I haven't been able to get involved with anyone?"

"I think so, Angel. I had no idea that was even possible between a vampire and a human. I thought leaving you was doing you a favor. If I knew the truth of the situation, I never would have left you. Every day away from you has been painful for me. When we get back to the house, I'll give you my journals, and you can spend some time alone to read and absorb them; then we can talk again."

"You won't leave me?" My voice rose in panic.

"No. I'll only be a whisper away. My hearing is extremely keen, so if you call my name, I'll hear you."

"I know there are so many things to learn, but tell me something else I don't know about you."

Edward smiled down at me. "You want all my vampire secrets?" He pulled on the elastic surrounding my pony tail, sending my hair cascading over my back and shoulders, then ran his fingers through it. He brought a lock up to his nose and sniffed it with his eyes closed; it reminded me of someone smelling a fragrant bouquet of roses. Opening his eyes, he said, "My sense of smell and touch is extremely sensitive—all my senses are. I love your scent. I love the smell of your hair, the feel of it between my fingers." Lifting another lock, his eyes followed his fingers as he combed all the way through it.

I watched the side of his face as it tilted down, the contours of his face beautiful from every angle. Without thinking about it, my hand came up to stroke the side of his face lightly. Edward closed his eyes, leaning into my touch. He dropped the lock of hair and traced his fingers along my collarbone.

"I love to touch your skin, Angel. It's so warm and soft under my fingers. Every time I touch you, though, the joy is tempered by the cold, hard fact that I could break you in half. I have to be so very careful with you. It would destroy me if I ever harmed you."

My breath hitched. I realized that I wanted to be with Edward—that I was made to be with him—and I was willing to risk anything. I had no life back in Forks because I belonged with him. Ever since the first moment I laid eyes on Edward Cullen, he'd owned me, body and soul.

"Edward." I took his face between my hands and waited for him to look at me. His eyes were so deep I felt as though I could fall into them; so many emotions rippled just at the surface with the promise of so much more underneath. "From the first moment we met, my life has never been the same. I'm yours. I belong to you, with you. Things haven't gone well for me without you, and I don't care if there's a risk—I want to be with you."

"Oh, Bella. Don't promise yourself to me. Give yourself some time, read my journals, ask me questions, think things through... then if you want me, I'm yours. I can't in good conscience move forward without you knowing all the facts." He looked back at me earnestly. I knew none of it would make a difference, but I wanted Edward to be comfortable with my decision, so I agreed.

The gray clouds hung low and dark in the sky. Edward sniffed at the air and announced that it would rain within the hour. "Let's get you back to the house, Angel. I'll light a fire for you, and you can have something to eat while reading my journals. How does that sound?"

"That sounds great." He turned away, in preparation for loading me on his back, but I touched his arm. "Thank you, Edward."

"For what?" He sounded confused.

"For coming to me. For not letting me live an empty life thinking I was crazy. I know it's hard for you not to... kill me. I just want you to know how much I appreciate your efforts, and I also want to thank you for not taking advantage of me when I was... delusional."

"I'll always put you first, Bella. Leaving you was a mistake, and I promise you I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me to go." He leaned down to kiss me chastely on the lips before crouching down with his back to me. "Hop on, Miss Swan."

The ride back was more pleasant for me with the exception of the dizzying run straight down the side of the small mountain. My heart felt as if it would explode, and I could faintly hear Edward's laughter; surely he could feel my heart slamming against his back.

"Not funny!" I muttered.

Once the steep hillside was behind us, I was able to pick my head up and watch the field and the trees going by. The dense forest was harder to handle when Edward had to weave in and out around various forms of vegetation. Everything whipped by at such a fast clip that I couldn't make much out anyway, so I just closed my eyes, leaning my cheek against his shoulder. My hair streamed out behind us, and I found that I enjoyed it, like a giddy little girl.

The sky was darkening further as we reached the house, and the golden glow of the lights inside was a welcome sight. I was shivering slightly from the cool air and Edward's cold body. He came to a stop by the front steps, and it only took a moment for my equilibrium to return this time. I looked up to see him studying me as if I was a puzzle for him to solve, and my cheeks burned. _Why must he make me blush so often? _

"What is it?" I asked.

"You're so amazing, Angel, and you don't even know it, do you?" Edward tucked my hair behind my ear; such a normal, intimate gesture.

"There's nothing amazing about me, really." I ducked my head down.

"Oh, but there is." Edward coaxed my head up with a finger under my chin until I met his eyes. Instead of expanding on his previous statement, he leaned in for a kiss, slipping his hands under my hair. This time, he slid his tongue between my parted lips, teasing at my own. Suddenly, I didn't feel cold anymore as the familiar tingling feeling raced through my body and heat bloomed deep inside me.

This time, he kissed me longer than he had earlier. Moving in closer, we ended up with my arms wrapped around his neck and his hands roaming over my sides and back. His body was firmer than a human male's, but at some point, I realized that there was something else between us. His hardness strained against his pants, pressing insistently against my stomach. I couldn't control the urge to jostle against him, and Edward immediately pulled away with a strangled moan.

"Careful, Angel. Vampires are ruled by instincts other than the one to hunt prey—especially when in close proximity to one's mate. We should go inside."

Maybe I should apologize, but I'd be lying if I said I regretted _feeling_ what I did to him. I wanted him, but I knew the time wasn't right yet.

Edward held his hand out to me, and I allowed him to lead me inside, where he lit a fire in the writing room. Insisting I make myself comfortable, he said he would 'take care of everything.' In a flash, he was gone as if he'd never been standing there. Less than thirty seconds later, he was beside me again, holding out three leather-bound journals.

"How did you...?"

"I told you; I'm really fast." Edward smirked.

"What else can you do?"

"Lots of cool stuff. I'm going to get you something to eat. I'll be right back." And he was gone again.

Settling into the wing back chair, I held the pile of journals on my lap, running my fingers over the smooth brown leather. There was a crest stamped on the front of each one, and I realized it matched the one on the leather cuff Edward always wore on his wrist. I stared into the fire, watching the dancing flames lick curiously at the brick walls, a log that hadn't caught yet, the metal screen that kept stray sparks from shooting out... and allowed myself to be lulled into a more relaxed state.

"Here you go."

Edward's sudden appearance caused me to jump, nearly dumping his journals on the floor. "Oh! You should wear a bell around your neck or something, Edward!" I sputtered.

"You wish to collar me like a cow?" He tilted his head cocking an eyebrow, and I couldn't tell if he was insulted or amused. I was still learning his expressions, his sense of humor.

"No, of course not, but it _would _be nice to know when you're going to show up. Perhaps you could... knock on doors? Things like that?"

"Absolutely. Where would you like to eat?" I glanced up to see Edward holding a tray with a sandwich, some fresh fruit and a glass of milk. My stomach rumbled at the sight, and I realized I hadn't eaten since breakfast.

"Oh, yum. Maybe just put it on the table by my chair? I'm anxious to get started reading your journals."

"Whatever the lady wants."

Edward pulled the side table closer to the chair so everything was within my reach. I snagged half of the ham sandwich and took a big bite. "Mm-mm... thanks, Edward."

"I'll be upstairs if you need me."

Panic flooded through me once again at the thought of him leaving me alone.

"No! Please can you stay?"

He crouched down in front of me, placing his hands on my thighs. "What's wrong, Angel? I thought for sure you'd want some alone time with the journals."

"I'd rather you stay with me. I might have questions. Unless you're too tired and you want to sleep..."

Edward laughed then. "Sleep is never an issue for me, Bella."

"Why? Are you one of those vampires that only needs four hours a night?" I quipped.

"I don't sleep. I can't. Vampires are always awake."

"Wow. You can get so much done! I always thought sleep was such a waste of time."

"It can be a burden, too, Bella. The nights can be very long when you're all alone." He looked away, sadness marring his perfect features.

"I guess there truly are two sides to every coin, huh? Grass is always greener and all that..."

"I suppose. In any case, I'm at your disposal, Bella. If you want me to stay here with you, I will. You may ask me any questions you wish, and I'll answer every one of them honestly."

"Yes, I want you with me. I'm sorry... it'll probably be really boring for you..." Suddenly, I felt selfish for asking him to sit here and watch me reading his words.

Edward put his hands over mine and leaned in to kiss my cheek. "Oh, no, Angel. It's never boring when I can be near you. Being with you is endlessly fascinating to me. You'll understand more when you read my journals. I fear some of it might anger you, but I've promised full disclosure."

I looked into his golden eyes, and it was obvious he was ready to do and be whatever I wanted. If I told him to get lost, he would, even though it would hurt him deeply. For the first time in my life, there was someone who put me above everyone and everything else. I suspected anything he did was done out of love, but he wouldn't be satisfied until I read the journals. Honestly, I was dying to get a peek into the mind of this tortured vampire that had lain himself at my feet.

"Edward, I may surprise you. I doubt I'm going to be angry with you. You seem to have gone to great lengths to try to protect me—much of it causing yourself pain."

"You surprise me all the time, Angel." He leaned over and placed a soft kiss on my lips. "I'll be over there. Ask me anything you want to."

"Thank you, Edward. It means a lot to me." I felt like a bit of a fool being so insecure that I didn't want him out of my sight, but not foolish enough to let him go.

Edward settled in a corner of the room, out of my line of vision, and he was so silent, I soon forgot he was there. Setting aside the other two journals, I opened the one he'd told me to start with. I stared down at the creamy paper, filled with a beautifully slanted script. Of course his writing would be as perfect as the rest of him.

Smoothing out the page, I could feel the thickness of the paper beneath my fingers. These were very expensive, hand-bound journals. A part of me longed to own a fine journal such as this. My tattered journal from high school was practically falling apart, the cheap binding ripping away from the pages. Now I wrote on the computer, but I missed the intimacy of writing by hand. Maybe I would take it up again.

I glanced down at the page, which was dated approximately four years ago, and started to read.

_My entire existence tilted on its axis the day I first smelled the blood of my singer..._

**~*BrWi*~**

* * *

**A/N: Big, long chapter with lots of progress made between them. It was suggested that I break it into two, but I haven't updated in a while, and I wanted to get this out to you guys. Many of you have PM'd me or nudged me on Twitter, so I didn't want to disappoint. *****The song lyrics were excerpts from the suggested listening.**

**Reviewers will continue to receive a special teaser for the next chapter that won't be released to the general public. This is my way of saying thank you for all the lovely comments you guys take the time to leave me. I appreciate each and every one so very much!**

**News: I will be entering my original story, **_**'The Weight of Roses,'**_** in the TWCS original fiction romance contest in the Dangerous Liaisons category. I should begin posting my story next week, so if you're interested in taking a peek, you can find me there under the pen name SaritaDreaming.**

**I'm writing an outtake for the Fandom 4 Sexual Assault Awareness with my collab partner and friend, Wendy (wmr1601), of our story **_**'Speak Now.' **_**This will be a special outtake from Mike and Tanya POVs that will give further insight into their conspiracy against Edward and Bella. It might even give some idea what we can expect to see happen in the future... Go donate, and you'll receive a compilation of the stories gifted by many talented authors!**

**Check out Wendy's (wmr1601) awesome new story, **_**'Music of the Heart.' **_**It's an AH, E/B story that just started this week!  
**

**Join me on Twitter (at) SaritaDreaming for general goofing around and info on updates.**

**Next story to update... **_**'I Want It Painted Black'**_


	5. Chapter 5 Fearless Love

**A/N: For all of you that demanded Edward's journal... you're in for a treat. This chapter has 5K of Edward's journal entries. It was slow and grueling to write, but now that I've committed, the second part will be in the next chapter. My characters also took over on me, so you will receive another special treat in this chapter. Enjoy!**

**Thanks to my lovely prereaders, Keye and Sandy, for their unfailing support and friendship. They both had a hand in the musical inspiration for this chapter.**

**Mega thanks to my awesome betas, Jess (jkane180), Wendy (wmr1601) and Kathie (Katmom), for their sparkly red pens and awesome feedback. Edward licks to Katmom for catching a rather large snafu. Mwah!**

**~*BrWi*~**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

**~Fearless Love~**

* * *

**Suggested Listening:**

**A Rose in the Wind ~ Anggun**

**Never Let Go ~ Josh Groban**

**Under Your Spell ~ Ana Victoria**

**Angel ~ Jon Secada**

**Fearless Love ~ Melissa Etheridge**

**Never Let Go ~ Josh Groban**

_**I can't understand it.  
The search for an answer is met with a darker day.  
And we've been handed these moments forever.  
But I'm reassured there's another way.  
You don't have to close your eyes.  
There is room for love again.  
Ease the pain to realize  
All that love can be.  
Forced apart by time and sand.  
Take a step and take my hand.  
And don't let it go.  
Never let go.**_

_**Broken, once connected,**_  
_**We were so strong and so blessed in a simple way.**_  
_**So don't let me go it alone.**_  
_**Turn your head up to the sky.**_  
_**Nothing down below but me.**_  
_**Face the truth to realize**_  
_**All that we could be.**_  
_**Torn apart by rage and fear.**_  
_**Hold onto what brought you here.**_  
_**Don't let it go.**_  
_**Never let go.**_

_**Turn your head up to the sky.**_  
_**Nothing down below.**_  
_**Don't let go.**_

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**~Previously~**

Edward settled in a corner of the room, out of my line of vision, and he was so silent, I soon forgot he was there. Setting aside the other two journals, I opened the one he'd told me to start with. I stared down at the creamy paper, filled with a beautifully slanted script. Of course his writing would be as perfect as the rest of him.

Smoothing out the page, I could feel the thickness of the paper beneath my fingers. These were very expensive, hand-bound journals. A part of me longed to own a fine journal such as this. My tattered journal from high school was practically falling apart, the cheap binding ripping away from the pages. Now I wrote on the computer, but I missed the intimacy of writing by hand. Maybe I would take it up again.

I glanced down at the page, which was dated approximately four years ago, and started to read.

* * *

_**September 25, 2006**_

_My entire existence tilted on its axis the day I first smelled the blood of my singer. I've always kept journals, but this one is different. I find myself banished from my family, forced to deal with the unwanted attentions of Tanya, and haunted by the memory of _her_ scent__,__ at a time when solitude is the last thing I want. Every moment of every day, it's a struggle not to run straight back to Forks and kill Isabella Swan._

_I want to grab her in my arms and tear through the thin membrane that lies between my venom-coated teeth and the delectable nectar flowing hotly through her veins... calling to me... singing to me._

_When her scent first swirled around me... I can't even begin to describe the _burn_. If someone had forced open my mouth and poured molten lava down my throat, the resultant conflagration couldn't have seared me more deeply. The beast inside me—the one I have kept in chains for so, so long—awakened and began clawing his way to the surface, demanding that I take her right there in the classroom in front of everyone. The beast doesn't care if my family is exposed; his only desire is for her blood at any cost. He keeps rattling his chains, urging me to return home and seek her out. And I must fight for my very life, even as I fight not to take the life of this innocent human girl._

_**October 5, 2006**_

_Today, I finally had the courage to open the package Alice shipped over with some of Isabella—_Bella—_Swan's clothing in it. Alice keeps urging me to call the girl Bella, telling me that everything has a higher purpose and will 'work out.' What does she mean when she says things will work out? That I will kill Is—Bella, but I won't be caught? That we will have to pull up stakes and move once again? That I will learn to stifle the burning porcupine that flexes its needles in my throat each time I come across _her_ scent? Does Alice trust me so implicitly that she's confident I won't seek out Bella Swan under cover of darkness, spiriting her away into the woods where my teeth can have their wicked way with the pulsing vein in her neck?_

_Venom is filling my mouth right now as I write this—at the mere thought of cradling her warmth in my stone cold arms, lowering my lips to the pulsing beacon on the soft, warm skin of her throat, and slicing into the vein to drink deeply of the sweet, sweet wine that would flow over my tongue to soothe the burning ache that smolders inside me, even now, with her hundreds of miles away. Just the delectable scent that clung to _the wrappings_ from the package Alice sent me was enough to drive me mad, so I burned them. Even the acrid smoke taunted me as it curled slowly into the darkening sky._

_The pile of shirts Alice sent sits on the table in the cabin, a constant reminder of what I have to overcome if I'm ever to return home. Will the day come that I can acclimate to her scent? I feel like an utter failure—a sick, depraved animal. I don't _want_ to be a monster. I never asked for this half-life; it was thrust upon me by my well-meaning sire. I can't bring myself to hate Carlisle for it when he was only doing as my mother begged him to on her own deathbed._

_**October 8, 2006**_

_As the days go by, I've slowly been able to walk past the table without the desire to ball up the shirts and stuff them in my mouth—to embarrass myself by attempting to drain blood from dried cotton. My hands no longer shake, and I can stand upright. I keep reminding myself to call her Bella, not Isabella, as Alice likes to remind me. When I think Bella's name, I see her soft brown doe eyes with perfect vampire clarity in my mind. When I took her in—before her scent reached me and destroyed me so thoroughly—I noticed her eyes. I remember thinking how self-aware she was compared to other human females of her tender age. Her translucent skin drew my interest, and the way her long mahogany locks tumbled over and around her shoulders was endlessly fascinating to me._

_When I'm not fighting off the desire to seek her out and drain every last drop from her veins, my mind keeps returning to that moment in Biology before all hell broke loose. I suppose because it's the only time I've been able to observe her, and even those few seconds are like minutes for me. Sometimes a strange tingling rushes through my body when I think her name—_Bella_—but it's not unpleasant. It scares me because I don't understand its origin. Does it mean that I would enjoy killing this girl? Taking her life away before she's had a chance to live it? Surely not, because if so, I'm more of an abomination than I ever considered. What is the source of this feeling that fills me to the brim with a foreign ache?_

_**October 11, 2006**_

_Today, I let a young doe go free. She was alone, and I have no way of knowing if she had little ones, but when I fell upon her—heart slamming furiously up against her ribs—she turned her head, eyes rolling in agonized fear. And in my mind, I saw another set of brown eyes—soft, moist, concerned. I saw the way Bella looked at me when she thought I might need assistance—before she realized she had walked into the den of a predator._

_Why does she keep returning to my thoughts? I know I'm here because of her—to keep from becoming a murderer of innocence—but what I'm experiencing seems independent of that. I'm confounded, and I don't dare discuss with anyone what I can't even begin to put into words for myself._

_**October 19, 2006**_

_This has been a strange trip for me. The cabin is secluded deeply enough in the woods that I've been in relative silence the past few weeks. Not dealing with the miasma of thoughts flowing through other minds has calmed my own. I enjoy communing with nature, running free, and hunting at my leisure. Some nights, I've climbed to the top of the nearby peak to look up at the stars, and a part of me almost wishes I wasn't there alone, although I have no idea who I wish to be next to me._

_I can finally hold Bella's clothing, ghosting my nose along the fibers and drinking in her essence, without feeling the desire to attack. Alice was right; I feel ready to return home, confident that I will not seek out Bella Swan and harm her._

_What greatly concerns me is that I still think of Bella often—especially her eyes, so kind and innocent. When my mind turns her way, I feel a stirring deep in my abdomen, a twinge, that I have never experienced before. Perhaps it will become clearer to me when I see her again, something I'm both looking forward to and dreading with equal intensity right now._

_**October 24, 2006**_

_This was my first day back at school. I came back cocky, sure I could now handle Bella's scent. And I was wrong... so wrong. When I saw her in the cafeteria, although she was across the room and I couldn't smell her, venom flooded my mouth. Apparently, the very thought of her scent while she was in view was enough to incite the beast inside me. Alice's crypt-o-quotes pissed me off, and I ended up glaring Bella's way and scaring the girl all over again._

_When I reached Biology, it grew far worse. Thank Heaven Angela Weber was now my lab partner. If I thought I could sit beside Bella and act normal, I was sadly mistaken. Even from across the room, her heartbeats taunted me, the sound of the blood whooshing through her veins, the mouthwatering scent of her blood... God, even sitting here penning this right now is difficult, and I have to swallow back mouthfuls of venom. Cloth is one thing. I acclimated to her fading scent on the cotton fibers, but what I forgot to factor in is the living blood, the living girl, the sound of her heart beating in her chest, and the sound of the blood making its revolutions through her veins. Sweet Jesus._

_**November 14, 2006**_

_Something has been happening to me these past few weeks. I've been afraid to think about it, and I most certainly haven't discussed it with anyone. Bella's scent still destroys me, taunts me, but I find myself seeking out information about her. I watch her through the minds of others where I'm safe from the ambrosia of her blood and beating heart. Trying not to glare her way is more difficult for me. I don't _mean_ to do it, but when the burning porcupine ruffs its quills inside my esophagus, it's all I can do to refrain from attacking her—there's definitely no capability of pleasantry on my part. Perhaps it's best that Bella believes I despise her; it will keep her safer. That's another thing that confounds me; while I've never wished ill on a human, I've never had a vested interest in one either. I don't want anything horrible to befall Bella, especially by my own hand. Feelings of protectiveness keep surfacing, and I have the urge to pummel crude young men, such as the likes of Mike Newton, who have impure thoughts and fantasies about Bella. But she's not mine to protect. If I'm honest, it's _me_ she needs protecting from, not some ridiculous teenage boy. This fact does not sit well with me, and it makes me hate what I am more than ever._

_**November 21, 2006**_

_If I was still human, I would be breathing heavy, and my heart would be pounding in my chest right now. As it is, my breath is coming in short bursts, and my hand is shaking as I write this. I'm beginning to think I've lost my mind. Fearing that Alice would 'see' and Jasper would 'feel' what I was going through, I snatched up my journal and brought it to my meadow—the only place I can find a semblance of myself anymore, a scrap of me that isn't being vitiated by current circumstances._

_Even here in my meadow, amongst the trees reaching their bare arms to the sky in supplication, I am not completely at peace. Eyes raised to stare into the deep night sky, I fear I will never feel the gentle caress of peace again for all of eternity, nor am I deserving of it._

_Tonight I inadvertently became a peeping tom. It's not enough that I desire the sweet nectar flowing through an innocent young woman's veins, but now I've crossed the line into depravity as well._

_After hunting this evening, I found myself in the woods outside the Swan house. I didn't intend to go there—at least I don't think I did—but suddenly the familiar sound of Bella's heartbeat filled my ears. I stood at the edge of the trees, listening to her prepare for bed. After she slid between the sheets, I could hear the long, slow breaths of one deeply asleep._

_Oh, but then! Then I climbed the tree _right outside her window_ and perched there! I sat in the branches with her open window mere feet away. I leaned against the trunk, listening to the cadence of her heart... _tup-tup, tup-tup, tup-tup_... and found myself lulled into a relaxed state, lulled into a false sense of rightness and satiety, for what I was doing was so wrong. I shouldn't have been outside her house, eavesdropping on her every movement, breath, heartbeat, and sigh. I shouldn't have found comfort as her heartbeat resonated with something deep inside me that I was loath to explain even to myself._

_So here I sit, in the meadow, because it's the only place in this world that I feel is mine. Nobody knows of this place—no one has been here but me. There are never any other scents around here, so I consider it a safe haven. Here I can rail at myself in peace. What was I thinking by sitting in the tree right outside Bella's bedroom window? Knowing I don't wish her any harm, I have to consider my motives. This can't happen again._

_**November 25, 2006**_

_My resolution to stay away from Bella's house lasted all of four days. It's a Saturday evening, and she bid her father goodnight and climbed up to bed at the early hour of nine. In what universe is that normal for a teenage girl? Shouldn't she be out with friends having a good time?_

_She kept her light on for an hour and a half. I heard the scratch of her pen as she wrote in a journal, the sound of the pages turning told me it was cheap paper. God, how I wonder what she was writing so furiously in there! I would never dream of invading her privacy that way. But I still long for her thoughts because her mind is shut to me, so closed off. Nary a thought escapes, and yet I know there is so much going on behind those eyes._

_**December 9, 2006**_

_I've been sitting in the tree outside Bella's window nightly for nearly two weeks now. My routine has been to settle in the branches of the tree outside her window, allowing the comforting sound of her heart to lull me. I find myself content to be close by but haven't given much consideration as to why. Nobody in my family knows about this; if Alice has seen anything, she's playing it close to the vest._

_Tonight I crossed the line between 'harmless' and 'creepy stalker.' If I'm honest, I reached stalker status the second time I scaled the tree outside Bella's room. The first night, I could hide behind the supposition that I happened to wander past her home by coincidence. I'm not sure why I'm so fixated on her, but I can't stay away; I no longer want to. Surely there must be a special place in Hell waiting for me._

_As I perched in the tree, I was caught unawares when Bella's heart sped up, and she cried out my name in her sleep. She was asking why I hate her, and her words clawed into me. What I hate is my reaction to her; she is so innocent and kind to others, unworthy of ugly emotions such as hatred. Then she started to cry, and I don't know what came over me, but I entered her room through the window. Her scent slammed into me, surrounding me, and I gulped huge lungfuls of air from the open window._

_When she cried harder, I longed to comfort her... to hold her or stroke the silken strands of her hair. My fingers twitched, but I was chained to the window and the fresh air from outside. If I attempted to touch her, I would likely destroy this rare flower, damning myself all the more. Some whispered words seemed to do the trick, and Bella fell into a calm slumber. Does it sound ridiculous to say I was overjoyed that I was able to bring some measure of comfort to her? After all, it was because of me she was distressed in the first place._

_I know I should stop this, but I can't. I don't have the strength to stay away from my beautiful angel. And there... I've called her mine. The road to Hell is paved with good intentions. I've lost my way, and I'm in danger of dragging Bella with me._

_**December 18, 2006**_

_This is just wrong on so many levels. I can no longer deny that I have a... crush on Bella. How I long to be able to converse with her, like a normal boy. To have her react to the me I want to be with her, rather than the glaring, scary monster that makes her sad. But I'm _not _a regular boy—a fact I need to keep reminding myself of. If I drew close to Bella while she was awake, instead of when she sleeps and her heart rate is slow and even, it's likely I would kill her._

_At night, she is my Sleeping Beauty, and I can stand to be close by. I no longer stay in the tree; I go into her room, standing by the foot of the bed or sitting on her rocker in the corner. I know it's wrong to invade her privacy this way, but the object of my affections is unavailable to me during her waking hours, and I can no longer stand to be away from her._

_The duality of my relationship to Bella diverges wider by the day. At school, I ignore her as much as possible and try not to glare too much, and at night, I look on her with affection. If she woke up and saw me... I shudder to think of the backlash that would result. I can't stay away. I'm ashamed and appalled at my lack of strength and resolve. A fierce vampire, immortal, stronger than a hundred elephants, and I'm brought to my knees by my feelings for a human girl that thinks I'm nothing more than a hateful teenage boy._

_**December 22, 2006**_

_Christmas is just a few days away. I've been arriving earlier some nights, watching Bella from the tree line around her property. Tonight, she dressed up the house with colorful garlands and decorated the tree in the corner of the living room with festive lights and traditional style Christmas balls and decorations. As she stood to put the angel atop the tree, I held my breath when she teetered on the step stool, about to tip over. Her father stepped in to steady her, admonishing Bella to be more careful. Relief flooded through me, but a kernel of jealousy and resentment bloomed as well. If I was human—normal—I could have been there beside her to help decorate the tree, to place the angel at the top. _My_ hands could be the ones to steady her when needed, to caress her cheek lightly or hold her hand in mine._

_I regret going there early, watching her that way. It caused me to do something foolish. My desire for her overrode my common sense—although one could argue that I _have_ no common sense based on my recent activities—and I moved close to her bed while she slept. I longed to feel her warm skin under my fingers; not as a predator, but as a man. Running my fingertip lightly along her bare arm, I could see gooseflesh rise in the wake of my touch. Naturally, my skin would feel cold and unnatural to a human—yet another reminder of the differences between us, the impossibility of it all._

_But she didn't pull away. In fact, her body leaned toward me, like a flower seeking the sun. As she swam toward consciousness, I should have taken that as my cue to leave. Since Bella came into my life, I haven't made the best decisions, and this is no exception. She sensed my presence, and her heart started beating just a bit faster, although not enough to concern me—my next mistake. Pulling my hand back, I continued to stand silently next to her bed, expecting she would fall back asleep. When her eyes popped open and met mine, I was startled by her level of awareness. The scent of adrenaline assaulted me along with her pounding heart, and it was suddenly too much. I couldn't just disappear out her window before her eyes! She would know for sure then that I wasn't human, and my family would be at increased risk of exposure. I put a finger over her pouty lips—noticing how their heat branded my finger even as I fought not to pounce on her—and bid her to close her eyes. Bella immediately complied with my request, and I was able to escape from her room to the woods outside literally in the blink of an eye. I held onto the trunk of a tree for dear life, breathing heavily and sucking in the cool night air. Despite my recent foolishness, I continued to hover close by, listening to Bella settle back down. I heard her mutter to herself, 'It couldn't have been...' which was great news. She thought it was a dream—the only safe conclusion for her to draw._

_I need to gain control over myself. I have to stop this, stop going to her room at night and risking her life and mine._

_**December 25, 2006**_

_Today is Christmas. It's also the third night I've forced myself to stay out of Bella's room. I don't understand why I keep torturing myself this way, but I can't seem to stop myself—it's as if I'm under a spell. The thought of missing my time with Bella—even if she _is_ blissfully unaware of me—causes an almost physical pain and longing within me. Part of me wants to discuss this with Carlisle, but I can't bring myself to speak the words aloud. Jasper has been giving me strange looks, although I try my best to keep my emotions in check when I'm around my family. Alice is the one that confounds me; she hasn't given any indicator, in thought or deed, that she knows what's going on, although I find it hard to believe that she hasn't had a vision or become curious about my recent nightly activities. Whatever has provided me the solace to attempt to figure this out on my own, I'm grateful for it._

_Bella and her father sat in the living room watching _It's a Wonderful Life_, and an intense feeling of irony descended over me. I'm the invisible man that doesn't belong, but there is no magic that can fix this. Bella paused the movie at one point, getting them both a snack from the kitchen before they resumed watching. When the movie was almost over, the phone rang, and it was Bella's mother calling. She apologized to Bella for calling so late and missing out on Christmas. She and Phil—who I assume is Bella's stepfather—were traveling, and she claimed this was the first opportunity she had to call. I was surprised to find that Bella's father's thoughts were muddled, and I couldn't hear them clearly. I suppose Bella inherited her 'mind silence' from her father. I caught some snatches of thought from him while Bella was on the phone with her mom, which may have come through more clearly because he felt so strongly about them. 'Leave it to Renee... only call her... on a holiday, and late at that! … deserves a better mother... never thought I'd see the day.' I have to agree with Chief Swan. A girl should have a good mother figure; maybe that's why Bella is so mature—she's had no choice but to grow up and take care of those around her. My heart aches for her. This extraordinary human has an absent mother, a father who tries his best, and a vampire secret admirer who finds her blood irresistible. Could the odds be stacked any higher against her?_

_Bella climbed into bed some time around eleven, after spending a long time writing in her journal. I suspect that she was writing about me, because as she closed it, she sighed and mumbled, 'Merry Christmas, Edward.' Around the sudden lump in my throat, I whispered it back._

_Once she fell asleep and seemed to be at peace, I ran to my meadow, where I sit now, writing this. I just couldn't bear to stay at Bella's tonight. She thinks of me? I am the thought that she ended the holiday on? She wished me well even though I've done nothing but hurt her. Truly, she must be an angel that God allowed to come down to earth to bless those she comes in contact with. I know I should never go near Bella again, that my presence can only taint her existence, threaten it. I also know that the pain that shoots through my body at the thought will keep me going back to her—at least until I gain the strength to do what I know is right._

_Merry Christmas, Angel._

_**January 1, 2007**_

_I gave in tonight. After spending just over a week sitting in the tree outside Bella's window, I couldn't bear being so far from her. Yes, it's only a few feet, but it feels like a chasm to me. I need to breathe in her essence, to feel the warmth that radiates from her body even though I sit across the room. Sick, depraved stalker. I've never been so ashamed of myself, but it doesn't stop me from continuing to put Bella in the ultimate danger._

_It was New Year's Eve, and Bella didn't go anywhere. Again, I'm struck by how sad it is that a girl her age is sitting home even though she was invited to go out. She watched the ball drop with her father and climbed into bed not ten minutes later._

_Happy New Year, Angel. Perhaps this will be your year... the year your life starts, and you are unburdened by neglectful mothers and improper secret admirers._

_**January 11, 2007**_

_My resolve crumbled once again. Most nights, Bella sleeps easily until morning. Sometimes she calls out my name as she shifts restlessly in her bed. Tonight, she seemed particularly restless, and she called out to me, 'Edward... please.' From across the room, I smelled the tear that fell, and I was by her side in a split second. Before I could consider what a bad idea it was, I stroked my finger down her cheek, gathering up the salty drop of emotion. Oh, how soft and warm her skin was. I haven't been warm in so long, and I've never really missed it before—but feeling the velvet softness of her skin made me want to touch more. Lightly, I traced my finger along her warmth again, and without even realizing I was about to, I whispered my wish that things could be different. Bella murmured to me, asking why they couldn't be different. Her heart continued to beat slow and steady, so I assumed she was just talking in her sleep. My feelings were so raw, and I couldn't stop myself from letting her know that I wished with my whole being that things could be different. What I wasn't expecting was for Bella to grab my hand. She was awake? She heard me? This time, I didn't have the luxury of asking her to close her eyes—the need to escape was urgent lest I harm her. I can only pray that she wasn't aware enough to piece things together._

_Will I never learn? Will I not be happy until I hurt my angel? I keep thinking of her as mine, but she's _not _mine. I don't deserve the honor of being in her presence, and yet, like some sick and twisted stalker, I keep returning to put her in danger over and over again. Even as I write this, knowing all of the reasons I should give her up, I know that I won't be able to resist her. What I don't know is why. Be safe, Angel. May whoever is in charge that forsook me so many years ago protect you from all harm, including myself._

**~*BrWi*~**

_**When I woke up I was 17  
You kissed my lips in a bad bad dream  
Showed me things aren't what they appear to be  
Called me Angel and set me free  
You gave me life in the cold, cold dark  
But you ran away in the morning spark  
Made me think that reality  
Is not where I want to be**_

**_I am what I am and_**  
**_I am what I am afraid of_**  
**_Oh what am I afraid of_**  
**_I need a fearless love_**  
**_Don't need to fear the end_**  
**_If you can't hold me now_**  
**_You will never hold me again_**  
**_I want to live my life_**  
**_Pursuing all my happiness_**  
**_I want a fearless love_**  
**_I won't settle for anything less_**

_**Excerpt from Fearless Love by Melissa Etheridge **_

* * *

**~*Bella*~**

Looking up from the journal, I saw that the fire was mostly embers and my ham sandwich sat on its plate, half eaten and long forgotten. I'd been so absorbed in Edward's words that the entire world had fallen away. I blinked my eyes, trying to focus on the room around me, to throw off the spell that Edward had cast over me. I swiped at my face, realizing there were twin tracks of tears on my cheeks. In fact, my neck was damp with them as was the front of my top. I hadn't realized I was crying, but was it any wonder after what I'd just read?

"My God," I whispered. From my estimation, they were the first words I'd uttered in the past few hours.

Out of the corner of my eye, Edward came into my view, walking slowly along the edge of the room, watching me carefully. Our eyes met and held, his filled with concern.

"Are you all right, Bella?" he asked tentatively.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I asked with an unladylike sniff, wiping my dripping nose.

"You just finished reading about me being in your room, about the night I could have hurt you..."

"Wait... how do you know what I was reading?" I interrupted.

Edward smiled faintly. "Vampires remember everything with perfect clarity. I knew by which page you were on."

"So, you know what is written on each page of your journals?" I asked incredulously.

"And anything else I've ever read."

"Wow."

Edward still stood over by the windows as if he was afraid to get close to me, his eyes wary. My heart rate was elevated over what I'd just read, and I wasn't quite sure where to begin with the questions I had. One thing I knew for sure was that I was elated that Edward bared his soul to me this way; it took a great deal of courage. I don't think he had any idea how very beautiful he was, inside and out. Reading his journal, I could see that he was just as self loathing in his private thoughts as he was when speaking with me. It made me sad that he thought so poorly of himself and his actions, and I frowned.

"Bella, are you... upset with me? Should I give you some time alone?" he asked, his brow scrunching slightly.

"Edward, I have questions. I want to understand things, and _no_, I don't want you to go." I held my hand out to him, inviting him to come closer.

Slowly, he made his way across the room and knelt at my feet, moving the journal out of the way and placing his head on my lap. My fingers automatically reached for his hair, stroking lightly through it. His hands gripped my hips lightly, and he turned his head to the side. I moved one hand to touch his perfect, cool skin, and he sighed quietly.

"Oh, Bella..." His voice was aggrieved.

"What is it, Edward?"

"Knowing what you were reading as you turned each page... I just relived it all over again. But this time, I know the truth—that you're my mate, and I'm yours—and I hate what I did to you. I never meant to hurt you, Angel. Never. I'm such a failure. The only way I could've hurt you worse would be if I'd succumbed to temptation."

The tears started to fall again, unbidden. He wasn't the only one that relived some awful times, but now I understood what was happening back then; I had a frame of reference. If only I'd known... how much different might our lives have gone?

"Edward, you didn't know. If you knew the truth, you never would have left me, would you?"

"No." He shook his head slightly, his soft hair rubbing against my fingers. "God, no. So sorry." His voice was hoarse, and his fingers gripped my hips just a little bit tighter.

"Please, Edward, this was all really hard to read. I'm trying to understand you, but I need your help to do that. I have some questions..."

"Let me have it. I told you, I'll answer anything you ask of me."

"You came in my room," I stated, knowing full well it wasn't exactly a question, but I didn't know how to put into words what I wanted to ask.

"Yes, Angel. I never did anything inappropriate, if that's what you're worried about. It's just that I couldn't be near you during the day. You always looked so frightened or wary of me at school—completely my fault, I know—but at night, you would call out my name. I found I could be close to you without worrying about the beast inside me clawing his way out. Besides, I believed it was wrong of me to have feelings for you, so I thought it was better to keep it secret. It's extremely difficult for a vampire to stay away from their mate once they find them."

"If you knew you were my mate... you would have done what? You would have stayed, but would you have revealed yourself?" I asked hesitantly.

Edward sighed. "I can't answer that for sure, Bella. I wouldn't have left you; I probably would have watched you from afar in the hopes that you would find someone more suitable for you—someone human."

"Wouldn't that hurt you?"

"Do you think it didn't hurt to leave, Angel? Do you think that a minute—a _second—_went by over the past four years that I didn't think of you, miss you, want to come running back to you? Never in over one hundred years have I felt pain that comes close to the agony of losing you." His voice broke, and he pulled himself closer to me as though afraid I would disappear.

"Why did you leave me then?" I whispered in a shaky voice. "How could you leave me all alone?" Tears started to fall again as I thought of the misery that's been my life for the past four years. _Painful. Unbearable. Lonely. Pathetic._

Edward raised his head quickly, his sorrow filled eyes meeting mine. "You'll have to read the rest of the journals to really understand, but I thought I was doing what was best for _you_. No matter how much pain it caused me, I was okay with it if you could live out your life the way you were supposed to; if you could find happiness."

"But I didn't!" I yelled in his face, the tears falling harder. "My life was miserable! I tried to live, but a huge chunk of me was always missing. There was this... _hole_ in my chest that nothing could fill. It was _you,_ Edward; you were what was missing."

He leaned back, pulling me down off the chair into his arms. We sat there on the floor, and he cradled me to his chest as I wept—for the loss of the past four years, the hole full of poison that had festered inside me for so long... the pain of being without my other half.

"Let it out, Angel," he whispered against my hair. "Hate me if you must. It's no less than I deserve. I screwed everything up so badly, and I'll never be able to make it up to you. I'll understand if you can't forgive me."

He sounded so miserable, and then I remembered all that I'd just read. He'd suffered, too. But he put himself through that suffering _purposely_ to try and spare _me_. Maybe he'd failed, but his heart was in the right place. Guilt flooded through me for yelling at him and making him feel there was a possibility I wouldn't forgive him. I kept my face burrowed into his chest as I started speaking.

"Edward, if I didn't forgive you, if I asked you to go... would you?"

"Yes," he answered in an anguished whisper. I could feel the tremor that wracked his body.

"You would leave me to live my life as I wish? You wouldn't interfere?"

"No, Angel." Another shudder ran through him, and he drew in a harsh breath that sounded suspiciously like a sob.

What was he _not_ willing to do for me, to go through for me? He would leave again, knowing the pain he would be in. He would do this for me, because he loves me that much. I wish I could say that I would be so selfless if our positions were reversed.

"I love you, Edward."

"What?" His body stiffened, his voice indicating his utter confusion at my sudden declaration.

"I love you. I... forgive you."

One of Edward's hands touched my face, raising it to his. He gazed down at me, a mixture of wonder and wariness in his golden eyes. "Bella..."

"I love you," I said again, this time meeting his eyes. "I loved you then, and I love you now."

"But how could you? You barely know me... you haven't even finished the journals or asked your questions!"

"Oh, I'll get to that; don't you worry. You aren't off the hook completely, but I need you to know it doesn't matter. It won't change how I feel about you."

"How can you say that? You don't know that." He shook his head.

"I know." I touched his cheek to get his attention, then placed my hand over my slamming heart. "I know it _here_."

Tucking his hand behind my hair, Edward's mouth descended on mine. His kiss was rough, full of desire, and his breaths came in ragged gasps. His lips moved over my own passionately, stealing my breath away. My hand brushed over his cool cheek to grip his hair tightly in my fist as if I could hold him to me forever. My whole body tingled, an ache building between my legs.

Pulling back, he gazed down at me with fire in his darkening irises. "I love you, Angel. So much."

"I know you do, Edward. I might not like how this went down, but I know you did it for me."

"Anything for you." Kisses whispered along my jaw. "There's nothing I wouldn't give you."

There were so many questions swirling through my mind after reading through Edward's journal. My eyes had grown tired, and I just had to stop to absorb it all and ask some questions before I continued. Honestly, I was afraid to continue; if what I'd read so far had been painful, how much worse would it be to read of Edward's decision to leave me and the ensuing years of misery? Not to mention that reading this was bringing up all kinds of memories for me—memories that were superimposed over the knowledge I now had. It was disturbing to say the least.

"Edward, can you bring me up to my room?"

"You need sleep; I should've thought of that."

"No, I don't want to sleep yet. Bring the journals. I thought maybe we could lie on my bed, and I could ask you some questions?"

"Of course. Would you like me to carry you, Bella?"

"Yes, please. I feel so weak and exhausted. I guess today has taken a lot out of me." I grinned sheepishly.

"Perfectly understandable." Edward stood up with me in his arms, bending down so I could grab the journals, then carried me out of the writing room.

It felt so good to be held in his embrace, to be taken care of, and I nuzzled my head into his neck as we ascended the stairs. His journals rested against my chest, the supple leather soft and soothing beneath my fingers. Somehow it felt comforting to actually _hold_ all that Edward felt for me, all he'd been through for me, in my arms.

As he neared my doorway, turning us slightly so he could push open the door with his foot, my eyes landed on the gouges in the stone wall Edward had pressed me up against the day I ran from him. My mouth went dry, and my heart sped up at the thought that he might have killed me right here. It occurred less than a week ago, but so much had happened since then that it felt more like another lifetime—a lifetime in which I thought Edward was just a delusion.

"Bella?" he questioned softly, hesitating in the door.

I glanced up at him, flustered. "Oh! Sorry. I got lost there for a moment."

His eyes sought out the marks in the wall, and he grimaced. "Not my finest moment. It seems I've had a lot of not-so-fine moments where you're concerned."

We entered the room then, and he placed me on the bed, settling down next to me on his side. The French doors were open slightly, allowing a damp breeze to flutter the curtains, and I could hear the rain pattering against the balcony. The sound of rain was something I'd always found comfort in, although I wouldn't be able to put into words why that was.

A soft touch on my cheek drew my attention away from the windows, and I turned my head back to face Edward. He was propped up on his elbow, looking down at me with a mixture of concern and adoration. _This is real. Edward is really here with me, and he loves me._ The thought sent a feeling of giddiness shooting through me, and I smiled faintly.

My fingers made their way to his throat, and I stroked up and down the cool, silken skin lightly. "It sounds so awful. I'm sorry," I told him.

"What sounds awful?"

"The burn. The way you described it in your journal... it sounds like the worst kind of pain. I'm sorry I did that to you."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. It's not something you could help, and you have _nothing_ to be sorry for. No, that's reserved for me—the one who has done so very many things wrong." He sighed, closing his eyes with a slight shake of his head.

"I_ am_ sorry you had to go through that, Edward. You're so strong to go against your instincts the way you did. My God, what you had to go through in Alaska when Alice sent you the package, and then you had to deal with my... scent... when you came back to school. So much you had to go through alone..."

"Bella, you're the one who really went through it all alone, not me. Granted, I didn't share everything with my family, but at least I had them to talk to if I needed them. Who did you have? You didn't even understand what was happening."

"True." I looked down. I've always been a private person, used to dealing with things on my own. Chances are I wouldn't have shared any of what happened even if I _did_ have someone in my life that wouldn't have thought me crazy. "The entry about the deer was... I mean..."

"I never drank from a deer since; I just can't do it."

"What's your favorite... food?" I asked awkwardly.

"Mountain lion. What's yours?" He offered me a slow smile, running his index finger down my nose playfully.

"Um... well, I guess I'd have to say homemade mac and cheese. In particular, my Granny Swan's recipe. I can make it for you sometime..." I trailed off.

"That's very sweet, but I don't eat food. I only drink blood."

"Oh, how silly of me!" My face colored. "What happens... if you eat food?"

"Well, since I can only digest blood, I would have to... um... cough it up."

"Oh, wow. That doesn't sound pleasant."

"It isn't. On occasion, it's a necessary evil in order to keep up our human façades. The food just sits in my stomach like a small ball of lead; it's very uncomfortable until I can expel it."

"Would you eat a dish of my mac and cheese?" I asked.

Edward looked at me as if trying to gauge the seriousness of my question. "If it was important to you, yes. Should I prepare myself?"

"No." I laughed. "I just wanted to see how far you'd be willing to go."

His face grew serious then. "All the way. Anywhere, anything. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you, Angel. You simply have to ask." Edward's eyes slipped closed, and he ghosted his lips along my jawline. A shiver ran through me, because although I didn't understand completely, on some level I knew that he was talking about far more than eating food to please me, or suffering the burn in his throat to be with me. There was something or things that I could ask of him that he would grant me.

"What do you mean by that, Edward? I can't help but feel that this conversation has turned... in a more serious direction." My brows furrowed as I wracked my brain trying to ascertain what it is he might be referring to.

His eyes lost focus as he gazed over my shoulder. "This is all serious, Angel."

"Nice deflection, but that doesn't answer my question."

"It's nothing. I just mean exactly what I said: I will do anything for you, grant any wish of yours that I can. So much suffering I have to make up for." His last sentence was said in so low a voice, I barely heard him.

"What are you, my genie?" I smiled.

"Hardly. This is more of a _Beauty and the Beast_ kind of story, don't you think?"

"No. You're beautiful, Edward." I yawned, covering my mouth in an attempt to conceal it.

"You can't fool me, Bella." Edward smirked. "You're growing tired, and it's no wonder after the day we've had. So much has happened today."

"Okay, yes, I'm tired, but I'm not going to sleep. I have more questions."

"Ask away." He offered up one of his crooked smiles and stroked my cheek lightly with his knuckles, sending sparks shooting under my skin.

Picking up the journal, I rifled through the pages until I got to the one I had in mind. "Edward, you say here that you started watching me through the minds of others, and..." I continued flipping to find another passage "...here you say my father's thoughts were muddled, and you thought I inherited my silent mind from him. What do you... I mean..."

"Ah, yes. Some vampires have certain 'gifts.' Usually a proclivity we had when we were human is enhanced when we're changed. I was extremely good at reading people and their motivations as a human, and when enhanced, it translated into the gift of reading minds."

"Reading... what?" Startled, I looked up at Edward. "Edward! When were you planning to tell me this? Oh, my God! Can you read my thoughts?"

"No, no, Angel. Not yours," Edward quickly corrected. "Until I met you, I've been able to clearly read the thoughts of every human or vampire I came across. Part of what frustrated me about you was how silent you are to me."

"Really? Do you know why?"

"No. You're an anomaly, I suppose."

"Is it because I'm your... um..."

"Mate?"

"No, the other thing... about my blood."

"My singer," Edward answered softly, his hand moving to stroke my hair. "I don't know. I never really thought about why or how."

"Singer, huh? Do all vampires have singers?"

"Not every vampire comes across their singer, but we believe everyone has one. Emmett's had two, actually."

"Oh. What happened?"

Edward sighed. "Perhaps it would be best to change the subject."

"He killed them," I stated.

"Yes."

"That must have been difficult for Emmett."

Edward's eyes shot to mine. "You sympathize with my brother?"

"Yeah. I mean, I don't know Emmett, but I have a feeling he didn't _want_ to hurt those people."

"You're really incredible, you know that? Most people would be horrified and disgusted by this."

"I read your journal, remember? I have a better picture of how difficult it is to ignore... a singer. Hearing about Emmett just makes me feel more in awe of you, Edward. Although, I have to say, reading it in your own words had already done that."

"You have other questions; I can tell."

"Tons! Funny, I thought when you mentioned that my mind was closed to you that you meant something completely different—like I was a mystery to you and hard to understand. I had no idea... wow. It must be a burden to you to know what everyone is thinking."

"You have no idea... although, it does come in handy at times."

"You have a special meadow?"

"Yes. It's a spot out in the middle of the woods that I came across while hunting one day." His eyes lit up. "I've never smelled the scent of another human or vampire out there. I spent a lot of time in the meadow—especially after I came back from Alaska. I was so afraid that my family would find out what I was doing when I didn't even know myself."

"In your journal you also mentioned being afraid that... let me find it..." I paused, paging through until I found what I was looking for. "You feared Alice would 'see' and Jasper would 'feel' what you were going through. What did you mean by that?"

"Alice sees the future based on decisions that are made. The future changes each time we make a new decision. Jasper is an empath, which means he can sense the emotions of others, and he's also able to influence them."

"Wow. How about the rest of your family? Do they all have gifts?"

"No. Actually, gifts aren't all that common amongst vampires. We happen to be lucky that our coven has a number of gifts; it's allowed us to live peacefully, side by side with the human population."

"Hmm... so what do other vampires do?"

Edward's look darkened. "They feed off humans, Bella. Many of them live like nomads, traveling in small groups of up to three. My family is a rarity because none of us drink human blood, and there are seven of us. Usually vampires don't get along in large numbers."

"So there are no large groups—covens—of vampires around?"

"For the most part. There is another large group... but we try to stay off their radar as much as possible." Edward's jaw tightened slightly.

"Why's that?"

"The Volturi are a very large group of vampires—they enforce the laws, if you will. Vampires that break their laws... are dealt with harshly."

For the first time, I saw true fear behind Edward's eyes. The flash was there and gone almost as soon as I registered it, but it prompted me to ask more questions. "Vampires have laws? What kind of laws?"

"Mainly that we do not expose ourselves to humans. The existence of vampires is a well guarded secret. No human is allowed to know about us."

"Well, I do!" I joked, trying to lighten the mood.

It didn't work. Edward's face was closed off, and he looked away.

"Edward?"

"Bella, according to Volturi law, any human that discovers the existence of vampires..." Edward looked into my eyes as he caressed my cheek, his voice dropping to a whisper "...must be dealt with."

My heart started to pound harder, and I swallowed around the sudden lump in my throat. "D-Dealt with? Dealt with how?"

"It doesn't matter because nothing is going to happen to you. Not while I still walk this earth."

"Edward, tell me."

"When we found out you suspected we were vampires... we were supposed to... to kill you."

"Oh!" I gasped. "I guess they're not the kind of law enforcement _I_ was thinking of. Wow. Pretty harsh."

Edward pulled me closer, his lips resting against my ear, sending shivers through me. "I would never hurt you, Angel, and neither would my family. You have to know that."

I slipped my arms around his neck, our chests coming in contact. The tingling between us grew stronger, and I had to wonder if it was affected by emotion as well as touching. "I know, Edward. You've gone through so much for me... I know you'd never hurt me on purpose."

"Never. It would kill me if anything happened to you."

"But aren't you breaking the law by letting me live?"

"Yes."

With my lips next to his ear and his beside mine, I couldn't see his expression. His breath was cool on my skin, but I'm pretty sure the gooseflesh that erupted over most of my body had nothing to do with the temperature.

"Edward... what happens if they find out?"

"They won't."

"If they did?"

"They would destroy me."

"No!" I wailed, pressing closer to him. My fingers dug into his hair, holding on tight. The thought of anything happening to Edward because of me sent panic flooding through my veins.

Edward held me to him, one hand rubbing soothing circles across my back. "Shh... Angel. Don't worry. They won't find out about you. Obviously, you can never publish your manuscript the way it is. You could make changes, or..."

"No! No, it's fine. Now that I have you, I don't need to worry about that."

"I don't want you to worry. The Volturi rarely leave Italy, and they only pay attention if someone is making a spectacle of themselves. For example, if vampires go on killing sprees and don't clean up the aftermath, thus making the authorities suspicious. They're also into collecting."

"Collecting what?"

"Gifted vampires."

"Have they ever tried to get you?"

"Yes. They offered me a place in their army," Edward muttered with derision. "I turned them down."

"They allow that? You can say no?"

"Yes. They claim to be peacemakers, and if they started forcing vampires into their guard, it would cause panic amongst the rest of our kind. They're in charge because of the sheer number of gifted vampires they've acquired. They offer benefits to gifted vampires that others aren't afforded. My family and I live a very comfortable life, and they have nothing to offer us that we want."

"What kind of benefits?" I asked with trepidation.

"As much human blood as they can glut themselves on." Edward growled, the rumble of his chest vibrating against mine. "They live in a castle and have many beautiful things. The average vampire doesn't lead a life of comfort, nor do they have access to large amounts of money. Volterra is near tourist areas, so the Volturi also have a... built-in food source. They don't feed on locals."

"My God. They must be very good at maintaining their secrecy. It sounds like something out of a movie, for Heaven's sake!"

"Bella, I don't want you to worry over this, okay? Truly, I haven't seen them in years, and I don't expect to anytime soon."

"Okay." That was my answer, but a ball of fear bumped around in my stomach.

"What else would you like to know?"

"You mentioned Carlisle as your 'sire.' He... made you into a vampire?"

"Yes. In 1918, my parents and I came down with the Spanish Influenza. People were dying left and right. My father died first, and my mother was hanging by a thread. Carlisle was the doctor taking care of us—just making us comfortable, really—and when my mother sensed she was about to die, she begged Carlisle to save me. Somehow she knew that he was something... other... that he would be able to do something to keep me from dying of the Spanish Influenza. Little did she know, I would still be dead." Edward's eyes held a faraway look. "There are many times that I've wished I _had_ died back then, been buried properly with my family."

"Edward, no. If you'd died... we wouldn't have found each other."

His eyes snapped back to the present, and he stroked my face tenderly. "You make it all worth it, Angel. Every horrific thing I've ever suffered is nothing if it brought me to you. Nevertheless, I'm not proud of what I am—a predator, surviving off the blood of living things."

"Edward, humans live off living things, too. You've fought against your nature, become someone special. Your family helps others through the Masen Foundation. Carlisle is a physician... all things to be proud of."

"You have such a beautiful way of looking at the world, Angel. I think I need to keep you by my side to remind me of these things."

"Where else would I be but by your side, Edward? I have no life to go back to, and I wouldn't want to be away from you now." I looked down, but Edward brought my face back up with a finger beneath my chin.

"You have a place now. I will always want you, Bella. Living without you would be... empty, wasteful. I hope after you've read everything in my journals that you still want to be with me. I'll do whatever you ask of me—even if you tell me you never want to see me again—but know that being apart from you would never be my choice."

"You watched me decorating the tree. You saw me almost fall," I murmured.

"Yes. I'm sorry I spied on you."

"No, it's okay. It's just... when I almost fell and my dad steadied me... I was wishing it was you. My thoughts were always about you and how much I wished you would care for me the way I cared for you. I wished you a Merry Christmas in my journal that night, too. I asked God to keep you safe and bring you happiness, even if that happiness didn't include me." A tear slid down my cheek, and Edward wiped it away with the pad of his thumb.

"Oh, Angel. I hate the thought of you going through all that." Lowering his mouth to mine, he kissed me slowly. "I promise never to leave you again," he whispered against my lips.

Pushing the journal to the side, I rolled on my back and Edward moved with me, hovering over me. His eyes fluttered closed as he nipped at my lips before pulling my bottom one into his mouth with a soft groan. His body pressed closer to mine, and I could feel his arousal making its presence known against my thigh.

Running my hands over his shoulders and down his back, I tugged up his shirt, so I could feel his skin under my fingertips. It was cool and smooth, harder than human skin, yet still soft. Edward lifted off me, tugging the shirt over his head and popping a few of the buttons off in the process. His torso was a glorious sight; he was leanly muscled and chiseled to perfection. I ran my fingers over his pecs, down over his six-pack, and stopped at the trail of light brown hair that extended beneath his belt, my finger tracing over the silver buckle. I suddenly felt shy when I realized what that trail led to—something I both desired and feared at the same time.

Edward brought his lips back down over mine, licking lightly at my lip until I opened for him. His tongue swept into my mouth, and I forgot everything else as my focus was drawn to his exploration of my mouth and the soft moans he made. One of his hands caressed my face, ghosting over the side of my neck to trace my collarbone. His fingers went lower, dipping just below the neckline of my top, tantalizingly close to my breasts. My nipples hardened in anticipation of his touch, but he pulled back before reaching them.

I slid my hands into his soft hair, scratching lightly at the back of his neck. Edward's lips nibbled along my jaw to just under my ear. He sucked my earlobe into his mouth swirling his tongue around it, and I felt the jolt between my legs. Without thinking about what I was doing, I lifted my pelvis, seeking some friction, which caused my thigh to brush against his steel-rod hardness. Edward groaned, his hips pressing forward against me. The hand that was resting on my collarbone drifted down slowly to touch my breast over my shirt. When his fingers rubbed over my erect nipple, he hissed softly before rolling it gently between his thumb and index finger.

"Oh..." I sighed, my pelvis rising again without my permission.

"Ungh, Bella, be careful," he whisper-moaned against my ear.

Talk about erotic! I felt as though I was about to melt into a puddle underneath him. Edward shifted down my body, his hands pinning my hips. He gazed up at me, his face hovering near my navel, eyes dark with lust. With a low growl, he latched his mouth onto the bottom of my shirt and dragged it up, exposing my lace covered breasts.

"I want to see you," he whispered.

I nodded, unable to form a coherent reply.

His hand reached around behind me to unclip my bra, then he helped me sit up slightly, slipping it off along with my shirt. As he laid me gently back down, I should have felt exposed, shy, scared—but I didn't. For a moment, I considered trying to cover myself, but I decided not to, simply running my hands up and down his biceps.

"Beautiful..." he murmured. "You're so beautiful."

Edward touched my skin tentatively, so softly I think he feared I might break. His eyes watched the trail his fingers made from my hip up the side of my ribs with excruciating slowness, until finally cupping my breast in the palm of his large hand. He lowered his head, his intent clear, but he hesitated, looking up at me with smoldering eyes.

"May I?" he asked huskily.

"Yes." _Oh, God, yes! How I want your mouth all over me..._

Cool lips closed over a straining nipple in the gentlest of kisses, then he snaked his tongue out, licking the skin around the tightened bud. I pushed my chest closer to his mouth, wanting more. Slowly he circled his tongue around again, this time tracing the edge of the areola, finally ending with the tip touching the peak of my nipple.

"Edward..." I whimpered.

He rolled his cool tongue around the bud a bit faster before closing his mouth over it and laving it—his lips, his tongue, and the gentle suction causing a sudden heat to build between my legs, the likes of which I'd never felt before.

"_Oh..."_

Moving to the other breast, he repeated his actions with a bit more confidence, and another shock jolted straight to my center. My fingers found their way into his hair, tightening their hold. Lifting his head, he brought his lips to mine again, and they were warmer, perhaps from the heat of my skin. When his tongue slid into my mouth, moving sensuously against my own, my other hand joined the first to pull his face closer and hold him to me. The dance of our tongues against each other brought to mind other activities we could be doing, and this time I purposely shifted my hips against him.

"Mm-mm..." was all I heard from Edward, so I did it again.

Feeling bold, I slid a hand between us, rubbing it over his erection. My hand froze mid-stroke when he growled, pulling away from the kiss. His eyes were onyx, and he grabbed my wrist in one hand.

"Don't."

He let go, kissing a trail down the side of my neck and licking across my collarbone. His tongue did magical things to my insides, and my hand strayed to the bulge in his pants again.

Before I could register what was happening, Edward had both of my wrists pinned above my head, held in one of his hands. He glared down at me, breathing heavily.

"Bella... are you _trying_ to get hurt?"

"N-No. It's just... the way you make my insides feel, I couldn't help myself. I – I want more."

His eyes softened. "Oh, Angel. I want it all with you, I do." His gaze drifted to my naked torso and his hand holding my arms up above my head, and he groaned. Lowering his chest against mine, we touched skin on skin, and he brought his lips just a whisper away from mine. "You're going to be the death of me. You know that, right?"

Edward's kiss was searing, his tongue plunging into my mouth. Having my arms held over my head while his body pressed down against mine was more of a turn-on than I was expecting. My panties were so wet, and I just wanted to grind all over him. Spreading my legs, I wrapped one of them around his waist, tilting my hips.

"Naughty girl," he whispered against my mouth before kissing me harder. His hand ran up the back of my thigh, hitching my leg closer to his body, and then he shifted, allowing me to feel his hardness right where I needed it.

"Omigod, Edward!" I gasped.

Kissing his way up my neck, his whispered, "It's okay, Angel. Just let me lead."

"Okay."

Edward started thrusting slowly against my center, head tilted back and eyes closed in concentration. My body was on fire, sensations starting to build in my abdomen as my heart pounded.

"_Ungh_..." Edward moaned, and it was the hottest thing I'd ever heard, especially with the visual of his face tense with concentration, his brows furrowing.

His hand rubbed up and down the back of my thigh, sometimes grazing my ass. We settled into a rhythm, with me allowing Edward to set the pace. His hips rolled against me faster, and I felt butterflies fluttering in my tummy, my mouth watering in anticipation. I knew I was close to my release, and I swiveled my hips, pressing up harder with a soft whimper.

My increased movement seemed to ignite something in Edward, and he crashed his lips to mine, pushing his tongue into my mouth as he sped up his thrusts. He grabbed my ass, pulling my body so close to his. I could feel his erection twitch against my center as he ground into me harder. Suddenly, I was in free fall, sliding over the edge of a cliff as ribbons of sensation unfurled from the core of my body, spiraling out in every direction. I cried out into his mouth, and then I felt his hand tighten on my ass as he threw his head back and cried out, "Oh, _God_..." as he came. He collapsed against me, half of his body on the mattress, and released my hands, his breathing ragged.

"Are you all right, Angel? I didn't hurt you, did I?" Edward looked down at me, concern etched on his handsome face.

I smiled up at him like a lovesick schoolgirl. "No, you didn't hurt me. On the contrary... that was really hot."

He gazed at me with surprise for a moment before a crooked smile finally spread across his face. "I didn't hurt you," he said in wonder.

"Imagine that, my sexy vampire." I couldn't wipe the silly smile from my face.

My first orgasm with a partner, and it was epic. Oh, sure, I'd had orgasms on my own—I _was_ twenty-two, after all—but none of them even came close to the intensity of the one I had with Edward. It made me wonder what it would be like when we finally made love.

Edward turned on his side, pulling me in close to snuggle against his body. He placed a chaste kiss on my forehead. "You are so... sensual and sexy, Angel."

"Just imagine what it will be like..." I trailed off.

A low growl rumbled in Edward's chest. "Bella, we need to take things slow. We were only naked from the waist up, and look what happened."

"Are you sorry?"

"No, of course not. It's just that I need to be careful with you. We need to take things slowly. It's more than me being a virgin; I also have to contend with my vampire urges and instincts."

"Will we be able to... make love?" _Please say yes, please say yes, _I prayed.

"I think so—if you can follow a few basic rules."

"What are the rules?"

"You must let me take the lead. It would be so easy for me to get carried away and hurt you, so surprises would not be a good thing. Also, I won't make love to you until you've read all of my journals."

"Okay, I'll let you lead. I don't understand about the journal part..."

"You need to know everything and be sure you want to be with me. I'm a forever kind of guy, Bella." He kissed my nose playfully.

"Well, I'm a forever kind of girl, Edward."

His eyes grew serious, a strange light in them. "_Forever_..." he whispered.

"Did I say something wrong, Edward?"

"No. Now, you need to get some sleep, my love."

"Okay," I said, sticking my tongue out like a petulant child.

Edward laughed. "I'll be here when you wake up, Angel."

"I love you," I whispered.

"And I love you."

I rested my head against his chest, and he stroked my hair lightly. As I drifted off to sleep, I heard him murmur, "I'll always be here, Angel. Always."

**~*BrWi*~**

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**A/N: Let me know what you thought of Edward's journal entries. Do you want to see more of them? Opinions on the progress between these two? I think you can imagine where they hijacked the chapter from me... ahem.**

**My story 'In the Wings' won for Best Romance and Best Bella and Edward in the Single Shot Awards. Thank you so much to those who nominated and took the time to vote!**

**I've entered my original story, **_**'The Weight of Roses,'**_** in the TWCS original fiction romance contest in the Dangerous Liaisons category. All seven chapters for the contest are now up, so if you're interested in taking a peek, you can find me there under the pen name SaritaDreaming. The summary and link to the story are on my profile.**

**Follow me on Twitter – at SaritaDreaming**


	6. Chapter 6 Hope Unbroken

**A/N: Hello, everyone! There's some lemon ahead in this chapter, which my prereaders/betas have assured me is canon-ish. We all know I don't do the canon-missing-pages kind of love story, but I did want it to be close to canon in keeping with the rest of this story.**

**There are no journal entries this go round—these two had other plans for me. There will be some journal entries in a future chapter, but they won't be to the extent of the ones in Chapter 5.**

**Profuse thanks to my prereaders, Keye and Sandy, for their valuable feedback and ego-inflating fangirl screaming. Most of the musical inspiration for this chapter, compliments of Keye. Love to my betas, jkane180, wmr1601 and Katmom, for wielding their Sparkly Red Pens and correcting all my little foibles.**

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**Chapter 6**

**~Hope Unbroken~**

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**Suggested Listening:**

**The Flood ~ Katie Melua**

**The Moon and the Sky ~ Sade**

**Fade Into You ~ Mazzy Star**

**Speechless ~ The Veronicas**

**Your Love is a Song ~ Switchfoot**

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_**See the rock that you hold onto  
Is it gonna save you  
When the earth begins to crumble  
Why do you feel you have to hold on  
Imagine if you let go**_

_**Wash away the weight that pulls you down**_  
_**Ride the waves that free you from the dusk**_

_**Blame, no one is to blame  
As natural as the rain that falls  
Here comes the Flood again**_

_**~Excerpt from: The Flood**_

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**~*Edward*~**

While Bella slept curled against me, I had many hours to reflect on recent events. She'd insisted on sleeping just as she was—bare from the waist up—because she liked the way my skin felt pressed to hers. A sense of pride filled me, knowing that I'd brought Bella pleasure without hurting her. Not so long ago, I feared that I would kill her, and now we were intimate. I wasn't foolish enough to believe we had an easy road ahead of us, but there was hope, which was all I could ask for.

I still couldn't believe how easily she seemed to forgive my many transgressions. Of course, I wasn't out of the woods yet; she still had the rest of my journals to read. Leaving my angel behind was the worst decision I've ever made, but at the time, I had no way of knowing that. I truly thought I was doing what was best for Bella. Since she'd been so forgiving thus far, I had hope that she would hold fast in her belief that she wanted to be with me. That thought led me back to something Bella said just before she fell asleep.

"_Well, I'm a forever kind of girl, Edward."_

Her words chased each other, echoing in my mind. My sweet angel had no idea what forever with me would mean. Part of me was surprised she hadn't asked about immortality yet, and I was torn over whether I wanted to discuss it with her or not. Certainly I was hoping that she would finish the journals and process all of that information first, then we could deal with the inevitable questions and concerns she would invariably have. Knowing how her life had gone without me rendered me much more open to changing Bella if she decided it was what she wanted. I would never be the one to suggest it. No, she needed to come to that conclusion on her own, and if it wasn't something she was interested in, then I would remain by her side until... unable to bear the thought of a world without Bella, I swallowed hard, shaking my head.

"Please let her want forever with me," I whispered into the night, a feeling of guilt immediately constricting my chest. What right did I have to pull Bella into this half-life? _None._

The curtains over the doors to the balcony billowed inward on a salty breeze. Sniffing at the air, I sensed a cold front rolling in. My mind drifted to all the things I needed to do to ensure Bella's comfort while she was here with me. I'd need to gather more wood for the fire—even though we had heat in the house, she really seemed to enjoy sitting beside the fireplace, and I imagined myself there beside her in the evenings. A new shipment of food would need to be ordered soon, and I would need to discuss Sonia's status on the island with Bella. I would prefer to be here alone with Bella, but she might feel more comfortable if Sonia was present.

"Edward..." Bella whispered on a soft exhalation.

My attention was drawn her way, and she snuggled her face into my chest. Hearing my name said so softly, tenderly, brought a smile to my face, and I pulled her tighter against me.

"Love you... want you..." Her tongue slid out from between two bee-stung lips to trace my pec, her hot breath searing my skin.

My erection sprang to life rather suddenly, pressing against the seam of my jeans, and I groaned. My attempts to shift away from Bella only served to trap me deeper in her warmth as she rolled with me and tossed a leg over my hip for good measure, her foot anchoring her to me. Stilling myself, I hoped she would fall into a deeper sleep and I'd be able to move her off me. Instead, she settled half on top of me, pressing her soft, warm body even closer. When her inner thigh brushed against the growing bulge in my pants, I knew I was in trouble.

"Angel..." My voice was low but strained. "Let's move you off me, sweetheart," I cooed to her, shifting her one way while I tried to slide my body the other.

Her fingers tried to find purchase on the cool, smooth skin of my chest. When that didn't work, her arms slid up around my neck where her fingers dug into my hair and held on for dear life.

My... problem... was reaching critical levels. It was through extreme self control that I forced my hips to remain still.

"Mm-mm... Edward."

Knowing I had to do something, I rolled us so Bella was on her back, gently prying her leg from around me. Her hands were another story; her fingers were woven into a death grip on my hair. Placing soft kisses along her neck and shoulder seemed to relax her, and slowly but surely, Bella allowed her fingers to loosen, slipping free. Taking one of her hands in mine, I placed a soft kiss in her palm which elicited a giggle.

"Tickles," she murmured, wrinkling her nose.

A moment later, her hand landed on my belt buckle, and I quickly snatched it away, placing it down on the bed. "Sleep, Angel." I tried to cover her with the sheet, but her arms and legs flailed at it until she was bare once again.

I stood next to the bed for a few moments to make sure she settled down before I left her. I knew I couldn't stay here long because my body wanted things that just weren't possible right now. Feeling like a perverted seventeen year old, I tried to rein myself in, but it was difficult when Bella kept murmuring my name in a breathy voice. When one of her hands strayed to her bare breasts and tweaked a rosy peak, I growled low in my throat. When she started rubbing her thighs together, the scent of her arousal invading my senses even through the Vicks, I fled.

In my rooms, I slid to the floor with my back against the door, running my hands through my hair roughly. Perhaps I was over one hundred years old, but I had no sexual experience. My human memories had all but faded away, and I'd never had a hard-on as a vampire—until Bella.

Despite the fact that there was quite a bit of distance between us _physically_, I could clearly hear every shift of her body, the sound of her fingers moving along warm, silken skin, her thighs rubbing together... every little moan and whimper. Clenching my fists, I contemplated going to the other side of the island, but I was loath to leave her alone; she might wake up in the night and think I was just a dream again.

Vampires don't sweat, but if it _was_ possible, I would have been dripping with it.

"Mm-mm, Edward... want you." Bella's voice wafted up to me, and my control snapped.

_Go to her. Give her what she wants, what she needs!_ The beast awakened inside me and started waving temptation under my nose.

No way was I going to Bella while she slept. She didn't know what she was asking.

_Sure she does! Her subconscious mind is calling to us; it knows what she needs. All that smooth, creamy flesh, there for the taking..._

I moaned. This was a losing battle.

Springing to my feet, I headed for the shower, much to the beast's dismay. He wanted me to do things to Bella that I wasn't willing to yet. I _would not_ take her virginity until she'd finished reading my journals and had all her questions answered. Bella needed to have the time to make her own decision.

Also, a part of me was scared to death that I wouldn't be able to control myself during sex. It would be so very easy to break her in half, and I had no experience whatsoever to draw from. I didn't even _know _of a male vampire that may have had a successful sexual experience with a human female.

The Denali sisters—especially Tanya—enjoyed playing with human males, and I was aware of several broken pelvises that had occurred when they were new at it. Tanya once whispered to me, "Practice makes perfect, darling. I don't think I would break you, though..." She'd run one of her long, manicured nails along my bicep, and I'd laughed, quickly slipping away. I was always trying to slip away from Tanya and her dirty thoughts—even knowing that I could read her mind, she continued to play fantasies of us in sexual positions that would be impossible for humans. She didn't understand that I just wasn't interested.

_Until now, with Bella._

Shaking my head, I realized I was just standing inside the shower, lost in thought. Turning on the tap, I set it as hot as it would go and closed my eyes as the water sprayed over me. Vampires had no real need to shower, but it was something I'd always enjoyed. The hot water warmed my skin, bringing with it thoughts of soft brown eyes and Bella's straying fingers tweaking her own nipples in her sleep.

Shaking off those thoughts, I soaped up my body before washing my hair. While rinsing off, I closed my eyes and was again assaulted with visions of my angel writhing on her bed, her thighs rubbing together.

_Damn it!_

"Edward... yes, just like that," Bella murmured from her bed. A few seconds later, she moaned.

My erection sprang to life, and the beast inside me was again slavering for a chance to touch Bella. I turned to the side, slapping my hands against the tile palm out and leaned my head against the wall of the shower.

"Yes... mm-mm..." Bella whimpered, and I heard the crack of tile giving beneath my hands as I pressed too hard against the wall.

Between my legs, I throbbed and twitched, leaving me wondering what the hell to do. More tiles cracked, powdered ceramic sifting to the floor.

And then I did something I've never done before... I allowed one hand to slide down my chest and over my abs to grip my throbbing hardness in my palm. Wrapping my hand around myself, I squeezed experimentally. It helped, but it wasn't nearly enough. The water sprayed over my neck and shoulders, running down over my chest and stomach in rivulets. Keeping my hand tight, I stroked up and down my length a few times, and it felt really good. Rubbing my thumb over the sensitive head, I hissed. This was completely new territory for me, and a part of me felt ashamed—a part that could probably be chalked up to the century in which I was born.

"Oh..." Bella sighed in her bed, and I could hear her writhing in her sheets.

_Dear God._

Hearing her sweet, breathy voice caused my hips to buck forward. Keeping my forehead against the wall, I allowed my eyes to slip closed and was immediately assaulted by visions of Bella.

_Soft brown eyes, looking up at me with adoration._

_Delicate fingers sliding slowly along her own flesh._

_Her hands all over me: touching, caressing... sliding lower until she wrapped her warm fingers around..._

Unable to hold back a growl, I started stroking myself faster as different images of my sweet angel floated behind my eyes. My hips found a rhythm, and I could feel an unfamiliar heat building inside my abdomen.

"Yes, Edward... _oh!_"

I knew Bella was in the throes of an orgasm right at that moment—I could tell by her breathing, her heart rate. I could tell by the sounds of her skin against the sheets that she'd arched her back up as she released a series of short, panting breaths. It didn't matter that she was asleep—the sweet, sweet sounds she made and what her body was doing of its own accord, in combination with repeatedly calling my name, sent me over the edge.

"God, yes, my sweet Angel. _Ungh_..." I moaned.

My strokes grew more forceful and erratic, my hips pulsing forward to meet my fist as it came down. The coos and sighs of my angel as she came down from her high sent me free-floating into mine, and when my release hit, it took over my entire being. It may have originated between my legs, but the ecstasy spread like fire in rolling waves of undulating warmth throughout every cell of my being. It felt as though I was leaving my body for several seconds before rushing back in to feel another wave of bliss consume me.

There was growling and snarling nearby, and I realized as I came back to myself that it was coming from me. I had no beating heart to pound in my chest, no lungs that required oxygen, but I was breathless just the same. My body was filled to the brim with a tingling energy unlike anything I'd ever experienced—a form of euphoria.

When I opened my eyes, I saw the damage—not only had I cracked the tile with the force of my hands against the side of the shower, but I'd gouged a hole into the wall that went past the crumbled tile and sheetrock to the very beams of the house, which had grooves from where my fingers dug into them.

Aside from the inconvenience of needing to have the shower repaired, the state of the wall gave me pause. What if I'd been making love to Bella? When a force that strong shoots through a vampire's body, can the energy be directed? Is it possible I might drill my fingers into her soft skin, her fragile bones? Crush her skull? Still her beating heart?

A sob wrenched out of me at the thoughts my mind spewed at high speed, unable to shut them down. Guilt flooded through me as I once again wondered if it was better to let her go.

The sound of the Sat phone interrupted the barrage of thoughts chasing around in my mind. I draped a towel around my hips, tucking in the end, and snatched the phone off the top of my dresser, looking down at the caller ID.

_Alice._

"Hi."

"Edward, things were looking really good up until two minutes ago. What are you contemplating?" Alice sounded scared.

"Alice, I – well, I'm... frightened."

"Of what?" she asked softly.

"Hurting Bella. We were... somewhat intimate tonight."

"Yes, I know." Before I could protest, Alice continued, "Don't worry, I tried not to look. I monitored only for... issues. You did fine, Edward. You... um... did okay afterward, too."

_Oh, no, she didn't._

"Alice!" I exclaimed, hiding my face in one hand even though there was nobody to witness my shame.

"I didn't watch or anything!" she defended. "In fact, I was about to hit up Jazzy for some lovin' when everything tilted. So what did you do now to muck things up, brother?" Alice's voice was stern.

It would've been funny if she hadn't seen me... take matters into my own hands, so to speak.

"I'm sure you're well aware that I damaged the wall in the shower," I accused.

"Yes."

"Well, I started wondering what might happen if Bella and I were making love, and I... lost it like that."

"Oh." Her voice sounded unsure for the first time, and it sent another frisson of fear shooting through me.

Even though I was cold to humans, as a vampire, I'd never actually _felt_ cold until that moment. A chill forced its way through my veins—fear as cold and hard as ice. The thought of harming Bella_ or_ being forced to stay away from her to keep her safe, horrified me in equal measure. I would never purposely endanger her, but wasn't I playing with fire every time I touched her? But look what had happened when I forced myself to stay away from her! It seemed I was damned no matter what I did.

I leaned against the wall, sinking to the floor slowly, and shut my eyes. I ruffled the fingers of one hand through my wet hair, letting out a sigh of frustration. "Alice, tell me what I'm supposed to do. I can't – I can't _leave_ her again. I won't. But what if I hurt her? Or... kill her?"

"You won't, Edward. She's your mate, and a vampire will do anything to protect their mate."

"Yes, but if she needs protection from me? What then?"

"Your instinct to preserve her life will keep you from harming her. God, Edward, if you didn't kill her that day in the classroom, before you even_ knew _who she was, you're not going to now. I can't stress to you enough how important it is that you believe in yourself. You can do this!"

"I hope you're right, Alice. If anything happens to Bella..." Images flitted behind my eyes.

"No!" Alice's horrified voice was forceful.

"Yes."

"I won't help you."

"I know, but there's more than one way to skin a cat."

"You wouldn't..." she whispered.

"But I would, and I will if I have to. Let's just hope it never comes to that." I grimaced at the horror show playing itself out behind my eyes, but I knew it was true—there would be no going on without Bella. Not for me.

"You and Bella are going to be fine. Trust yourself, and trust her, to know what's right."

"Thanks, Alice. I pray you're right."

"Me, too," she murmured. "I love you, Edward. Take care of yourself."

"Love you, too. I'll do my best."

After getting off the phone, I dressed before leaning against the wall beside the windows, looking out into the night. I knew there wasn't a chance I would leave my angel again—not unless she decided to send me away. That left the option of building up to things slowly or avoiding intimacy until, or unless, Bella decided to be changed. The way our bodies reacted to one another, I didn't think holding back completely was going to work. It was something, however awkward, I would have to discuss with Bella. For so long, control of her own existence was taken out of her hands, and I meant to give it back to her.

A sudden change in Bella's heartbeat drew me out of my reverie.

_Tup-tup, tup-tup, tup-tup, tup-tup, tup-tup_

Grabbing my tub of Vicks, I smeared some under my nose before making the decision to observe instead of going off the deep end and running to her room. She might be having a nightmare, which was a normal occurrence for humans, and interrupting that process wasn't necessarily the best option.

"Edward?" Bella's heart continued to race, but her voice sounded fairly coherent.

I could hear the rustling of her sheets, and a ragged breath before she moaned low in her throat, "No, no, no. It can't be. Please don't let this be true." Her words ended with a half-sob. "Edward! Edward, where are you?" There was a hysterical edge to her voice, and it sent me straight to her.

Although I was in the hallway outside her door in a matter of seconds, I hesitated, moving slowly in case she was disoriented. Her heart was already galloping in her chest; I didn't need to add any fuel to the fire. Peeking around her doorway, I saw her sitting up in bed with her arms wrapped around her knees, rocking. At some point she'd covered up with a tank top, and I was grateful I didn't have to deal with the added distraction of her tantalizing bareness on top of everything else.

"No, please. He has to be real. Edward..." she keened.

"Angel," I called out softly.

Bella's head snapped my way, her eyes wild, unsure, disbelieving. Her mouth dropped open slightly, and she cocked her head to the side but said nothing.

I approached her slowly, concerned about her state of mind, and she just watched me, motionless. When I was three feet from her bed, I crouched down, so we could be at eye level.

"Angel, what is it?"

Tears started coursing down her cheeks, and I had to restrain myself from reaching out and wiping them away. She seemed fragile at the moment, and I didn't want to push her.

"E-Edward?" she whispered.

"Yes, love. Tell me what's wrong. Did you have a bad dream?"

"M-My life is a b-bad dream. One huge, long, bad dream. Maybe I should... seek treatment."

"Treatment? For what?"

"Because I talk to delusions. Because I thought you were real." She shook her head, and started muttering to herself and rocking again. "He's not real, Bella. Get it together. Get it together. Get it together."

"Angel, I assure you that I'm very real. Touch me." I shuffled closer, holding my hand out palm up. Her eyes were riveted to my extended hand, and she drew in a harsh breath but didn't move. "Touch me, Angel," I repeated.

Slowly, relinquishing the death grip she had around her legs, she reached a shaking hand out to mine. It was difficult to remain still and not launch myself on the bed and pull her into my arms, but I knew that would be a bad idea. The fragile state she was in? Completely my fault, and a hefty stone of guilt settled in my gullet. Her hand came closer, closer... shaking harder the nearer it came.

Finally, the warmth of her palm touched down on mine, the resultant tingle shooting up my arm. _Home._ The feeling it exuded was home.

Bella inhaled sharply. "Do you... feel that?" she whispered.

"Yes. Whenever we touch, I feel it." I allowed a small smile to grace my lips. "Angel, I'm here, I'm real, and I'll never leave you again. You have every right to question my existence after what I put you through, but that's all over now."

Her gaze moved from our touching palms, up my arm, over my neck, lips, and nose to meet my eyes. Her heart still raged in her chest, but it seemed to kick down a notch the longer our skin was in contact.

"You're real. H-How do I know for sure?"

"I came to you in front of Sonia and Captain Joe, remember? I did that so you would know without a shadow of a doubt that I'm really here. With you. _For_ you, Angel." Wrapping my hand around hers slowly, I brought her hand up to my lips, placing a kiss on the back of it.

Bella's body started to tremble again, and she uncurled her body, turning to face me more fully. Reaching her other hand out, she caressed my face. "You're really here. The journals are real. You love me. We were... intimate last night?" She lowered her eyes demurely, a blush rising as she asked about what we'd done in her bed just hours ago.

I smiled, brushing my knuckles over the heat blooming in her cheeks. "Yes, yes, yes... and definitely yes."

"You said you were mine, that you belong to me."

"I am, and I do, Angel."

Tugging at her hand, I pulled her toward me as I stood, and she allowed herself to come up off the bed to meet me. Standing, I towered over her, which could have been intimidating, but she simply stepped in closer, looking up at me with open adoration. I ran my hands over her shoulders gently, bringing them around to slip into her long tresses.

"May I?" Bella asked shyly, biting her lip as she tentatively ran a finger over my bicep.

Oh, how I wanted to pull that lip from between her teeth and kiss her senseless, but I wouldn't do so until I made sure Bella was mentally comfortable with me again. So much damage I'd inadvertently done to her, and the guilt flared inside me yet again.

"Yes, of course."

Bella continued tracing my bicep, her finger running off the smooth cotton sleeve of my t-shirt to lay down a line of fire along my bare arm. Other than bringing my arm down to afford her better access, I remained still as a statue, just allowing her the chance to touch and explore. Her eyes followed her finger until it reached my hand, and then she looked up into my eyes again as her finger wrapped around two of mine, linking us together.

Keeping our connection, she brushed her other hand lightly over my chest and up the side of my neck to cup my cheek. My cool body absorbed her warmth like a thirsty man in a desert, and I craved more. The force of my desire to lie on top of her skin to skin scared me, and I shuddered.

"Kiss me?" she asked shyly.

Keeping our fingers linked, I took a step forward, pulling her closer with the hand that was still nestled in the hair at the nape of her neck. Bringing my lips within a hair's breadth of hers, I inhaled, testing my control. Finding the beast silent, I brushed my lips lightly across Bella's, like whisper-soft butterfly wings.

She pressed her body against mine, her neck arched so she could reach my lips. Her eyes were shining pools of milk chocolate, filled with hope and trust.

"I love you, Angel," I whispered against her lips before sweeping my tongue into her mouth.

Holding her to me, our fingers entwined, I felt complete. Bella was my home, and I would do whatever she commanded of me. Our kiss seemed to go on forever, and she only moved in closer and poured everything she had into it. Eventually, I had to break away from her sweet lips; other urges were starting to take over, and I tried to adjust myself discreetly when she turned to face the window.

Leading me by the hand, she pulled me out onto the balcony to watch the sunrise. The sky was clear; it was going to be a sunny day. Did I dare show myself to her in all my sparkling glory? She'd accepted everything else about me; would she be disgusted by my appearance in the sun?

Bella leaned on the railing, watching the gradually lightening sky, excited as a child. I draped an arm over her shoulders, content to watch the beauty unfolding before us with her, but my eyes kept straying to _her_ beauty. Now that Bella knew I was really here, she was elated, glowing from the inside in a way I'd never seen her do before. It was intoxicating to watch, and every time she caught me staring, a blush would heat her creamy skin. Just when I thought it wasn't possible to be more enamored of my angel, a new level was reached.

It had always been my belief that vampires were soulless, but my theory didn't hold water against the emotions coursing through me. No, my heart didn't start beating again, but it may as well have—I felt more alive than I ever had, more vital. Despite my heightened vampire senses, my world had been colorless and empty until Bella waltzed into it with her fresh-faced beauty and maddening scent. If she decided to send me away, it would be the end of me. I would watch her live out her life, and then, after watching her be laid to rest in the earth, I would join her.

"You've changed me, Angel," I whispered. It seemed almost sacrilegious to speak out loud at that moment.

"Hm-mm?" she murmured, tearing her eyes away from the streaks of color that burst into the sky from the rising sun.

"I never believed I had a soul, but now I know that's not true. A soulless creature could never contain as much love and joy as I have since you came into my life." Leaning in closer, I swept her hair back so I could place gentle kisses along the top of her shoulder and up the side of her neck. Nuzzling my lips against her ear, I whispered, "You're everything."

Bella shivered, letting out a low moan. Stepping behind, my arms encircled her as I continued sampling her petal soft skin with my lips and tongue. She leaned back into me with full trust, her body completely relaxed.

"I love you, Edward. So much."

"I love you, too."

"When I woke up alone... I thought it was all a dream," she said softly. "It felt like my heart was being torn into little pieces that would never go back together."

"I'm sorry. You have my solemn promise, though, Bella. I'll never leave you unless you send me away."

"What would happen to me if I _did_ send you away?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly.

"What would happen to you?"

"I would abide by your wishes, but I would never be far away. And when the day came that you... passed on... I would find a way to join you."

Drawing in a sharp breath, Bella spun in my arms, cupping my face in her hands. "No, Edward! You're immortal. How could you waste that gift because of me?"

"Gift?" I snorted with derision. "It's hardly a _gift_ to lead an existence filled with loneliness. For decades I've watched my family with their mates. I consoled myself with the fact that I had a chance at finding that, too. But if my one chance, my one reason for being, no longer walked the earth? No, that would be too much to bear."

"There must be a way, Edward. The thought of you... gone..." She sobbed softly.

"Angel, let's take this one step at a time, okay?" I smoothed back her hair and kissed her forehead. "You haven't even finished reading the journals yet."

"Speaking of... I'd like to read some more."

"Not yet." I shook my head, growing more serious.

"No? Why not?"

Smoothing away the little V that formed between her eyebrows, I held her tightly to me, her head buried in my shirt as I stroked the silken strands of her hair. "There are some really painful things written in my journals. It's raw. I'll let you finish reading them, but I'm concerned over the way I found you this morning. Your mind hasn't caught up fully with the rest of you to accept that I'm really here, that you're not suffering from delusions and you never were. My actions messed with your head. I just think we need some time."

"Time?"

"Spend time with me... get to know me. I want to get to know you. Let's try to leave behind the past for just a little while. Time doesn't matter much on the island, and I can direct Sonia to remain on the mainland. We'll have as much time as we need here, alone."

"Okay," she agreed readily.

"You're not nervous about being here alone with me?"

"No! Not at all. Actually, it sounds heavenly."

Her words brought a rare smile to my lips, and I twined our fingers together loosely. Filled with courage over her enthusiasm about spending time alone with me, I decided to reveal more of myself. "Let's bring a picnic to the other side of the island today. I'll show you something else you don't know about me."

A few hours later, Bella was secured snugly to my back, and I held a picnic basket packed with food as I ran us to the rock where I'd done my confessing yesterday. The sun's rays were long and golden, creating a dappled pattern on the vegetation as we traveled through the woods.

"Close your eyes, Angel."

"Why? I'm getting the hang of this piggyback thing!" Bella laughed.

"I have something to show you. Close your eyes."

"Okay."

Racing out of the woods and up the side of the hill, I dropped the picnic basket on the ground and then let Bella down, ordering her to keep her eyes closed for just a moment longer. Laying a blanket on top of the flattest part of the rock, I helped her sit down before stripping off my shirt. I was apprehensive about her seeing my skin in the bright noonday sun, but the weather was so rarely this clear, and she needed to know everything about me. This was probably one of the lesser concerns about my nature we would be facing.

_Big boy pants, Edward._ I could almost hear Alice's trilling voice.

"Bella, in a moment I'm going to show you something—it's another way that vampires are different from humans. It's why vampires _really_ don't go out in the sun."

"Oh, so you don't burn up, huh?" she asked, smiling cheekily, her eyes still closed.

"No, no burning up in the sun. Garlic smells disgusting, but it does nothing to ward off vampires. Neither do Holy Water or crosses, by the way."

"So... did vampires start all those rumors so they could have a laugh at the expense of the humans?"

"Perhaps."

"Do you turn green in the sun or something?" Bella teased.

"Actually, you're not far off."

"Really?"

Kneeling in front of Bella, I steeled myself for her reaction. "Open your eyes."

She blinked several times, the brightness of the sun blinding to eyes that had been closed for so long. Her gaze finally came to rest on my naked torso where my skin refracted the light of the sun into thousands of tiny prisms. I closed my eyes before she registered a reaction, afraid I would see disgust on her beautiful face.

The silence that followed my reveal seemed to last an eternity. In reality, it was only twenty-three seconds.

"_Oh..._" she breathed.

I felt a sudden warmth over where my heart should have been, and opened my eyes to see Bella's palm laid flat on my chest. With her other hand, she stroked down my right arm.

"Edward... wow."

Finally, I found the courage to look at her face. She seemed incredibly fascinated, but there were no signs of disgust; in fact, she looked more like a child seeing an enchanted castle or a rainbow for the first time.

"Say something, Bella." One side of my lips twitched into a half-smile.

"It's like you've been dipped in diamond dust... it's beautiful. You're beautiful." Her eyes continued to roam over my sparkling skin, her fingers exploring.

I didn't mind at all; the heat from her touch felt divine.

"Not very masculine, huh?"

That comment drew her eyes to meet mine, and her expression was disbelieving. "Edward, you're a fierce vampire who looks like an Adonis. Surely you aren't worried over some sparkling skin! Anyway, I... really like it. I wish my skin looked like this." Bella went back to stroking my arms and chest before running her fingers up my neck to cup my face. "Your lips even sparkle in a slightly different shade. Did you know that your hair shimmers, too?"

"Yes, there is an iridescence to our hair as well."

She ran her fingers through my hair, scraping my scalp with her nails, and a low rumble vibrated in my chest. Bella's fingers stilled and then continued a moment later. When the hum resumed, she leaned closer, placing her ear against my chest.

"Are you... _purring_?" she asked incredulously.

"Purring? No!" I protested. Now she would compare me to a kitten? "Are you trying to strip me of all semblance of masculinity?"

Bella's fingers stilled on my scalp, depriving me of the heavenly feel of her magic hands. This time I growled my displeasure, startling her, and causing her to land on her butt.

"Bad vampire!"

She looked so cute sitting there with her mouth half open, a little V of annoyance wrinkling her brow. Leaning down, I placed my hands to either side of her body, stalking forward until she was forced to lie back on the blanket.

"Oh, this vampire can be very bad, Angel. Very bad," I whispered seductively, meeting her eyes.

Bella's pupils dilated, and suddenly she didn't look so annoyed anymore. Starting at the hollow of her throat, I placed soft kisses mingled with small licks of my tongue, working my way slowly across her clavicle. Warm hands grabbed onto my shoulders.

"Oh..."

Her heart started beating faster.

I ran my tongue along the side of her neck, stopping to pay attention to her throbbing pulse by circling slowly over it.

"Oh, my..." she gasped.

Her heart was drumming a staccato beat that I could feel beneath my tongue, but it also started to resonate inside me—an echo that lent the illusion that I had a pulse as well. Going back to soft kisses, I continued my slow, torturous path up her neck and along her jaw until I could whisper in her ear. "Do you think I'm bad, Angel?"

"Oh, yes. So, so bad..." she answered breathlessly. "Kiss me, Edward. Please."

Resting on one forearm, I brought my lips to brush lightly across hers. Bella's head came up off the blanket in an attempt to deepen the kiss, but I pulled back. "What's your hurry? Relax, Angel."

Leaning in again, I kissed her mouth softly. This time she went with it, her eyes fluttering closed as her hands moved from my shoulders to loop around my neck. Allowing my body to cover hers lightly, I dragged my tongue slowly across her bottom lip while sliding a hand under her shirt to caress her soft skin.

"Mm-mm..."

Her lips parted under mine, and I continued to trace their sweetness with the tip of my tongue. Fingers tightened in the hair at the nape of my neck as her heart sped.

"Please," she mumbled against my lips.

Dipping my tongue into her hot mouth, I pressed my lips harder against hers. Kissing this way was like being surrounded by warm velvet, and my thoughts naturally strayed to another part of my anatomy that might someday be wrapped up in her wet heat. I groaned as my erection roared to life, and I shifted my hips slightly away from Bella's.

Our tongues continued exploring as the kiss grew more heated, and I knew I had to pull back unless I planned to take her right there. _Not a good idea._

Bella protested when I pulled back, but I soothed her by stroking her hair gently. "We need to slow down."

"But we were only kissing!"

"A lot more was going on for me, Angel. Remember, I need to pace things so I don't hurt you. All the sensations coupled with my thoughts were leading to me losing control."

"Okay," she sighed, leaning up to press kisses along my jaw. "Is this all right?"

"So far, yes."

My hand roamed beneath her shirt, running into the rough lace of her bra. I enjoyed the feel of her soft lips moving over my skin as I played my fingers over her hardened, lace-covered nipples. Based on the sounds she made, Bella really seemed to enjoy having her nipples fondled.

After a while, my hand strayed to the top of her jeans, my fingers moving nimbly to undo the button and slide the zipper down. When my hand tucked into the front of her panties, she drew in a sharp breath, pulling her head back to look at me.

"What are you doing? I thought you said we had to go slow." Her skin was fevered, eyes dilated, the scent of her arousal distorted by the Vicks but still incredibly tantalizing.

"Slow for _my_ sake, so I don't hurt you. Does this make you uncomfortable? Do you want me to stop?"

"No! I mean... it's okay if you want to keep going." A blush crept up her neck and into her cheeks.

I leaned in to kiss her. "Don't be embarrassed, Angel. Never with me."

When I was sure Bella was okay, I pushed my hand down her panties slowly until I was able to slip a finger inside her warm, wet softness. I swirled my finger around, light as a feather. She drew in a breath, her body tensing up. I cooed soft words into her ear, encouraging her to relax. After the tension melted from her body, I slid my hand down a little further until I was able to press a finger inside her entrance ever so slowly. It felt amazing inside her silken heat.

"That's my girl," I whispered, pressing kisses to the heated skin of her neck.

Pushing another finger inside her, I pumped them slowly before adding the pad of my thumb to rub small circles over her little nub.

"Oh!" Bella grabbed for me, pulling her arms around my neck and gripping my hair. She tucked her head in the crook of my neck, hot panting breaths searing my skin. "Edward... I've never... done this with anyone."

"Shh... neither have I. Just relax, Angel. If you want me to stop, just tell me."

"I don't want you to stop." She kept a tight hold on my hair with her face hidden in my neck as I continued to work her gently. "Oh, my God... I've never felt anything like this... so good," she panted.

The attention I had to put into keeping my touch gentle, and my enjoyment of the little sounds Bella made as she rose higher and higher, helped to relieve my own sexual urges. My only concern was for my sweet angel, to bring her pleasure and keep her safe.

When she was nearing orgasm, I could tell by the way her walls fluttered around my fingers in preparation. "That's it, sweet girl. You're almost there," I whispered into her hair, coaxing her gently toward release. "It's okay... come for me, Angel."

With a sweet mewling sound, she let go, tilting her head back with her eyes scrunched closed. I couldn't resist laying soft, nibbling kisses along the exposed delicate column of her neck. Her body milked my fingers as spasms rocked her. Slowly, slowly, she came down, her soft sighs music to my ears.

I was elated that I was able to bring her pleasure without hurting her. Hope welled inside me; now I just had to harness my inner beast so we could make love. Joining with her that way, truly making her my mate, would mean the world to me.

Still breathing heavily, Bella looked up at me, a slow, satisfied smile spreading across her face. "That was... amazing."

"Yeah?" I couldn't hold back a smug smirk. "Amazing?"

"Definitely in my top five best experiences."

"Only top five?" I asked with mock affront.

"Edward!" She pushed at my shoulder. "Wow, you really are hard as a rock. I'd never be able to push you away if you didn't want me to, would I?"

"No. I could easily toss an elephant up in the air."

"Whoa. It must be difficult for you... to be so gentle with me."

"It's not as difficult as you would think. My love for you makes it easier. If I were ever to hurt you... it would destroy me, Angel." I kissed her lips tenderly. "When I was first turned, I went through twenty-seven pianos."

"Why?"

"It took me some time to learn how to modulate my touch; the keys simply disintegrated under my fingers. I won't even mention how many times we had to replace the front door of the house."

"Edward..." Bella blushed, looking down. "Would you like me to... reciprocate?"

"Reciprocate?" For a vampire, I had a propensity for being dense at times.

Bella's hand strayed to my belt buckle, and I quickly snatched it away from the danger zone, softening the rejection by placing a kiss in her palm.

"No, no, sweetheart. This is enough for now. _That_ is going to take some... doing." I swallowed hard. Just the thought of her warm little hands... and I was hard. Yeah, had to work on that.

"Edward," Bella began, caressing my face, "I'll do whatever is necessary so we can... you know." Another blush rose to her cheeks as she lowered her lashes coquettishly.

"We have plenty of time, Angel." I smiled, pulling her tighter against me.

I rolled us on our sides so we were face to face. Bella laid her head on her arm and looked at me adoringly.

"Are you hungry?" I asked.

"Yes, but I want to lay here and look at you just a little longer. You amaze me, Edward."

"Me? Why?"

"Because you've gone through so much for me. You even caused yourself great pain by leaving to try and keep me safe. You go against your nature every day by feeding on animals." She rubbed her knuckles over my cheek, and I leaned into her touch. "I can't imagine anyone more selfless than you."

"Oh, I'm far from being a saint, Bella. I never should have come in your room without your knowledge back in high school. It's because of me that you thought you were losing your mind. I'm so sorry about all of it."

"Don't, Edward. You never meant to hurt me. You only had the best of intentions, right? I can't find it in myself to be angry over that."

"_You_ are the amazing one: accepting the existence of vampires, forgiving me for being such a fool, agreeing to stay here with me. You bring me so much joy, something I can never remember feeling before."

"I've never been this happy either, Edward. There's so much I'm unsure of, but I know that I never want this to end."

"I told you, Angel—I'll never leave you again. This never _has_ to end if you don't want it to." I cupped her cheek, looking into her eyes earnestly.

"But it _will_ have to end." Bella looked back at me with tears shining in her eyes, and something inside me twisted.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I'm human. I'm going to grow old and d-die. In a few years, I'll look too old for you."

Pulling her close, I wrapped my arms around her, the feel of her warm tears like acid sliding down my bare chest.

"No, no, Angel. Don't cry. There is a way we can stay together, if you decide you want it."

**~*BrWi*~**

* * *

**A/N: I hope I did our favorite couple justice. I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions. What are your thoughts on Edward's comment at the end of the chapter? When it comes time for these two to make love, whose POV would you like to see it in? Edward's, Bella's or a combination of both?**

**My entry in the TWCS original fiction contest, **_**The Weight of Roses**_**, won Judges Choice, which means I've been offered a publishing contract. Thanks to everyone who's supported me! You can still read the first few chapters of the story on TWCS if you're interested. h**** t t p : / / tinyurl . com/6f9ewhy** ** I'll be posting updates on my profile here and on my blog as the time for publishing gets closer.**

**Follow me on Twitter:**

**Fanfic: (at) SaritaDreaming**

**Original Fiction: (at) SarahAisling**

**Recs****: **_**Prey for the Wicked**_** by Aleeab4u (or anything else she's written) I beta this story, and Aleea is an amazing writer. Go check out her dark, delish Edward. Nom, nom. You can find her in my favorites.**

_**EAC: The Journal of Edward Cullen**_** by Katmom who is one of my betas. Her story won first place in the pre-Twilight round of The Canon Tour, and I'm happy to say she's continued into a multi-chapter fic. Go check her out! Find her in my favorites.**


	7. Chapter 7 Closer

**A/N: Hello everyone! Teasers didn't go out this time because my betas were just too fast. I'm sure you'd rather read the chapter sooner than later.**

**Emotional one ahead, and a panty change alert.**

**Thanks to my prereaders, Keye and Sandy, for their continuous support, screaming and fighting over having Edward over. (Haven't they realized he's mine yet?) Huge thanks to my awesome betas wmr1601 and Katmom for wielding the SparklyReds at vampire speed. Mwah!**

* * *

**Chapter 7**

**~Closer~**

* * *

**Song on an endless loop while writing this chapter:**

**My All ~ Mariah Carey**

**_I am thinking of you  
In my sleepless solitude tonight  
If it's wrong to love you  
Then my heart just won't let me right  
Cause I've drowned in you  
And I won't pull through  
Without you by my side_**

_**I'd give my all to have  
Just one more night with you  
I'd risk my life to feel  
Your body next to mine  
Cause I can't go on  
Living in the memory of our song  
I'd give my all for your love tonight **_

_**Baby can you feel me  
Imagining I'm looking in your eyes  
I can see you clearly  
Vividly emblazoned in my mind  
And yet you're so far  
Like a distant star  
I'm wishing on tonight **_

_**~Excerpt from My All by Mariah Care**_

**~*BrWi*~**_**  
**_

_**~Previously~**_

_I rolled us on our sides so we were face to face. Bella laid her head on her arm and looked at me adoringly._

_"Are you hungry?" I asked._

_"Yes, but I want to lay here and look at you just a little longer. You amaze me, Edward."_

_"Me? Why?"_

_"Because you've gone through so much for me. You even caused yourself great pain by leaving to try and keep me safe. You go against your nature every day by feeding on animals." She rubbed her knuckles over my cheek, and I leaned into her touch. "I can't imagine anyone more selfless than you."_

_"Oh, I'm far from being a saint, Bella. I never should have come in your room without your knowledge back in high school. It's because of me that you thought you were losing your mind. I'm so sorry about all of it."_

_"Don't, Edward. You never meant to hurt me. You only had the best of intentions, right? I can't find it in myself to be angry over that."_

"You _are the amazing one: accepting the existence of vampires, forgiving me for being such a fool, agreeing to stay here with me. You bring me so much joy, something I can never remember feeling before."_

_"I've never been this happy either, Edward. There's so much I'm unsure of, but I know that I never want this to end._"

_"I told you, Angel—I'll never leave you again. This never has to end if you don't want it to." I cupped her cheek, looking into her eyes earnestly._

_"But it _will _have to end." Bella looked back at me with tears shining in her eyes, and something inside me twisted._

_"Why do you say that?"_

_"Because I'm human. I'm going to grow old and d-die. In a few years, I'll look too old for you."_

_Pulling her close, I wrapped my arms around her, the feel of her warm tears like acid sliding down my bare chest._

_"No, no, Angel. Don't cry. There is a way we can stay together, if you decide you want it."_

**~*BrWi*~**

**~*Bella*~**

I froze in place. It almost felt as though my heart stopped beating in my chest, that I was in a vacuum.

No sound.

No feeling.

No movement.

But in my mind it was most definitely _not _calm. No, inside my head, Edward's words whirled around faster and faster like a tornado, tearing at random bits while leaving others untouched.

_There is a way we can stay together, if you decide you want it._

_We can stay together._

_You decide._

_If you want it._

_There is a way._

_If you decide._

_There is a way._

"There's a way?" I asked breathlessly, my eyes trained on Edward's tawny ones.

"Yes, but..." He hesitated, swallowing hard.

"But what?"

"It would mean... It would mean you would have to become a vampire. Like me." He looked away.

"A vampire," I said, testing the word out on my lips and beginning to open my mind to the thought.

"Yes." He grabbed my hand, bringing it to his lips, his eyes closed. "But, Bella, I would never expect you to. This isn't an existence that any of my family chose on purpose. All of us were on the brink of death or fatally injured."

"Would you always want me?" I asked carefully. After all, there was no reason to entertain the possibility of immortality if Edward might someday tire of me.

His eyes flew open and burned into me. "Yes, of course! Vampires mate for eternity, Bella. I would always be bound to you, love, and cherish you."

The breeze blew a strand of hair across my eyes, and Edward gently tucked it behind my ear. Suddenly, I was ravenously hungry. What an odd time to want lunch—right in the middle of a discussion about becoming a blood drinker.

"Edward, I'm really hungry. Can we talk about this while I eat? Would that be too weird for you?"

"Weird? No." He rolled to a sitting position, holding a hand out to help me up. Turning to the basket of food, he pulled out some sandwiches and a thermos. "Ham, turkey or chicken salad? I wasn't sure what you wanted, so I made all three."

"Ham sounds good." I sat cross-legged facing Edward and accepted the wax-paper wrapped sandwich.

While I tucked into the sandwich, Edward poured me some iced tea from the thermos. I consumed half of my lunch before I was able to stop and ask questions, and he sat patiently waiting, his gaze roaming over me as if memorizing every inch of me.

"Edward, tell me about being turned into a vampire please."

"What would you like to know first?" His voice was so soft I barely heard him.

"Um... h-how is it done?"

"You just dive right in, don't you?" That lopsided smirk I loved so much tugged at his lips.

"Is there a reason not to start there?"

"No. Well, I've explained to you that I'm venomous. In order to be turned into a vampire, you would have to be... bitten. There would have to be a partial exchange of venom for blood. During the bite, venom would be injected into your bloodstream—enough to initiate the change."

"Would it hurt a great deal to be bitten?"

"No. There would be a slight sting and then the venom would numb the entry point. It's designed that way, so when we feed, our prey is somewhat paralyzed."

"And then what happens?"

"This is the unpleasant part, Bella. It will take three days for the venom to work its way through your body, to change you. Every cell of your being is transformed into its vampiric counterpart. It's a difficult transition for your body to go through. I won't lie to you—it's painful."

"Painful how?"

Edward grimaced, his eyes far away. He reached out for my hand and held it while he spoke. "Alice is the only one in my family that doesn't remember the change; her first memories are of being a vampire. The rest of us all begged for death at one point or another during the process. I can't lie to you; it's pure agony, like being consumed by fire with no relief. The venom creates a conflagration in each and every cell of your body, a complete metamorphosis. Like I said, it's not something any of us would have chosen to go through."

Burning like a fire. For three freakin' days. No, that didn't sound very pleasant at all. And yet, if I could make it through the fire, I could be with Edward forever.

"After this three days, then what?"

"Well, the blood-lust is severe and all-consuming at the beginning. Since our family only feeds on animals, it does take time to get acclimated. It's never as satisfying to drink animal blood as it is to drink from humans; it's something we battle with every day to some extent. Early on, it's extremely difficult."

"I see. Is there anything else I should know about the... transformation process? Is there any way to make it easier, like painkillers?" I looked down at my hands, my fingers playing with the laces on my sneakers. For some reason, I couldn't meet Edward's eyes.

He came around to sit behind me, pulling me back into his embrace.

"Unfortunately, there is no fix for that internal fire. We could give you pain medication for the beginning, but as your cells begin to change, you would metabolize it too rapidly. There's not much more to tell about the transformation process itself, but maybe about when you wake from it. Your senses would be extremely heightened. You can taste and smell the dust in the air, the chemicals used on carpet or furnishings, the scent of all the others around you: vampire, animal, human. You'll be able to hear the heartbeat and rush of blood in the veins of any living being from a distance. With your enhanced hearing, you'll be able to hear a pin drop from across the house. As far as sight goes, it's incredible, Bella. Yes, you can see the flaws in everything as if under a magnifying glass, but the same goes for the _beauty_ around us. And when you acclimate to all that, we'll begin our forever together."

Edward stiffened around me, and I think he realized that he went from a generic description of a vampire transformation into speaking specifically as if I was going to become one.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I got carried away there for a moment."

"It's okay, Edward. I really want to know everything. I _need_ to know everything if I'm going to make an informed decision."

"You mean... you might..."

"I'm not saying no, but I'm not saying yes, either."

Edward pushed my hair to the side, kissing up the side of my neck slowly. Shivers ran up and down my spine, and my body tingled. It was amazing the effect he had on me, and I wondered if it would be stronger for me as a vampire.

"Edward, would our bond increase if I was like you?"

"I suspect it would, but we really have no basis of comparison. None of us have ever heard of a vampire mated with a human before."

We sat in silence for a while then. Edward continued to hold me, his lips traveling over my skin. I looked out over the green field that ran right up to the dense woods, the blue sky, the refraction of light where the sunbeams bounced off Edward's skin. Closing my eyes, I allowed the gentle breeze to caress me, to whisper to me.

Did I want to be a vampire? Be forced to drink blood for eternity? Did I want to chance killing another human being while I 'acclimated' to my new life? There were downsides, but there were also a lot of benefits: being super strong, having the time to do everything I ever wanted, superior vision and hearing… belonging to Edward forever and ever. It seemed the downsides were mainly temporary and—in the scheme of immortality—were probably just a mere blip on the screen.

"Edward, would I still be clumsy? Do vampires get sick?"

"No, you wouldn't be clumsy. Vampires have perfect balance and coordination; it's why I'm able to run so fast through the forest without slamming into a tree." I could feel his lips quirk into a smile against my skin. "And, no, vampires don't get sick. We're impervious to any of the illnesses humans are susceptible to."

"And my blood... would no longer be an issue, right? It wouldn't cause you pain to be around me?"

"Any pain is worth it if I can be with you, Angel. That shouldn't figure into your decision at all. If you decide this is not something you're interested in, I'll remain at your side for the rest of your days. I'll love and cherish you for every moment that we have—until your very last breath. And then we will be laid to rest together."

"Edward..." I closed my eyes. It was so painful to think of a world without Edward in it. I supposed he felt the same way about me, and I suddenly understood him much better. Imagine knowing you would exist for eternity, frozen in time, and watch everyone you care about come and go, grow old and perish. "I can understand why you would want to die when I do, but can you understand why it pains me so much to know my decision will decide your fate as well?"

"Yes, Angel. I know it's unfair to you, and I'm sorry for that." He kissed the back of my neck, sending tingles shooting down my spine and up over my scalp. "Just know that whatever you decide is fine with me. To have you in my arms even for a moment has made my existence worthwhile."

"I'd like some time to think it over. It's a huge decision."

"You'll never make a more important decision, Bella. There_ is _no going back once you're changed. I've been conflicted over even telling you about it because I didn't want to influence you."

"I'm glad you told me." I wrapped my hands around his forearms, reveling in the way he held me so securely. For four years I longed without knowing exactly what I was longing for—just knowing that Edward was the key. This is what I needed: his love, his gentleness, his strong arms surrounding me. I had so much to think about. "How much time do I have to decide?"

"As long as you need. _Years_, Angel."

Neither of us spoke again for quite a while. And I didn't think much either. I just enjoyed Edward's embrace, the sun warming us both, the light, salty breeze, and the view from on top of 'our' rock. This place was becoming important to me. It was where Edward first confessed so many things, where he'd revealed himself in the sun, and told me how I could be his forever.

When the sun began its descent, dipping low in the sky, Edward gathered everything up and crouched down so I could secure myself to his back. The run was easier on me this time.

When we returned to the house, I took a nice long shower, my mind still strangely calm. My thoughts turned to Edward, and the way he'd touched me earlier, coaxing so many sensations out of my body. I slipped a hand between my legs, dipping my fingers inside. My breath quickened as I imagined Edward working me, and an orgasm washed over me slowly. I let out a soft cry and then realized that Edward probably heard me. My face flushed with embarrassment, but when I went back into my room, Edward wasn't there.

I found him in the reading room making a fire. Silently, I watched the muscles of his back flex and ripple beneath his gray shirt as he placed logs in the fireplace. I was amazed by him, and even more amazed that he wanted me to be his forever.

"Hey," I called out softly.

He placed the screen in front of the fireplace and turned to face me. "Hey." Standing up, he walked over to me slowly and brushed the backs of his knuckles over my cheek. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm good. You made me a fire." I smiled.

"I know how much you enjoy it, so I thought we could spend part of the evening in here. I also thought you might want to read more from my journals?"

My heart quickened at the thought of reading more of Edward's innermost thoughts and feelings. Part of me was dying to get my hands on the journals, while another part dreaded what I knew was coming: Edward's decision to leave me four years ago. Even though that was behind us now, it was still a somewhat fresh emotional wound. I also recalled that Edward said he wouldn't make love to me until I'd read _all _of his journals.

"Yes. Yes, I'd like that."

Edward once again settled in the corner of the room—there, but not obtrusive—so I could read his most private thoughts and emotions.

_**February 7, 2007**_

_I've been so good about staying away, but fate has other plans for me it seems. Today, Bella was nearly crushed by Tyler Crowley's van before my eyes. When I heard the agonized cry in Alice's mind and saw the hulking blue death trap heading straight for her, I didn't think—I acted. Without thought of the many witnesses that were about and might have seen me, without thought of the possible consequences for my family, I streaked across the parking lot, knocking Bella to the ground as the metal side of the fast moving van shrieked, bending around my hands._

_Of course, Bella_ had _to see, because things aren't complicated enough. An argument started with my family, but I couldn't bear to deal with it right then. I had to go to the hospital; I couldn't conceive of staying away. It was easy to find her. I knew the cadence of her heartbeat, and the scent of her blood called out to me like a siren song. In the warmth and closeness of her room, the pull to her was nearly impossible to resist. Only the thought of her cooling body as rigor mortis set in was enough to distract me. I didn't come all this way, sacrificing my desire to be near her, only to kill Bella after saving her life. Seeing my precious angel lying in that hospital bed so filled with confusion tore at me._

_She wanted to know how I stopped the van. Her eyes pled with me, the desire to understand so strong. Oh, my Angel, how I want to break down and tell you everything, throw myself at your mercy, beg you to forgive me for all the times I've hurt you and left you wanting—but I can't chance it; I can't risk your life that way._

_I resorted to begging, and she agreed to let the van incident go. My joy was short-lived as her heart sped, her breathing hitched, and the scent of blood was thick in the air. With a muttered platitude, I raced from the hospital with my hand clamped over my mouth and nose, barely passing for human._

_When I arrived home, there was a family meeting. Rosalie voted to kill Bella. The proper words escape me to describe the feelings that raged inside me at her suggestion. I snarled at her, nearly launching myself over the table. Rose is so bitter and clinical about everything. It makes me wonder at times how she and Emmett work as a couple. Emmett is so completely her opposite: easygoing, supportive, and caring, with a huge heart and a great sense of humor. Rose must have been holding the door when benevolence and understanding were being handed out._

_Carlisle was extremely supportive. So was the rest of the family, for the most part, but it's Carlisle's opinion I tend to defer to the most. He's the patriarch of our family and my sire. Much like a son looks up to his father, I turn to Carlisle for approval. When he asked me what my intentions were, I knew leaving was the only option. There's no way I can stay away from Bella indefinitely—not living close by. Putting a great deal of distance between us and never darkening her doorway again is the only way to keep Bella safe._

_I can't begin to describe the pain that's already pulsing through my body at the mere thought of being away from my angel, but I know it's the right thing to do. Nothing good could ever come from staying close by; I'd be too tempted to be near her, touch her. Eventually, I'd slip up and kill her._

_**April 4, 2007**_

_Tonight was one of the hard nights. Sitting in the tree outside Bella's room, I heard her calling out for me in her sleep. I can't explain how deeply it shredded my insides to hear her cries—like a thousand daggers slicing into me over and over again. When she started sobbing into her pillow, I lost my resolve and entered her room even though I swore I wouldn't do that anymore. Her scent was heady and intoxicating after having been away from her for so long, and I held my breath as I stood beside the bed and stroked her hair until she calmed. It means so much to be able to do this for her, but it's so dangerous._

_Things will be better for her after I'm gone. She'll no longer be conflicted about me and will soon forget I ever existed. I, on the other hand, will _never_ forget a moment spent with her, the feel of her soft skin and silken hair beneath my fingers, the maddening scent of her blood beckoning to me, or the tender yearning for my mate. I will gladly do this for her. The misery of being away from her will be tempered by the knowledge I kept her safe and made the way for her to live a normal human existence without the threat of vampires to destroy it._

_The temptation to just leave now is strong, but it might raise undue attention. Bella might find it odd enough to investigate, too, and that's the last thing I want._

_Seventy-nine more days. Seventy-nine days that need to last me an eternity._

_**May 18, 2007**_

_Today was a particularly difficult day for me. Many of the boys in school are interested in Bella; some of them have vile fantasies about her, and it's all I can do not to snap their necks. Michael Newton is particularly annoying and has a very vivid imagination. Outwardly, he appears nice and respectful, but his thoughts are anything but._

_He approached Bella in Biology today, hinting around about Prom. My fingers tightened so hard against the corner of the lab table that bits of black paint and bare wood sifted to the floor. I quickly covered the mess with my shoe._

_In the meantime, I could see the beautiful face of my angel through Newton's eyes. So lovely as a blush rose to her cheeks. I could see by the look in her eyes that she didn't want to hurt his feelings, so why couldn't he see the same? He continued to push until I caught his eye, glaring at him hard. The hackles rose on the back of his neck, and his heart raced in his chest as his eyes grew wide. He couldn't seem to look away from me, and I allowed a slow, predatory smile to cross my lips._

Stop it, Edward! People are about to notice!_ Alice's thoughts broke into my fun._

_Realizing she was right, I stopped. Thankfully, the effect had already registered with Newton. Walking quickly away from Bella's table as the bell rang, he sat down, his heart continuing to pound. Halfway through class, I heard his intent to take a peek at me and made sure I was glaring his way when he did. Immature? Perhaps. Newton wasn't good enough for the likes of my Bella. Then again, soon I would have no control whatsoever over who courted her; I just knew that it couldn't be me. That fact hurt more than the burning pain of my transformation._

_**June 22, 2007**_

_In just two days' time, we leave for Nova Scotia. Carlisle suggested it might be easier to make a clean break from Bella. Alice looked at me with pain-filled eyes and just shook her dark head before running off into the woods, shielding her thoughts._

_In the end, I couldn't stay away. This was my last opportunity to say goodbye, to reconcile myself to the fact that I'll never see Bella again. _

_Entering through her window, I stood at the foot of her bed watching her for the longest time. She slept peacefully tonight; she had no need of me or my comfort. No, tonight I was in need of her comfort. Moving to the side of the bed, I crouched down, whispering softly to her—letting her know that it was time for me to go so she could live out a normal life._

_Knowing these were my last moments with her, I stroked over soft skin and silken hair. I rubbed a finger across her sweet lips, wishing they would pucker in invitation. But she has no idea how much I love her, no idea that I stood beside her bed struggling to let her go. She has no idea of the monster that resides within me who wants nothing more than to drink his fill without thought to whether she lives or dies. I forgot for a moment that I'm a vampire—one that fights his nature every day but a vampire nonetheless. I'm no good for her, and my ultimate sacrifice is her ticket to life._

_I slid my hand into hers for a moment. As I said my final goodbye, her warm hand gripped mine tightly before loosening enough for me to carefully extricate myself. It was as if she knew I was there even in her slumber. After I left her room, Bella cried out for me, begging me not to leave. I listened for a moment, but the plea came from a sleeping angel—if she was awake, I fear I would have raced back to her side. I keep telling myself it was for the best._

_I walked back home at a human pace, trailing my fingers along the bark of the trees, staring up at the moon as it peeked through a break in the cloud cover, wishing I could be the human teenage boy that Bella thinks I am. Alice was waiting for me out by the river behind our house. She didn't say a word, just drew me into her embrace. I appreciate her sentiments—I really do—but it was so empty for me. I don't think I'll ever feel again._

_**July 18, 2007**_

_I brought my journal up to my favorite mountain peak. I've been laying in the sun all afternoon, soaking up the heat that reminds me of my angel. I have to stop this—thinking of her as mine. She's _not_ mine, will never _be_ mine. I'm hers, though. As surely as my heart lies dormant in my chest for eternity, I belong to Isabella Marie Swan. Every good and bad part of me, every cell, every thought and deed—all hers. The only thing tethering me to this world is the knowledge that by denying myself I empower her, allow her to live the life she's destined to. Someday she'll be gone from this earth, and only then will I find my release. Alice pouted for days when she saw my intention. Soon after, she decided to find a way to stop me. Let her believe what she will, but I won't continue to exist once my angel is no longer. My only reasons for inhabiting this world consist of the breath she breathes, the beats of her tender heart, the thoughts that she has, the things she will do. Once those are gone, what am I but a brooding waste of space? I rather doubt that I will end up in the same place as Bella when I go... but the possibility that I might find her again is the thread I hold to so very gently because it's thin, fragile._

"The rest is much the same." Edward's voice, thick with emotion, broke in.

The fog I'd been existing in lifted, and the sounds, scents, and feel of the room rushed back in around me: the crackling of the flames in the fireplace, the salty breeze entering through the slightly open window, the sweet-musky-woodsy smell of Edward swirling around me. I drew in a gasping breath, as if I'd been underwater and had to get used to breathing oxygen again. Just like the last time I'd read the journals, my face was wet with tears. My chest heaved with silent sobs,and I blinked my eyes rapidly in an attempt to re-acclimate to my surroundings.

The fire still raged in the hearth—obviously Edward had replenished it—and a tray with a sandwich and a glass of brandy sat beside me. Brandy would appear to be an odd choice of beverage with a meal, but I suspected Edward knew what his words were doing to me. His first clue might have been the sobbing mess sitting in the wing-back chair in front of the fire.

Edward remained crouched in his corner, just out of my line of sight. He said nothing else, just waited for me to gain control over myself.

I wiped at my tears with the napkin from my tray then took a large swig of brandy, enjoying the stinging burn as it flowed down my throat and the answering warmth flaring in my belly.

"Are you saying I shouldn't read the rest?"

"Not at all. You're free to read all the entries; I'm simply letting you know that there's nothing... new in them." His voice was still husky with emotion, and I remembered that he knew exactly what was penned on each thick, creamy page, that he relived it with me as I read.

"I'd like to read every single word, Edward. I love that you shared these with me. I could use a break from it, though. The emotion on each page, each line, each _word_, is so poignant and painful. It would be hard to read anyway, but knowing it's about us—well, that makes it all the more difficult."

"Would you like some time to yourself?"

"No," I answered quickly, swiveling my head around so I could meet his eyes, wondering what he saw in mine. Were they crazed? Fevered? Haunted? I felt a little bit of each at the moment.

Every word I'd read in Edward's journals was burning into my very soul like a brand, and I knew they would live inside me forever. Even if one day I turned to dust, I knew that fragments of Edward would be retained in each and every flake of me. I understood his intention to follow me into the earth after reading his words, and I felt the same. There was a connection between us, binding us together, that could not be broken. It went beyond time, beyond earthly existence.

"Tell me what you need," he requested, his eyes pleading as much for himself as for me. This was painful for him, too.

"You. I need you."

The words were barely out before he was in front of me, pulling me from the chair to press up against his chest. Darkening eyes of burnished gold met mine, seeking, questioning. "You have to tell me what you want of me, Angel. I'll give you anything if only you tell me."

My palms rested on his chest, and his arms wound around my back to pull me closer. I could barely breathe, but that was just fine with me.

"I want..." I hesitated, looking down at his shirt.

"Look at me," he demanded softly, rubbing a thumb gently over my cheek.

Lifting my gaze, I met his eyes again, seeing the love shining there. There was also vulnerability in their depths, and my heart ached at the sight. I held Edward's very existence in the palm of my hand, and the realization was crushing, exhilarating, and humbling all at once. Clearer than ever, things clicked into place for me; if I chose not to join him in immortality, he would die for me. At the same time, he would never try to convince me to become a vampire. Could I kill Edward? Because if I remained human that's exactly what I would be doing.

"I want to be with you, Edward." In case he was unsure what I meant by that, I dragged one hand down his torso until I was cupping his manhood over his jeans.

Edward's breath hitched, and he was hard as a rock in a second flat. I'm pretty sure a human male couldn't spring an erection that fast.

"Angel," he whispered, his eyes fluttering closed. "You don't know what you're asking of me." His hand came down to grasp my wrist, pulling my hand away gently.

"I think I do. I'm asking you for the nearly impossible. It's so unfair to you, and I know it, but I'm asking anyway. I need to belong to you completely."

Suddenly, I was lifted in his arms, cradled against his chest. His lips pressed a kiss into my hair, and he moved slowly across the room to lay me on the bearskin in front of the fire. Edward lowered himself over me slowly, his eyes blazing into mine. In them I could see passion and fear, desire and reluctance, want and restraint—all at war.

His hands curled into fists beside my head, his body, taut as a bowstring, an inch or two above mine. There was no point where we were in contact _physically_, and yet, my entire being was on fire, sparks racing beneath my skin.

His frosty lips slid along my jaw to brush my ear. "I want you, Bella."

At his words, heat exploded through me in a rush, and I could feel a blush rise to the surface. A whimper escaped, and my body arched toward his, although he easily managed to maintain a buffer between us.

"Edward..." I whined.

"Slowly, Angel." One of his hands traced over my cheek and down the side of my neck, his thumb resting against my throbbing pulse for a moment. "Your heartbeat is like the fluttering of birds' wings, slamming so hard deep within you. It calls out through your pulse, your blood."

My mouth ran dry even as my panties flooded with arousal.

His hand continued its journey, pressing lightly over my heart before sliding off to the left to caress the curves along my side, ending at my hip, which he squeezed gently.

"You're so soft and warm. Fragile." He leaned in to kiss my mouth. "It takes so much control on my part not to damage you. I don't honestly know if I can _do _this without hurting you."

"I believe in you."

His eyes were wild, undecided. "Let's just take it slow, all right? No sudden moves."

"Okay." I swallowed hard.

Edward's nose skimmed the edge of my jaw, his lips kissing along underneath softly. His hand left my hip, his fingers sliding beneath my shirt to caress my bare skin. His touch was so faint, like gossamer wings, and gooseflesh rippled over me. I fought to remain still, allowing him to explore.

His wanderings finally led to my bra, and he tugged the lace down until he had access to my bare breast. Kissing his way down my neck, he nuzzled his face into my cleavage and began alternating tweaking my nipple between his fingers with gentle licks of his cool tongue.

"I'd like to remove this," he whispered, fondling the edge of my shirt.

At my nod, he leaned back, helping me lift up enough to remove my top and bra. The heat of the nearby flames kept me warm enough; the shivers running through me were all from his touch, his mere presence.

He guided me back down, remaining crouched over me. His eyes traveled over my body hungrily, his index finger following, tracing random patterns. "You're beautiful. It's almost painful to gaze upon you, Angel."

Both hands kneaded my breasts, his thumbs flicking over my nipples every so often. I had to close my eyes, steeling myself not to move, not to lean up and grab him to me. My breathing came out in labored pants, my heart speeding.

Edward's fingers trailed down my navel to the button of my jeans. "May I?"

"Y-yes." My eyes opened involuntarily, capturing his beauty, the angular planes of his face. I fisted my hands at my sides, my nails digging into my palms.

Deftly, he unbuttoned my jeans, tugging them down my legs. My breath caught, and I tried to fight off the shyness of being nearly naked before him. The only garment left was my pair of blue lace and silk panties—thank God I'd thought to put on something sexy.

Edward sat on his heels at my feet, his eyes traveling up my body slowly, and I could feel the heat of a blush rising up my skin. "I'm sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable. You have nothing to be shy about; you're exquisite."

His fingers started exploring my skin beginning at my ankles, moving at an excruciatingly slow pace. When he reached my knees, he lowered his lips to kiss along one leg and then the other until he reached my inner thighs. Placing a hand on each knee, he spread my legs apart gently, easing himself down to the floor between them with his arms wrapped loosely underneath. Seeing Edward in such an intimate position sent my heart thumping harder, and I squirmed a bit.

"Shh... relax. I won't do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I have to move slowly," Edward assured, placing a soft kiss on my inner thigh that sent another flood of arousal into my panties. "I smell you. Even through the Vicks your scent is divine." This time, instead of a kiss, he licked a slow trail up my thigh ending only inches from my silk-and-lace-covered sex.

"Oh," I whispered, my hands moving to rest on my stomach.

"If you want me to stop, just tell me," he said just before slipping a finger underneath the edge of the material that was the only barrier left between us.

I didn't bother to complain that Edward was still fully clothed, only his shirt flapping open. _When did he unbutton his shirt?_ I knew it was easier for him to concentrate on one stimulus at a time. Although I felt a bit shy because I'd never been this naked before a man, I felt secure, knowing I could trust in him.

The tip of one long, cool finger slid inside my folds to tease at my clit. My breath hitched, and my hips pulsed forward the slightest bit without my permission. He continued moving his finger lazily and began kissing and licking the inside of my thigh, inching higher little by little until his hand held the material aside, his lips placing a soft kiss _right there_.

My fingernails dug into the skin of my navel, and I drew in a sharp breath. "Edward... God."

He looked up at me then, from between my legs, and I nearly fainted. I'd never had anyone between my legs before, and it was _so_ hot. Sure, I'd read romance novels, but this... nothing could have prepared me for the sight of my vampire looking up at me with his mouth on my sex.

His tongue sought out my clit, tracing slow circles. My hands moved down—one slipping into his free hand, our fingers entwining, and the other holding tight to a handful of his hair.

Edward watched me for a few moments, and when he seemed satisfied with what he saw, his tongue resumed its languid exploration of my most intimate place. He alternated between long, slow licks and tight revolutions around my clit.

"That feels so good..." I gasped.

Soon, his tongue moved faster, more confidently, and the rapidly-becoming-familiar heat started building in my abdomen. Between my legs tingled wherever his tongue moved, and I couldn't stop watching him, his eyes closed, an expression of intense concentration on his beautiful face, his tousled bronze hair tickling my thighs. I suddenly wished my panties were not between us, even though they didn't hinder his ministrations _at all._

"Edward... I think I'm going to..." I whimpered.

His fingers tightened on mine in answer, his tongue never ceasing its movements. Knowing I couldn't hurt him in any way, I fisted my fingers in his hair harder and gripped his hand with all my strength as I struggled to hold still.

When the wave came, it drenched me completely, and it felt as though I left my body for a few seconds before slamming back in to feel every nerve ending dancing like live wires. I heard myself screaming his name over and over. I had absolutely no control of my body as the spasms rocked me to the very core of my being.

When I finally came back to myself, there was a light sheen of sweat covering my skin. Edward was lying next to me, looking down into my face with adoration and more than a little smugness. When my eyes met his, he leaned over to kiss my nose playfully. His fingers played in my hair and traced the shell of my ear causing me to giggle.

"Was it good for you, Bella?" His velvety voice sent a shiver down my spine.

"Um... yeah. It was the single most intense experience... ever."

Using the fingers of one hand to turn my face his way, he leaned in to kiss me deeply. When his tongue sought out mine, I could taste myself there. It's hard to describe how that made me feel—a mixture of pride, sensuality, and desire. No longer feeling shy, I lifted my back off the bearskin, leaning my body into his and wrapping my arm around his neck. His cool hand flattened against my bare back, pressing me closer.

"I want to touch you, Edward."

A low growl came in answer, and he rolled until I was straddling him. Pinning me with a smoldering gaze, he grabbed my face, pulling me into another kiss. His tongue slid against mine sensually, and he groaned when I lowered my body onto his.

Pushing me back slightly, he rasped, "Slow, Angel. Remember, I've never done this either, and I don't know how I'll react when sensation takes over."

My mind drifted to how I was just a few minutes ago. I don't think I had a coherent thought during my orgasm; would it be the same for Edward? Suddenly, his concerns made sense. What if he crushed my skull in the throes of passion? He could break me in half without meaning to. To me, this meant I would have to be diligent and pay close attention to his reactions. I could never get away from him if he didn't want me to, but I thought he would respond if I called out to him.

"I think I understand that better now. I'll try to be careful, okay?"

He nodded, and lifted up to allow me to remove his shirt. For the time being, I decided to leave his pants on and concentrate on his upper body. Tentatively, I allowed my fingers to explore the sculpted muscles of his body, tracing along his pecs, teasing at his nipples, down along the side of his ribs, and over his six-pack until I reached the trail of brownish hair that led underneath his waistband. The entire time, Edward stared up at the ceiling with his arms by his sides and seemed to be concentrating deeply. Without speaking, I unbuckled his belt, and he drew in a breath but remained still. Once I'd unzipped his jeans, I tugged them down and off, leaving Edward in black boxer briefs. His body was so perfect; it seemed to be carved from stone, and I felt inadequate beside him in my nakedness. Involuntarily, I drew back a little, crossing my arms over my naked breasts.

"You're beautiful," he whispered, his eyes meeting mine for the first time. "Don't hide yourself from me, Angel."

I felt my face redden, and I smiled a little. "You're so perfect, Edward. I could never compare to you."

He grabbed one of my hands, placing a soft kiss on the back. "You don't understand yet, do you? You're my mate; I love absolutely everything about you. There's no one in this world that compares to you in my eyes."

I glanced away, embarrassed. It was unfathomable to me that anyone—especially this veritable Adonis before me—could find me to be so desirable. I decided not to question it anymore; I didn't want to waste my opportunity to touch Edward while he would let me.

Turning my attention back to the trail of hair, I reached out and traced a shaking finger down until I reached his boxer briefs where my finger continued over the soft cotton to trace the rapidly growing bulge between his legs. My eyes widened at the sheer size of him. I'd never seen any others, so I really had no comparison to guide me, but I had a hard time believing he would fit inside me.

As my finger was on the way back up, his erection twitched, and I yanked my hand back. I cringed, expecting Edward to laugh at how ridiculous I was, but he didn't, and that gave me courage to explore some more. I cupped his balls in my hands and curled my fingers around him over his boxers. A low growl rumbled in his chest, but he didn't request that I stop, so I didn't.

As my confidence grew, I began stroking up and down with increasing pressure. Edward's hips started to thrust lightly, and his eyes scrunched closed, his face taut with concentration. I knew he didn't need to breathe, but his chest rose and fell as short pants pushed through his lips, and his hips found a regular rhythm. I suspected he was growing close to orgasm, when his hand shot out to grab my wrist, stopping me.

"Stop, Angel. That's enough for now, okay?"

Slightly disappointed, I did as he requested; I didn't want to cause him any undue distress, and we _had_ made progress.

"Okay," I whispered.

"Come here." He pulled my hands, guiding me on top of him. "Kiss me, Angel."

_Oh, what his low, husky voice did to my insides._

Straddling his hips, I leaned down until we were chest to chest, my hair sweeping over the skin of his arms and shoulders. I brought my mouth to his, nibbling on his bottom lip. His hands cradled my head, and he groaned softly, his tongue pushing past my lips to move with mine.

As our kiss deepened, he slid his hands down to grip my hips, rocking up against me and settling into a rhythm. After a few moments, Edward stiffened all over, his fingers leaving me to claw into the bearskin. I heard a tearing sound as holes were ripped in it, but it was the only outward sign that he wasn't in complete control.

Lifting me off his body, he rolled us until he was hovering over me. His eyes blazed into mine for a moment before he brushed his lips over mine. "You did well, Angel."

I shook my head. "No, _we_ did well, Edward. Especially you." I met his gaze shyly. "Do you think we could try –"

"Not yet. This was difficult for me. Thankfully, the only casualty was Emmett's bearskin rug."

"Emmett's bearskin? Your brother?"

"Yeah. Emmett's favorite food is bear, and this particular bear put up the strongest fight, so he decided to keep him."

"Oh, shit! And we ruined his rug! Will Emmett be angry?"

"Not when he finds out the reason why." Edward smirked at me before leaning down for another kiss.

"You're going to tell Emmett what we did on his bearskin?" My face flushed at the thought.

"I won't have to. There are very few secrets in my family."

"Oh. That must be awkward..."

"We've gotten used to it over the years. Don't worry about the rug."

Edward licked a trail up the side of my neck, suckling on my already heated flesh. "I love you," he whispered against my ear.

"I love you, too." I allowed my fingers to explore the lean muscles of his back. I particularly loved running my hands over his shoulder blades, although I wasn't sure exactly why.

Edward's lips met mine again, the kiss growing heated. He stiffened rather suddenly, his eyes widening.

"Edward? Is something wrong?"

He gazed down at me, an unreadable look in his eyes. "That all depends on your definition of _wrong_." A smile tugged at his lips. "Just a minute, Alice."

"What?" I questioned, confused.

"My sister is here with Jasper, and she's dying to talk to you."

"Here... like, right now?"

"Right outside."

"But... but... we're _naked_!" The thought of Edward's family walking in on our current state left me feeling horrified.

Edward laughed, the sound deep and melodic. "Don't worry. _Alice_ will have to wait." His smile grew wider. "Yes, you little pixie. You _will not_ explode if you have to wait more than a few minutes."

"You're talking to Alice right now?"

"Yes. With our enhanced hearing, we can hear each other quite clearly."

"Hello, Alice," I said.

"She can't wait to see you and said she brought you some gifts."

"Gifts? But –"

"You'll learn soon enough that when it comes to my pixie of a sister, resistance is futile." Edward rolled up to a sitting position and helped me stand.

"Like the Borg on Star Trek?" I joked.

"Exactly like that." Edward wasn't laughing.

_Uh oh._

**~*BrWi*~**

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**A/N: I tried to do a mix of journal entries and progress *cough* with these two. About 95% of you screamed for more journal entries, so I obliged. They're really emotionally dense and a bitch to write, but I think they enhance the story. I think that will be the end of them, though.**

**For those who might be upset that these two didn't 'do it,' I just don't feel it would have been realistic yet. It's coming, though! These two will have their happy for a while, but there is some drama on the way. I'd love to hear your theories.**

**You can check out the first chapter of my new short story **_**Red Kryptonite**_** on my profile. When the rest of the chapters begin posting (after the fundraiser it was donated for is over) it will be completed and post once a week until finished. This **_**will not**_** be another WIP.**

**Follow me on Twitter (at) SaritaDreaming or (at) SarahAisling**

**Thanks for reading!**

_**y**_


	8. Chapter 8  Belong to You

**A/N: Hello everyone! Hope all of you are enjoying the holiday season. I'm thankful for all of my readers—reviewers and lurkers alike. Without all of you, writing wouldn't be nearly as much fun.**

**Huge thanks and Edward licks to my awesome betas, wmr1601 and Katmom, for being superfast at wielding those Sparkly Reds. Mwah! These gals rock my world. They were much faster than my awesome prereaders, Keye and Sandy, so I decided to post the chapter because I know you guys are chomping at the bit. Enjoy! And may you need a new pair of panties or a cold shower by the time you're finished.**

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**Chapter 8**

**~Belong to You~**

* * *

**Suggested listening:**

**Lady of the Moon ~ 2002**

**Deliver Me ~ Sarah Brightman**

**A Thousand Years ~ Christina Perri**

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_**I have died everyday waiting for you  
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you  
For a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more**_

**_~Excerpt from A Thousand Years_  
**

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**Previously:**

Edward's lips met mine again, the kiss growing heated. He stiffened rather suddenly, his eyes widening.

"Edward? Is something wrong?"

He gazed down at me, an unreadable look in his eyes. "That all depends on your definition of _wrong_." A smile tugged at his lips. "Just a minute, Alice."

"What?" I questioned, confused.

"My sister is here with Jasper, and she's dying to talk to you."

"Here... like, right now?"

"Right outside."

"But... but... we're _naked_!" The thought of Edward's family walking in on our current state left me feeling horrified.

Edward laughed, the sound deep and melodic. "Don't worry. _Alice_ will have to wait." His smile grew wider. "Yes, you little pixie. You _will not_ explode if you have to wait more than a few minutes."

"You're talking to Alice right now?"

"Yes. With our enhanced hearing, we can hear each other quite clearly."

"Hello, Alice," I said.

"She can't wait to see you and said she brought you some gifts."

"Gifts? But –"

"You'll learn soon enough that when it comes to my pixie of a sister, resistance is futile." Edward rolled up to a sitting position and helped me stand.

"Like the Borg on Star Trek?" I joked.

"Exactly like that." Edward wasn't laughing.

_Uh oh._

* * *

**~*Edward*~**

Once Bella and I were dressed, we walked hand-in-hand to the front door to greet Alice and Jasper. Bella's face was still flushed, but she was remarkably composed considering.

Alice was bouncing on the balls of her feet on the front porch, and as soon as her eyes met Bella's, she raced forward, grabbing her into a hug. "Bella! It's so good to see you again!"

"Oh!" Bella's hand slid from mine as she reacted to my sister, returning the hug. "It's good to see you, too, Alice. Hello, Jasper."

"Bella." Jasper nodded, hanging back in his reserved way.

"Oh, Bella! I'm so excited to be here. I brought you some things. We simply must have some girl time. Let's go up to your room while the boys go hunting and catch up."

"Alice," I shot her a look. "What's going on?"

"Chill, Edward. Bella and I need to get to know each other a bit. You and Jazz go hunting. She'll be fine with me, won't you, Bella?"

Bella glanced between us with her eyebrows raised but finally nodded. "Sure. Go ahead, Edward. Spend some time with Jasper."

Pulling Bella away from Alice's grasp, I turned her to face me, my hands on her arms. "Are you sure? I don't have to go. I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

She smiled up at me. "I'm sure, Edward. Go on."

Hugging her to me, I whispered into her hair, "I won't be gone long, Angel. Don't let Alice push you around."

"I heard that, Edward!" Alice trilled.

"Good." Ghosting my nose along the side of Bella's neck, I inhaled her delectable scent. Tipping her chin up, I brought my lips to hers, planting soft kisses. "I'll miss you."

Bella's brown eyes were slightly troubled. "I... I'll miss you, too. I miss you already, and you haven't even gone yet. It seems silly to say that, but it's true."

That brought a smile to my face. Bella was as affected by me as I was by her.

_Mates,_ Alice thought, a smug smile playing across her lips.

Part of me felt guilty leaving Bella alone with Alice, but there was no way I could shelter her from my sister forever; she may as well get accustomed to the interference of the little pixie early on.

I pulled her in for another kiss before letting her go.

Jasper and I took off toward the woods, turning back to look at Bella and Alice conversing on the porch for a second before heading for the other side of the island.

With the house out of sight, we started running through the woods at top speed, weaving between the trees as the wildlife scattered. We were evenly matched—what Jasper lacked in speed, he made up for in strategy—and I welcomed the distraction, although Bella was never far from my mind.

Shooting out of the trees into the field, Jasper overtook me from the left, tackling me. We tumbled to the ground, a tangle of arms and legs, a cloud of dirt rising up.

The moon took its place high in the clear night sky, casting a silvery light over everything; although with our enhanced vision, we'd have no trouble seeing even if it was dark as pitch. It was eerily beautiful out, the moonbeams glinting off the dew on the vegetation and washing the bark of the trees with a ghostly patina.

"Gotcha!" Jasper yelled, pinning me to the ground with a smirk.

Pushing my heels into the ground, I levered my lower body, bucking Jasper off me. As he landed on his back, I was already straddling him. "You were saying?"

"Nice, Edward. But..." he slipped from beneath me, appearing several yards away "...we can keep doing this all night. What do you say we get us some grub?"

I laughed, leaping to my feet and dusting myself off. "You got it. The mountain lions are mine, but help yourself to anything else."

Working together, we drove some of the wildlife into the field, hearts pounding in their chests and eyes rolling in fear. I took down two mountain lions, and Jasper dispatched with an elk and a small bear.

Feeling sated, I brought him up the hill to my favorite place. We perched on top of the rock in companionable silence, overlooking the nearby field and woods, the water off in the distance creating a tranquil backdrop.

My thoughts drifted to Bella and how much I'd enjoy sharing the moonlit night with her. She saw beauty and hope in everything, and I wished I was more like her. There was much to be learned from my beautiful girl, despite that fact that she was so young and I was over a hundred years old.

Jasper's index finger rubbed at the rock in front of him. "You, um, had Bella up here recently?"

"Yeah, we were here this afternoon. Why?"

"Shit, man, I can smell her all over up here." He snickered. "Are you _sure _your virtue is still intact, Edward?"

"Shut up!" I shoved his shoulder.

"So what's going on with you two? She's beautiful, Edward, and she just... radiates love for you."

"Yeah?" A silly smile spread across my face. Even though Bella had shared her feelings with me, it still felt good to receive confirmation of it through Jasper's gift.

"She feels just as strongly for you as you do for her. It's actually quite beautiful to behold."

"I love her so much, Jazz. There are so many things I want to... do with her, but I'm afraid of losing control."

"I hear you, man. You've done pretty good so far, right?"

"Yeah, we have. Bella's very understanding of the limitations, and she's done her best to make it easier on me."

"I think it's important to desensitize yourself... sexually."

"What do you mean?"

"Explore each other, push the boundaries slowly. You, um, haven't really had much experience with orgasms, have you?"

"Well, no. I kind of destroyed my shower the other day..." I grimaced at the memory of the deep gauges left in the beams after I'd clawed my way through the wall without even realizing it. "I'm so afraid of losing control with her. I don't even know if I _can_ be with her that way."

"You can." Jasper's voice was so sure it caused me to glance at him curiously.

"How do you know?"

"Because... before Alice, I slept with a few humans."

"Really? Even though you were drinking human blood?"

"Yeah. When I was with Maria, she didn't allow me to fraternize with any of the vampires in her army. On occasion, I would find a fine young maiden in one of the towns we were passing by." Jasper wiggled his brows. "I hurt the first few, but they were all _minor_ injuries. If you work up to it with Bella, you should be fine."

"Actually, we _have_ been working up to things. How do I hold onto my sanity when my orgasm is imminent, though?"

"Well, that's the critical time. To cool down a bit, think of something complex. Keeping your mind occupied will help you stay in control."

"Thanks, Jazz. I feel a little better now."

Jasper looked off into the distance, his brow creasing.

_What about the fact that she's human?_

"I've discussed everything with Bella; she knows and understands the process of becoming a vampire, and she wants some time to think it over."

_And if she decides to remain human?_

"I'll abide by her wishes, whatever they happen to be. If she wants to join me, I won't stop her, but I'm against trying to influence her either way. It's completely up to her. And if she decides to live out her human life, I'll be there beside her the whole way."

"Edward... you do realize how difficult that would be?"

"Yes. I... would join her in the ground... after."

Jasper's head turned sharply, his eyes blazing into me. He opened his mouth, then closed it.

_I can't discourage him from his course—I'd do the same for my Alice._

"Don't tell Alice," I requested.

"Why not?"

"Because, although she has the best of intentions, I don't want anyone to influence Bella. This _has_ to be Bella's decision alone. Whatever she decides, I've been blessed in this existence just by being allowed to love her—however long or short that time might be."

Jasper smiled then, punching me in the shoulder. "You're going to be fine, Edward. You won't hurt Bella—she's too precious to you. Practice a little more, but I think you're ready."

"You really think so?" I felt a strong twitch in my nether regions. Whether I was ready or not mentally, I most certainly was physically.

**~*BrWi*~**

By the time we returned to the house, it was well after midnight, and Bella was fast asleep in her bed.

We found Alice in the reading room, sitting before the fire. She held a glass of brandy in her hand, the amber liquid swirling slowly. Her eyes held a faraway look, but her mind was strangely blank.

"How was your guy time?" she asked without turning our way.

"Really good. I think Edward's ready to get busy with Bella," Jasper answered.

"Jasper!" I burst out incredulously. "Is nothing sacred in this family?"

He laughed. "You've been privy to more details than anyone, bro. What do _you_ think?"

Alice continued to sit quietly, which I found odd. Normally, she'd be the first to jump in and join the banter. Stepping around in front of her, I crouched down with my hand on her leg.

"What is it, Ali? And are you drinking brandy?"

She shook her head. "Nothing. I think everything will be okay. No, I just like the smell of the brandy—it tastes awful."

"Why are you blocking me?"

Alice suddenly reanimated, rising to her feet lithely. "Surely you don't want me to ruin everything for you, Edward? Besides, I'm trying to keep it back since I know you value your privacy."

"You're sure there's nothing else? No other reason you're blocking me?"

"What else would there be? You just make sure you follow Bella's lead. I've coached her, and I think she's ready to handle you."

"_Handle me? _What does _that_ mean?"

"Just do as I say."

Jasper sniggered behind his hand, and had the good sense to walk away.

We talked for a few hours. Alice filled me in on family news: Carlisle was considering a move to New York, where he could join the staff of a larger hospital; Esme was working on some design projects; Emmett and Rose had rejoined the family in Nova Scotia after their hiatus. Alice mentioned she and Jasper were considering going off on their own for a while. She said it too casually, moving from that statement directly to a discussion about new candidates for the Masen Foundation.

"Wait, Alice. Why would you leave the family?" I interrupted.

"I'm not _leaving the family_, Edward. Did anybody say Em and Rose left the family when they took a break? Did anyone rag _you_ about it the times you did?"

"Well, no. But you don't do things like that."

"Not for long. I think Jazzy and I just need a little vacation." She winked at me.

"You'll keep in touch? Be available..."

"Yes, of course! Don't worry, Edward. I doubt you're going to need me, but you can reach me on my cell."

While we were having this conversation, Jasper was wandering the house and the grounds. There was something off about both of them, although I wasn't sure what. Alice was blocking me quite effectively, and Jasper's thoughts were focused on the things he wanted to do with Alice when they were finally alone. _Ugh._ Nobody wants to see intimate details of their siblings' love lives. It was just a jarring reminder of how much I enjoyed the solitude here on the island.

"So, Edward, we have to be going. Call if you need us." Alice rose to her feet as Jasper came back into the room. She went up on tip-toe, kissing me on the cheek.

"Leave? Aren't you going to stay a few days? I thought you wanted to spend time with Bella?"

"I did spend time with her, while you and Jazz were gone. Bella is sufficiently coached and armed with some goodies, and it's time for us to be on our way."

"Alice, you're behaving strangely."

She rolled her eyes. "Call if you need me, Edward."

Jasper hugged me tight, thumping me hard on the back. "Take care, Edward."

And then they were both gone.

Slipping into Bella's room, I eased myself onto the bed beside her. A softly glowing beam of moonlight filtered through the filmy curtains, illuminating her beautiful face. She slept peacefully on her back, a hand tucked against her cheek. _So innocent. So beautiful._

I watched her sleep, which gave me plenty of time to contemplate Alice's strange behavior. Although many hours later, I found myself no closer to an answer than when I started.

"Edward..." Bella sighed softly, her body turning toward mine.

Something slid along her skin, landing on the sheet as she shifted. Curious, I glanced down to find a necklace I'd never seen her wear before. Dangling from a delicate gold chain was a glass heart with a cylinder in the center that held a red liquid. The glass was etched with an intricate design. It was interesting and unique—I hadn't seen anything like it in all my years.

Lifting the fragile heart, I bent my nose to sniff it. Alice's scent was all over it. I smirked to myself; this must be one of the gifts she brought to give Bella, which led me to wonder what else she'd given her and what they talked about in the hours Jasper and I were gone.

Bella woke just as golden rays filtered through the thinning cloud cover; it was going to be another sunny day. She stretched her arms over her head and smiled when she saw me.

"You're back."

"I've been here for hours watching you sleep." I caressed her cheek.

"I adore Alice. It's too bad I didn't get to talk more with Jasper."

"So you knew they were leaving?"

"Yeah. Alice told me they had to leave during the night."

"And what did my little pixie of a sister have to say to you while Jasper and I were gone?"

Bella shifted to sit on the edge of the bed, her long hair a snarl of knots hanging down her back. "Oh, I can't tell you that." Her voice was slightly _off_, but without being able to see her expression, it was hard to discern.

"You can't tell me?"

Bella rose and headed toward the en suite. "Nature calls. I'll be right back."

And then she was behind a closed door. I could still hear her heart, though, and it was beating rather fast. What was she hiding? Why did Alice leave so hastily?

I was standing by the French doors when she emerged ten minutes later. I turned my head her way, and the sight of her knocked the breath out of me.

Her long hair was brushed to a silken gleam, cheeks pink, a blush spreading over her neck and chest, and her body was encased in a slinky black chemise that hugged every curve like a second skin, barely kissing the tops of her thighs.

Before I could restrain myself, I was on her, pressing her to the wall. My fingers moved over the silky material, exploring every dip and curve of her luscious body. When the back of the chemise rose and my fingers landed on her bare ass, I lost it, shredding the lingerie. Horrified, I backed away, turning to face the opposite wall with my fists clenched.

"I'm so sorry, Angel! You... and that silky thing... your hair..."

"You did well," she answered calmly.

"What? I just ripped your nightie off! Like an animal!" I bowed my head, holding it in my hands.

"It was a great first try, and you didn't hurt _me_, which is the whole point of this exercise."

"Exercise?" I whirled on her. Thankfully, she'd donned a robe to cover her nakedness. "You did this on _purpose_? Have you lost your mind, Bella?"

"No." She lifted her chin defiantly. "Alice said when the lingerie can survive your touch, we're ready to make love."

I growled low in my throat, nearly rushing her again, filled with equal parts anger and lust. Leave it to Alice to mess with my future this way. What if I'd hurt Bella?

Unwilling to face Bella with my anger, I fled to my rooms, breathing heavy. Grabbing the SAT phone, I called Alice.

"That was fast." Alice's tinkling laughter came over the line.

"Alice! What the fuck were you thinking?"

"Oh, language, brother. Tsk."

"Don't. Don't try to deflect."

"Did you hurt Bella?"

"No."

"Then it was a success."

"How can you say that? Until I saw her... you had no idea what I would do! It wasn't even a decision—it was instinct that took over, Alice."

"She's your mate. You'd never harm her, and I just proved it." Alice was smug.

Growling, I put my hand through the wall, a cloud of splintered wood and sheet-rock puffing up into the air. It was decidedly unsatisfactory—I wanted to destroy a small mountain.

"Did you give her the heart necklace, too?" I spat.

"Sure did. She has three of them."

"What's that all about?" I asked between gritted teeth.

"It's a glass heart to remind you how fragile she is. If you can touch her and love her without breaking it, then you're doing okay."

"So you think I'm going to hurt her then? She needs three of them?" Agitated, I raked my hand through my hair.

"It's just a precaution, Edward. Bella's pretty clumsy—she's likely to break one herself."

Closing my eyes, I pinched the bridge of my nose. I loved my sister, but she'd gone a bit too far this time, _and_ she'd drawn Bella into her deception as well.

"Alice, what you did was wrong. You dragged Bella into this drama, too. She probably thinks I'm _insane_ after the way I fled her room. I'm not sure what she must be thinking right now."

"She's getting dressed, and she'll be in your room in three minutes. Be nice, Edward. This was all my doing; Bella was reluctant at first."

"At first. But she did agree to it!"

"Bella loves you. She wants you."

"Alice..."

"Just be nice. I'll talk to you later. Love you!"

Alice hung up before I could get another word in.

Two more minutes passed before Bella arrived in my room. I spent the time calming myself, reining in my emotions.

Exactly when Alice predicted, there was a soft knock on my door.

"Come in."

The door opened slowly, and Bella stuck her head in first. Her eyes roamed the room until she found me sitting on the piano bench. Her mouth rounded into an 'O' as she rushed over to caress the gleaming black piano.

"Is this what I heard you playing all those nights?"

"Yes." I couldn't hold back a shy smile; my Angel had a way of disarming me in the midst of emotional turmoil—a very good thing when dealing with me it seemed.

"May I sit next to you? Will you play for me?" she asked excitedly, clasping her hands together.

Patting the bench beside me, I turned to face the keys. When she was seated, I began to play one of the many songs I'd written with her in mind during the lonely times, when I was sure I'd never see her again. My eyes were closed, but I could scent her tears in the air; apparently the music affected her deeply, just as she—my inspiration—affected me deeply.

"I wrote this when I thought we'd never be together. Music was my outlet, a release valve," I said softly.

"My God, Edward... it's so beautiful and painful and poignant. The notes tear at my heart." She sniffled.

Wrapping my arm around her shoulders, I pulled her close to me and kissed the top of her head. "The thought of being without you tore at _my_ heart. At the time, I believed it was best for you to be without me. I know it's not true now, and I'll never leave you again unless it's what you want."

"_That_ will never happen. I want you always, Edward Cullen—even if you are a _moody_ vampire." She laughed, wiping at her eyes.

I couldn't believe I was agreeing to this, but over the coming days, I allowed Bella to tempt me with lingerie.

I was never sure where she would assault my senses, but assault me she did.

_The white one was shredded to ribbons in her bedroom._

_The straps of the red one were ripped, the rest of the nightie left unharmed, in the writing room._

_The pink one netted a small tear as I mauled her on my piano bench._

_The gold one was touched and caressed, removed gently from her body, but remained completely intact on her bed._

"We're ready," Bella announced as I entered her room one night.

Throwing back the covers, she revealed herself in a sapphire blue leaving-little-to-the-imagination number. I gasped, but stilled myself at the foot of the bed, drinking her in. The blue was perfection against her creamy skin, the slight blush that rose to the surface just adding to the effect.

"You're so beautiful, Angel." I swallowed hard.

"Make love to me tonight, Edward."

"But... I'm afraid I'll hurt you."

"You won't. You're ready. _We're_ ready."

She reclined on the bed, holding her hand out. Her eyes were confident, her heart beating faster with anticipation. There was no fear or adrenaline marring the scent of her arousal, which filled the room like a heady perfume.

**~*Bella*~**

"Are you sure, Angel?"

Was I sure? Yes. I knew what Alice had done made Edward angry, but I honestly believed it was the best thing she could have done. Over the past several days Edward and I had a lot of fun as he gained control over himself. Okay, I had more fun than he did, but gradually he got over his brooding self-flagellation and started enjoying himself. At Alice's suggestion, I'd saved the blue nightie for last—she'd smirked, telling me the color would drive Edward absolutely crazy with desire.

"Yes." My one word answer was full of the confidence I felt. I knew it was time.

Edward's beautiful features were marred with concern, but his wrinkled brow slowly smoothed. His hair was in its usual disarray, and he was fresh from a hunt—his lips like ripe strawberries, a slight pinkness tinting his cheeks that would likely fade by morning. I'd planned it this way to be sure he wasn't thirsty when we made love.

He reached back, pulling the t-shirt over his head before crawling onto the bed and stretching himself out beside me.

"You're exquisite, Angel," he whispered, running his fingers over silk and lace.

Edward's nose ghosted along the side of my neck, lips nuzzling into the hollow at the base of my throat. Normally, I would have giggled because I was ticklish there, but not tonight. Tonight it was erotic.

My fingers reached out to stroke over his powerful arm, and I gripped his bicep, encouraging him to move closer. Taking my cue, he reared up over me, his eyes a burnished gold, rapidly turning dark with lust.

I took the opportunity to explore his naked torso, careful to pay attention to his reactions so I didn't push him too far too fast. His hips flexed forward, but he was in control, and I moaned, writhing beneath him. The coolness of his skin penetrated through the silken material, and my nipples strained up against it, causing a twinge of desire to flare between my legs.

"Edward..." I gasped.

He slid the strap of my negligee off my shoulder, placing soft kisses along my bare skin, moving slowly. His hair tickled my jaw and cheek, sending a pleasant shiver down my spine. He kissed all the way down to the delicate skin in the bend of my arm and then replaced his lips with his tongue, tracing back the same way, the cool wetness sending more tingling shivers through me, and I thought back to the thrill of seeing his bronze hair between my legs as he loved me with his mouth.

Raising his head, he looked down at me for a moment before lowering his lips to play over mine in barely-there, lingering kisses. One hand trailed down my ribs and waist to grip my hip lightly.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered against my lips before sliding his tongue into my mouth.

The kiss was slow and languid, the passion building gradually into a burning fire. He caressed my cheek in the palm of his hand, fingers tangling in my hair, and his body sank down closer to mine. The roughness of his jeans brushed against my thigh, his arousal prominent.

He lifted his head, looking into my eyes with so much love and desire it left me breathless. I wanted to say something, tell him how much he meant to me, but when I parted my lips to speak, he filled it with his tongue, the kiss delving deep, full of searing heat. Edward slid his knee between my thighs, nudging them apart until he slipped down between them. I drew my legs around his hips, rocking my pelvis up against him, seeking the friction provided by the seam of his jeans against my bareness.

He slid the negligee up between us, exposing my bare breasts to his gently probing fingers. Breaking away from my lips, he kissed his way down my neck to swirl his cool tongue over my pulse point, sucking lightly with his lips which were slightly warmed from our kisses.

I dug my hands into his hair, scratching lightly at the nape of his neck, knowing it drove him crazy. He growled lightly, his lips vibrating against my neck.

"I want to take this off you," he whispered, lifting his body.

"Yes." I sat up against the pillows, lifting my arms so he could remove the negligee. As he pressed me back against the bed, I stopped him with a hand on his belt. "These, too."

Edward groaned softly, his eyes fluttering closed. "Are you absolutely sure, Angel? Once we start this, I don't think there's any going back. This is probably going to be the most difficult, albeit most pleasurable, thing I've ever done."

"I trust in us."

Standing beside the bed, he removed his pants and boxer briefs, kicking them to the side. I gasped at the sight of his stunning physique; he truly rivaled any statue carved by the finest artisans. Every dip, curve, muscle and sinew of his body was perfection, one flowing into the next smoothly to create the most beautiful, deliciously sculpted creature.

My eyes lingered a little too long over one part of his anatomy, and when my eyes finally rose to meet his, he was smirking at me.

"I take it you're pleased?" he teased.

"Um... you could say that. God."

"I find you just as alluring, Angel." His darkened irises caressed my body with their heated perusal of my nakedness, and I could feel my skin flush all over. Kneeling beside the bed, he trailed his fingers over me slowly. "Beautiful. Made just for me." He lifted my hand to his lips, placing a kiss inside my palm.

My heart beat faster with anticipation.

Edward placed my open palm on his chest, over the place his heart should have been beating. "I'm asking you one last time, Angel, and then you're all mine." His words ended on a low growl.

My pulse pounded in my ears at his words. "I'm sure. I want you."

In a blur, his body was hovering over mine again, and he slid down until his arousal was cradled between my thighs, like a steel rod covered by the softest velvet. He flexed his hips forward gently, the head pressing against my folds. Cool lips kissed over my chest, up my neck, and pressed against my mouth.

"Are you nervous, Angel?"

"A little," I admitted.

Edward stroked one hand up the back of my thigh, hitching it around his hip, which opened me wider, allowing him to slip deeper until he was positioned at my entrance. He stilled there, pressing his lips to mine again. "Don't be. You're the most precious thing in the world to me. I'd rather die than hurt you." His hips pulsed against mine, and he pushed in a little further. "I love you so much," he whispered.

**~*Edward*~**

The warmth of Bella's skin burned into me, but it was nothing compared to the intense heat between her legs. As I pushed in slowly, her folds were slick with arousal, welcoming me inside. I knew it wouldn't be that easy; there would be a point where I had to cause her pain, and I prayed it wouldn't last long.

"I love you so much." I felt the need to tell her one more time with words before I loved her with my body.

"I love you, Edward. This feels so perfect and right."

Her sable eyes captured mine, and I held her gaze as I slid inside her little by little.

"Keep your eyes on mine, my sweet Angel. Promise me you'll let me know if I hurt you."

"I promise."

"And I promise to love you for eternity," I whispered as I felt her maidenhead stretching over the head of my throbbing erection. "This is going to sting a bit. I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

Keeping our eyes locked, I estimated how much pressure would be required and snapped my hips once, breaking her hymen. Then I stilled. The scent of blood wafted into the air, but it was minimal. Three seconds later, Bella winced, shifting her hips back slightly. Her breath caught, but the tension inside began to loosen over time, her velvet heat pulsing gently as her body accepted me. She blew out a short breath, her cheeks rosy.

I brushed the hair off her face, gazing down at her tenderly. "Are you all right?"

She closed her eyes for a moment and then nodded, biting her lip. Her heart fluttered against her ribs like little hummingbird wings as she wrapped her legs around my waist, enveloping me with their heat. Blood rushed through her veins, close to the surface of her creamy skin, but it didn't incite the monster in me at that moment, just the man.

Releasing her lip from between her teeth, I rubbed my thumb back and forth across it gently. Her eyes were filled with love and trust, and I was beginning to believe myself. I could do this; we were doing this.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes."

I lowered my mouth to hers, whispering gentle kisses over her lips. Angling my pelvis, I slid further inside her, pushing forward until I was completely buried in silken heat. _ Nothing_ could have prepared me for this. No matter how many times I palmed myself in the shower, no matter how many times we'd dry humped, nothing compared to being inside her this way. Her walls pulsed around me, and I growled low in my throat.

"I need a minute," I gasped, closing my eyes tight.

_The rush of blood._

_The pound of a pulse._

_Sweet nectar, waiting to be sipped._

_Heat filled with velvet wine surrounding me._

The growl grew louder, the sound of the blood rushing through her veins reaching a crescendo around me, inside me. Venom flooded my mouth, and I swallowed it back, struggling to maintain control.

"Edward."

The sound of my name, spoken by an angel, and the warmth of her fingers on my face drew me away from the edge.

"Edward, look at me."

I opened my eyes, and Bella was gazing up at me with complete trust and adoration.

"Bella..."

"Shh... you can do this. Stay here with me. Keep your eyes focused on mine."

The glass heart—the solitary adornment on her naked body—caught my eye, and I ran my index finger over it lightly, the red liquid inside reminding me of the blood that her heart pumped through her veins. If I broke her skin, if I did anything to endanger that, it would kill me.

"I love you." I reached up to caress her face, and I kept my eyes on hers.

Circling my hips slowly, I found a rhythm that felt incredible for me and gradually became more pleasurable for Bella. I could tell she made the transition when her legs lifted and tightened around me, her breathing picked up, and the sweetest little gasps puffed between her pouty lips. Her pelvis lifted to meet my gentle thrusts, and she wound her arms around my neck, gripping my hair between her fingers.

"Oh..." She looked up at me cautiously and whispered, "Edward, more."

Testing my resolve, I found the monster tucked far in the background. Quickening my thrusts, I drove deeper inside her and moaned at the sensation. The intensity increased tenfold, but I kept myself in the present by paying close attention to her body and the cues it was giving me.

Bella panted, her nails digging into the back of my neck, pelvis rocking up to meet me thrust for thrust. I could tell by her scent, breaths, heartbeats... the way her eyes started to go unfocused and her lids grew heavy as she tried to keep her eyes on me, that she was close to her release.

"Edward... my God."

"It's okay. Let go for me, Angel." I nibbled my way across her jaw, capturing her lips with mine.

Tilting my head to deepen the kiss, our tongues met over and over in gentle strokes. When I felt the first spasms shudder through her, I kept moving my lips over hers, the vibration of Bella crying out into my mouth as she came sending me over the edge. Throwing my head back, I roared, the tendons standing out in my arms and back in my struggle to maintain control as my cold seed spilled inside her. My fingers dug into the mattress, clawing past the thick padding and mangling springs.

My body was aflame, tingling with electric impulses that jolted their way through veins long dried out. There was an electrified flutter in my chest, and I wondered for a moment if my heart would start beating again. Wave after wave rushed over me until I thought I would simply implode from pleasure.

By the time I came down, my arms were buried in the mattress up to my forearms, but the glass heart was still intact, and so was my Angel.

Bella's face was flushed, a light sheen of sweat glistening on her heated skin. Her chest rose and fell quickly, her heart still beating fast. I feared putting my hands through the mattress might have scared her, but one look at her face said otherwise: she appeared completely sated, happy, and content. A soft moan escaped, and her eyes met mine, a look of deep satisfaction within their expressive brown pools. I really had no personal experience to go by, but I imagined her reaction was a common one for a woman who had been properly made love to, and I smiled down at her, quite satisfied myself.

"Edward... that was amazing. There are just no words..." She shook her head slightly.

Taking one of her hands in mine, I brought it up to my lips and kissed it. "I've never felt anything so incredible throughout my entire existence. Considering how old I am, that's saying a lot."

Bella smiled, a rosy tint flooding her cheeks. "Really? I mean, I know how life altering it was for me, but I wasn't sure..."

"Soul shattering, Angel. There isn't much that can affect a vampire, but this... the only moment of my existence that's even come close was when you accepted me, when I realized I didn't have to continue my lonely existence without you." Looking down, I realized my other arm was still buried in the mattress, and I pulled it out slowly. "I believe you need a new bed."

Bella's eyes widened, and then she giggled. "Whoa."

"I'll replace it tomorrow. Tonight, I just want to hold you in the place we first made love." I kissed her temple.

"I love you so much, Edward."

"And I love you, Angel."

Pulling her into my arms, I covered us with the down quilt and held her close as she fell asleep.

**~*BrWi*~**

**A/N: Will I tell you what's coming? I'd rather hear your theories. What do you think about Alice's strange behavior? Hope you enjoyed the lemonade. It's hard for a dirty girl like me to write canon-ish lemons. Most of you requested Edward's POV for their first time, some of you wanted Bella's, but a lot of you wanted it from both POVs, so I tried to accommodate the best I could without ruining the flow.**

**I have a novella coming out in January called _Red Kryptonite_. The chapters will not be as long as my WIPs and will post weekly until the story is complete. Edward is a vampire bounty hunter, and guess who he's hired to bring in? This isn't SM's Bella or Edward. He's a blood drinker, and she has a secret that could destroy him. First chapter is up on my profile, and the rest will post beginning after the holidays.**

**Follow me on Twitter (at) SaritaDreaming for fanfic and (at) SarahAisling for original fic.**

**Happy Holidays!**


	9. Chapter 9 All that I Need

**A/N: My apologies for the long wait for this chapter. The good news—you'll get two more chapters about a week apart. Thank you all for being so patient with me while I attempt to balance writing my novel and continuing my fanfics. Mwah!**

**Thanks to SydneyAlice for Lady A and Mel for the Clapton song. I wanted to choose a Whitney Houston song for this chapter, and I think I found the perfect one. Such a tragic loss to the world; may she rest in peace. Love you, Whitney.**

**Smoldering gazes from Edward to my prereaders, Keye and Sandy, for their valuable feedback. Heaps of gratitude to my lovely betas, wmr1601 and Katmom, for wielding those Sparkly Reds. Special thanks to the lovely miaokuancha for signing on as a beta (if you haven't read her lyrical prose yet, you're _missing out_) and for her tough-love, which made this chapter so much better than it was.**

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**Chapter 9**

**~All that I Need~**

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**Suggested Listening:**

**Wonderful Tonight ~ Eric Clapton**

**Dancing Away with my Heart ~ Lady Antebellum**

**All the Man that I Need ~ Whitney Houston**

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_I used to cry myself to sleep at night  
But that was all before he came  
I thought love had to hurt to turn out right  
But now he's here  
It's not the same; it's not the same_

_He fills me up_  
_He gives me love_  
_More love than I've ever seen_  
_He's all I've got,_  
_He's all I've got in this world_  
_But he's all the man that I need_

_And in the morning when I kiss his eyes_  
_He takes me down and rocks me slow_  
_And in the evening when the moon is high_  
_He holds me close and won't let go_  
_He won't let go_

_~RIP Whitney Houston~_

* * *

**~*Bella*~**

The gradually increasing light filtering through my eyelids was what woke me in the morning. Before opening my eyes, I assessed my body. I felt sore—deliciously so. There was still a vague throbbing between my legs, and my hip muscles ached slightly. I felt stretched and changed and loved and giddy. I couldn't stop a smile from stretching across my face before my eyes were even open—and I could feel him watching me.

"I love you," I whispered.

"You're all right, Angel?" Anxiety laced Edward's tone as his cool fingers brushed over my cheekbone.

"I'm so perfectly happy. I'm so much better than all right, Edward. There is _one_ thing that you did wrong, though."

"What?"

"You didn't say you love me back." I opened my eyes then, seeking him out.

He lay on his side with his head propped on his hand, looking down at me with a twinge of concern.

_God, he's just so beautiful. It's still hard to believe he's all mine._

Edward kissed the tip of my nose. "I love you, Angel. More than I could ever express in words."

"You did pretty good telling me without words last night." I smiled shyly. Then I realized I was still naked under the covers, and a blush heated my cheeks. My thoughts turned to the way Edward made me feel when we made love, and my face burned hotter.

His lips curved into a slow, lopsided smile. "You're blushing, Bella. What are you thinking about?" His index finger traced the contours of my face. "Tell me."

"You. Us. Last night." I kissed his finger as it passed over my lips.

"That's all I've been thinking about for hours."

His words sent a shiver down my spine, and my heart started beating faster. Edward leaned over me, stroking the hair back from my face. His touch was gentle, but fire smoldered in the depths of his amber eyes. He placed whisper soft kisses across my jaw and continued down the side of my neck. When he encountered the glass heart that rested against my breastbone, he kissed it before dipping lower to nuzzle his lips between my breasts. Despite the soreness between my legs, my body responded to his touch.

Slowly, he peeled back the sheet, uncovering my nakedness. My instinct was to pull the covers back up, to hide from his all-seeing eyes, but he sensed my intention before I lifted a finger and pressed his hand over mine.

"You're beautiful to me, Angel. Every single inch of you." His eyes remained locked with mine while his lips closed over one of my nipples. He swirled his tongue lazily which caused a strong twinge to connect from my nipple directly to the apex of my thighs.

A gasping breath left me, and suddenly my nakedness didn't seem to matter. Edward had trusted me with his deepest darkness, and I still thought he was beautiful and loved him. Why should I try to hide any part of myself from the vampire who had gone through so much just for me?

Edward seemed to realize how I felt because he broke the connection and glanced down at my body as he kissed a path over my skin. His lips traveled over my tender breast down to my ribs and over my stomach. His hands were loving, caressing me so gently. When he reached my hips, he drew in a breath.

"I left marks on you." He drew one finger over a shadow on my skin. "Does it hurt much, Bella?"

"No, not at all. I bruise very easily—please don't worry about it."

"I'm sorry," he murmured, lowering his lips to kiss over the marks, starting with my right hip before moving over to the left. Then he cupped his palm over my mound. "Are you sore here?"

"Y-Yes. A little bit." It was hard to concentrate with Edward's hand on my sex and his earnest gaze focused on mine. And seeing him so close sent a fresh wave of arousal jolting through me. I knew he could smell it, and my face flushed. "I… um..."

Edward smiled, crawling back up my body until his lips met mine in a chaste kiss. "Don't worry, Angel. I may want you, but I know it's far too soon. How about a soak in the tub?"

"That sounds... perfect." Relief flooded through me.

"I'll be right back." Edward pulled the sheet over me and headed into the bathroom.

My eyes roved over the defined muscles of his back right down to his adorably rounded butt._ Oh, but his body is such sculpted perfection. _Once again, I couldn't help but wonder what he saw in me. I was pretty enough, for a human, but I wasn't in Edward's league.

A few minutes later, he emerged from the bathroom and scooped me up off the bed, spinning us around until I was giggling and dizzy.

"There's that beautiful smile. I want to make you smile this way every day."

"I'd love that. I could do without the dizziness, though..."

The bathroom mirror was fogged, and steam curled up from the surface of the Jacuzzi. The air was warm and humid, leaving a sheen of moisture over my skin. He leaned down, placing me in the tub. The warmth enveloped me, and the gentle jet streams tickled my skin. I sank in up to my chin with my eyes closed, reveling in the feel of the bubbling water as it swirled and undulated around me.

"Oh, this is like heaven, Edward!" I opened my eyes. He was kneeling beside the Jacuzzi watching me with affection. "Aren't you going to join me?"

"I wasn't sure if you wanted me to. I thought you might like the bath to yourself."

My heart opened to him all over again, overcoming my shyness. "Please come in with me."

"When you ask like that, I can't say no."

Edward slid into the tub behind me, and I reclined against his chest. His skin warmed fairly quickly, although his cool temperature never bothered me. At first I was a bit nervous, but I soon found myself lulled by the warm, moist atmosphere. I allowed my body to go limp within the safe circle of his arms, and my eyes grew heavy.

He pushed my hair over one shoulder, and his wintry lips nibbled gently over my skin, sending delicious shivers through me despite the warmth of the water. He ran his tongue lightly up the back of my neck, swirling gentle patterns and drawing soft sounds from my throat.

"Do you like when I kiss you here, Angel?" he whispered, kissing again.

I nestled into his embrace. "Yes."

We sat in the tub for a long time. Edward kissed across my shoulder and over my neck, keeping his arms firmly wrapped around me. His hands never strayed, and I felt safe and loved, drifting into a state of near-sleep.

"Would you like to shower off with me?" he asked, startling me slightly.

"Oh, sorry. I was drifting off."

"That's all right. How about that shower?"

"Okay."

Edward left me in the tub and padded over to the shower to turn the taps on. Again, I watched his lean muscled body move and enjoyed the view of his backside. He turned his head and caught me staring.

I stuttered, my face flushing.

The corner of his lips twitched, and he shook his head slightly.

When he was satisfied with the temperature of the water, he lifted me from the tub and carried me into the shower. I'd be lying if I said I didn't rake my eyes down his happy trail to what lay beyond. I did a terrible job at hiding my ogling this time, and when I glanced up at him, he was smirking at me.

"Bella, I'm surprised at you." His eyes were alight with amusement.

"Y-You are?" My mouth gaped open, and then I realized what I was saying. "You are. Of course you are!" Was there no limit to how hot my face could get? I felt sure I was about to combust.

Edward pulled me against his body, which was still fairly warm from the bath. "You're adorable. I like that you notice me, but it's even more charming how easily embarrassed you are by it." He lifted my face to his.

"Oh, you like it, huh?"

"I do." Edward's eyes darkened the slightest bit, and he leaned down to capture my lips with his.

His kiss was slow and thorough, and his hands slid down my back to cup my bottom. I gasped against his mouth, and he took the opportunity to slide his tongue against mine, kissing me deeply. He turned us, so the warm spray cascaded over my back, warming my cooling body.

Grabbing a cloth and some body-wash, Edward washed me gently, paying attention to every inch. When he was finished with my body, he washed my hair, massaging my scalp lightly and leaving me weak in the knees.

After rinsing off, I grabbed the soap and turned to face him. "Your turn."

"You want to wash me?" He smiled almost shyly.

"Are you being shy, Edward Cullen?"

"No. Well, not exactly. Nobody's ever touched me that way." He looked down, and for a moment I was shocked, but then I remembered he was a virgin last night, too. It might be even weirder for him considering his advanced age.

"Nobody's ever touched me that way, either."

Lathering up my hands, I moved them along the contours of his body. My fingers massaged his shoulders, drew patterns over his pecs, pressed over his leanly toned six pack, and reached the soft, downy trail of hair below his belly button. Feeling color flood my face, I switched directions, sliding my arms around his body to caress his back muscles, which brought our fronts much closer together. My nipples awakened against his slick skin, sending a tingling shiver through me.

Edward drew in a breath, and I could feel him hard and twitching against my stomach. "I'm sorry, Angel. Being in here with you, the touch of your hands, and your... _body_…" The last part came out in a strangled whisper, and he grabbed me, pressing me to the shower wall. His eyes were onyx, but his touch was gentle enough not to hurt me.

"Edward..." I gasped, unsure what to say. My body was aroused by him, but the soreness between my legs persisted, and I knew he couldn't take me again so soon.

Suddenly, he was on his knees before me, hugging me tight with the side of his face pressed to my stomach. "I'm sorry, Angel."

My hands strayed to his damp hair. "What are you sorry for?"

He lifted his head to look up at me, placing his hands on my hips. "You must be sore from last night, and there's no way we could... I just want you, and my body isn't listening to reason."

A sudden giggle slipped out. "Edward, you just described the entire male population—at least the ones with a conscience."

He smiled. "I guess I did."

"I'm definitely too sore. Believe me, my body wants to, and I really, really wish I could."

"Hook your leg over my shoulder." He tapped the back of my right thigh.

The sudden request surprised me, but I did as he asked without thinking. Wrapping his arm around the back of my left thigh, he secured me against the wall.

"Edward, what..."

"Shh... we can't make love again yet, but I can still love you with my mouth," he whispered huskily.

"Oh..." A thrill flared in my chest.

And then there was no more talking. Edward nudged my legs open wider, adjusting my knee on his shoulder and nuzzled his face between my legs. He used his tongue to part my lips, circling slowly around my clit. I felt the vibration of his soft sounds deep inside me.

My fingers clenched, my breath catching as I watched him. Edward's eyes were closed as he concentrated on my body, and his expression was nothing short of ecstatic. I could tell how much he enjoyed bringing me pleasure.

His tongue went from circles to a gentle lapping, and the heat blooming in my belly grew. Lazily, he opened his eyes. The sight of him gazing up at me from between my legs sent me over the edge, and I gripped his hair tighter as I came without warning.

"Ungh... Edward." My head lolled on my shoulders, and my eyelids grew heavy as the orgasm rolled through me. My body felt boneless, and I was thankful he could easily hold me upright.

Carefully lowering my leg off his shoulder, Edward kissed and licked his way up my body. When his mouth touched against mine, I could taste myself on his lips. I'd been a bit shy about it before, but this time, the thrill burned hotter, prompting me to skim my hand down his body until I could wrap my fingers around him.

"Bella..." His hand covered mine, stilling it.

"I want to please you."

"My control is shaky right now. I think we should wait."

"Okay," I agreed reluctantly. I knew I had to trust his judgment.

Turning off the shower, Edward dried me with a fluffy towel and left in blur to change his clothes. He was back before I was halfway dressed. _Show off._

**~*BrWi*~**

Over the next few days, we enjoyed each other immensely—and not just sexually. Edward brought me up to his room and played his piano for me. The song he wrote for me now had a much happier ending to it, and I kept asking him to play it over and over. He laughed and shook his head, warning that I was going to get tired of it. He was wrong, though; I could never tire of hearing the beautiful notes that rose into the air each time his fingers caressed the keys—especially knowing they were written for me.

We spent a lot of time in front of the fire in the Writing Room cuddled up together. Emmett's bearskin still covered the floor, holes and all, in a place of honor. When I remarked on it, Edward smirked and said he was never moving it. We did mess around on said bearskin once or twice, but there was no further damage to report.

Although most of the soreness was gone, we hadn't made love again. Edward was holding back, and I wasn't entirely sure why but decided to give him some space. We were closer than ever, he wasn't growing distant, and it wasn't all about the sex—it was about finding the other half our souls.

A few days later, there was a warmish, sunny day. Edward served me fresh fruit, waffles, and orange juice at the small wrought iron table on the front patio. The sight of the hilly path winding down to the dock and the water in the background nearly brought me to tears. Echoes of my early time here on the island came back to me.

_Climbing the trail with Sonia that first day and feeling the prickle on the back of my neck as Edward watched from the woods._

_Heading back down that same trail after I'd decided to leave the island and being brought up short by Edward's sudden appearance on the dock._

_The day he carried me to the other side of the island and confessed everything. Kissing me in the soft rain—not ten feet from the very spot where I was sitting—that evening when we returned._

So many memories in such a short time, and already I could barely remember what my life was like before him.

"What are you thinking?" Edward's soft voice broke into my reverie.

I glanced up, and he was sitting at the table across from me, watching me intently. Again, I was struck by his otherworldly beauty.

"Just reminiscing... remembering. What strikes me the most, though, is I can't really remember what life was like—you know, before you." My brows scrunched together. "I mean, obviously I spent many years living without you. It's all faded into darkness. It's like you've always been mine."

"It's the same for me, Angel. It's as if all the years before you are eclipsed by what we have now. It's there, and if I choose to, I can remember it, but not without effort. I don't quite understand it myself, but I don't intend to dig too deeply, either."

After breakfast, we took a walk along the bluff to watch the waves roll in and crash against the rocks below. I sat between Edward's legs on top of a huge boulder. He rested his chin on my shoulder and kissed my cheek.

"There's something I wanted to discuss with you."

"Okay."

"I need to go hunt, and I have a bit of a surprise for you. Do you think you could do without me for a few hours?"

"I think I'll manage. What kind of surprise?"

"It wouldn't be a surprise if I gave it away, now would it? You'll know soon enough." Edward stood up, holding his hand out to me. "Let me walk you back to the house."

When we reached the front door, Edward cupped my face and kissed me softly. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Closing the front door, I rested my back against it. My stomach rippled with butterflies, and my heart was beating faster. I felt like a teenager being dropped off by her first boyfriend and kissed on the front porch.

When I went back to my room, I found an envelope propped up on my pillow.

_Angel,_

_Please join me for dinner this evening. There's something for you to wear hanging in the back left corner of your closet. I'll pick you up at five._

_All my love,_

_Edward_

I smiled, bringing the thick, creamy slice of notepaper up to my nose to breathe in the sweet-musky-woodsy scent that was purely Edward, and I was transported back to those first notes he left in my room. At the time, the scent was familiar, but I'd had a hard time placing it.

Curious, I decided to check out my closet. In the rear left corner was a garment bag. _When did he sneak the clothing and the note into my room?_ I laid the garment bag on my bed and unzipped it slowly.

"Oh, my..." I whispered.

Spreading it open, I slipped the hanger out so I could hang it on the French door. A floor-length sapphire blue dress billowed in the slight breeze coming in through the crack in the doors. It had an off-the-shoulder neckline, gathered waist adorned by glittering rhinestones, and the slightly flared skirt draped softly. The garment bag also held a pair of matching sapphire blue silk pumps encrusted with rhinestones around the edge, jeweled hair combs, a pair of thigh highs, and an embarrassingly skimpy blue ensemble with attached garters. My face flushed at the sight of it, and I wondered how I was supposed to get all trussed up by myself.

After showering, I used the curling iron in the vanity to coax the hair around my face into soft spirals. I pulled some of my hair back with the combs, allowing the rest to hang loosely down my back. Then I put on a touch of mascara, blush, and lip gloss.

I allowed myself an hour to get dressed. At four forty-five, I was pacing nervously around my room in stocking feet. Edward moved so silently, he might have been back in the house for hours for all I knew. Deciding not to put it off any longer, I slipped my feet into the heels. Despite the fact they looked dangerous, they seemed to caress my feet, and I was able to walk in them fairly well. I stood before the full-length mirror in the walk-in closet and barely recognized myself. I felt like a princess about to go to a royal ball and couldn't keep a smile from spreading across my face. "Thanks, Alice," I whispered, knowing only she could have pulled all this off.

At precisely five o'clock, there was a knock on my door. I stood nervously on the other side of it and hesitated, taking in a deep breath before opening it.

I forgot all about myself when my gaze landed on Edward. He was dressed in a perfectly tailored black tux. I wouldn't have thought a tux would be all that impressive, but when it was my handsome vampire wearing it... oh, God.

"Good evening, Angel." Edward smiled shyly, reaching for my hand and placing a kiss on the back of it.

"Edward." My voice was a whisper. "You look amazing."

"Thank you." His eyes took me in slowly. "And you... put the beauty of the moon and the stars to shame."

"Edward!" I protested, blushing furiously.

"You're exquisite." He lifted his hand to touch one of the curls that rested on my cheek then his eyes roamed over my dress again. His eyes rested on my cleavage for just a beat too long on the way back up, and he growled softly. "Alice is trying to kill me."

He asked me to turn around for him, which I did. His only comment after that was a muttered, "We better get going or we won't make it to dinner at all."

Offering me his arm, he escorted me down the grand staircase to the Music Room. The double doors were propped open and a small table was set for dinner. I'd never really been in here before. There was a small dance floor, a piano, and comfortable groupings of furniture. It was obvious that the room was designed to hold large dinner parties or a mid-sized ball.

"Edward... this is beautiful." I walked in ahead of him and spun slowly, taking it all in. I enjoyed the feel of the silky dress as it brushed against the thigh highs. "I've never really been in here. You didn't tell me there was a piano here, too!"

"I was saving it for a special occasion. And seeing you in that dress definitely makes this a special occasion." Edward smiled at me, his cheeks still tinged a slight pink from his recent hunt.

_God, I sure hope this night ends with my dress on the floor. _ My usual tell-tale blush rose to my cheeks.

He led me over to the table and held my chair for me. Once I was seated, he trailed his cool fingers over my bare back and leaned in to whisper, "I'll be right back, my love."

A pleasant shiver tingled down my spine. He was back in less than a minute with a tray. "Salad, Rosemary Chicken, and pasta. Would you like some wine?"

"How did you know this is my favorite? Oh, yeah—Alice." I laughed. "And I think just water please."

"As you wish."

Edward sat with me while I ate. By now, I was used to him watching me eat, and it no longer freaked me out.

"God, this is delicious, Edward! Did you make it?"

"No, Sonia did. I took the boat over to pick it up."

"What boat?"

"There's another boat on the other side of the bluff for emergencies—such as vampires who don't know how to cook for their beautiful companions."

"You went to a lot of trouble."

"Not at all. A lot of trouble was when I tried to stay away from you."

"Good point."

We lapsed into a comfortable silence while I ate the delicious food Sonia had prepared. I wondered what she thought about it—surely by now she suspected something romantic was going on between Edward and me. I didn't mind so much; Sonia seemed to be a very accepting and understanding person.

"Mm-mm... that was so good."

"Are you ready for dessert?"

"Honestly, I'm full. Maybe later?"

"Dance with me?" Edward stood, coming around to my side of the table.

"I'm a really bad dancer."

"That's okay."

"I'll step on your feet."

"I'm a vampire—I can take it."

With all excuses gone, I just gave in. Edward pointed a remote at the bookcase. _Wonderful Tonight_ started playing, a song that always sent shivers down my spine. "Alice again," I whispered.

Leading me to the small dance floor, he took me in his arms, and we swayed together slowly. I shouldn't have been nervous about stepping on his feet. As he'd pointed out, he was a vampire, and he led me around the floor in such a way that I actually felt graceful for once.

The next song was _Dance Away with my Heart_. "Alice missed one?" While I liked the song, it wasn't one of my favorites.

Edward nuzzled his nose under my ear. "I chose this one. It reminds me of when I used to visit your room at night. Even though those memories are bittersweet, I'll always remember you that way—eighteen, beautiful, and nearly the death of me."

"That's so sweet." A tear rolled down my cheek, and he kissed it away.

When the song was over, he led me back to the table and went to get dessert. I fanned myself with my napkin—my face was burning hot. Edward was so romantic and sweet. It was hard to imagine this was the same unsure, struggling, _snarling_ vampire who chased me down the hallway just a few weeks ago. It warmed my heart to see him grow more comfortable in his own skin and begin to trust in us. He'd promised never to leave me unless I asked him to, and that was never going to happen. Now all I had to do was make my final decision about being with him for eternity.

"Are you all right?"

Snapping out of my thoughts, I found Edward kneeling beside me, looking at me with concern.

"I'm fine. Just lost in thought." I stroked my fingers down his cheek.

Edward looked back at me nervously. "You're everything I thought I could never have, Angel. I hope you understand how much I love you. That I would do anything for you... even if it means remaining by your side while you live out your human existence."

"I haven't made that decision yet. I—"

"I know you haven't. I just need you to know that no matter what you decide, I'll always be yours and always be here."

Edward kissed my hand, distracting me long enough to miss his other hand slipping into his pocket. My eyes widened when the velvet box appeared in his hand, and I realized he was down on one knee.

"Marry me."

"What?" was my intelligent response.

"Marry me, Angel." He glanced up at me shyly and opened the box. "It was my mother's ring."

"But—but I haven't even given you an answer yet!" I sputtered, unable to bring myself to even look at what I knew was in the box.

"That's why I'm asking you now. I want to marry you. You're it for me, Angel. It doesn't matter if you're human or vampire—whatever you decide is fine with me."

"Oh, God... you don't give a girl a chance, do you?"

"If, by that, you mean a chance to resist my proposal, then no." Edward smiled nervously. "Will you marry me?"

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"You almost seem surprised—should I change my answer?" I teased.

"No. Definitely not." He laughed, slipping the ring on my finger. "There."

I looked down at my finger. The diamonds were nestled in a platinum setting—elegant simplicity—perfect for me since I wasn't into flashy jewelry. The weight of it sat comfortably on my finger, and I had the overwhelming feeling that it belonged there. _Forever._

Edward pulled me out of the chair to kiss me. He twirled us around until I was dizzy, and I didn't even care because it was worth it to see the joy in his eyes.

"Did you want dessert?"

"Not really."

"Good."

In a flash, he scooped me in his arms and rushed back to my room, placing me on my feet just inside the door. We were both breathing heavily, and his intense burnished gold gaze roamed over me. Pressing me against the wall, he skimmed his nose along my exposed collarbone. His tongue licked along the neckline of my dress, dipping lower to taste the swell of one breast.

"I want to make love to you tonight," he whispered against my skin.

"God, yes."

He nudged his nose against my ear, his hands firmly holding my waist. "I have to tell you something first that might change your mind."

"What is it?"

"I haven't used Vicks today."

"Are you all right? Did you run out?"

"I've been using less and less as I acclimated to your scent. I wanted to be able to fully submerge myself in your bouquet without it being distorted."

"This is good, right? It's something to celebrate."

"Yes, it is. I'm just not completely confident... about making love."

"Is that why you've been holding back?"

"Yes, Angel. And if you don't want to try this yet, we don't have to."

"Edward, take me to bed."

His smoldering gaze held mine for a moment, and then he pulled me into his arms, reaching around behind me to slide the zipper of my dress down. Slowly, he brushed his lips lightly over each shoulder before he pushed the dress off my arms and allowed it to pool on the floor. Reaching for my waist, he did a double take and groaned when he saw what I wore underneath.

Swallowing hard, he held my hands and helped me step out of the dress. He led me over to the bed and sat down facing me with his hands on my hips.

"Jesus, Angel." He slid his hand over the lingerie, traced a garter, and caressed the back of my knee. "You're stunning."

"You're overdressed, Edward," I answered, loosening his tie and sliding the jacket over his arms. I straddled his lap, slowly unbuttoning his shirt.

"My little vixen," he whispered huskily, using his lips and tongue to suckle on the skin over my chest and neck. His hands tightened on my hips, and I could feel how ready he was beneath me.

Moving to kneel on the floor, I unbuckled his belt, and he drew in a sharp breath.

"Bella..." His voice held a ragged growl, and he pushed me away gently and stood up to remove his pants. "We still need to be careful. I think maybe... you should be on top."

"Whatever makes this easier for you." I bit my lip.

A second later, Edward's back was against the mattress with me straddling his body. Leaning back, I slipped off my heels, allowing them to fall to the floor. I looked down into Edward's darkened irises and placed my hands on his chest.

"We'll take it slow, okay? Just tell me what you need."

"I need you, Bella." His voice held a desperate edge, and he ripped off the panties I was wearing, tossing the scrap of blue material into the air. Edward's hands pulled at my hips, positioning me over his erection. "You have to take it from here. I don't trust myself to be gentle enough." He swallowed thickly.

Balancing on my hands, I shifted my hips until I felt him pressing against my entrance and slowly lowered myself. Even though the soreness from our first time was gone, I had a hard time taking him inside me. I hesitated, biting my lip.

"Relax, Angel. Your body is so tense." Edward rubbed his hands slowly up and down my sides. "We have all the time in the world."

"How did you fit inside me the first time?" I gasped.

Edward smiled crookedly. "I'm not _that_ big, Angel. You're clenching so tight. I promise you, we're a perfect fit."

I closed my eyes and concentrated on the sensations in my body. Sure enough, I was clamping down on him like a vise. Breathing slow and deep, I started to relax little by little and was able to take more of him in.

"That's my girl. Just go easy."

As my body relaxed around him, I rocked gently until he was completely buried inside me, and it started to feel good like the first time. I took short panting breaths as a rivulet of sweat trickled between my breasts, and I unclenched my fisted hands, sliding my fingers into his softer-than-down tousled hair.

"Are you okay, Edward?"

"God, yes. I can't even describe how good you feel around me, Angel. Are you?"

"I'm... I'm so much better than okay now."

I lifted off him and came back down, grinding our pelvises together. Without thinking about it, I circled my hips as I rose again, and sensations bloomed in my belly, zipping up every nerve ending. "Oh..."

With a strangled sound, Edward's hands left me, and my eyes flew open. His arms were raised above his head, his hands wedged under the thick wood of the ornate headboard. Obsidian irises burned into me, and his lip lifted in a near-snarl. His jaw appeared to be clenched tight enough to pulverize marble to powder, and the day he chased me down and gouged into the stone wall outside my room came to mind.

_No fast moves. Remain calm and give him the time he needs._

"Edward."

He scrunched his eyes closed, and his body shook beneath me and inside me. The sound of the heavy wood of the headboard rending beneath his clawing fingers made my heart pound.

"Edward!"

"I'm okay," he whispered. "I need to keep my hands off you. I'm sorry."

"Should we stop? Is it too much for you?"

"No... please don't stop. We can do this if I keep my hands away. I want to touch you so badly, but I'm afraid of hurting you." Edward leaned up to kiss my lips softly before lying back down.

I moved over him slowly, careful to watch his face for signs of struggle. After a short time, I felt him twitch inside me, and then he started thrusting his hips up gently each time I came down. The undulating push and pull, give and take, drew me to the edge much faster than I expected. My fingers tightened in his hair, and a long, low moan escaped.

"Bella, my Bella..." he chanted.

"Edward, I'm going to..." I warned as my body spasmed around him. Ecstasy ripped through me, leaving me speechless—nonsensical cries and whimpers filling the room.

"_Ungh_..." Edward moaned, a growl rumbling in his chest. There was an audible crack when his fingers tightened on the headboard. He thrust up into me hard, arching as he came through gritted teeth.

We collapsed to the bed, both of us breathing hard, and soon his hands returned to caress my skin. He pulled me down against him, holding me tight, and our lips met in a searing kiss, his tongue sliding against mine.

"I'm sorry I couldn't touch you while we made love. I promise it won't always be that way."

"I know. It's okay, Edward."

"You're not just saying that?"

"Of course not. I love you so much. I've lived more in the past few weeks than I have my entire life." I smiled, snuggling against his chest.

"I feel the same way, Angel. I love you, and I can't wait to make you my wife."

His whispered words against my neck sent tingles shooting through me. _Wife._ I was going to be Edward's wife. He was willing to stand by me whether I decided to ask for immortality or not. In my heart I had already chosen to stay with Edward forever, but I wasn't quite ready to say the words yet.

The rest of the night was a blur. I remember falling asleep curled against Edward. There were no dreams—just the pure after-bliss of our beautiful evening together.

**~*BrWi*~**

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**A/N: The next chapter of this story is already written, and I'm working on the next. The chapters will post approximately a week apart. We are heading for some heavy stuff, my lovelies. Tissues at the ready... you've been warned.**

**Work continues on my novel, _The Weight of Roses_, which will be published sometime in 2012 with TWCSPH. I simply adore my readers. You guys keep me going with all your encouraging messages and support, not to mention patience, and I can't express how much it means to me. There are too many to name, and I'm sure to leave someone out, so I'll leave it at that.**

**A very Happy Birthday to Lindsey! Hope you enjoyed.  
**

**Follow me on Twitter (at) SaritaDreaming for fanfic and (at) SarahAisling for original fic. **

**Facebook: SarahAislingAuthor**


	10. Chapter 10 Lacrimosa

**A/N: Hello, awesome readers! Warning: this chapter has a three out of three tissue alert. Just wanted to let you know before I duck and run.**

**Edward licks to my awesome prereaders, Keye and Sandy, for the great support and feedback. Keye provided the musical inspiration for this chapter.**

**Special thanks to my betas, wmr1601, Katmom, and Miaokuancha, for their invaluable help with this chapter.**

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**Chapter 10**

**~Lacrimosa~**

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**Songs:**

**Always Find Me Here ~ Transit**

**Sing it Out ~ Switchfoot**

_**Where is the sun?**_

_**Feel like a ghost tonight**_

_**Where have you gone?**_

_**I need your breath in my lungs tonight**_

**~Excerpt Sing it Out by Switchfoot**

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**~*Bella*~**

Lifting my face to the sun, I closed my eyes against the damaging rays and just allowed them to bath my face in warmth. The light breeze ruffled my hair. The only thing missing was the sound of birds and wildlife, but I supposed it was something I'd have to get used to—soon enough they'd be scattering because of my presence, too.

The blanket was soft, although my butt was already numb from the hardness of the rock beneath it. It was so peaceful here, though. Edward's head was in my lap, and I was absently running my fingers through his hair.

"Hey."

My eyes opened, and I gazed down at him. His eyes searched mine for a moment, and then he smiled. He held a wildflower between his long fingers, twirling it back and forth by the stem. Taking my left hand, he brought my knuckles to his lips, kissing each one reverently. "I still can't believe you said yes," he whispered, rubbing his thumb over my engagement ring.

"Why so surprised, you silly vampire?" I teased as I resumed running my fingers through his hair.

"You're too good to be true."

"I think the same thing about you all the time." I smiled and leaned down to kiss him. He put a hand behind my neck to hold me there, licking slowly across my lips until they parted for him. Our tongues flicked against each other, and heat started to build between my legs. It seemed that I wanted Edward all the time—touching me, kissing me, making love to me.

His body went still rather suddenly, and then my arms were empty.

"Edward?" I glanced around, and found him standing ten feet behind me.

A deep snarling growl rumbled in the air, and my blood ran cold. I'd never heard Edward sound quite that way before, and it was terrifying. He was gazing out over the valley, with his back rigid and his fists clenched. Even from behind, he looked the part of the fierce vampire, and my heart thundered in my chest.

"Edward, what is it?" My voice sounded high and reedy. Panic descended over me as adrenaline shot through my veins.

"Well, well... what have we here?" A new voice rang out, a female voice, high and child-like.

"No." Edward's voice was filled with dread, and he backed up toward me slowly.

A young girl seemed to materialize out of thin air in front of him. She was draped in a black cloak, her face barely visible within its shadow. As she lifted the hood away from her face, rainbows of color refracted off her pale skin. _Vampire._ Red eyes looked me over with amusement.

"Hello, Edward." An evil smile spread across her delicate face, a monster peeking out from beneath innocence. "Tsk. You've gone and broken the rules, and now Aro wishes to speak with you."

"Jane, please." Edward's voice held a desperate note. Why was he so concerned over this little waif? She might be a vampire, but surely he could take her.

"As much as I love to hear you beg me, Edward, the orders have been issued."

"What orders?"

"You know." She lowered her eyes almost demurely.

"Don't touch her!" Edward snarled, lunging at Jane.

"Pain," she whispered, and he dropped to his knees before her with a grunt of pain, his back bowing.

I slapped a hand over my mouth, unable to bear whatever it was she was doing to him. "Stop! Please... whatever you're doing to him, stop!"

Jane's eyes met mine, glittering rubies set in a milky pale face. The contrast between the innocence of her features and the hard cruelness they twisted to form sent shivers of fear skittering down my spine. "Perhaps you need a taste, hmm?"

"No. Jane, no!" Edward gasped, still on his knees. "Bella..." His agonized gaze locked with mine as he turned his head my way.

"Do you know what I am, _Bella_?"

"Vampire," I whispered.

Edward stumbled to his feet in an attempt to shield me, but Jane simply scoffed, dropping him to his knees again. Apparently she had the ability to affect his physiology at will. When she turned her attention on me, Edward rose slowly but stayed where he was.

"And therein lies the problem. You're not supposed to know. You should be scratching your head right now—wondering about my red eyes, the prism effect of my skin—and yet your only concern seems to be him." She shot a glare Edward's way.

"_Please_," he begged.

"I am rather famished right now. Perhaps I need a snack." Jane smiled wickedly, a set of bright white, razor sharp teeth glinting in the light.

"Don't you touch her! I swear... if you do, I'll find a way to end you." Edward snarled at her, and suddenly he was only inches before me in a crouch, the muscles beneath his shirt bunched and coiled.

"I believe you _would_ find a way. I have no interest in drinking your lady love. In fact, I wish I didn't have to be on this godforsaken island at all. You know how it works, Edward: orders are given, and whatever Aro wants happens."

Jane sounded so reasonable, so calm, but my heart slammed in my chest and more adrenaline rushed through my veins. I wanted with everything in me to be strong for Edward, but nothing could stem the sob of terror that bubbled up my throat. My breath seemed to stall in my chest, and I thought I might pass out. Only the fear of what might be done to me or to Edward while I was unconscious kept me coherent.

Edward straightened slightly, reaching his hand back to grasp mine, but he never turned around. His eyes remained on Jane.

"Try to stay calm, Angel." His voice was breathless but tender. "Who else is with you, Jane?"

"Felix and Demetri." She smiled. "Why? Do you think I need an army for this?" Jane waved a hand in the air.

Edward dropped to his knees again, crying out in pain. Jane glanced over at me slyly.

"Are you starting to get the picture, _angel_? I'm in charge here."

My mouth was dry, but I managed to nod and whisper, "Please, Jane. Don't hurt Edward."

"Your life hangs in the balance, and you're worried about a little pain for him? Foolish."

"I love him."

"Well, now, that's a shame. Say goodbye to her, Edward."

"No!" Edward rasped, lurching to his feet.

"I promise not to lay a hand on her, but you're coming with us. Felix! Demetri!"

Two vampires—one large and solid, the other tall and lean—flanked Edward. He turned to face me, and I could see the defeat settle over his handsome features. His eyes were hollow.

"I'm so sorry, Angel. I never meant for this..." Edward choked out, his voice breaking on a sob.

Jane rolled her eyes. "Such melodrama. Take him to the other side of the island."

"But what about Bella?" He turned back to look at Jane.

"She stays here for the time being."

Vampires truly move faster than the speed of light because one moment Edward's horrified golden eyes met mine, and the next, they were gone—all of them were gone.

I was alone.

**~*Edward*~**

They dragged me backward, and the sight of Bella disappearing from my sight was like a dagger ripping into me. We were gone so quickly, the realization hadn't even dawned over her beautiful face yet.

And then we were rushing through the trees, the wildlife startled and scattering in our wake as we streaked past. Trees fell with loud booms. Many seasons' accumulation of underbrush was shredded and left fluttering to the ground. We reached the front of the house while the pulverized leaves and bark were still in mid-swirl, and I found myself flat on my back staring up at the sky, with Felix's knee rammed up against my sternum.

Jane stood at my head looking down at me. Upside down, she appeared more sinister and evil than ever. I knew what she was capable of, knew how she reveled in the pain of others.

"Please don't hurt, Bella. This was all my fault—I'll accept punishment."

"Oh, you're slated for punishment already, Edward. What makes you think you have any room for bargaining? She knows what we are. She wrote about it."

"How could you know that?"

"The Volturi have a spy at The Masen Foundation. Surely you didn't think Aro wasn't keeping an eye on your activities?"

"Nobody knows it's autobiographical. There are lots of books about vampires."

"I know that. We've written some of them." Jane's tinkling laughter made my fingers twitch. I just wanted to snap her neck. "Nevertheless, multiple laws have been broken."

"What are you planning?"

"Nothing at all. We'll be taking you back to Italy for sentencing."

My mind latched onto Jane's words. Was it possible they would take me off the island and leave Bella alive? Surely by now Alice had seen what was happening. If she could just get to Bella, there was a chance of getting her off the island alive. My family would have to hide her, but at least she had a chance.

Sorrow filled me at the thought of never seeing her again, never making love to her. The soft blush that rose to her cheeks when she was embarrassed, her warm fingers branding me, her soft looks when I played for her on the piano... the nights we snuggled before the fire and laughed over Emmett's ruined bearskin.

But if there was a chance for her to live on, even after I was ash blowing on the wind, it would all have been worth it, giving my century in this unnatural existence a higher purpose.

"I won't fight you, Jane. I'll gladly take my punishment if you spare Bella."

"I wasn't instructed to bring Bella back to Italy—just you."

"Who was the spy in the Masen Foundation?"

"I'm not privy to that. Does it really matter, though?"

"No, I suppose not." Except I did wonder how they'd gotten past Alice.

A sudden scream tore through the air. It was short and high pitched, ending quickly, but I recognized it. My heart recognized it.

"That was fast." Jane sounded surprised.

And the ugly truth dawned, tearing at me. I knew why Felix still knelt firmly upon my chest and why we weren't yet on our way to Italy.

"The animals. Please, God, no."

"Sometimes it's best to handle a situation by letting _nature_ take it's course, Edward. At least it was quick."

"No, no, no... _NO!__BELLA!_" I screamed out in anguish.

Bella, left alone on the other side of the island with all the wild animals—creatures that only stayed away because of _my_ presence.

My mind went into some kind of fugue state—although that's supposed to be impossible for vampires—and I can only remember tumbling and tumbling. I heard ragged snarling and labored breathing, was suffused by darkness and the ghost echo of the heartbeat _tup-tup, tup-tup, tup-tup _that was forever tattooed on my heart.

My face was pressed into the ground, aromatic fresh earth rammed up my nose. The pain I felt was centered in my chest and echoed around my fractured mind.

I really had no idea how long it was before I came back to myself, but the sun was low in the sky and streaks of purple were beginning to appear. A sight I would have thought so beautiful yesterday—with Bella beside me to enjoy it—now only mocked me. Time marched on, but my angel's life was cut short.

"Edward, you're back. Listen to me carefully... I'm going to allow you the option of time to say goodbye and bury her remains, if you'd like. We'll go on ahead—I doubt you're going to run away. Or you can just come with us now. Your choice." Jane's tone was matter-of-fact.

"I want time with her. Rest assured, I'll be right behind you," I said darkly.

"Nobody was there when my brother and I were about to be burned at the stake. My own family turned away." There was a faraway look in her eyes.

Whatever the reason for her concession, I was grateful to have the time with Bella. I wanted to kill them all, but there would be time for a suicide mission later on. First I needed to attend to Bella, to say my goodbye and put her to rest. The thought of leaving her out there alone to be picked over caused an anguished cry to lodge in my throat.

Jane, Demetri, and Felix slipped away like thieves in the night. They had stolen what was most precious to me without lifting a finger or tearing into tender flesh; they had simply distracted me and held me down while my reason for living was extinguished.

Leaping to my feet, I flew through the forest, only slowing when I was at the base of our hill. I fell to my knees, listening... straining... praying... but there was no answering _tup-tup, tup-tup_ to greet me. Dead silence with the exception of one heartbeat. A low growl and the click of sharp nails came from the flat rock above.

In one leap I landed up there on my feet, and the sight I was greeted with shocked me.

My angel lay silent—_so silent—_on our blanket. No heartbeat, no whoosh of blood pumping through her veins, no tell-tale blush tinting her cheeks. Blood painted the blanket and streaked over the surface of the rock. Smears of blood marred the side of her face and caked in her hair, and her blouse was soaked with it.

Curled around her was a mountain lion: body stretched alongside Bella's, her head and one large paw resting on my angel's still, silent chest. Normally, my presence would send all wildlife running for cover—and it had as I approached—but not this creature. She raised her head, and roared at me, lifting her paw and waving it in my direction.

Nearby lay the body of another cat, its throat torn out. They must have fought over my Bella.

As I moved in closer, the cat rose to her feet, covering Bella's body in a protective stance. She bared her teeth and roared her displeasure at my presence. I was confounded by her reaction to me—surely she should have been running for her life.

A sudden anger built up inside me; maybe the cat was trying to protect her meal. She might even be the one who'd killed Bella. Stepping forward, I struck out with my hand, tossing the lion off the side of the rock. She tumbled down the face of the hill for several yards before landing on her feet. She turned back and snarled at me then slunk away.

Falling to my knees, I pulled Bella's body into my arms and cradled her against my chest. She was warm from the mountain lion being curled around her; I could almost believe she was alive if not for the absence of a heartbeat or blood rushing through her veins.

"Oh, Angel... I'm so sorry. I was foolish to think this would work, that I could bring you into my world unscathed. This is all my fault. All my fault, and I'm sure when Aro destroys me, I won't be going where you are now. No, that would be too good for me." I rocked her body, burying my face in her hair. She was so limp, all the life and animation that made her who she was gone. "You didn't stand a chance out here. You must have been so frightened."

I cried the only way available to a vampire—dry, wracking sobs devoid of tears. Even in grief, I was damned. But not for much longer. Even if Aro decided to pardon my sins, I would not. Somehow I intended to join Bella in the hereafter. But first I needed to give her a proper burial.

I was fairly certain Alice knew of Bella's fate by now; in fact, I realized I'd left the SAT phone behind today. Maybe if I'd had some warning, I could have gotten Bella off the island before the Volturi showed up.

But I couldn't bear to bury Bella quite yet; I decided to take her back to the house and put on her beautiful blue dress and make a wreath of flowers for her hair. I intended to bury her with my mother's ring still on her finger because she was the only woman in the world I would ever share it with, and I'd be gone soon anyway. The heart necklace Alice had given Bella was missing, so I'd find one of the spares and place it around her neck.

Standing up with Bella in my arms, I kissed her temple. "God, I'm so sorry, Angel." My voice was hoarse with grief, adequate words failing me.

I carried her back to the house at a near-human pace, dread filling me at the thought of the tasks ahead. I decided not to speak with anyone until Bella was laid to rest. I would bury her on the front lawn where I once saw her rolling around and frolicking on the grass with child-like wonder.

Leaping up to the balcony of Bella's room, I settled her body on the bed and went about making preparations. I could hear the phone beeping every few minutes upstairs in my room where I'd left it, and I continued to ignore it.

With great care, I bathed Bella's body, averting my eyes from her nakedness both out of respect for her and because I couldn't bear to see the wound that had stolen her from me. It was difficult enough to watch tendrils of her blood swirl and mix with the bathwater. Afterward, I brushed out her hair before changing her into the sapphire blue dress she'd worn just the other night when I'd asked her to be my wife.

"Til death do us part..." I placed a kiss on her lips, which no longer held warmth, and stepped back to take her in.

Even in death, she had a regal beauty that was beyond compare. The vibrant blue of her dress against her creamy skin was stunning, and her hair lay over the pillow in soft mahogany waves. I wove a crown out of the wildflowers I'd picked from behind the house—purple, white, yellow, and pink—and placed it on her head.

All that was left to do was build a casket. I couldn't stand the thought of her being buried directly in the earth, the moist, rich soil surrounding and filling every crevice of her... pressing in on her. There was some wood in the basement, and with vampire speed, it took no time at all to fashion a coffin—ten minutes.

_Two minutes to dig the hole._

_Ten seconds to place the casket beside it._

_Two hours to convince myself to place her in it._

One hour and fifty nine minutes of breaking down, dry-sobbing, making deals with God, railing at God, wishing I could go back in time and never move to Forks, wishing I'd never come back from Alaska, cursing myself for revealing myself to Bella on the island.

My phone continued to ring, and I finally went upstairs and shattered it, crushing the pieces under my heel.

Deciding to wait until sunrise before laying her to rest, I took Bella in my arms one final time, sitting on the rock facing east as pale streaks of light started to fill the sky.

_I still will stay with thee;  
And never from this palace of dim night  
Depart again: here, here will I remain  
With worms that are thy chamber-maids; O, here  
Will I set up my everlasting rest,  
And shake the yoke of inauspicious stars  
From this world-wearied flesh._

~Romeo and Juliet~

**~*BrWi*~**

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**A/N: I have my body armor on—let me have it. We're nearing the end of the story, guys. This was only supposed to be a short one, and I guess it is by my standards. A few more chapters and maybe an outtake or two. Another chapter next week—I won't make you wait forever to find out what's going on.**

**Follow me on Twitter: (at)SaritaDreaming or (at)SarahAisling**

**Facebook: SarahAislingAuthor**

**Blog: SaritaDreaming (dot) wordpress (dot)com**


	11. Chapter 11 Romeo and Juliet

**A/N: This chapter would have been out sooner if not for Fanfail's typical disruptions. I didn't want to post this when there were issues going on.**

**Wow, a lot of you raked me over the coals for the last chapter! I feel thoroughly poked, prodded, and BBQ'd. Tough crowd. This chapter should make things clearer. I ask that you hold the tomatoes until the end; maybe you'll want to make some pizza instead...  
**

**Thanks to my prereaders, Keye and Sandy, for their feedback and awesome assistance with musical inspiration.**

**Heaps of gratefulness to my lovely betas, wmr1601, Katmom, and Miaokuancha, for all their hard work. Special thanks to Miao for cracking the whip on me, offering a medical consultation (so I didn't make a complete fool of myself), and for inspiring me to go back to the drawing board and rework parts of the chapter. I'm really happy with the way it turned out.**

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**Chapter 11**

**~Romeo and Juliet~**

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**Suggested Listening:**

**Ain't No Sunshine ~ Bill Withers**

**Black Days ~ Reboot the Robot**

**Open Your Eyes ~ Snow Patrol**

**I Grieve ~ Peter Gabriel**

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_**I'd rather have had**_

_**One breath of her hair**_

_**One kiss of her mouth**_

_**One touch of her hand**_

_**Than an eternity without it**_

_**One...**_

**Excerpt ~ City of Angels**

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**~*Edward*~**

The breathtakingly beautiful sunrise soon morphed into gray cloud cover, and the air became pregnant with moisture that would turn to rain by afternoon. It should rain on the day you bury the love of your life. The few moments of sun made it seem there was hope for renewal, but I knew there was no coming back from this for me. Guilt moved through me like frozen sludge. My reason for living had been taken from me, and I wanted to burn, _craved_ it. Carlisle's venom had burned away my human life, leaving me a half-dead creature. Shouldn't the rest of me be incinerated, now that Bella was gone? Instead, I found myself freeze-dried into a block of ice with no hope of a thaw. I couldn't cry or burn or properly grieve my beloved in any way.

I rose from our place on the boulder and slowly made my way over to the front lawn. The sight of the wooden box filled me with dark feelings of despair, and my muscles rebelled, straining not to approach it. In the end, I knew the time had come, and I placed her inside gently. Unable to keep my eyes closed, I looked down on Bella's body in the casket, her face in peaceful repose. She could have been sleeping; the only sign she was unwell the lack of heartbeat and her colorless lips. I guarded my mind against the memory of claw marks raked across her chest. Her lovely blue dress mercifully hid the angry red lines, and I refused to allow them to mar my last vision of her. The time had come to close it up, and my dead heart knotted in rebellion. Kneeling on the grass beside the wooden box, I ghosted my fingers over the skin of her cheek, which was nearly as cold as mine.

"I failed you so completely." Leaning over, I placed a final kiss on her lips. They didn't feel like my Bella's lips—so cool and firm instead of warm and soft. My angel was no longer there, and that realization is what had me finally grabbing for the lid and fitting it in place.

My hands remained on the lid, the roughness of the sub-standard wood under my fingertips a reminder that Bella should have been buried in a coffin fashioned of the finest materials. And what was I waiting for now? Did I expect to wake up from this nightmare? Was I hoping for a miracle? The only miracle in my twisted world lay dead before me, and it was no mistake. No, _I_ was the mistake, the reason such a gentle soul was taken from this earth too early. I looked forward to the darkness that awaited me. Wherever vampires went _after_, it would be infinitely better than the purgatory of walking the earth without her—a tormented wraith waiting for the end of time.

I lowered the casket into the grave, placing it down as gently as possible. Still, the thud the wood made against the ground resounded in my ears like the slamming shut of a tomb. Standing up, I dusted the dirt from my knees—more an ingrained habit than actually caring that my pants were coated with the dirt that would close Bella off from me permanently. A gentle rain began to fall, and eventually, I realized I'd been leaning on the handle of the shovel beside her grave for hours just staring into space.

_It's time._

Tossing the first handful of dirt, I cringed at its muffled pattering against the casket. My hold on the handle of the shovel tightened, and it splintered apart beneath my fingers. When I realized there was no other shovel in the shed behind the house, I was forced to get down on my knees again and use my own two hands to scoop dirt into the grave. Somehow it seemed fitting; after all, I'd ruined her life single-handedly.

The only way I could manage to continue my task was by pushing the emotional part of myself aside. I couldn't watch the earth raining down to bury the only woman who'd ever truly mattered to me. I fought to fill my mind with nothingness, and nearly succeeded, but every so often a soft echo of our brief past would fill my mind unbidden, growing in intensity until it became a torrent.

_Back in Forks when I would sneak into her room to watch her sleep._

_The day she arrived on the island and I recognized the cadence of her heart_—a heart that would never beat again.

_The night her scent wafted through the vents, and I was transported back to that first day in Biology when her scent had taunted and clawed at me._

_Reading her manuscript and realizing she knew what I was and _still _wanted to find me._

_Covering her with the blanket when she fell asleep in front of the fire._

_Revealing myself to her._

_Confessing to her._

_Asking her to be my wife._

_Making love to her._

"Stop!" I tore at my hair helplessly with dirt-caked hands as the memories flowed over me.

The grave had been filled and patted down, and I remained on my knees in the freshly turned dirt and bellowed at the sky. I cursed a God who would allow Bella to become involved with the damned—would allow her life to be cut short because of her love for me.

Throwing myself down on top of her burial place, I pressed my cheek to the earth that separated us.

"Bella, my angel." My voice broke on a sob, her name bittersweet acid on my tongue. "You were everything that was beautiful and right in this world. That first day when I fled to Alaska? I should have forced myself to stay there until your natural life had some to an end. _My_ actions, _my_ behavior, caused you to become curious about things you had no business knowing.

"When you arrived here on the island, as soon as I heard the sweet, sweet sound of your heart, I should have fled. After I read your manuscript... when you thought I was a figment of your imagination, there was still a chance. If I didn't want you to find me, you wouldn't have. If only I hadn't been so selfish... you'd still be alive."

My hands curled into claws, digging for purchase in the soft soil, which simply sifted through my fingers as easily as my happiness had drifted away. And who was I kidding? I would never willingly leave here. I would lie on top of Bella's grave until the Volturi came back to find me, and then I'd beg them to burn me and sprinkle the ashes over her. I knew my family would never put me out of my misery in that way, but the arrogant vampire elite could be convinced, I was sure.

"Bella, I was so foolish to think you could be my lover... my wife. Once you accepted me for what I was, there was no going back for me. The temptation to stay with you and make you mine was too great. I was such a fool."

_Tup..._

"I'll never feel your warmth again, never touch you... watch you sleep." My voice was a hoarse whisper, the reality of my words causing more pain to flare inside me.

_Tup..._

The echo of Bella's heart inside me cut so deep.

_Tup... tup..._

It was my favorite sound in the world, now an intermittent staccato that bounced around in my head—taunting me even as I reveled in the gentle thumps.

_Tup... tup... tup-tup_

Her heartbeat would never be out of reach as long as I continued to exist. Vampires retained total recall of every memory, every sound.

"I lived more in the short time we were together than I have in the past century. For me, it was all worth it—every second."

_Tup-tup... tup-tup... tup... tup... tup-tup_

My eyes flew open, and I lifted my head. The echoes of her heart faded somewhat, but they still continued. _Oh, my God. Is __i__t__ possible?_ I pressed my ear to the ground, and the thumps grew in volume.

Wondering if vampires could go insane, I started digging up the coffin just to be sure.

_Tup-tup...tup...tup-tup_

And if it was simply in my mind, a memory, why then was the sound so erratic?

Frantically, I pawed all the dirt out of the grave until I could lie on top of the casket. Her heart was much louder now. I ripped the lid off and gazed down at her. Nothing. No breath.

"Please, am I just going crazy? Hallucinating?" I pressed my ear to her chest.

_Tup-tup...tup-tup...tup...tup..._

There was no mistaking that the beats were coming from Bella's heart. I quickly wiped my hands on my pants, the dirt sliding easily off my impermeable skin. Lacing my hands together, I started gentle chest compressions. Tipping her head back and pinching her nose closed, I breathed into her. With a small gasping sound, she started to breathe on her own, albeit erratically.

"Bella?"

Nothing.

"Bella!" I shook her lightly.

No response.

An hour later, she continued to breathe—still slowly, but at least steadily—her heartbeat was almost completely normal, and her body temperature had risen significantly. But she continued to lie there, still as death.

I desperately wanted to call Alice, but I'd destroyed my phone. I didn't want to leave Bella alone and was loath to move her when her condition was so uncertain.

"Angel, please. Come back to me. I don't know what miracle this is... but I need you to hear me. Open those beautiful eyes for me." I picked up her hand, pressing kisses to each knuckle.

And there I sat, in the grave beside her, while she breathed slow, deep breaths and her heart beat regularly. And she slept on like Snow White deep in the woods. I kissed her lips—now warm and soft again—but my princess didn't awaken. I kept pushing back the elation threatening to fill me. If she stopped breathing again, if her heart stopped beating, I knew I would go mad.

Two hours later, she coughed and sputtered. Her lips parted in a desperate gasp for air, a whistling sound rising from her throat. Quickly, I pulled Bella toward me, rolling her on her side. She pressed a hand to her chest, continuing to cough. There was precious little room to maneuver within the confines of the grave, and the walls of dirt cast dark shadows upon us.

"Take it easy, Bella. It's going to be okay." I knew no such thing—I had no idea what was happening—but hoped she would somehow find comfort in my words.

Bella's eyes snapped open and sought out mine. "E...E..." A soft exhalation of air whispered in the air between us. "Ed...wah..."

"Shh... don't try to speak."

Her gaze finally left mine to roam our surroundings. When understanding finally dawned, she clawed at me, and her heart thundered in her chest. "N-no...here. I'm h-here."

"It's okay, Angel. I don't know how, but you're alive. Don't worry about where we are. God, I'm so glad to see those beautiful brown eyes again—to hear your heart beating." My words seemed to calm her. "I'm going to bring you into the house now. Is that okay?"

Mouth working soundlessly, she nodded her head slightly, and I could see the relief in her eyes. As I stood with her in my arms, her eyes slipped closed, and she slept. Her heartbeats were strong and steady.

I leaped to the balcony of her room, remembering the day before, when I'd made the same trip with her lifeless body. Placing her on the bed, I lay beside her and touched her. Softness and warmth everywhere. How was this possible? Part of me didn't care as long as she lived.

I stripped off my dirt encrusted shirt and turned it inside out, swiping it across the front of Bella's dress to remove the loose bits that clung to her. Spying the crisp white dress shirt I'd worn the other night on the floor beside the bed, I pulled it on, leaving it hanging open.

Two hours later as the horizon darkened to midnight blue and the moon rose, a pale silvery crescent in the sky, her lids fluttered open. Her gaze came to rest on me, and tears spilled down her cheeks. I took her hand in mind, squeezing it gently.

"Edward... you're okay. They let you go?" Her voice was a raspy whisper.

"They're gone, Angel. Please don't worry about anything." I stroked my fingers through her hair.

Her other hand smoothed over the silken material of her dress. "Something went wrong. Didn't you speak to Alice?"

"No."

"You b-buried me, didn't you?"

"Yes. You were dead! The blood... the mountain lion—your heart wasn't beating." Closing my eyes, I jabbed my fingers into my hair and tugged hard.

"Alice should have called... told you."

"She probably tried to. Bella, I was so distraught, I destroyed the phone." I hung my head, the implications of burying her alive fully dawning. If I'd gone on to Volterra as originally planned, Bella would have awoken six feet below ground, closed up in a casket. "Jesus."

"Oh, my God... oh, my God," she chanted, her fingers clasping and unclasping the heart that hung around her neck.

I cradled Bella to my chest until she calmed, whispering words of love in her ear and placing gentle kisses on her temple. It was surreal to be in her bed, holding her warmth against me, after laying out her cooling body and dressing her for burial not twenty-four hours before.

"How are you feeling? We need to get you medical attention."

"I'm feeling better all the time, Edward. There's no need for a doctor."

"Please... I need to know what's going on, Bella. You were dead. I held you in my arms." I tightened my hold on her, my fingers tangling desperately in her hair, and listened to the comforting sound of her heart. "I bathed you, dressed you, and put flowers in your hair." My voice broke.

Bella let out a shuddering sigh. "I'm so sorry, Edward. It wasn't supposed to happen this way."

"Supposed to? Are you saying you knew this was going to happen?"

"N-no... not exactly. I knew it was coming but not when."

"How, though? How could you... _Alice_. It was Alice."

"Yes."

"Tell me. You have to tell me what's going on," I whispered against her hair. "Do you realize that I nearly left for Italy... that you would have been buried alive? And where's Alice? Where the _hell_ is she?" My voice rose with frustration toward the end, although my constricted throat made it difficult for the words to escape.

"When Alice and Jasper were here a few weeks ago, we had a long talk about what was coming. Alice said we drew the attention of the Volturi, that it was too late to do damage control. They were coming... and we had to be prepared." Bella paused, swallowing hard. She was pressed so closely to me, I could feel her throat working against my chest.

"I agree it would be important to be prepared... so what the hell happened? How were we caught unaware?"

"We weren't." Her voice was a hushed whisper.

_We weren't. _We _weren't. _Just me then. Alice knew, Bella knew—hell, probably even Jasper—which could explain my sister's shifty behavior and why she fled the island so abruptly. And here I'd thought she was just hiding information about the budding intimacy between Bella and me.

There were so many emotions fighting for dominance inside me: relief, love, confusion, dread, the beginnings of anger. The urge to break things was bubbling just below the surface, but the need to remain calm and take care of Bella took precedence over all else.

"Please, just tell me what happened."

"O-okay. Well, Alice said _they_ were coming. No matter what she decided to have us try, it always ended in tragedy—my death, your death... both of us. What she came up with was a last resort plan, the only one that had a chance of working." Bella's fingers shook as they traced my jaw lightly, but her head remained burrowed in my chest as if in shame. "Edward, I didn't want to h-hide anything from you, but Alice said... she said you would never go along with it. That if I told you, we'd both end up d-dead." She shuddered, letting out a soft whimper.

I clasped her hand in mine, pressing a quick kiss into her palm. "It's okay. You can tell me anything, my love."

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I didn't want to deceive you, but it was the only way. Alice t-told me a day would come when we were on the other side of the island. She said the Volturi would show up, and I needed to d-die for them to be satisfied." She hesitated, taking deep gulping breaths.

"And then?" I prompted gently.

"Alice gave me the heart necklaces, remember? The liquid inside it was an herbal concoction to make it appear..." She choked on her words.

"Romeo and Juliet. _O my love, my wife! Death, that hath suck'd the honey of thy breath hath had no power yet upon thy beauty._ Dear God." I held her so tightly, surely it must have been uncomfortable, but she didn't complain. "Alice was right—I never would have agreed to that. How could I, knowing so many things could have gone wrong?"

"I know, Edward, but it was the only way. Oh!" Bella gasped in pain, and a second later I smelled fresh blood. _Her blood._

Rolling away from her, I glanced down to see a deep purple stain spreading over the material of her dress. "Bella, you're bleeding!"

"Go! Just go, Edward!"

"Why would I go?"

"My blood..."

"I can handle it." I clenched my jaw, hoping that was true. Her blood shouldn't be a temptation to me after she'd almost died, but the suddenness of the sweet fragrant scent in the air had venom flooding my mouth, and my teeth ached to sink into her petal soft skin.

Tearing open her dress, I was faced with four slashes just below her left collar bone, which were freely bleeding. Each pump of her heart sent more blood flowing until it was nearly impossible to identify the fact that they were _claw marks._

Bella looked down at herself. "Oh, dear God..." Her eyes rolled back, and she went limp in my arms. Thankfully, she remained conscious, although just barely.

The resumption of her heart pumping, in addition to all the recent jostling, had reopened the wound. The subclavian vein and artery ran beneath where Bella had been clawed. If I didn't act quickly, she could bleed to death in my arms. I tore off my shirt and balled it up, pressing it against the flow of blood. In less than a minute, it had soaked through, and I knew my choices were limited. Actually, there was only one: I had to close the claw marks using my venom. Which meant tasting her blood.

Keeping the pressure on her injury, I laid my cheek against hers and spoke gently. "Bella, you're bleeding heavily. I have to close the wounds using my venom."

"Maybe you should use the Vicks. Won't it be too hard for you?"

"Once your blood is on my tongue, Vicks won't make a difference. This is the only way. By the time I could get you to a doctor, you might bleed out."

"Change me. Edward, just change me!"

"No."

"Please! I never had the chance to tell you before... before they came. But I made up my mind—it's what I want."

Her words should have made me gloriously happy, but they fell flat. With no idea how much blood she'd lost, what lingering side effects Alice's concoction might have, or the condition of Bella's heart, I couldn't risk it.

"Angel, I can't change you right now. Not that I _won't_—I can't. I don't know if your body is strong enough to withstand the process. Believe me; I want you forever. We just have to make it through this and get you healed, then we can talk about that."

"O-okay. Edward, if anything goes wrong... just remember I love you more than anything."

Steeling myself, I raised my head to look into her beautiful eyes. They were slightly glassy and her pupils were dilated. The increase in adrenaline, rapid heart rate, and panting breaths did nothing to stanch the flow of blood, which was now pouring between my fingers. _I'll be damned if we get this far and I lose her now! _

Wiping away as much of the spilled blood as possible with my soaked shirt, I leaned in. "This might sting, Angel, but there won't be enough venom to initiate the change. Hold onto me."

"I—I trust you, Edward."

"I love you," I whispered, lowering my head.

Her blood bloomed on my tongue, the taste beyond anything I'd ever experienced as a human or a vampire. The melody, the harmony, the sweetness—all worked together to create a delicacy that was designed specifically for my taste buds. _Oh, God. The flavor is heaven, perfection. Nothing so sweet and satisfying has ever been tasted by anyone._

Bella's screams snapped me back to reality, and I knew if she'd passed out, I probably wouldn't have been able to stop. The torture was akin to taking a heroin addict, strapping him down with a needle in his vein, and asking him to press the plunger only a fraction of the way.

Bella's hands gripped me: one at my shoulder, the other clawing at my hair. Her presence and my love for her were all that held me, hovering between heaven and hell. I had to remember if I killed her, there would be no happily ever after.

"Edward, it _hurts_! Omigod, omigod, omigod..." Her back arched off the bed, and her fingernails tore under the force of her fingers digging for purchase against my impenetrable skin.

"Two more to go. Just hold on, Angel." My voice was a raspy growl, which I hoped wouldn't scare her more.

It didn't. The sting of my venom had her completely occupied, and her cries and whimpers, along with a healthy dose of shame, kept me from falling over the edge and biting her.

One more. One more long swipe and it would be done. I'd like to say it grew easier with each taste, but it didn't. _Every single drop_ created a tug of war within me. Even as the vampire enjoyed the flavor, was satisfied as the burn in his throat was slaked, the man inside me was devastated to be hurting the one person who gave his life meaning.

"Please... Edward, please!"

The saltiness of her tears wafted up my nose, and a wave of guilt followed. I dragged my tongue over the last claw mark, feeling it seal up.

I left her for ten seconds, rushing into the en suite to grab a washcloth and basin of water. With gentle strokes, I cleansed the blood away until all that remained were four thin, reddish lines that would be gone in a day or so. I whispered calming words to her, and by the time I'd finished, the tears had subsided and her heart rate was close to normal.

The nearly dried blood held no temptation for me, but I tore her dress the rest of the way down the front so I could remove it. I grabbed new sheets and carefully rolled her to each side as I deftly changed them. Leaving her bare, I pulled up the clean sheet, tucking it around her.

"Do you want the comforter over you, too?"

"No."

Her hands reached for me, and I allowed her to pull me down beside her. She turned her head to gaze at me and gasped, her heart stuttering.

"Edward, your eyes!"

I closed them, the realization of what they must look like to her dawning. It would be a while before I could stand to see myself in a mirror; my eyes would be a constant reminder that Bella's blood was inside me, that I could have lost control so easily.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of, you know." Soft lips brushed along my jaw. "You saved me." Her lips pressed to mine, but my mouth remained hard, frozen.

"It was so much harder than I thought it would be, Angel. I'm ashamed of how badly I wanted to..."

"But you didn't. You wouldn't."

Bella had such confidence in me, and I wished it was deserved. The truth is, if she'd passed out... I would have lost it. Did she really need to hear about that right now, though? No.

"I never want to hurt you. I'm going to do whatever I can to ensure that never happens." With my eyes still closed, I kissed her lips gently before pulling away to appraise her. "How are you feeling now?"

"Better. I'm a little weak. Thank God that awful stinging is gone!"

I swallowed hard, tamping back the urge to tell her she would have to survive three days of that stinging inferno if she wanted to become like me. That before the time was up, she would _beg_ me for death. And I would selfishly refuse her pleas because I wanted her to be mine for eternity.

"Why don't you get some sleep? We can talk more later."

"No. I don't want to sleep."

Stroking her hair lightly, I tucked her head under my chin. "Bella, what happened out there? Those claw marks..."

"W-Well, after they d-dragged you away, I broke the necklace and drank the liquid inside it. Then I waited... for it to take effect, b-but before it did, a mountain lion climbed up there with me. She looked at me oddly, with her head tilted to the side, and wrinkled her nose, sniffing at the air. She came c-closer and nudged my hand with her head, almost as if she wanted me to pet her. Naturally, I was paralyzed with fear.

"All of a sudden, she f-froze and started to growl low in her throat. I thought it was at me, but she seemed far more interested in something behind me. Th-there was another mountain lion, and it bared its teeth at her. And then they were growling and s-snarling at each other. I didn't know what to do! I was between them, and I stumbled, falling back. My sudden movement seemed t-to prompt them into action. I—" Her voice was strangled, the scent of fresh tears filling the air around us.

"Shh... it's okay. It's over." I continued to run my fingers through her hair, and it was as much for me as for her. The thought of her being caught between two mountain lions was terrifying.

"They lunged at each other, and as I fell, one of their c-claws slashed me. The drug was starting to take effect right about that time, and my breathing and heart rate slowed even though I was so damn scared. This sleepiness overtook me, and I just had to lie down on the blanket. The next thing I knew, I woke up with you n-next to me in a g-grave."

"Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry you had to go through this."

"It wasn't supposed to be this way. A-Alice was supposed to call you and let you know I wasn't d-dead. I expected to wake up on my bed with you next to me, waiting for me. What went wrong?"

"_I _did. I went wrong. I thought you were dead, and I crushed the phone. It's up in my room shattered into a thousand pieces all over the floor. And then I couldn't bear the thought of speaking to anyone, and my intention was to lie there on top of your grave until the Volturi came back for me. I—I just couldn't leave you."

"Why would you wait for the Volturi?"

"Because I was going to beg them to scatter my ashes over your grave," I answered quietly.

Bella gasped. "Oh, Edward. We almost _were_ Romeo and Juliet, weren't we?"

"Yes. Too close for comfort. And I still wonder where the hell Alice is. Surely she would have headed straight here once she realized what was happening." My teeth ground together.

"There has to be a good explanation. Alice wouldn't let us down if she could help it."

I realized Bella was right, and despite having the love of my life tucked safely in my arms, a feeling of foreboding shuddered through me.

**~*BrWi*~**

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**A/N: Okay, now I can say that I'm shocked at how many of you thought _I_ was going to kill Bella off! Ye of so little faith, LOL. I sure hope I get as many comments for this chapter as the last one... Let me know what you're thinking now. I hope you're all feeling a bit better about where this is going.**

**We're almost at the end of this story, guys. Another chapter or two and maybe some outtakes/epilogues. *sniffle* Well, it _was _only supposed to be 2-4 chapters...**

**Thank you for reading!**

**My story _Red Kryptonite _is up for readalong at Indieficpimp! They started a new poll, so even if you already voted, you can vote again. Poll is up until the 25th, so if you'd like to vote, go here (remove all * from the link): h*t*t*p*:*/*/*bit*.*ly/wT7iGI If you haven't checked out _Red Kryptonite _yet, why not give it a read? It actually updates weekly. *cough* unlike my other stories *cough***

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	12. Chapter 12 The Crush of Retribution

**A/N: Hello, lovely readers! I won't bother with excuses as to why I haven't updated sooner. This is the last chapter of the story, with only an epilogue to follow. *sniffle* I hope you enjoy.**

**Thanks to my lovely prereaders, Keye, Sandy, and Aleea, for their awesome feedback and friendship. Honorable mention to Sandy for all her screams—I feed off them.**

**Thanks to my awesome betas, Katmom and SassySue (chayasara), for wielding those red pens and correcting all my flubs. These ladies rock. Mwah!**

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**Chapter 12**

**~The Crush of Retribution~**

**Songlist:**

**My Love ~ Sia**

**Run ~ Snow Patrol**

**Never Let Me Go ~ Florence and the Machine**

**My Heart is Broken ~ Evanescence**

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_And it's over__**  
**__And I'm going under__**  
**__But I'm not giving up__**  
**__I'm just giving in_

_I'm slipping underneath__**  
**__So cold and so sweet_

_**~Florence and the Machine**_

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**~*Edward*~**

It was surreal to have Bella seated next to me while I played the piano. I kept glancing at her from the corner of my eye, marveling over how healthy she appeared. Her heart beat strong and steady, and all residual effects from the concoction she'd ingested from the ampule in the necklace seemed to have been resolved.

Bella rested her head against my shoulder with a soft sigh. "Your music touches something deep inside me."

"It's inspired by you, Angel."

Bella placed her hands over mine, and a few discordant notes floated through the air before us. "I'd like to hear that other piece—the one you played in the middle of the night when I still thought you were Mr. Masen."

"You heard that one, did you?" I smiled. Those memories were beautiful and terrible in almost equal measure. "I composed it after I left Forks. There was nowhere else for me to pour my emotions for you, so I directed them into my music."

"It stirred my soul." She lifted one hand, pulling mine with it, and placed my palm over her beating heart. "Tell me again with your music?"

I slid my hand up the front of her chest and traced her fragile clavicle with my fingertips. Cupping her cheek in my other palm, I lowered my lips to hers. A sense of gratefulness flowed through me. A day ago, I'd buried her, and now her warmth and softness were beneath my mouth and hands once again. She twisted toward me, tossing a leg over my thighs to straddle me on the piano bench, and I instinctively placed a hand against her back for support. I dipped my tongue into the wet heat of her mouth, kissing her deeply. Bella flattened her palms against my chest and angled her head, fitting our mouths together and whimpering softly as my tongue laved against hers.

When she started unbuttoning my shirt, I pulled back and grabbed for her hands. "Angel, you're my greatest temptation, but I don't think this is a good idea right now." The scent of her arousal suffused the air around me, causing a stirring in my pants.

Bella sighed softly, leaning in closer. The warmth of her lips nibbled along my jaw, down the side of my neck, and nuzzled into the hollow of my throat."Why isn't it a good idea?" she whispered against my skin. Her hands slipped from mine and tugged my shirt free. The sudden warmth of Bella's fingers gliding up my back ensnared me. I wanted nothing more than to give in to the feelings burning through my veins, and my concerns about Alice and the Volturi were melting away.

I held her face, tilting it up to reach her pouty lips. Sweeping my thumbs gently over Bella's cheeks, I locked eyes with her and moved in slowly. Our kiss started off with barely-there brushes as I breathed in her essence. The sultriness of her precious breath coated my lips, reassuring some deep-seated part of me that she was truly here and alive. I scrunched my eyes closed as my fingers roamed over Bella's face and silken hair with reverence.

I hardly noticed when she slid her hand around to caress my abs and continued unbuttoning my shirt—or when she undid her own. I vaguely registered the material slip from her skin and whisper to the floor. The sudden searing heat of her flesh pressed to mine drew a Bella-flavored gasp from me, and my lids flew open. She glanced up at me with fire in her sable eyes and bit her lip.

My arms closed around the supple fever of Bella—the bloodthirsty, covetous predator shoved into the background by the emergence of the ravenous, carnal male. For a fleeting moment, I forgot I was a vampire, and she was human. I stood, feeling her nipples harden against the skin of my chest as I brought her with me. Bella's fingers latched onto my shirt, scrabbling for purchase.

"I've got you," I murmured, my lips at her temple.

She gasped as I lifted her onto the glossy black top of my piano. My shirt joined hers on the floor, and I was poised above Bella a half a second later. She drew in a breath, pupils dilating further as her heart took off galloping like a mustang. I used my arms and knees to support myself, taking in the intoxicating contrast of her cream-blush skin against shiny onyx.

I devoured her bare skin with my gaze, raking it over her graceful neck, the soft globes of her breasts, down her flat stomach to the waistband of the filmy black skirt that rested just below her belly button. Following the edge of the skirt with a finger, I grinned down at her. "_You're_ wearing a skirt?"

"You just noticed? That makes you pretty slow on the uptake for a vampire." Bella's voice was breathy, her heart beating faster as my finger slid beneath the material.

"You also failed to wear a bra today. What else has my sister done to corrupt you, Angel?" My finger slid back and forth, slowly heading toward her sex. I swallowed hard—both afraid to find her bare beneath the skirt and hoping to God she would be.

Bella blushed a rosy red, so becoming to her skin tone. "N-nothing. I was too embarrassed to leave off the underwear."

I leaned down to kiss her trembling lips. "It's okay, Angel. Everything's okay." The fingers of one hand trailed over her shoulder, my thumb making a slow pass over a nipple, and our lips met over and over in unhurried kisses.

The knowledge she wasn't completely bare drew an uncharacteristic boldness from me, and I pressed my palm to her abdomen, working it underneath her skirt. She stiffened slightly but continued to kiss me, and I skimmed the skirt over the flare of her hips and tugged it down her thighs. Warm hands caressed my face as I teased the tip of my tongue against hers, all the while keeping my hands busy removing her clothing. When I'd finally disentangled it from Bella's legs, I tossed it to the floor and drew my fingers up the silken skin of her leg until they encountered the thin satiny strap of her panties. It would take but a twitch to sever the inadequate little strand, but I restrained myself and caressed her hip instead; it fit perfectly in the heart of my hand.

Soft sounds issued from the back of Bella's throat when I deepened the kiss and continued stroking over her skin, avoiding the apex of her thighs where I yearned to touch and kiss and love her. My hardness strained at the seam of my jeans, begging for relief. But I was filled with fear. Fear that I would lose my angel, the one most precious to me. That the Volturi would rip Bella from my arms, sending me spiraling into madness. Within, two parts of me were at war—one that insisted on living to the fullest without fear and the other equally insistent that it would be foolish to let my guard down long enough to make love to her, which required my full attention.

A tentative hand at my belt buckle drew a hiss out of me, and I grabbed for her hand. "Angel, don't. I—"

"Edward, you've never hurt me. I'm not too fragile for this."

I kept hold of her wrist and shook my head, looking into her eyes. "No, love, _I'm _the fragile one. I always thought it was you . . . but it's me."

Bella didn't laugh or gaze back at me with disbelief. She smiled softly and rubbed her index finger over my lips. "That vulnerability is what makes you perfect for me. Don't be afraid, Edward. No matter what happens to us, we'll always have what we are—nothing can take that away. The Volturi can't stop a force so strong. No, not even them." Her gentle tone held an unwavering strength, a quiet confidence.

Bella's words rocked me to the very core of my being. She had a deep sense of belief in us as mates, and she was right—what we had was something that could never be torn asunder by the likes of the Volturi, by anyone.

"I love you so much, Angel. You amaze me at every turn. I pale next to you."

My fingers opened, letting go and giving permission for her to continue unbuckling my belt. Returning my lips to Bella's, I slid a finger under the satiny strand at her hip and snapped it, allowing the scrap of material to fall away from her sex. I inhaled the bloom of her arousal on the air, coveting the moist decadence between her legs, determined to possess every drop of her desire for the rest of eternity.

Bella's delicate hands unzipped my jeans, pushing at them. I pulled away for a moment to shed the rest of my clothes before covering the heat of her with the cool of me. The only thing left between us were her ruined panties, and I dispatched with those, too, leaving us gloriously naked, skin on skin.

"Oh, Bella," I whispered against her eyelids.

"Love me. I need to feel you." She spread her thighs, making a place for me, a force beyond us both drawing me inside her warmth.

I braced my hands beside Bella and pressed my hips forward until I was buried inside her. She tilted her head back, mouth slack, and arched her back, pulling me deeper. Soft strands of mahogany spread in a fan against the glossy surface of my piano, her milky skin striking against the midnight backdrop.

"So beautiful," I whispered, bringing my mouth back to hers.

Our kisses were no longer guarded—lips met hungrily and tongues entwined—as we found a rhythm together. I tangled my fingers with Bella's, trapping her hand beside her head. Delicate fingers tightened on mine, and her hips rose to meet each of my thrusts. The monster was absent; for that moment in time, I was just a man making love to his most precious woman.

I monitored her body's cues as we melded, moving closer and closer to the edge of our bliss. Bella tossed her head to the side, crying out incoherently as a powerful release crested, dragging me under with her. My hips bucked a final time, and I pressed my face into the crook of her neck as I came undone.

Bella's hands found their way into my hair and stroked through it soothingly. "We did it. You made love to me without breaking anything."

I kissed reverently over her throbbing pulse and smiled against her damp skin. "There was no temptation at all. I felt like a man, not a vampire."

"_My_ man. My vampire. My all."

Turning on our sides, I held Bella in my arms, gazing into her eyes and sharing lingering kisses until her eyes started drooping.

Once she was asleep, I pulled my clothes on before scooping her in my arms and carrying her back to her room. I pulled the fluffy duvet over her nakedness and lay atop the comforter, stroking her hair and watching her sleep. It wasn't until hours later that something out of the ordinary drew my attention.

In the distance, the motor of a boat droned. It was moving fast and headed straight for Masen Island. Foreboding shuddered through me, every muscle within at the ready, prepared to do or say anything to keep Bella safe. My gaze fell on the delicate heart that lay against her bare chest, and I contemplated stopping her heart and hiding her away. The Volturi didn't know Bella was still alive; they wanted me so I could be punished for my infractions against them.

I cast my mind out to determine how many of them were coming and encountered the somber thoughts of Emmett instead.

_Oh, boy. Here we go . . . almost there. Shit, he's not going to be happy about this._

I flew to the balcony, shutting the doors firmly behind me so Bella wouldn't be disturbed. "Em?"

There was no response. I leaped to the ground and raced to the big boulder overlooking the water, the drone of the boat louder now. Free to speak without waking Bella, I cupped my hands around my mouth. "Emmett!"

_Eddie! Guess you heard me comin'. I'm about as subtle as a bull in a china shop, huh? My ETA is about ten minutes—stupid, slow boat. Woulda been faster if I swam, but we need to get Bella off the island and all._

I stiffened and risked shouting back, "Why?"

_The fuckers are coming, Eddie. Tell Bella to pack a bag and get her ass on this boat when it docks. Time is short._

The creak of the balcony door alerted me and I turned. Bella stood watching me, a robe flapping around her legs in the early morning breeze. The heart necklace was fisted in her hand, and even from where I stood, she was visibly trembling.

Knowing Bella couldn't hear me from that distance, I didn't waste breath on words but skimmed over the lush grass and packed gravel path, leaping onto the balcony beside her.

"Are they coming for us?" Her eyes appeared owlish against her pale skin. The bluish cast of dawn lent an ethereal glow to her skin, painted shadows beneath tired eyes, and luminesced over the white silk robe.

"No, Angel." I took her gently by the shoulders. "Let go of the necklace. It's my brother, Emmett, coming."

Bella let out a breath, her slamming heart slowing a bit, and allowed me to pull her into my embrace. I rested my chin on her head, stroking her back, uncertain which one of us I was attempting to comfort. A sob hiccupped out of her, and she slumped against me.

"Shh . . . Angel. You need to pack a bag. Emmett will explain when he arrives, but time seems to be of the essence." I pulled back to look down at her, using a finger to tip her chin up. Her tear-filled eyes met mine searchingly. "I promise they will never touch you. We'll be gone before they arrive. Now I only want you to gather essentials."

I leaned in and kissed her quivering lips, pulling her close until she relaxed and responded. Her hands clasped around my neck, the full length of her softness pressed against me.

"I love you." Her lips grazed my jaw as she hugged me closer.

"I love you more than anything, and I won't stop until you're safe. We can do this together."

"Okay." Bella stepped back and swiped at her tears, smiling up at me bravely. "What should I do?"

"Let's gather what you need, then meet Emmett downstairs so we can find out what's going on."

Bella rushed through the room gathering clothes and shoes and shoving them into a suitcase while I took a duffel and emptied the bathroom of her cosmetics.

When I emerged from the en suite, Bella hovered by the door to the hall with the suitcase at her side, shaking. Dresser drawers were left askew, the closet door ajar; the remnants of what Bella had considered and tossed littered the floor.

I whipped through the room, and by the time I reached Bella, it no longer appeared as if someone had packed in a hurry to go on the run.

"Oh . . . good idea." Bella laughed breathlessly. Her hand strayed to her heart necklace—I suspected without her notice.

"We don't want them to realize we're gone any sooner than necessary."

Emmett's horrified voice drifted up the stairs. "Oh, dear God, my rug! What the hell happened to Gonzo?"

Bella and I looked at each other for a moment, and then the mounting tension unfurled a little as we grinned. Our matching grins morphed to smiles.

"He named the bear?" Bella snorted then slapped a hand over her mouth.

"I heard that!" Emmett shouted.

Muffled giggles leaked from between her fingers, changing to full out laughter. It was contagious, and we shared a rare lighthearted moment. I knew Emmett didn't mind; he was always happy to offer comic relief in the midst of dire circumstances.

Ten minutes later, the three of us stood before the fireplace in the writing room. Emmett held the remnants of his beloved bearskin in both hands.

"So . . . what in the world did this to Gonzo?" Emmett peaked at us through one of the more sizable holes. "Hmph."

Bella blushed scarlet and stared at her shoes.

Emmett pointed between Bella and me. "Oh, ho, ho! You two? Gettin' bizay on Gonzo? Eddie, Eddie."

"Em, you're embarrassing Bella," I admonished.

"I'm sorry, Emmett . . . we didn't mean to ruin Gonzo."

Emmett's boisterous laughter echoed throughout the room. "Hey, if it got you two . . . _together,_ together, then the sacrifice is well worth it."

Bella's blush deepened, but she managed a smile.

My curiosity finally won out over my amusement. "Emmett, what's going on? Why are you here alone, and where's Alice?"

Emmett blew out a breath and scrubbed a hand over his short hair. "Start with the easy ones, why don't you, Eddie. In short . . . I don't know where Alice is. She and Jasper are incognito. I've only received one call and several text messages with instructions. All I know is the Volturi are coming for you, and Alice says we need to hightail it back to Nova Scotia."

_And change Bella ASAP._

Emmett's unexpected thought caught me off guard, and I stared hard at him. "What?"

"What, what? What I said or thought?"

Bella glanced between us, confused. "Said or thought?" she echoed.

I pinched the bridge of my nose; Emmett wasn't known for his skills of discretion. "For heaven's sake, Emmett . . ."

"What?" _Like you can keep it from her for longer than the boat ride home?_

"How long do we have?" I asked.

"Not long, bro. We're in the danger zone, and no matter what, it's going to be close."

I turned to Bella and placed my hands on her arms. "Angel, there's no time to do this the way I hoped to. I'm going to be blunt with you, okay?"

"Please." She nodded her encouragement.

"We need to load whatever we're taking into the boat and head to my family's home in Nova Scotia, and then . . . and then you have to be changed immediately. I'm so sorry there isn't more time." I swallowed hard, hating the fact I had to lay this at her feet.

Bella's hands slid up my chest and neck, her warm fingers caressing my face. "Edward, I decided before the Volturi showed up here that I wanted to be yours forever. It's okay . . . I promise." She leaned up and kissed me softly.

"You're the most remarkable, understanding woman I've ever met."

"You two are so cute!" Emmett grinned, clapping his hands together.

**~*BrWi*~**

The boat skimmed across the water, jouncing over the choppy waves. Bella huddled on the seat, her slight body lost inside a baggy hoodie. She kept to herself, withdrawing into the protection of the dark hood when salty spray erupted over the side of the boat. I sat beside Bella with my arm wrapped around her shoulders. She remained stiff and withdrawn, avoiding eye contact.

The cold droplets beaded on my skin and hair, but I didn't attempt to shield myself. It didn't affect me. Bella veiling her emotions did. I wanted to shake her and demand she tell me what she was thinking. It frustrated me that it was impossible to probe into her mind, but the walls protecting her were as impermeable as my skin. I had no right to her private thoughts and ruminations, to the terror she must be feeling—knowing that her human life must come to an end if she was to have a chance of survival. Even though Bella had already chosen me, chosen immortality, to have the timing of the change seized from between her fragile fingers had to be disconcerting.

Emmett stood grimly at the wheel, his mind quiet for the most part. As we sped closer to Nova Scotia, the tension in his body ratcheted up. I fought to keep my posture relaxed for Bella's sake.

A lone figure stood waiting on the dock as we pulled up. Carlisle. The familiar, wise face and gentle posture promised levelheadedness and diplomacy—loyalty beyond measure.

The sight of my sire was a balm to my soul. Until our eyes met, I didn't realize how deeply I'd pushed my emotions back, locking them down.

"Carlisle." His name imbued a range of emotions: weariness, relief, hope, expectation.

"Edward." Carlisle nodded, his stance casual, one hand tucked in the pocket of his gray trousers. A white button down with thin blue stripes suggested he'd worked today, although the tie and lab coat were missing. "It's good to see you, though I wish it were under less dire circumstances."

Bella stirred, pushing the hood back and glancing around. "So, this is it."

"Yes, this is where my family lives now." I brought her hand up, warmed from the fleece pockets of her sweatshirt, and brushed my lips across her knuckles.

She grimaced, and it occurred to me she wasn't referring to the house.

"It's lovely, Edward."

Emmett hopped onto the dock and secured the boat. Bella stood on shaking legs and made her way off the boat, accepting Emmett's beefy hand. I shadowed her, unsure how much I should say or do.

Carlisle strolled over and held out his hand. "Welcome, Bella."

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen."

"Oh, I think we're way past the 'Dr. Cullen' stuff, aren't we? Please call me Carlisle."

"Carlisle." She managed a half-smile and accepted his hand graciously.

Emmett bounded up to the house, leaving the three of us to take our time ascending the steep stone steps. Carlisle led the way, and I followed behind with Bella, my arm wrapped around her waist.

"Carlisle, where's Alice?"

"I don't know the answer to that. She hasn't been home since she left Masen Island. We've received a few cryptic emails and texts, but that's it." _I just know the Volturi will be here soon, and Alice said Bella can't be human when they arrive._

"Where's Esme?"

"Up at the house . . . making preparations." _A fresh, clean bed, ice, towels, changes of clothes. There isn't much that can be done, but she felt compelled to do something for Bella._

"Preparations . . ." Bella stumbled over a step, and I tightened my hold. "For my change."

"Yes." Carlisle never missed a beat.

"Who will change me?"

The question was unexpected. Perhaps it shouldn't have been, knowing Bella.

"That's up to you . . . and Edward. I have no problem overseeing your transformation if that's what you decide."

Bella's plodding footfalls halted, and she turned to look up at me. "Can you change me, Edward?"

"I don't know. It was very difficult for me to close your wounds." My jaw tightened.

"You didn't have a problem last night, did you?" Bella pressed the warmth of her palm to my cheek.

"No, I didn't. It's not . . . quite the same."

"Bella, if you want Edward to be the one to change you, Emmett and I could stay in the room with you—in case things become difficult for him," Carlisle offered.

"Carlisle—" I objected.

"Yes, that's what I want." Bella's voice in the matter was strong and sure for the first time. Who was I to deny her?

Two hours later, Esme allowed me into the room in which she'd prepared Bella for the change. She'd insisted on having some "girl time" with my mate, and I wasn't allowed to listen in.

My gaze swept over the room, noting the cream carpeting, four-poster bed, and deep walnut paneled walls decorated with a few landscapes. Bella stood at the second floor guest room window overlooking the valley. A filmy nightgown skimmed her curves, the hem puddling on the floor. It wasn't the most practical in "change-wear," but it's what she'd insisted on wearing. The light from outdoors created a diffuse halo around Bella's head, and her nakedness created a delectable shadow beneath the transparent gown.

I moved silently across the room and pushed her silken hair over one shoulder, dropping my lips to the side of her neck. "You're beautiful."

A slight shiver rushed through her, but she tilted her head to the side to offer me more creamy skin. "Thanks. Edward . . . I'm afraid."

I wound my arms around her, pressing my chest against her back while my lips continued to sample her warm skin. "Of what, my love? Is it the pain?"

"There's that . . ." She gripped my forearms. "It's more _them_, though. What will they do to us?"

"The one law all vampires must follow is to keep our secret from humans. You won't be human anymore."

"Are you saying they'll let us go?"

I kissed her neck again, tightening my arms around her. "It's hard to say what Aro will decide, but we have no chance if you're still human."

"Let's do this."

I didn't bother to confirm Bella's readiness; there was no choice at this point. Turning her to face me, I kissed her slowly, pulling her hard against me. "Lie down on the bed, Angel." We linked fingers, and I led her over to the four-poster. Esme had stripped it down to the fitted sheet, knowing Bella would have no need of blankets or comforters. "Carlisle."

Carlisle and Emmett entered the room, flanking me on either side of the bed as I joined Bella. I lay beside her and stroked her face and hair. "I love you, Angel. I'm sorry it had to be this way."

"No, Edward . . ." Her warm hands framed my face. "No guilt, okay? I want to be yours forever. I love you."

I leaned in to kiss the warmth of human lips one last time. "Are you ready?"

"Ready." Bella closed her eyes.

I looked to Carlisle for reassurance and he nodded. Steeling myself for the taste of her blood, I leaned in and parted the skin of Bella's neck with my teeth. My entire being shuddered as the vein opened wide, and her lifeblood poured over my tongue. The experience was completely different than healing claw marks from the mountain lion. In the forefront of my mind, the knowledge that I was responsible for the fate of my beloved mate stemmed any desire to consume. After a few strong pulls, I sealed my venom inside and moved on to her delicate wrists, behind her knees, her ankles. When I'd closed the last wound, I stretched out beside her and wound myself around her like a vine, placing little kisses over her face.

And then the screaming started.

"Oh, dear GOD! Edward, help me!"

Bella writhed and screamed. Sweat soaked the nightgown, and she tore it off in a fit of pique, forgetting what modesty was. By that time, Carlisle and Emmett had retreated, so I left her naked. I gladly allowed her to claw at me, pull my hair, screech, and curse like a sailor. Bella would never remember her moments of immodesty or the creative web of words she strung together, some of which she must have gleaned from her police chief father.

I held and stroked her, though I'm sure it brought me more comfort than it did Bella. I talked to her, starting at the beginning, and explained what it did to me when we first met, how agonizing it was to let her go, and how it shattered me when I realized how much damage my actions had caused once I'd encountered her on Masen Island. I shared the depth of my feelings, my hopes for our future, and talked a bit about everything and nothing.

She fell almost completely silent at the thirty-six-hour mark. I was no longer sure if she could hear me but kept talking anyway.

At fifty-six hours, everything went to hell.

_Edward, they're coming._ Carlisle's thoughts intruded on my piano theory monologue.

"How long?"

"Minutes."

I dressed Bella. Perhaps it was an odd thing to do when my trial was at hand, but I didn't want to chance anyone seeing her that way. There was no hiding her from them; her heart still beat in her chest, strong and steady. I kissed her lips and promised to return as soon as possible.

Esme came in to sit with her. She didn't speak but grasped my hand as she passed and kissed my cheek. _Good luck._

I joined Carlisle in his study, needing to distance myself in order to prepare for the trials ahead. He sat stoically behind the desk, his fingers templed. I wasn't fooled; he was worried for me.

"Any advice, Carlisle?"

"Try not to goad Aro. It doesn't take much, and he can be an anaconda when backed into a corner."

I nodded, receiving Carlisle's message loud and clear: Aro would squeeze the life out of me if I made things difficult.

"I'll do what I can, Edward. It really depends which way the wind is blowing today."

_Come out, come out, wherever you are!_ Aro's crazed, high-pitched laughter followed the thought.

His taunt set my teeth on edge, and I growled low in my throat. Carlisle shot me a look, and I squelched the rumble. It wasn't going to be easy to navigate this without losing my temper.

"Come. I'll go out there with you."

The two of us walked out the front door side by side to face the Volturi who had come calling. On the rolling front lawn stood Aro, with Renata at his back. He was flanked by Jane and Felix. Taking up the rear, almost unnoticeable, was Marcus.

"Good day, Aro. To what do we owe the pleasure?" Carlisle offered up, ever the diplomat.

Aro's scarlet eyes widened, and then a peal of mad laughter rang out as he clapped his hands together. "Indeed? Do let the boy step forward and take his medicine, old friend. You can't shield your little creation forever—surely you realize that."

"Aro—"

"No, Carlisle." I put a hand on my sire's arm. "Aro's right." I turned my head and met Carlisle's eyes, warning him to stay put.

_Are you sure about this, Edward?_

I nodded imperceptibly and started down the porch steps and across the grass to meet my fate.

There was no mistaking the smug expression on Aro's face or the spiteful one on Jane's. When I reached him, we were on equal ground—he had no dais to look down upon me from—and I towered over him. Sensing the displeasure this caused, I fell to my knees before Aro.

He thrust his hand forward; clearly it was his intent for me to kiss his ring. The thought of my lips touching that contemptuous crest was abhorrent. Instead, I bowed my head and leaned my forehead against his knuckles.

"Young Edward, you have broken our laws, and it seems my minions have been duped, for I hear a human heartbeat."

I lifted my eyes to Aro's face. He had a hand cupped around one ear.

"She's in the midst of the change, Aro."

"Is that so? How far is she?" He tilted his head and clasped his hands, gazing down at me with those wild eyes.

"Just over fifty-six hours."

"Ah. Do you deny your crimes, Edward?"

"I never set out to break any laws, Aro."

"But break them you have. Do I need to list all the infractions?"

"No." I bowed my head.

"Did you believe we wouldn't be watching The Masen Foundation? Do you think you can do what you please without consequence?" His voice rose dangerously high at the end, and I knew I was walking a precarious edge.

"We never intended to release that manuscript, and Bella is going through the change as we speak. Surely no laws are being broken now."

"Perhaps not. Do you believe we can let you go without consequence for your previous actions?"

"I beg you for leniency. I meant no disrespect or harm. I only wish to spend the rest of my existence with my mate."

"Mate," Aro murmured thoughtfully then raise his voice again. "Edward Cullen, you stand accused of allowing a human to live while knowing our secret. Even after reading the manuscript that could potentially expose our kind, you did nothing to stem the threat. When some of my guard came to correct the situation, they were apparently hoodwinked. Have you anything further to say in your defense?"

_Get on with it! _A growl of frustration came from Jane's direction, and she stomped her foot, creating a small tremor over the ground. Her petulant behavior might have been amusing had I not been on my knees before the leader of the Volturi awaiting sentence.

A sudden, strong wind swept across the lawn, whispering through the leaves and whipping at my clothes. I stared up at the sky. Purplish-gray storm clouds were moving in rapidly, threatening rain.

"Nothing I did was intended to slight the Volturi. When I left Forks, I had no idea Bella would figure out we were vampires. She's my mate, Aro. I went insane with suffering. Eventually, I retreated to Masen Island in an attempt to find solitude, some kind of meaning for my existence without her. When Bella showed up as an intern, I was shocked. It took all I had not to kill her the first night. You see, Bella is my singer as well as my mate."

A collective gasp rose up from the assembled members of the Volturi. A wild tangle of thoughts about singers and their temptations came at me from every direction—even Emmett lamented over his own experience from inside the house.

"Is this true?" Aro's voice held a touch of awe.

"Yes."

"Give me your hand, boy."

It wasn't a request. I held my hand up, and Aro grasped it hard. His gift probed at me like a snake slithering through my veins. The coldness felt like a violation that spread through my being. My entire body stiffened, and I wanted to pull back, but a circuit had closed, trapping me immobile. I grunted helplessly.

"Relax, Edward. Don't make this more difficult than it needs to be . . ." Aro's hissing whisper was of no comfort.

Up until that point, Aro's mind had been murky, but as his grip on my hand tightened and my experiences began to flow, his mind opened wide.

All of my memories flowed through our connection, the slithering reptile twisting and turning through my neural pathways to ferret out my most painful memories along with the most treasured. I hated it when he sighed over a reflection of my beloved or growled, his eyes dilating with titillation over the memory of me chasing her down the hall.

"_So thirsty._" Aro touched a hand to his throat, his lids slipping closed.

I growled low in my throat as he suckled on the beauty of me making love to Bella for the first time. The urge to tear his head from his body engulfed me, and I half rose to my feet.

"Easy, Edward." His free hand shot out to stop me. "You're bordering on insolence—which you're in no position to do."

I lowered myself back to the ground, gritting my teeth. "That particular memory has no bearing on any of this, Aro. Please."

"Very well." Aro's hand abruptly left mine, the reptilian presence pulling out of me.

I slumped to the ground, my hands resting against the velvety grass. Residual tremors shook me as the slimy tendrils between us evaporated. Leaning down further, I pressed my cheek to the grass and waited to recover from his violation.

Carlisle appeared beside me. "Edward? Aro, what's wrong with him?"

"Nothing's _wrong, _old friend. I simply went quite deep—to be sure nothing was held back."

"Are you satisfied with your findings?"

"Quite."

"Edward, let me help you up." Carlisle held a hand out.

I wanted to remain on the grass and shut out the Volturi, but that wasn't possible, so I accepted his hand and lurched to my feet. Carlisle remained by my side as we faced Aro.

Aro looked me up and down with ill-concealed amusement. "Edward Cullen, for your crimes against the Volturi, the punishment meted out would usually be death. But you're too talented to waste, my boy." _You belong to me now. You will make such a handsome addition to my collection._

"No! You can't press me into service!" A shudder wracked my body.

Carlisle stiffened beside me. "What's this?"

Aro glared at me. "For those among us who cannot read minds . . . Edward Cullen, you are hereby sentenced to eternity as part of the Volturi Guard. You will serve as we see fit, or you will die by my hand."

A peal of childlike laughter rang out from Jane. "Welcome, _brother._"

I shook my head, unable to speak. To become a part of their sick, twisted army was a fate worse than death.

"Aro—" Carlisle began.

"EDWARD, NOOOOOOOOO!" A bloodcurdling scream rang out from the second floor of the house.

Bella's scream went on and on. Every window in the house, including the stained glass roses adorning the attic, shattered, exploding outward. A mist of tinkling shards rained down over the lawn and all those assembled. Bits of glass landed in my hair, clung to my clothes, and lit upon my open palm. Blood red chunks from the stained glass windows appeared like droplets of blood, and I cringed.

"Bella!" I faced the house.

Emmett rushed into her room to help Esme hold her down. "Easy, girl. You're not done baking yet."

"NO, NO, NO, NO . . . Can't have . . . my Edward . . . _my_ Edward . . ." Bella kept repeating over and over, though her voice was softer.

"Oh, but he's my Edward now," Aro proclaimed.

"What about Bella?" I asked, turning back to the Volturi.

"She'll come, too."

"She's done nothing! She's almost done with her transformation—no longer human or a threat to our kind."

Carlisle put a hand on my arm. "With all due respect, Aro, Bella is not under your jurisdiction. She's no longer human, as Edward said, and as a vampire she's committed no crime."

"Very well. Just Edward then. Let's go."

Bella screamed incoherently, and Emmett held her down.

"Dear God!" A new voice joined the mix—Marcus. "I've never seen anything like it . . ." His gaze was trained on something in the air, and his eyes followed it until they rested on me.

"What nonsense is this?" Aro demanded.

"Their connection, Aro." Marcus took a few steps forward. "I've never seen a stronger bond."

"Isn't that heartwarming, but now we really must be going." Aro brushed bits of glass from his robe.

"You can't separate them." Marcus came to stand beside Aro. "They'll go mad. With a bond this strong before she's a full vampire . . . No, they can't be torn apart."

"What is this, the Lonely Hearts Club?" Aro glared at Marcus.

"You buffoon!" Marcus snapped. "Edward's gift will be of no use to you if he turns into a gibbering idiot with a liquefied mind."

Aro tilted his head thoughtfully. "Perhaps so. What do you propose, brother? I can't let him go."

"No, I suppose you can't . . ."

Carlisle took the opportunity to interject. "Why not come up with a compromise, Aro? Surely considering how gifted you yourself are, you don't need Edward all the time. Won't you offer him some leniency?"

Clearly, Aro wanted to do no such thing, but he glanced between us appraisingly. "Perhaps some arrangements can be made, but I make no promises. You have two weeks to appear before us in Italy. I'll render my decision then. If we have to come looking for you again, death will be the only option on the table."

I stared back at him, hearing his intent in his mind even as he spoke the words. There was no way out of this. "Thank you for your consideration, Aro. I'll see you in Volterra." I bowed my head respectfully, the words burning bile on my tongue.

Without another word, Aro spun on his heel, the black robe sweeping out behind him. Jane hesitated a moment, yearning for mayhem. Her scarlet eyes glittered with undisguised frustration, but she fell in line behind her coveted leader.

They were gone as fast as they'd appeared, a mere fraction of a second, and yet the balance of my existence was forever changed.

**~*BrWi*~**

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**A/N: Talk to me, peeps! I know some of you aren't going to be happy with the turn of events, but this is how it had to be. Only the epilogue is left. It's already partially written and should be out in a week or so. I just want to thank all of you for sticking with me and supporting me. I truly have the best readers!**

******Follow me on Twitter: SaritaDreaming or SarahAisling**

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	13. Chapter 13 Epilogue: The Wings of Time

**A/N: This is it, dear readers. I received a lot of support after the last chapter, but I also received some rude anonymous comments that were uncalled for. My policy about anonymous inflammatory reviews is on my profile. I'd like to thank each and every one of you for taking this journey with me. Your support, recs, PMs, emails, and tweets mean the world to me. I'm always open to discussing why something had to happen in one of my stories as long as it's done in a respectful way. I'm sure there may be questions at the end of the epilogue.**

**Thanks to my prereaders, Keye, Sandy, and Aleea, especially toward the end of this story. There was a lot of screaming, hand holding, and reassurance going on. Mwah!**

**There aren't enough words, or punctuation marks, to thank my awesome betas, Katmom and SassySue (chayasara), for their never ending support, fast turnaround time (spoiled author alert), and mad skillz. These ladies rock my socks, and I'm so blessed to have them!**

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**Epilogue**

**~The Wings of Time~**

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**Songlist:**

**Again ~ Flyleaf**

**Broken Wings ~ Flyleaf**

**Wishful Thinking ~ Duncan Sheik**

**Lovesong ~ Adele**

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Sadness flies on the wings of the morning,

and out of the heart of darkness comes the light.

~Jean Giraudoux

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Rain lashes at the windows, and the wind howls a bittersweet lament as it winds through the trees. This is one of the longest storms on record; it's been going on for days, ravaging land and homes. The old stone structure of this house was built to easily withstand even the most punishing weather, but many of the old leaded windows have cracked and broken over the years and needed replacing.

My fingers hit a discordant note on the piano. I stop, take a breath, and try again. This time, the notes are perfect, and I snatch up a pencil and mark the sheet music in front of me. My composition is almost finished; I just need the perfect ending.

The storm batters the house again, looking for ways inside, but the windows hold. I lost power yesterday but haven't bothered starting up the generator. Vampires don't need light to see. The refrigerator in the kitchen stands empty, so there's no concern about spoiled food.

I'm currently the only one in residence on Masen Island. No human has stepped foot on this land since Sonia passed on thirty-two years ago. She was a loyal employee until the end of her life and died not knowing what we are, though surely she wondered as she aged, and we remained the same. Her family will never want for anything.

I begin my piece again. When I reach the point that's been giving me trouble, it all suddenly clicks into place as I push past the difficult part. From there, it flows beautifully, and the ending becomes clear.

Excited, I grab the pencil and make my notations. Music hasn't come easy for me, so I'm filled with a sense of accomplishment. On its heels come my frequent companions, boredom and loneliness.

Hours later, I strip naked and slip out the back door. I barely notice the rain pelting my skin and streak into the woods in search of an animal to quench my thirst. There are a number of felled trees at the edges, but in the densest part of the forest, the cacophony of the storm is muted. On the other side of the island, at the base of a hill full of memories, a mountain lion slinks its way around rocks and bushes. The majestic head turns, and she hisses at me. I smile sadly, swiping a swath of sopping hair from my face and let her go, focusing on an elk poised at the edge of the clearing.

Delicate ears twitch as the elk sniffs at the air. The maelstrom of the storm keeps my scent from reaching the cautious animal in time, and I race around the field and pounce on her from behind before she even senses me.

When I return to the house, I enter through the mudroom, toweling off rapidly and redressing before heading into the writing room to light a fire. No matter how many years go by, my love for a crackling fire never wanes. I curl up on the bearskin and look into the dancing flames. Of course it's not _the _bearskin—Gonzo was put out to pasture long ago.

My mind drifts to Edward and the years since my change. The only concession Aro was willing to allow came at the behest of Marcus. I'm not sure why Marcus took pity on us, but it seems he lost his mate many years ago and hasn't been right since.

Edward taught me to hunt and spent several days holding me in his arms before announcing it was time for him to face the music. He refused to take me to Volterra with him, no matter how vehemently I argued the point. The fact Carlisle accompanied him is the only thing that kept me in Nova Scotia.

Three days after Edward and Carlisle left for Italy, Alice and Jasper came home. Alice wouldn't speak to any of us; she simply sat on a rock overlooking the lake, still as a statue. Jasper seemed worried, but the only thing he said about the situation was, "Alice blames herself. She thinks just because she can see the future that she can fix everything." She's never fully made peace with it. Though she's tried to move on, a part of her was forever changed.

Sixteen days went by before Edward returned, his head bent low. The rest of the family left us alone to talk.

Edward took my hand and brought it up to his full lips, placing a kiss on the back before leading me slowly into the house and up to our room. Without speaking, he laid me down on the bed and wrapped himself around me. We remained locked in a silent embrace for hours until the golden rays of the sun dipped below the horizon and deep purple streaks painted the sky.

"I'm sorry, Angel," Edward finally murmured against my hair.

"For what?" I tried to tilt my head, but he pressed his hand against the back firmly and tucked it beneath his chin.

"There was no changing Aro's mind. He's delighted . . . and he'll never let me go." He stroked my hair.

"No! What are we going to do? Maybe if we run—"

"Shh . . . no, Angel. There's no running from the Volturi. I've accepted it, and you must, too. We reached a compromise thanks to Marcus."

"What kind of compromise?" My foot rubbed against the metal locator anklet with the Volturi crest embossed on it that he would be forced to wear all the time.

Edward hesitated then brought my face up to his. The resignation in his golden gaze frightened me. "I'm at Aro's beck and call. We can be together, live wherever we choose, but when he calls . . . I must go."

A pop and sizzle from the fireplace jolts me from the ninety-six-year-old memory. Though it's been nearly a century, I remember as if it just happened—the ghost of Edward's body wrapped around me, his soft lips moving over mine with apology is still there when I close my eyes.

The front door opens, a gust of wind howling through the house for a moment before it closes, and my lids fly up.

"Edward?"

"Angel," he breathes on a soft sigh.

In a blink, I'm in the foyer. Edward stands there dripping, a puddle forming on the marble at his feet. His posture is slumped, and despite his height, he seems shrunken. It's usually like this when Edward returns from Volterra. At least he spoke my name; there have been times he hasn't said a word for days.

I take his hand, and he twines his fingers with mine. "There's a fire going." I tug him forward, and he follows. The trail of water will dry.

We lay on the bearskin, basking in the heat and glow of the flames. I don't ask Edward what he had to do this time. He won't tell me. Not once in all these years has he uttered a word about what he does for the devil.

What he has told me, over and over again, is he wouldn't change a single moment of our past—that finding me, our love, sharing eternity together is worth any price. I agree, but it pains me that he bears that burden alone.

Edward's hands frame my face, and he brings his lips close to mine. "I need you."

"I'm right here. I'm always here for you."

His kiss holds a desperate edge as his tongue slides against my own. It will take time for him to shed the remnants of despair. Our clothes fall away, piece by piece, and he rolls me on my back, hovering above me with his eyes closed. I spread my thighs around Edward's hips, and his eyes open languidly as I welcome him inside me. His thrusts are long and exquisitely slow, his eyes never leaving mine as we meld.

This isn't our usual furiously passionate lovemaking with Edward's hands, lips, and teeth all over me, sending me spiraling into oblivion, though this is no less intense in its own right. No, whenever he returns from Italy, it's the same—he looks into my eyes and loves away the unspeakable, that which he refuses to voice aloud. And I'm always here with welcome arms and an understanding heart, being whatever he needs until he comes back to himself.

Sometimes, years go by between summonings, and those are times most beautiful. We feed love to our souls, flood our existence with happiness, contentment, and family. I believe we appreciate what we have all the more because it might have been snatched away.

Our love for one another, the good times we share, far outweigh the sacrifices. That's what Edward tells me each time he returns to my arms, and I have to believe him because, for us, being together isn't an option—it's everything.

**_The End_**


End file.
